I am exhausted

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read the thread, but my advice is to stop folding the clothes. I put my own away nicely, the kids just get a pile of t shirts in a drawer. Easy peasy.

It’s still a slog though to wash and dry sheets/towels weekly, make sure the correct uniform is clean, the special shirt for spirit week is ready. But this has helped me immensely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She’s not 6, she’s 8 and it’s dance.

It honestly doesn’t matter what it is, everyone will have an opinion on it. That’s why I didn’t want to derail the thread. I don’t think she will be a professional dancer or anything like that, but she’s good at it and it makes her happy. The latter is really all that matters when it comes to a kids activity.

I have gotten some great advice, and I hope I’ve seen receptive. Thank you to the kind commenters.

Ok now this whole thing makes less sense. An 8 yo can stay at dance on their own. You sitting there makes zero sense. Why are you derailing your life for dance classes? I’m lost.

[Anonymous]

OP your job sounds like my job. I feel you.

You need to dial back the activities.

[Anonymous]

Single mother in biglaw:

1) get an AP who is an excellent driver;
2) get a weekly housekeeper
3) Consider laundry by pound/dry clean liberally
4)Look into carpooling options
5) develop list of good mothers helpers/babysitters that can occasionally babysit while you run errands/work.
6) and this one is hard, pick a 24 hour period where you do no work - and then casually reference to clients. Mine is I don’t work after 5:30 on Fridays, and I will log on Saturday night.

[Anonymous]

this is how DC likes it

doesn't matter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every working couple I know had a SAHM or PT mom by your kids age. Or the grandparents were intimately involved. Many had a au pair too.

This is absurd and not my experience at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every working couple I know had a SAHM or PT mom by your kids age. Or the grandparents were intimately involved. Many had a au pair too.

This is absurd and not my experience at all.

Plenty of people we know who have this lifestyle but most have 3 kids. I don’t think two parents with one 8 year old need an au pair or for one to be a SAHM. As OP wrote, her daughter is in school most of the day. We have driving help after school for our kids, but I think it’s easier when you only have one kid because you are not juggling conflicting pick up and drop times, etc. Also, at 8 you could do drop off unless you are required to stay or the drive is so long it doesn’t make sense to leave.

[Anonymous]

Something has got to give. Neither you or your spouse are willing to take a step back in your career, and you have stated that your child has to continue with the time consuming classes/activities. So 3 people who apparently cannot be asked to change their schedules or to change the path they’re on. The only choice you have is to pay someone else to do some of the things so that all 3 people can continue to do what they want. Pay someone to drive your kid around and to do chores like cook/clean/laundry. If you can’t afford to hire anyone, then you have to keep being exhausted while feeling like you missed out. This problem is obviously self-inflicted.

I actually sympathize with putting your child’s interests first. Many people make sacrifices for their kids, and if this is what you have decided is worth it for your child and your family then I think that part is fine. Other people may not make the same choices but they’re not you.

But what I don’t understand is why both you and your husband is not sitting down and figuring out how to work around the choice of prioritizing the child’s interests. You seem to have taken on all the responsibilities of driving to these long and time consuming activities. Is your husband on the same page with regards to prioritizing the child’s activities? Does he care about it even if he doesn’t have to do anything related to it? Who is willing to step back in their career or find a more flexible job? If no one is willing to do that, then how much money are both of you willing to pay to get help with either transportation or household chores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't stand when people start a thread stating a problem and asking for help and then state all the reasons why they can't possibly make any changes to their situation.

OP you have ONE six year and a spouse. If you are "exhausted" you are doing it wrong.

I don't like that either, but that's not what OP is doing. She said at the outset that having her DC quit the activity is not an option, but she has seemed receptive to other ideas about outsourcing, etc.

What IS weird, however, is that OP won't just say what the activity is. Like, why not?

Maybe her kid is training to be a spy 😂.

Yeah why the secrecy??

Because she doesn’t want us to tell her the activity is not worth all the time she is putting into into, which it almost certainly is not.

I'm not OP -- folks on here think everything is about outcomes. Often it should be about the ride. Even if OP's kid has no prayer of making it to the Olympics or whatever, and even if that is not even her goal, the ride and everything her child is getting out of the activity in the moment, can very well be worth it. Tell us what it is OP, come on!

Not if her mother is "exhausted" and can't figure out how to do laundry.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She’s not 6, she’s 8 and it’s dance.

It honestly doesn’t matter what it is, everyone will have an opinion on it. That’s why I didn’t want to derail the thread. I don’t think she will be a professional dancer or anything like that, but she’s good at it and it makes her happy. The latter is really all that matters when it comes to a kids activity.

I have gotten some great advice, and I hope I’ve seen receptive. Thank you to the kind commenters.

Oh, for crying out loud. It is 100% unnecessary for an EIGHT year old to do two days of “3-4 hours a week” and two more days of an hour a week just to do dance. And no, your kid does not need to be on the “dance team,” even if it makes them feel super duper special and important.

Your problems are entirely of your own making. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Interesting your kid keeps asking for more activities despite being busy 4x/week.

Perhaps seeking attention bc both of her parents are too busy with work, stressed, and otherwise preoccupied with household stuff and such?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every working couple I know had a SAHM or PT mom by your kids age. Or the grandparents were intimately involved. Many had a au pair too.

This is absurd and not my experience at all.

+100 I don't run in some of the wealthier circles that DCUM moms do, but this has not been my experience at all either. SAHMs/PT working moms are the exception among my peers. Most of my friends are full-time working moms with full-time working husbands and 2 kids, no local family, and everyone is exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Do you have space in your house where your daughter could practice dance on her own? Then do the studio, say 2 days a week. 4 days a week of professional instruction seems excessive, she should be able to make just as much progress using some of that time for practice on her own.

[Anonymous]

I assume she’s at a competition dance studio given the amount of time involved at her age. Is there a specific genre she enjoys more than other types? If so, I would focus on just that and get out of the competition circuit. You’re just asking for overuse injuries anyway. Find a classical ballet school or one that focuses on just modern or jazz and have her do that. My DS is 9 years old and he’s at a pre-pro ballet school and attends class for 4.5 hours total per week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She’s not 6, she’s 8 and it’s dance.

It honestly doesn’t matter what it is, everyone will have an opinion on it. That’s why I didn’t want to derail the thread. I don’t think she will be a professional dancer or anything like that, but she’s good at it and it makes her happy. The latter is really all that matters when it comes to a kids activity.

I have gotten some great advice, and I hope I’ve seen receptive. Thank you to the kind commenters.

Oh, for crying out loud. It is 100% unnecessary for an EIGHT year old to do two days of “3-4 hours a week” and two more days of an hour a week just to do dance. And no, your kid does not need to be on the “dance team,” even if it makes them feel super duper special and important.

Your problems are entirely of your own making. Good luck.

+1

Not only is it unnecessary, but investing so much time in a single activity at this age is unwise. Odds are the DD’s interests will change in a year or two anyway. Better to do less intensive dance right now, and maybe give something else a try seasonally- like a local rec sport.

And drop off. I can’t imagine staying at my kids’ practices beyond the age of 7 or so. I would never get anything else done! (As seems to be the case here)