I am exhausted

[Anonymous]

OP, have you tried care.com? A family member recently put up an ad for *daily* evening housekeeping help (2 hrs a day), 5 days a week. They found someone - this is in the DMV, so it may be easier. But it sounds like a total game changer for their busy lives. The housekeeper does dishes and laundry and cuts veggies/does meal prep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a laundry service, you still need to put the clothes away! Otherwise, you’ll just have bags of folded laundry lying around, same as what you have now, essentially.

Op here. That’s what I’ve always wondered too. And I hang a ton of stuff up. If they’d hang it, that’d be awesome. At least to get me caught up

For me the putting away is quite easy and fast. I HATE the folding so for me that was a good trade off and very easy to coordinate.

I’m the PP who said hire some one to drive. It’s really possible if you pay enough. I’d look into it.

Especially for weekend or evening times where the person can have a full time job in addition

[Anonymous]

I know you said not to say this, but DC is over scheduled. It doesn't really matter if that's how she likes it if a significant contributor to your stress. What activities are these? If it were something like ice skating or competitive dance or something that requires a lot of consistent training that's one thing but if it's separate activities then something needs to give. Sure, more frequent house cleaning or less laundry folding will help but the only thing that really screams of over-extending is the activities.

[Anonymous]

The piled up laundry and being behind on housework is the symptom. The ridiculous time commitment on activities is the problem. Seriously, you're burning yourself out and not prioritizing your own needs and need to get out of that cycle. Sure, hire some help to do laundry and whatever, but that's not getting at the root cause here.

[Anonymous]

I think the right sports and activities (ones that are not overly burdensome for parents- especially at this age) are great, and your family is not necessarily over scheduled. It isn’t necessarily the quantity of activities or overall time spent by the child (if he/she enjoys it) that is the problem.

OP can you elaborate more on what these activities are- at least what category - sports team?- especially the one that is a 3-4 hour time commitment? And what distance from your home- drive time?

I have 3 kids who all do a lot of activities (including 2 who do a travel sport on top of rec sports) but the key is all activities are within 15-20min of our home and almost include kids from school or the neighborhood (easy to carpool). The only exception is middle school son who moved to a travel team a longer drive away but given his age, we make it work. I would not have done so in elementary school. Aside from that- We say no to anything that doesn’t work for us time-wise. For example my elementary schooler wanted to try horseback riding- answer was no (too far from our house). When oldest was in elementary he wanted to move to a higher level team that practiced 40min away- answer was no, too far, local team only. With close proximity to our house, we can juggle to make almost anything work that the kids would like to do- and can drop off, pop home to do some chores etc and then pickup later. Or carpool.

In short- can any of these activities be moved to a local setting that is easier? Switch teams etc? At elementary age, some exposure to certain sports and activities is excellent/important but very rarely is any extraordinary effort (like 3-4 hour practices or long drives) going to make any difference to the child later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.

It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.

This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.

I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.

Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.

PS I understand the need for a lot of activities. My kid has ADHD and lots and lots of exercise helps more than almost anything else. Just playing in the yard with friends doesn’t do it. Obviously many kids are not like this but I totally get it.

Thank you. DC doesn't have ADHD but staying busy is best for them. Plus it's a physical activity and lots of exercise just does a lot for DC's disposition.

I wish people would stop saying we are overscheduled when this is what works best for DC. And that's often why I stay on the long days so I can at least see DC on breaks and eat dinner together.

But you are overscheduled. You're letting your child's interests dictate your schedule in a way that prevents you from getting basic household tasks done. That's why you're exhausted. People limit their kids' choices based on what they can afford/how much time they have all the time. That's parenting.

Either scale back or outsource more. Those are your choices.

That's not what people mean when they talk about a child being "overscheduled". OP explained that her DC only actually does 1-2 activities at a time, but they are competitive and time consuming. Those are the kinds of activities that are actually the most worthwhile and from which your child will reap real benefit. I'd rather have some piles of clean, but unfolded, laundry than rip a passion away from my child. (Although I have neither situation -- I have a part-time housekeeper who does the household tasks I can't get to.) OP have you said somewhere that you adverse to hiring paid help or can't afford it? If not, just do so. You seem to have made it work with physically being able to get your kid where they need to go; that's actually usually the hard part. The areas where you are falling short -- e.g., laundry -- are the easy-peasy ones to outsource (assuming $$ obviously).

If the child’s activity schedule is creating difficulties for parents, then the family is overscheduled. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s one activity or ten. OP said her child is early elementary. “Ripping away a passion” sounds a bit dramatic for a kid that age. At some point a choice was made to sign the child up for an activity that is unusually time consuming for a young kid. This isn’t a high schooler who has slowly built up their commitment to something over time, who can be part of a carpool and/or get themselves to the activity. Most parents think about what kind of time they realistically have before signing up for something like this. It’s ok to tell kids no. Based on what OP has said it sounds like she has a hard time setting boundaries both at work and at home.

Disagree. A lot of things in life are difficult, it doesn't mean they are bad or should be eliminated. OP has decided the difficulty is worth it, and I can envision a lot of scenarios where I would agree. OP said younger elementary, does that mean like second grader? I know a passionate ice skater that age. I know a passionate baseball player. Some kids are like that, and it really would be upsetting for them to have to stop. Upthread OP didn't even seem to know where to look for a housekeeper. She has clearly not exhausted very basic options here. I don't think we need to jump to telling her to have her child quit.

Op here. Yes, 2nd grade. And the time spent in this activity has grown little by little until a bigger jump in time commitment this year. DC enjoys it, I like seeing the commitment to something. We’ve totally followed DC’s lead on this and I would like to help them continue but I’ve got to find time to get other things done.

I do have a house cleaner 2x/mo. No one I know where we live has a housekeeper beyond that, so you are correct, I don’t know where to get someone beyond that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know you said not to say this, but DC is over scheduled. It doesn't really matter if that's how she likes it if a significant contributor to your stress. What activities are these? If it were something like ice skating or competitive dance or something that requires a lot of consistent training that's one thing but if it's separate activities then something needs to give. Sure, more frequent house cleaning or less laundry folding will help but the only thing that really screams of over-extending is the activities.

It is an activity similar to what you mention that requires consistent training. Like I said, we spend less time at this activity than many we know. I have had to say no to some of it as it’s just not logistically possible.

Activity is 15 min from our house and 30-40 min from my office. If I could WFH full time, this would all be infinitely easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you tried care.com? A family member recently put up an ad for *daily* evening housekeeping help (2 hrs a day), 5 days a week. They found someone - this is in the DMV, so it may be easier. But it sounds like a total game changer for their busy lives. The housekeeper does dishes and laundry and cuts veggies/does meal prep.

I haven’t, I’ll look.

[Anonymous]

If you have intentionally chosen to prioritize this activity then you need to also decide to outsource some things. Since both of you work long hours, hopefully you have a good HHI? I wouldn’t bother with PT help or au pairs due to the turnover. We have a FT nanny/house manager for our ES kids. We pay her well, treat her well. Expensive but makes our lives so easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.

It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.

This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.

I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.

Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.

PS I understand the need for a lot of activities. My kid has ADHD and lots and lots of exercise helps more than almost anything else. Just playing in the yard with friends doesn’t do it. Obviously many kids are not like this but I totally get it.

Thank you. DC doesn't have ADHD but staying busy is best for them. Plus it's a physical activity and lots of exercise just does a lot for DC's disposition.

I wish people would stop saying we are overscheduled when this is what works best for DC. And that's often why I stay on the long days so I can at least see DC on breaks and eat dinner together.

But you are overscheduled. You're letting your child's interests dictate your schedule in a way that prevents you from getting basic household tasks done. That's why you're exhausted. People limit their kids' choices based on what they can afford/how much time they have all the time. That's parenting.

Either scale back or outsource more. Those are your choices.

That's not what people mean when they talk about a child being "overscheduled". OP explained that her DC only actually does 1-2 activities at a time, but they are competitive and time consuming. Those are the kinds of activities that are actually the most worthwhile and from which your child will reap real benefit. I'd rather have some piles of clean, but unfolded, laundry than rip a passion away from my child. (Although I have neither situation -- I have a part-time housekeeper who does the household tasks I can't get to.) OP have you said somewhere that you adverse to hiring paid help or can't afford it? If not, just do so. You seem to have made it work with physically being able to get your kid where they need to go; that's actually usually the hard part. The areas where you are falling short -- e.g., laundry -- are the easy-peasy ones to outsource (assuming $$ obviously).

If the child’s activity schedule is creating difficulties for parents, then the family is overscheduled. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s one activity or ten. OP said her child is early elementary. “Ripping away a passion” sounds a bit dramatic for a kid that age. At some point a choice was made to sign the child up for an activity that is unusually time consuming for a young kid. This isn’t a high schooler who has slowly built up their commitment to something over time, who can be part of a carpool and/or get themselves to the activity. Most parents think about what kind of time they realistically have before signing up for something like this. It’s ok to tell kids no. Based on what OP has said it sounds like she has a hard time setting boundaries both at work and at home.

Disagree. A lot of things in life are difficult, it doesn't mean they are bad or should be eliminated. OP has decided the difficulty is worth it, and I can envision a lot of scenarios where I would agree. OP said younger elementary, does that mean like second grader? I know a passionate ice skater that age. I know a passionate baseball player. Some kids are like that, and it really would be upsetting for them to have to stop. Upthread OP didn't even seem to know where to look for a housekeeper. She has clearly not exhausted very basic options here. I don't think we need to jump to telling her to have her child quit.

Op here. Yes, 2nd grade. And the time spent in this activity has grown little by little until a bigger jump in time commitment this year. DC enjoys it, I like seeing the commitment to something. We’ve totally followed DC’s lead on this and I would like to help them continue but I’ve got to find time to get other things done.

I do have a house cleaner 2x/mo. No one I know where we live has a housekeeper beyond that, so you are correct, I don’t know where to get someone beyond that.

Do you like and trust the housekeeper? Have them come every week and wash laundry. Two extra hours or so or an extra day a week. I think if you have some one good asking if they would be open to more is a good start. I only have some one come 1x a month and she just does sheets but for another family I know they have her come every week and also do laundry. Can’t hurt to ask!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.

It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.

This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.

I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.

Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.

PS I understand the need for a lot of activities. My kid has ADHD and lots and lots of exercise helps more than almost anything else. Just playing in the yard with friends doesn’t do it. Obviously many kids are not like this but I totally get it.

Thank you. DC doesn't have ADHD but staying busy is best for them. Plus it's a physical activity and lots of exercise just does a lot for DC's disposition.

I wish people would stop saying we are overscheduled when this is what works best for DC. And that's often why I stay on the long days so I can at least see DC on breaks and eat dinner together.

But you are overscheduled. You're letting your child's interests dictate your schedule in a way that prevents you from getting basic household tasks done. That's why you're exhausted. People limit their kids' choices based on what they can afford/how much time they have all the time. That's parenting.

Either scale back or outsource more. Those are your choices.

That's not what people mean when they talk about a child being "overscheduled". OP explained that her DC only actually does 1-2 activities at a time, but they are competitive and time consuming. Those are the kinds of activities that are actually the most worthwhile and from which your child will reap real benefit. I'd rather have some piles of clean, but unfolded, laundry than rip a passion away from my child. (Although I have neither situation -- I have a part-time housekeeper who does the household tasks I can't get to.) OP have you said somewhere that you adverse to hiring paid help or can't afford it? If not, just do so. You seem to have made it work with physically being able to get your kid where they need to go; that's actually usually the hard part. The areas where you are falling short -- e.g., laundry -- are the easy-peasy ones to outsource (assuming $$ obviously).

If the child’s activity schedule is creating difficulties for parents, then the family is overscheduled. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s one activity or ten. OP said her child is early elementary. “Ripping away a passion” sounds a bit dramatic for a kid that age. At some point a choice was made to sign the child up for an activity that is unusually time consuming for a young kid. This isn’t a high schooler who has slowly built up their commitment to something over time, who can be part of a carpool and/or get themselves to the activity. Most parents think about what kind of time they realistically have before signing up for something like this. It’s ok to tell kids no. Based on what OP has said it sounds like she has a hard time setting boundaries both at work and at home.

Disagree. A lot of things in life are difficult, it doesn't mean they are bad or should be eliminated. OP has decided the difficulty is worth it, and I can envision a lot of scenarios where I would agree. OP said younger elementary, does that mean like second grader? I know a passionate ice skater that age. I know a passionate baseball player. Some kids are like that, and it really would be upsetting for them to have to stop. Upthread OP didn't even seem to know where to look for a housekeeper. She has clearly not exhausted very basic options here. I don't think we need to jump to telling her to have her child quit.

Op here. Yes, 2nd grade. And the time spent in this activity has grown little by little until a bigger jump in time commitment this year. DC enjoys it, I like seeing the commitment to something. We’ve totally followed DC’s lead on this and I would like to help them continue but I’ve got to find time to get other things done.

I do have a house cleaner 2x/mo. No one I know where we live has a housekeeper beyond that, so you are correct, I don’t know where to get someone beyond that.

Do you like and trust the housekeeper? Have them come every week and wash laundry. Two extra hours or so or an extra day a week. I think if you have some one good asking if they would be open to more is a good start. I only have some one come 1x a month and she just does sheets but for another family I know they have her come every week and also do laundry. Can’t hurt to ask!

Op here. I trust them enough because DH is WFH so someone is home. Actually this a great thought. I’m not sure they would based off of how they make us strip the bed to even change sheets (not wash) but worth an ask!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.

It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.

This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.

I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.

Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.

PS I understand the need for a lot of activities. My kid has ADHD and lots and lots of exercise helps more than almost anything else. Just playing in the yard with friends doesn’t do it. Obviously many kids are not like this but I totally get it.

Thank you. DC doesn't have ADHD but staying busy is best for them. Plus it's a physical activity and lots of exercise just does a lot for DC's disposition.

I wish people would stop saying we are overscheduled when this is what works best for DC. And that's often why I stay on the long days so I can at least see DC on breaks and eat dinner together.

But you are overscheduled. You're letting your child's interests dictate your schedule in a way that prevents you from getting basic household tasks done. That's why you're exhausted. People limit their kids' choices based on what they can afford/how much time they have all the time. That's parenting.

Either scale back or outsource more. Those are your choices.

That's not what people mean when they talk about a child being "overscheduled". OP explained that her DC only actually does 1-2 activities at a time, but they are competitive and time consuming. Those are the kinds of activities that are actually the most worthwhile and from which your child will reap real benefit. I'd rather have some piles of clean, but unfolded, laundry than rip a passion away from my child. (Although I have neither situation -- I have a part-time housekeeper who does the household tasks I can't get to.) OP have you said somewhere that you adverse to hiring paid help or can't afford it? If not, just do so. You seem to have made it work with physically being able to get your kid where they need to go; that's actually usually the hard part. The areas where you are falling short -- e.g., laundry -- are the easy-peasy ones to outsource (assuming $$ obviously).

If the child’s activity schedule is creating difficulties for parents, then the family is overscheduled. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s one activity or ten. OP said her child is early elementary. “Ripping away a passion” sounds a bit dramatic for a kid that age. At some point a choice was made to sign the child up for an activity that is unusually time consuming for a young kid. This isn’t a high schooler who has slowly built up their commitment to something over time, who can be part of a carpool and/or get themselves to the activity. Most parents think about what kind of time they realistically have before signing up for something like this. It’s ok to tell kids no. Based on what OP has said it sounds like she has a hard time setting boundaries both at work and at home.

Disagree. A lot of things in life are difficult, it doesn't mean they are bad or should be eliminated. OP has decided the difficulty is worth it, and I can envision a lot of scenarios where I would agree. OP said younger elementary, does that mean like second grader? I know a passionate ice skater that age. I know a passionate baseball player. Some kids are like that, and it really would be upsetting for them to have to stop. Upthread OP didn't even seem to know where to look for a housekeeper. She has clearly not exhausted very basic options here. I don't think we need to jump to telling her to have her child quit.

Op here. Yes, 2nd grade. And the time spent in this activity has grown little by little until a bigger jump in time commitment this year. DC enjoys it, I like seeing the commitment to something. We’ve totally followed DC’s lead on this and I would like to help them continue but I’ve got to find time to get other things done.

I do have a house cleaner 2x/mo. No one I know where we live has a housekeeper beyond that, so you are correct, I don’t know where to get someone beyond that.

Do you like and trust the housekeeper? Have them come every week and wash laundry. Two extra hours or so or an extra day a week. I think if you have some one good asking if they would be open to more is a good start. I only have some one come 1x a month and she just does sheets but for another family I know they have her come every week and also do laundry. Can’t hurt to ask!

Op here. I trust them enough because DH is WFH so someone is home. Actually this a great thought. I’m not sure they would based off of how they make us strip the bed to even change sheets (not wash) but worth an ask!!

Just make it clear you will pay more if you are asking them to do more!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.

It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.

This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.

I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.

Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.

PS I understand the need for a lot of activities. My kid has ADHD and lots and lots of exercise helps more than almost anything else. Just playing in the yard with friends doesn’t do it. Obviously many kids are not like this but I totally get it.

Thank you. DC doesn't have ADHD but staying busy is best for them. Plus it's a physical activity and lots of exercise just does a lot for DC's disposition.

I wish people would stop saying we are overscheduled when this is what works best for DC. And that's often why I stay on the long days so I can at least see DC on breaks and eat dinner together.

But you are overscheduled. You're letting your child's interests dictate your schedule in a way that prevents you from getting basic household tasks done. That's why you're exhausted. People limit their kids' choices based on what they can afford/how much time they have all the time. That's parenting.

Either scale back or outsource more. Those are your choices.

That's not what people mean when they talk about a child being "overscheduled". OP explained that her DC only actually does 1-2 activities at a time, but they are competitive and time consuming. Those are the kinds of activities that are actually the most worthwhile and from which your child will reap real benefit. I'd rather have some piles of clean, but unfolded, laundry than rip a passion away from my child. (Although I have neither situation -- I have a part-time housekeeper who does the household tasks I can't get to.) OP have you said somewhere that you adverse to hiring paid help or can't afford it? If not, just do so. You seem to have made it work with physically being able to get your kid where they need to go; that's actually usually the hard part. The areas where you are falling short -- e.g., laundry -- are the easy-peasy ones to outsource (assuming $$ obviously).

If the child’s activity schedule is creating difficulties for parents, then the family is overscheduled. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s one activity or ten. OP said her child is early elementary. “Ripping away a passion” sounds a bit dramatic for a kid that age. At some point a choice was made to sign the child up for an activity that is unusually time consuming for a young kid. This isn’t a high schooler who has slowly built up their commitment to something over time, who can be part of a carpool and/or get themselves to the activity. Most parents think about what kind of time they realistically have before signing up for something like this. It’s ok to tell kids no. Based on what OP has said it sounds like she has a hard time setting boundaries both at work and at home.

Disagree. A lot of things in life are difficult, it doesn't mean they are bad or should be eliminated. OP has decided the difficulty is worth it, and I can envision a lot of scenarios where I would agree. OP said younger elementary, does that mean like second grader? I know a passionate ice skater that age. I know a passionate baseball player. Some kids are like that, and it really would be upsetting for them to have to stop. Upthread OP didn't even seem to know where to look for a housekeeper. She has clearly not exhausted very basic options here. I don't think we need to jump to telling her to have her child quit.

Op here. Yes, 2nd grade. And the time spent in this activity has grown little by little until a bigger jump in time commitment this year. DC enjoys it, I like seeing the commitment to something. We’ve totally followed DC’s lead on this and I would like to help them continue but I’ve got to find time to get other things done.

I do have a house cleaner 2x/mo. No one I know where we live has a housekeeper beyond that, so you are correct, I don’t know where to get someone beyond that.

Do you like and trust the housekeeper? Have them come every week and wash laundry. Two extra hours or so or an extra day a week. I think if you have some one good asking if they would be open to more is a good start. I only have some one come 1x a month and she just does sheets but for another family I know they have her come every week and also do laundry. Can’t hurt to ask!

Op here. I trust them enough because DH is WFH so someone is home. Actually this a great thought. I’m not sure they would based off of how they make us strip the bed to even change sheets (not wash) but worth an ask!!

Just make it clear you will pay more if you are asking them to do more!

Op here, of course!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you can’t have two people working out of the house 40+ hours and young kids without some help unless you’re fine with being really stressed all the time and not sleeping enough. You need a nanny/housekeeper/au pair type person. That’s reality.

What are you talking about? I did it without any of those things and so did many people I know. Once the kids are school aged it’s absolutely manageable.

Same here. When the kids were little just had to accept nothing would be perfect, especially housekeeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless it is truly out of budget, of course the answer here is to hire more help. My job sounds much less demanding than yours, and we still have a "house manager/do whatever random tasks person" for ten hours a week (we also have a cleaning lady who comes every other week). The "house manager" does our laundry, takes kids to some of their activities (we purposefully scheduled some activities where we have flexibility to pick days on the days where she is at our place in the afternoons), gets some dinners started, rotates out closets, etc." I don't want, or need, to do it all. It's money exceedingly well spent. Even if you could afford more just like 4-5 hours a week...this person could do laundry and shuttle your kid to one activity, something like that.

But isn’t it a hassle to keep track of what you want the house manager to do to fill those 10 hours a week?