Good friend canceled on us to be with her SO

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

Go read OP’s update. This was completely out of the boyfriend and friend’s control. Other people were relying on them to pay for their portion of the trip.

So they find a different weekend they all can go.

Oh so you mean leave the other couples to pony up more money to cover the difference so the friend can stay in the house with the friends? Screw over many people financially to do nothing at home? Got it

First, OP said the money had already been spent. So the other couples are not being screwed over financially. But also, we don’t know that there isn’t some flexibility in the booking. We don’t know very much at all. Neither does OP. My point is that if seeing her friends was truly important to her, she would find a way, even if it meant sending the boyfriend off to the lake house and eating part of the cost. Like if my best friend were visiting from Chicago, wild horses wouldn’t drag me away from that visit, no matter how much my husband had paid. So unfortunately what we’ve learned here is that OP’s friend doesn’t really value her much.

If all the couples paid their portion for the lake house to rent and a couple decides to back out other people would have to pay the difference to cover it.

Again, you’re saying have other people eat the cost (boyfriend and other couples) all so she can sit in the house to do nothing and host for millionth time? As I said, no that’s stupid.

I mean, if my boyfriend arranged things without checking with me that I was available to do that thing, then yes, he would have to eat the cost. I'm not going to have my life arranged for me. Why did the plans change? Why are other people's schedules a priority but not OP's friend's? I'm not really objecting to her decision that she didn't want to stay home doing nothing, but I am objecting to the notion that her boyfriend is telling her what to do, and she's rolling over and doing it. Again, doormat.

He didn’t planned when OP was availability. Obviously, the plan was the girls would leave Sunday and she and the boyfriend would go to the lake house after; that’s not making plans without her knowledge.

Why the plans changed according to OP, “ She texted and apologized again. Said the boyfriend’s friend rented a lake house and each couple paid for their portion of the lake house. The friend had to change the weekend that they were going to go.”.

Yes, this is what I am referring to. He agreed to change plans without consulting his girlfriend. If my boyfriend did that, I'd be like "no, I'm not available. You can go by yourself, or let's work with the friends to find another weekend, but I'm not having my plans changed at the last minute due to the whims of someone else."

No. The boyfriend didn’t change the plans. The plans were changed on the boyfriend. He already paid for them to go and simply communicated to his GF about the change, as he should’ve, that the dates had been changed. Hence why the friend said she held off until she knew exactly what was going on.

DP but if the boyfriend's friends changed the dates without consulting the boyfriend or the girlfriend, they shouldn't be surprised if they have to eat the cost. SOMEBODY in this group made a change of plans without clearing in advance said change with all parties involved.

Doesn’t mean that they SHOULD eat the cost to just sit home and do nothing to play host AGAIN.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

Go read OP’s update. This was completely out of the boyfriend and friend’s control. Other people were relying on them to pay for their portion of the trip.

So they find a different weekend they all can go.

Oh so you mean leave the other couples to pony up more money to cover the difference so the friend can stay in the house with the friends? Screw over many people financially to do nothing at home? Got it

First, OP said the money had already been spent. So the other couples are not being screwed over financially. But also, we don’t know that there isn’t some flexibility in the booking. We don’t know very much at all. Neither does OP. My point is that if seeing her friends was truly important to her, she would find a way, even if it meant sending the boyfriend off to the lake house and eating part of the cost. Like if my best friend were visiting from Chicago, wild horses wouldn’t drag me away from that visit, no matter how much my husband had paid. So unfortunately what we’ve learned here is that OP’s friend doesn’t really value her much.

If all the couples paid their portion for the lake house to rent and a couple decides to back out other people would have to pay the difference to cover it.

Again, you’re saying have other people eat the cost (boyfriend and other couples) all so she can sit in the house to do nothing and host for millionth time? As I said, no that’s stupid.

I mean, if my boyfriend arranged things without checking with me that I was available to do that thing, then yes, he would have to eat the cost. I'm not going to have my life arranged for me. Why did the plans change? Why are other people's schedules a priority but not OP's friend's? I'm not really objecting to her decision that she didn't want to stay home doing nothing, but I am objecting to the notion that her boyfriend is telling her what to do, and she's rolling over and doing it. Again, doormat.

He didn’t planned when OP was availability. Obviously, the plan was the girls would leave Sunday and she and the boyfriend would go to the lake house after; that’s not making plans without her knowledge.

Why the plans changed according to OP, “ She texted and apologized again. Said the boyfriend’s friend rented a lake house and each couple paid for their portion of the lake house. The friend had to change the weekend that they were going to go.”.

If that's really what happened, then the friend texting the OP a screenshot of the weather and asking "golly gosh, what do we do now???" in the hopes that OP (or the other woman) would the one to suggest a reschedule was a weasel move. I'm not buying that the friend's excuse is actually what happened.

She’s telling the truth. She hasn’t done anything like this before and she’s always been honest with me. Plus, I don’t see why she would make up this kind of lie? If she was going to lie just to go on the trip why wouldn’t see make up a family emergency or work emergency, or better yet, say she was sick? Why would she lie in a way that would make her look bad? That doesn’t make sense…

is she going to post the lake house weekend on social media?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

Go read OP’s update. This was completely out of the boyfriend and friend’s control. Other people were relying on them to pay for their portion of the trip.

So they find a different weekend they all can go.

Oh so you mean leave the other couples to pony up more money to cover the difference so the friend can stay in the house with the friends? Screw over many people financially to do nothing at home? Got it

First, OP said the money had already been spent. So the other couples are not being screwed over financially. But also, we don’t know that there isn’t some flexibility in the booking. We don’t know very much at all. Neither does OP. My point is that if seeing her friends was truly important to her, she would find a way, even if it meant sending the boyfriend off to the lake house and eating part of the cost. Like if my best friend were visiting from Chicago, wild horses wouldn’t drag me away from that visit, no matter how much my husband had paid. So unfortunately what we’ve learned here is that OP’s friend doesn’t really value her much.

If all the couples paid their portion for the lake house to rent and a couple decides to back out other people would have to pay the difference to cover it.

Again, you’re saying have other people eat the cost (boyfriend and other couples) all so she can sit in the house to do nothing and host for millionth time? As I said, no that’s stupid.

I mean, if my boyfriend arranged things without checking with me that I was available to do that thing, then yes, he would have to eat the cost. I'm not going to have my life arranged for me. Why did the plans change? Why are other people's schedules a priority but not OP's friend's? I'm not really objecting to her decision that she didn't want to stay home doing nothing, but I am objecting to the notion that her boyfriend is telling her what to do, and she's rolling over and doing it. Again, doormat.

He didn’t planned when OP was availability. Obviously, the plan was the girls would leave Sunday and she and the boyfriend would go to the lake house after; that’s not making plans without her knowledge.

Why the plans changed according to OP, “ She texted and apologized again. Said the boyfriend’s friend rented a lake house and each couple paid for their portion of the lake house. The friend had to change the weekend that they were going to go.”.

Yes, this is what I am referring to. He agreed to change plans without consulting his girlfriend. If my boyfriend did that, I'd be like "no, I'm not available. You can go by yourself, or let's work with the friends to find another weekend, but I'm not having my plans changed at the last minute due to the whims of someone else."

No. The boyfriend didn’t change the plans. The plans were changed on the boyfriend. He already paid for them to go and simply communicated to his GF about the change, as he should’ve, that the dates had been changed. Hence why the friend said she held off until she knew exactly what was going on.

DP but if the boyfriend's friends changed the dates without consulting the boyfriend or the girlfriend, they shouldn't be surprised if they have to eat the cost. SOMEBODY in this group made a change of plans without clearing in advance said change with all parties involved.

Doesn’t mean that they SHOULD eat the cost to just sit home and do nothing to play host AGAIN.

I meant the other couple who unilaterally changed the plans should be prepared to eat the cost.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

Go read OP’s update. This was completely out of the boyfriend and friend’s control. Other people were relying on them to pay for their portion of the trip.

So they find a different weekend they all can go.

Oh so you mean leave the other couples to pony up more money to cover the difference so the friend can stay in the house with the friends? Screw over many people financially to do nothing at home? Got it

First, OP said the money had already been spent. So the other couples are not being screwed over financially. But also, we don’t know that there isn’t some flexibility in the booking. We don’t know very much at all. Neither does OP. My point is that if seeing her friends was truly important to her, she would find a way, even if it meant sending the boyfriend off to the lake house and eating part of the cost. Like if my best friend were visiting from Chicago, wild horses wouldn’t drag me away from that visit, no matter how much my husband had paid. So unfortunately what we’ve learned here is that OP’s friend doesn’t really value her much.

If all the couples paid their portion for the lake house to rent and a couple decides to back out other people would have to pay the difference to cover it.

Again, you’re saying have other people eat the cost (boyfriend and other couples) all so she can sit in the house to do nothing and host for millionth time? As I said, no that’s stupid.

I mean, if my boyfriend arranged things without checking with me that I was available to do that thing, then yes, he would have to eat the cost. I'm not going to have my life arranged for me. Why did the plans change? Why are other people's schedules a priority but not OP's friend's? I'm not really objecting to her decision that she didn't want to stay home doing nothing, but I am objecting to the notion that her boyfriend is telling her what to do, and she's rolling over and doing it. Again, doormat.

He didn’t planned when OP was availability. Obviously, the plan was the girls would leave Sunday and she and the boyfriend would go to the lake house after; that’s not making plans without her knowledge.

Why the plans changed according to OP, “ She texted and apologized again. Said the boyfriend’s friend rented a lake house and each couple paid for their portion of the lake house. The friend had to change the weekend that they were going to go.”.

If that's really what happened, then the friend texting the OP a screenshot of the weather and asking "golly gosh, what do we do now???" in the hopes that OP (or the other woman) would the one to suggest a reschedule was a weasel move. I'm not buying that the friend's excuse is actually what happened.

She’s telling the truth. She hasn’t done anything like this before and she’s always been honest with me. Plus, I don’t see why she would make up this kind of lie? If she was going to lie just to go on the trip why wouldn’t see make up a family emergency or work emergency, or better yet, say she was sick? Why would she lie in a way that would make her look bad? That doesn’t make sense…

is she going to post the lake house weekend on social media?

Um I don’t know and I don’t see how that matters?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

Go read OP’s update. This was completely out of the boyfriend and friend’s control. Other people were relying on them to pay for their portion of the trip.

So they find a different weekend they all can go.

Oh so you mean leave the other couples to pony up more money to cover the difference so the friend can stay in the house with the friends? Screw over many people financially to do nothing at home? Got it

First, OP said the money had already been spent. So the other couples are not being screwed over financially. But also, we don’t know that there isn’t some flexibility in the booking. We don’t know very much at all. Neither does OP. My point is that if seeing her friends was truly important to her, she would find a way, even if it meant sending the boyfriend off to the lake house and eating part of the cost. Like if my best friend were visiting from Chicago, wild horses wouldn’t drag me away from that visit, no matter how much my husband had paid. So unfortunately what we’ve learned here is that OP’s friend doesn’t really value her much.

If all the couples paid their portion for the lake house to rent and a couple decides to back out other people would have to pay the difference to cover it.

Again, you’re saying have other people eat the cost (boyfriend and other couples) all so she can sit in the house to do nothing and host for millionth time? As I said, no that’s stupid.

I mean, if my boyfriend arranged things without checking with me that I was available to do that thing, then yes, he would have to eat the cost. I'm not going to have my life arranged for me. Why did the plans change? Why are other people's schedules a priority but not OP's friend's? I'm not really objecting to her decision that she didn't want to stay home doing nothing, but I am objecting to the notion that her boyfriend is telling her what to do, and she's rolling over and doing it. Again, doormat.

He didn’t planned when OP was availability. Obviously, the plan was the girls would leave Sunday and she and the boyfriend would go to the lake house after; that’s not making plans without her knowledge.

Why the plans changed according to OP, “ She texted and apologized again. Said the boyfriend’s friend rented a lake house and each couple paid for their portion of the lake house. The friend had to change the weekend that they were going to go.”.

Yes, this is what I am referring to. He agreed to change plans without consulting his girlfriend. If my boyfriend did that, I'd be like "no, I'm not available. You can go by yourself, or let's work with the friends to find another weekend, but I'm not having my plans changed at the last minute due to the whims of someone else."

No. The boyfriend didn’t change the plans. The plans were changed on the boyfriend. He already paid for them to go and simply communicated to his GF about the change, as he should’ve, that the dates had been changed. Hence why the friend said she held off until she knew exactly what was going on.

DP but if the boyfriend's friends changed the dates without consulting the boyfriend or the girlfriend, they shouldn't be surprised if they have to eat the cost. SOMEBODY in this group made a change of plans without clearing in advance said change with all parties involved.

Doesn’t mean that they SHOULD eat the cost to just sit home and do nothing to play host AGAIN.

I meant the other couple who unilaterally changed the plans should be prepared to eat the cost.

The friend is d*mend either way. Have either the boyfriend eat the cost and not go and sit in the house doing nothing and ultimately disappointing him, make the host eat the cost and it potentially made it awkward/have tension between her boyfriend and his friend and still not go and be stuck in her house doing nothing, or enjoy the lake house but disappoint her friends.

Out of all those options the best one is to go out and have fun and not having to host for a weekend.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

Go read OP’s update. This was completely out of the boyfriend and friend’s control. Other people were relying on them to pay for their portion of the trip.

So they find a different weekend they all can go.

Oh so you mean leave the other couples to pony up more money to cover the difference so the friend can stay in the house with the friends? Screw over many people financially to do nothing at home? Got it

First, OP said the money had already been spent. So the other couples are not being screwed over financially. But also, we don’t know that there isn’t some flexibility in the booking. We don’t know very much at all. Neither does OP. My point is that if seeing her friends was truly important to her, she would find a way, even if it meant sending the boyfriend off to the lake house and eating part of the cost. Like if my best friend were visiting from Chicago, wild horses wouldn’t drag me away from that visit, no matter how much my husband had paid. So unfortunately what we’ve learned here is that OP’s friend doesn’t really value her much.

If all the couples paid their portion for the lake house to rent and a couple decides to back out other people would have to pay the difference to cover it.

Again, you’re saying have other people eat the cost (boyfriend and other couples) all so she can sit in the house to do nothing and host for millionth time? As I said, no that’s stupid.

I mean, if my boyfriend arranged things without checking with me that I was available to do that thing, then yes, he would have to eat the cost. I'm not going to have my life arranged for me. Why did the plans change? Why are other people's schedules a priority but not OP's friend's? I'm not really objecting to her decision that she didn't want to stay home doing nothing, but I am objecting to the notion that her boyfriend is telling her what to do, and she's rolling over and doing it. Again, doormat.

He didn’t planned when OP was availability. Obviously, the plan was the girls would leave Sunday and she and the boyfriend would go to the lake house after; that’s not making plans without her knowledge.

Why the plans changed according to OP, “ She texted and apologized again. Said the boyfriend’s friend rented a lake house and each couple paid for their portion of the lake house. The friend had to change the weekend that they were going to go.”.

If that's really what happened, then the friend texting the OP a screenshot of the weather and asking "golly gosh, what do we do now???" in the hopes that OP (or the other woman) would the one to suggest a reschedule was a weasel move. I'm not buying that the friend's excuse is actually what happened.

She’s telling the truth. She hasn’t done anything like this before and she’s always been honest with me. Plus, I don’t see why she would make up this kind of lie? If she was going to lie just to go on the trip why wouldn’t see make up a family emergency or work emergency, or better yet, say she was sick? Why would she lie in a way that would make her look bad? That doesn’t make sense…

is she going to post the lake house weekend on social media?

Um I don’t know and I don’t see how that matters?

She can't make up a fake excuse (family emergency etc.)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

Go read OP’s update. This was completely out of the boyfriend and friend’s control. Other people were relying on them to pay for their portion of the trip.

So they find a different weekend they all can go.

Oh so you mean leave the other couples to pony up more money to cover the difference so the friend can stay in the house with the friends? Screw over many people financially to do nothing at home? Got it

First, OP said the money had already been spent. So the other couples are not being screwed over financially. But also, we don’t know that there isn’t some flexibility in the booking. We don’t know very much at all. Neither does OP. My point is that if seeing her friends was truly important to her, she would find a way, even if it meant sending the boyfriend off to the lake house and eating part of the cost. Like if my best friend were visiting from Chicago, wild horses wouldn’t drag me away from that visit, no matter how much my husband had paid. So unfortunately what we’ve learned here is that OP’s friend doesn’t really value her much.

If all the couples paid their portion for the lake house to rent and a couple decides to back out other people would have to pay the difference to cover it.

Again, you’re saying have other people eat the cost (boyfriend and other couples) all so she can sit in the house to do nothing and host for millionth time? As I said, no that’s stupid.

I mean, if my boyfriend arranged things without checking with me that I was available to do that thing, then yes, he would have to eat the cost. I'm not going to have my life arranged for me. Why did the plans change? Why are other people's schedules a priority but not OP's friend's? I'm not really objecting to her decision that she didn't want to stay home doing nothing, but I am objecting to the notion that her boyfriend is telling her what to do, and she's rolling over and doing it. Again, doormat.

He didn’t planned when OP was availability. Obviously, the plan was the girls would leave Sunday and she and the boyfriend would go to the lake house after; that’s not making plans without her knowledge.

Why the plans changed according to OP, “ She texted and apologized again. Said the boyfriend’s friend rented a lake house and each couple paid for their portion of the lake house. The friend had to change the weekend that they were going to go.”.

If that's really what happened, then the friend texting the OP a screenshot of the weather and asking "golly gosh, what do we do now???" in the hopes that OP (or the other woman) would the one to suggest a reschedule was a weasel move. I'm not buying that the friend's excuse is actually what happened.

She’s telling the truth. She hasn’t done anything like this before and she’s always been honest with me. Plus, I don’t see why she would make up this kind of lie? If she was going to lie just to go on the trip why wouldn’t see make up a family emergency or work emergency, or better yet, say she was sick? Why would she lie in a way that would make her look bad? That doesn’t make sense…

is she going to post the lake house weekend on social media?

Um I don’t know and I don’t see how that matters?

She can't make up a fake excuse (family emergency etc.)

I’m sorry I’m not sure what you’re going about? She never said she had a family emergency.

[Anonymous]

If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really blame her. She handled it poorly but I can understand not wanting to host people in my home when the weather is miserable - it dramatically increases the amount of cleaning, cooking, and hosting to have everyone in your home for the whole weekend compared to being out on the town but just sleeping at the home. I think you are disappointed because you are not getting to stay in her nice house. If you want to go to the city that weekend and just hang out, get a hotel. It doesn't really sound like you are upset about not seeing her just the loss of a free place to stay.

BINGO. OP just uses her friend. I read the update where OP refused to answer her friend’s call or text. I’d drop OP like a hot potato. Everyone loves being a guest sometimes, even if in the country. The OP is just mad her free NYC stay is cancelled.

I’m not refusing to respond to her. She just contacted me today and I wanted to think about how I wanted to respond first. That’s all.
And it’s not about a trip to NYC, I was just looking forward to getting altogether and having fun. Plus, I arranged plans around this weekend so it’s also about a lack of respect for my time.

Are you and the other woman still getting together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

[Anonymous]

She should have just cancelled because it's cold and rainy and thus not a good weekend to be out and about in the city. Left the boyfriend out of it entirely. Rookie mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should have just cancelled because it's cold and rainy and thus not a good weekend to be out and about in the city. Left the boyfriend out of it entirely. Rookie mistake.

Exactly. This is how you know she’s not used to canceling on plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She definitely handled it poorly and double booked. She’s also in the start of a romance. I think we can all relate to what that feels like. I would be annoyed but, I would also cut her slack. Go to New York, and have fun and maybe stay at a cheap hotel.

She is not “in the start of a romance.” They’ve been on and off for 3 years. Frankly doesn’t seem like much of a relationship to me. OP’s friend sounds like a doormat.

I know I said I don’t like him but my friend isn’t a doormat. He is absolutely crazy about her. In fact, I know he loves her more than she loves him but I told her the first day I met him that I didn’t like him and have made no bones about it. We were at her cousin’s wedding and a guest asked her about her boyfriend and I let the guest know she could do much better. She got mad at me and said it wasn’t my business to tell other people but I wanted her to know how I felt.

WOW. Just wow. You are really a terrible friend. It's one thing to share with your friend - it's another to go around broadcasting to anyone that will listen how much you despise him and how she can do "better". You sound like a hater and jealous or miserable all around. Your friend should drop you instead of the BF. She does deserve better - a better friend.

It sounds worse than it actually was. Her other cousin brought his new girlfriend. It was our first time meeting her so we were chatting with her for a ver long time and I think I just got a little too comfortable. We were drinking the and the girlfriend is very very easy to talk to. So the girlfriend turned to my friend and said she looked smitten to which she said she was and then asked if my friend wanted to marry him. My friend said yes, they were in couples therapy to iron out conflicting communication styles but still wanted to get married. When she brought up them going to therapy I said, “Finally. It’s taken him years to get there. I told her she can do better than him”. After we left she said she was that sure I didn’t mean to do it maliciously but it wasn’t my place and it was her business and that she never judged me for who I’ve dated. I told her I knew that I messed up but I just wanted the best for her and for her to tell me if the tables were turned. She said no, she wouldn’t and hadn’t when I was with my ex who admittedly was terrible. She said she would want me to always feel like I could come to her and not be judged, then reiterated she wouldn’t have done what I did. I apologized and moved on from it and continued to have a good night.

OP, since that wedding, have you told your friend that you don't like her boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She definitely handled it poorly and double booked. She’s also in the start of a romance. I think we can all relate to what that feels like. I would be annoyed but, I would also cut her slack. Go to New York, and have fun and maybe stay at a cheap hotel.

She is not “in the start of a romance.” They’ve been on and off for 3 years. Frankly doesn’t seem like much of a relationship to me. OP’s friend sounds like a doormat.

I know I said I don’t like him but my friend isn’t a doormat. He is absolutely crazy about her. In fact, I know he loves her more than she loves him but I told her the first day I met him that I didn’t like him and have made no bones about it. We were at her cousin’s wedding and a guest asked her about her boyfriend and I let the guest know she could do much better. She got mad at me and said it wasn’t my business to tell other people but I wanted her to know how I felt.

WOW. Just wow. You are really a terrible friend. It's one thing to share with your friend - it's another to go around broadcasting to anyone that will listen how much you despise him and how she can do "better". You sound like a hater and jealous or miserable all around. Your friend should drop you instead of the BF. She does deserve better - a better friend.

It sounds worse than it actually was. Her other cousin brought his new girlfriend. It was our first time meeting her so we were chatting with her for a ver long time and I think I just got a little too comfortable. We were drinking the and the girlfriend is very very easy to talk to. So the girlfriend turned to my friend and said she looked smitten to which she said she was and then asked if my friend wanted to marry him. My friend said yes, they were in couples therapy to iron out conflicting communication styles but still wanted to get married. When she brought up them going to therapy I said, “Finally. It’s taken him years to get there. I told her she can do better than him”. After we left she said she was that sure I didn’t mean to do it maliciously but it wasn’t my place and it was her business and that she never judged me for who I’ve dated. I told her I knew that I messed up but I just wanted the best for her and for her to tell me if the tables were turned. She said no, she wouldn’t and hadn’t when I was with my ex who admittedly was terrible. She said she would want me to always feel like I could come to her and not be judged, then reiterated she wouldn’t have done what I did. I apologized and moved on from it and continued to have a good night.

OP, since that wedding, have you told your friend that you don't like her boyfriend?

No, I haven’t. Why do you ask?

[Anonymous]

I learnt in early adulthood that when it comes to significant others people will put them first. It doesn’t mean anything to my friendship, that’s how I kept mh friends when in the throes of love my friends ditched appointments to hang out with boyfriends. And to be honest you can still do things in nyc, you are just salty you don’t get a host. If you drop your friend over this she’s better off without you, and you won’t have a nice house in nyc to stay in the future. Her gain, your loss.