I am exhausted

[Anonymous]

I haven't read beyond the first page. Could you hire a responsible driver/babysitter just fir kid activity time? It would make a huge difference I think

[Anonymous]

Just out of curiosity, what activity requires 4 hour of practice? It seems a bit much for a 2nd grader!

[Anonymous]

Laundry is the WORST. Get storage cubes in a storage cube unit to put the clothes in. No folding, just throw the clothes in the storage cubes (one cube for underwear, one cube for shirts etc).

[Anonymous]

Not sure how you can make the hanging clothes easier but maybe only hang the ones that really need it. A quick way to get some wrinkles out of folded clothes is throw them in dryer or put them in bathroom while you take a hot shower

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Laundry is the WORST. Get storage cubes in a storage cube unit to put the clothes in. No folding, just throw the clothes in the storage cubes (one cube for underwear, one cube for shirts etc).

Do you fluff everything in the dryer before wearing it? Everything would be so wrinkled.

[Anonymous]

I mean, you just aren’t home enough die to your child’s numerous activities. It’s a simple math problem. So you either find a way to be home more, or hire it out. There isn’t some mythical other solution.

[Anonymous]

I'd think you could find someone to carpool - especially if you are willing to take them to the activity, which can be harder for working parents than pick up. Or could you drop off and come home and then have DH pick up? I know you say he has a demanding job, but he could do calls in the car on the way there and then have some time with DD on the way home.

Up the cleaner to weekly - and if your current one won't help with laundry, find someone who will.

College student who could help with driving and some chores around the house? I hate putting my own laundry away, but if someone paid me that's a sweet gig.

[Anonymous]

Beyond what others have already said -

I noticed a significant improvement in my stress level when I donated a ton of things. We were always behind on laundry because we had too many clothes. Now we need to do laundry more often but there’s less of it. We also instituted that every person’s laundry is done separately. Of course, you have to help your daughter for now but start to set it up for her to be independent in the future. My kids start doing their own laundry at 8. You do your own laundry. DH has to do his own. So, even if you get behind on folding, a basket includes all one person’s clothes. (And when it’s just one person’s clothes, it takes much less time to fold and put away.)

We used to have our cleaners fold for us but sometimes we would not put away (I know, we are lame but sometimes it all does feel overwhelming). I find the sometimes unfolded but organized by person easier to manage. I also don’t lose my things, which used to happen when it was a jumble.

DH should commit to one evening a week when he is in charge of DD’s activities. Anyone can manage this - either he’s important enough to do that (emergencies notwithstanding) or he’s misrepresenting his role. I have worked with very high level people who say, don’t bother me on Wednesdays 5-8. Maybe once every 6 months we needed to, but not regularly.

TLDR: Go minimalistic and separate by person. Make your husband do a bit more. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd think you could find someone to carpool - especially if you are willing to take them to the activity, which can be harder for working parents than pick up. Or could you drop off and come home and then have DH pick up? I know you say he has a demanding job, but he could do calls in the car on the way there and then have some time with DD on the way home.

Up the cleaner to weekly - and if your current one won't help with laundry, find someone who will.

College student who could help with driving and some chores around the house? I hate putting my own laundry away, but if someone paid me that's a sweet gig.

OP here. The taking is the hard part due to work. Picking up is easy.

I am finding some avenues on finding a college kid to driving for this summer as her summer activity schedule for part of the summer looks really impossible. Makes me a little nervous if I don't know them super well. Do you interview them or like how does this work? Uncharted territory for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Beyond what others have already said -

I noticed a significant improvement in my stress level when I donated a ton of things. We were always behind on laundry because we had too many clothes. Now we need to do laundry more often but there’s less of it. We also instituted that every person’s laundry is done separately. Of course, you have to help your daughter for now but start to set it up for her to be independent in the future. My kids start doing their own laundry at 8. You do your own laundry. DH has to do his own. So, even if you get behind on folding, a basket includes all one person’s clothes. (And when it’s just one person’s clothes, it takes much less time to fold and put away.)

We used to have our cleaners fold for us but sometimes we would not put away (I know, we are lame but sometimes it all does feel overwhelming). I find the sometimes unfolded but organized by person easier to manage. I also don’t lose my things, which used to happen when it was a jumble.

DH should commit to one evening a week when he is in charge of DD’s activities. Anyone can manage this - either he’s important enough to do that (emergencies notwithstanding) or he’s misrepresenting his role. I have worked with very high level people who say, don’t bother me on Wednesdays 5-8. Maybe once every 6 months we needed to, but not regularly.

TLDR: Go minimalistic and separate by person. Make your husband do a bit more. Good luck.

OP here. Great advice. I love to donate things. I'm really active in our Buy Nothing Group. I only do my laundry and DC's so that helps.

DH does pickup from an activity 1x a week, that's really all he can commit to (he's working with people in different time zones, so our 5pm is their 3pm and the work day is not over. Pickup isn't the problem though. Getting DC there is the issue.

[Anonymous]

This is no way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beyond what others have already said -

I noticed a significant improvement in my stress level when I donated a ton of things. We were always behind on laundry because we had too many clothes. Now we need to do laundry more often but there’s less of it. We also instituted that every person’s laundry is done separately. Of course, you have to help your daughter for now but start to set it up for her to be independent in the future. My kids start doing their own laundry at 8. You do your own laundry. DH has to do his own. So, even if you get behind on folding, a basket includes all one person’s clothes. (And when it’s just one person’s clothes, it takes much less time to fold and put away.)

We used to have our cleaners fold for us but sometimes we would not put away (I know, we are lame but sometimes it all does feel overwhelming). I find the sometimes unfolded but organized by person easier to manage. I also don’t lose my things, which used to happen when it was a jumble.

DH should commit to one evening a week when he is in charge of DD’s activities. Anyone can manage this - either he’s important enough to do that (emergencies notwithstanding) or he’s misrepresenting his role. I have worked with very high level people who say, don’t bother me on Wednesdays 5-8. Maybe once every 6 months we needed to, but not regularly.

TLDR: Go minimalistic and separate by person. Make your husband do a bit more. Good luck.

OP here. Great advice. I love to donate things. I'm really active in our Buy Nothing Group. I only do my laundry and DC's so that helps.

DH does pickup from an activity 1x a week, that's really all he can commit to (he's working with people in different time zones, so our 5pm is their 3pm and the work day is not over. Pickup isn't the problem though. Getting DC there is the issue.

I would say he needs to leave work early one day a week. If he’s working late other days and providing value, it really should be ok. It’s hard setting those boundaries but people will adjust if he does.

Also, would echo another poster. Evaluate how much you like your job. You may be able to find something that pays the same but is less hectic. I would not have been ok with compromising in my career a few years ago, but honestly, now I could not care less. I have a good rep and if you were looking in, you would not think I was leaning out. But the particular job was chosen because it’s more flexible not because it’s more stimulating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd think you could find someone to carpool - especially if you are willing to take them to the activity, which can be harder for working parents than pick up. Or could you drop off and come home and then have DH pick up? I know you say he has a demanding job, but he could do calls in the car on the way there and then have some time with DD on the way home.

Up the cleaner to weekly - and if your current one won't help with laundry, find someone who will.

College student who could help with driving and some chores around the house? I hate putting my own laundry away, but if someone paid me that's a sweet gig.

OP here. The taking is the hard part due to work. Picking up is easy.

I am finding some avenues on finding a college kid to driving for this summer as her summer activity schedule for part of the summer looks really impossible. Makes me a little nervous if I don't know them super well. Do you interview them or like how does this work? Uncharted territory for me.

I have a special needs kid, and I look for people like this regularly — have for years.

Go to care.com. Think about whether you need more “child care” or household help. For childcare, put in your search criteria. If you want afternoon/evening help with driving your kid — will you let them drive your car? This matters. We have kept a third car for years for this purpose. My demographic for afternoon/evening child care is women in college. They want part time work. I send them messages through care. You have to message 15 people to hear from 1 or 2. Then, I get their number and we have a quick call. Then, I also for two references. Then, they do a working interview that I pay for. This lets me show them where they will be driving. I generally ask them to feed the kids, keep the dishes in the dishwasher and do kid laundry. I pay well for this.

If you really want more of a housekeeper/personal assistant, search care for the elder care and housekeeper folks. This is where you find older women — often retired — that want a little extra money. Mine just showed up at 2pm today. She isn’t scrubbing toilets. But she will generall clean up the kitchen, do the kids laundry and sheets and cook the blue apron meal waiting in my fridge. On other days, she will go to the grocery story, the pharmacist and dry cleaners. It works out very well.

[Anonymous]

Not sure if it's been mentioned but a way to tackle one part - namely laundry is to outsource it. There are services like LaundryMom (not sure where you live) but there are several that will pick up, wash, dry, fold and drop off. No one likes laundry and the infamous Laundry Mountains. We've all been there. No harm in throwing money at it if you can afford it. That would be one less thing to worry about.

Also a TaskRabbit/Mommy Helper for just a few hours a week - even a weekend when you're there but that can help do a few things around the house to organize and just be a helping hand. I know others suggested care.com or college student for driving and that's also a solution.

These years don't last long and the older they get, the more it will be dropping off at practice and less hovering. You'll get through it mama! Just breathe and know that no one but YOU is judging your laundry piles or missed items. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's a phase and it shall too pass.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.

It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.

This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.

I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.

Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.

PS I understand the need for a lot of activities. My kid has ADHD and lots and lots of exercise helps more than almost anything else. Just playing in the yard with friends doesn’t do it. Obviously many kids are not like this but I totally get it.

Thank you. DC doesn't have ADHD but staying busy is best for them. Plus it's a physical activity and lots of exercise just does a lot for DC's disposition.

I wish people would stop saying we are overscheduled when this is what works best for DC. And that's often why I stay on the long days so I can at least see DC on breaks and eat dinner together.

But you are overscheduled. You're letting your child's interests dictate your schedule in a way that prevents you from getting basic household tasks done. That's why you're exhausted. People limit their kids' choices based on what they can afford/how much time they have all the time. That's parenting.

Either scale back or outsource more. Those are your choices.

That's not what people mean when they talk about a child being "overscheduled". OP explained that her DC only actually does 1-2 activities at a time, but they are competitive and time consuming. Those are the kinds of activities that are actually the most worthwhile and from which your child will reap real benefit. I'd rather have some piles of clean, but unfolded, laundry than rip a passion away from my child. (Although I have neither situation -- I have a part-time housekeeper who does the household tasks I can't get to.) OP have you said somewhere that you adverse to hiring paid help or can't afford it? If not, just do so. You seem to have made it work with physically being able to get your kid where they need to go; that's actually usually the hard part. The areas where you are falling short -- e.g., laundry -- are the easy-peasy ones to outsource (assuming $$ obviously).

If the child’s activity schedule is creating difficulties for parents, then the family is overscheduled. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s one activity or ten. OP said her child is early elementary. “Ripping away a passion” sounds a bit dramatic for a kid that age. At some point a choice was made to sign the child up for an activity that is unusually time consuming for a young kid. This isn’t a high schooler who has slowly built up their commitment to something over time, who can be part of a carpool and/or get themselves to the activity. Most parents think about what kind of time they realistically have before signing up for something like this. It’s ok to tell kids no. Based on what OP has said it sounds like she has a hard time setting boundaries both at work and at home.

Disagree. A lot of things in life are difficult, it doesn't mean they are bad or should be eliminated. OP has decided the difficulty is worth it, and I can envision a lot of scenarios where I would agree. OP said younger elementary, does that mean like second grader? I know a passionate ice skater that age. I know a passionate baseball player. Some kids are like that, and it really would be upsetting for them to have to stop. Upthread OP didn't even seem to know where to look for a housekeeper. She has clearly not exhausted very basic options here. I don't think we need to jump to telling her to have her child quit.

Op here. Yes, 2nd grade. And the time spent in this activity has grown little by little until a bigger jump in time commitment this year. DC enjoys it, I like seeing the commitment to something. We’ve totally followed DC’s lead on this and I would like to help them continue but I’ve got to find time to get other things done.

I do have a house cleaner 2x/mo. No one I know where we live has a housekeeper beyond that, so you are correct, I don’t know where to get someone beyond that.

Do you like and trust the housekeeper? Have them come every week and wash laundry. Two extra hours or so or an extra day a week. I think if you have some one good asking if they would be open to more is a good start. I only have some one come 1x a month and she just does sheets but for another family I know they have her come every week and also do laundry. Can’t hurt to ask!

Op here. I trust them enough because DH is WFH so someone is home. Actually this a great thought. I’m not sure they would based off of how they make us strip the bed to even change sheets (not wash) but worth an ask!!

Your husband is working from home but can't fold laundry while on calls or during a short break?