I am exhausted

[Anonymous]

If you have a laundry service, you still need to put the clothes away! Otherwise, you’ll just have bags of folded laundry lying around, same as what you have now, essentially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.

It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.

This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.

I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.

Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.

PS I understand the need for a lot of activities. My kid has ADHD and lots and lots of exercise helps more than almost anything else. Just playing in the yard with friends doesn’t do it. Obviously many kids are not like this but I totally get it.

Thank you. DC doesn't have ADHD but staying busy is best for them. Plus it's a physical activity and lots of exercise just does a lot for DC's disposition.

I wish people would stop saying we are overscheduled when this is what works best for DC. And that's often why I stay on the long days so I can at least see DC on breaks and eat dinner together.

But you are overscheduled. You're letting your child's interests dictate your schedule in a way that prevents you from getting basic household tasks done. That's why you're exhausted. People limit their kids' choices based on what they can afford/how much time they have all the time. That's parenting.

Either scale back or outsource more. Those are your choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a laundry service, you still need to put the clothes away! Otherwise, you’ll just have bags of folded laundry lying around, same as what you have now, essentially.

Op here. That’s what I’ve always wondered too. And I hang a ton of stuff up. If they’d hang it, that’d be awesome. At least to get me caught up

[Anonymous]

Your child can fold and put away their own laundry. My 5 year old doesn't do this well, but he does it well enough.

[Anonymous]

Nothing to add but I feel your pain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you can’t have two people working out of the house 40+ hours and young kids without some help unless you’re fine with being really stressed all the time and not sleeping enough. You need a nanny/housekeeper/au pair type person. That’s reality.

ROFL. Get out of your privileged bubble sometime — the water’s fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.

It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.

This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.

I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.

Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.

PS I understand the need for a lot of activities. My kid has ADHD and lots and lots of exercise helps more than almost anything else. Just playing in the yard with friends doesn’t do it. Obviously many kids are not like this but I totally get it.

Thank you. DC doesn't have ADHD but staying busy is best for them. Plus it's a physical activity and lots of exercise just does a lot for DC's disposition.

I wish people would stop saying we are overscheduled when this is what works best for DC. And that's often why I stay on the long days so I can at least see DC on breaks and eat dinner together.

But you are overscheduled. You're letting your child's interests dictate your schedule in a way that prevents you from getting basic household tasks done. That's why you're exhausted. People limit their kids' choices based on what they can afford/how much time they have all the time. That's parenting.

Either scale back or outsource more. Those are your choices.

This is the answer. End of thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.

It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.

This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.

I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.

Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.

PS I understand the need for a lot of activities. My kid has ADHD and lots and lots of exercise helps more than almost anything else. Just playing in the yard with friends doesn’t do it. Obviously many kids are not like this but I totally get it.

Thank you. DC doesn't have ADHD but staying busy is best for them. Plus it's a physical activity and lots of exercise just does a lot for DC's disposition.

I wish people would stop saying we are overscheduled when this is what works best for DC. And that's often why I stay on the long days so I can at least see DC on breaks and eat dinner together.

But you are overscheduled. You're letting your child's interests dictate your schedule in a way that prevents you from getting basic household tasks done. That's why you're exhausted. People limit their kids' choices based on what they can afford/how much time they have all the time. That's parenting.

Either scale back or outsource more. Those are your choices.

That's not what people mean when they talk about a child being "overscheduled". OP explained that her DC only actually does 1-2 activities at a time, but they are competitive and time consuming. Those are the kinds of activities that are actually the most worthwhile and from which your child will reap real benefit. I'd rather have some piles of clean, but unfolded, laundry than rip a passion away from my child. (Although I have neither situation -- I have a part-time housekeeper who does the household tasks I can't get to.) OP have you said somewhere that you adverse to hiring paid help or can't afford it? If not, just do so. You seem to have made it work with physically being able to get your kid where they need to go; that's actually usually the hard part. The areas where you are falling short -- e.g., laundry -- are the easy-peasy ones to outsource (assuming $$ obviously).

[Anonymous]

For the laundry — fold it right away as soon as it comes out of the dryer. If you drop it into the basket to fold later, it won’t get done. Takes me about 10 min or so to fold one load. My DS dances a few times a week so I’m in my car driving him and waiting for him during these times. His dance studio is near grocery shopping, so I get that done when I’m there or I plan to respond to personal emails/fill out paperwork, registrations, whatever other similar admin task I need to get done during that time. It’s been very productive. I work a 40-45 hour job that can be demanding, but has a decent amount of flexibility. DH’s job is even more demanding, but I assign him tasks — he helps the kids with showers while I’m cleaning up the kitchen, for example. We don’t have any help, but we use after care at school and DH is required to help with driving etc. His job is important, but so is mine — I actually make more money. This can be done. You just have to be extremely organized and you need to sit down with your DH and demand more help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really starting to struggle with working a full time demanding job with a younger elementary schooler. My husband works a ton in an also demanding job. My job is as flexible as I could hope for in an industry that is notoriously inflexible, but it is not WFH, I have a commute, it's still more than 40 hours a week, dealing with external clients that have no boundaries in regards to my time. Our DC is very busy in activities, likes being busy and keeps asking for more. We have activities 4x a week. Two of those days are a short time commitment (45 min-hour) and the other 2 days are 3-4 hours each. Please don't comment that DC is overscheduled, this is how DC likes it. It's me that struggles... we are on the go constantly. There's never enough time to keep up with basic housework. We outsource cleaning 2x/mo. I do online grocery ordering, but basic things like putting clothes away after being washed are just completely neglected. Also, I used to be great at staying on top of everything and I'm just not anymore, despite it being in my calendar, I'm still missing things.

DH and I used to divide things more equally, but his job is more demanding and pays more than mine, so it's started shifting more to me. I am most definitely the primary parent. But my job is not an easy job. It requires a lot of critical thinking and management of projects, clients and employees. I just feel like something has to give. DC's childhood is flying by in a blur and I'm just stressed and tired 98% of the time.

Any advice?

But she's small. Honestly, her vote doesn't count here. Whatever her reality is, she will adjust and be happy with it. Also, sitting at home being bored in and of itself is an important thing to learn to do.

Also, teaching kids (and spouses) to pick up after themselves and stay organized IS and activity in and of itself and is a skill one needs to learn. It takes time. Lose a kid activity now, use that time to teach/implement daily chores and tidying means she learns how to do it without complaint and as part of a routine. Then, once she's got it down without it being an ordeal, you can likely use that time for more activities later as her daily chores won't take long and you will have more capacity to do more outside the house. Consider this as a life skill she needs to learn.

This. Your child’s activities don’t take priority over a parent’s needs. At this point in life OP you need more downtime. 4 nights a week on the go for child activities, while balancing a stressful job and household, isn’t a necessity. Activities need to be cut back to 1x a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.

It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.

This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.

I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.

Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.

PS I understand the need for a lot of activities. My kid has ADHD and lots and lots of exercise helps more than almost anything else. Just playing in the yard with friends doesn’t do it. Obviously many kids are not like this but I totally get it.

Thank you. DC doesn't have ADHD but staying busy is best for them. Plus it's a physical activity and lots of exercise just does a lot for DC's disposition.

I wish people would stop saying we are overscheduled when this is what works best for DC. And that's often why I stay on the long days so I can at least see DC on breaks and eat dinner together.

It doesn’t work best for you and you are the one here struggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.

It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.

This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.

I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.

Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.

PS I understand the need for a lot of activities. My kid has ADHD and lots and lots of exercise helps more than almost anything else. Just playing in the yard with friends doesn’t do it. Obviously many kids are not like this but I totally get it.

Thank you. DC doesn't have ADHD but staying busy is best for them. Plus it's a physical activity and lots of exercise just does a lot for DC's disposition.

I wish people would stop saying we are overscheduled when this is what works best for DC. And that's often why I stay on the long days so I can at least see DC on breaks and eat dinner together.

But you are overscheduled. You're letting your child's interests dictate your schedule in a way that prevents you from getting basic household tasks done. That's why you're exhausted. People limit their kids' choices based on what they can afford/how much time they have all the time. That's parenting.

Either scale back or outsource more. Those are your choices.

That's not what people mean when they talk about a child being "overscheduled". OP explained that her DC only actually does 1-2 activities at a time, but they are competitive and time consuming. Those are the kinds of activities that are actually the most worthwhile and from which your child will reap real benefit. I'd rather have some piles of clean, but unfolded, laundry than rip a passion away from my child. (Although I have neither situation -- I have a part-time housekeeper who does the household tasks I can't get to.) OP have you said somewhere that you adverse to hiring paid help or can't afford it? If not, just do so. You seem to have made it work with physically being able to get your kid where they need to go; that's actually usually the hard part. The areas where you are falling short -- e.g., laundry -- are the easy-peasy ones to outsource (assuming $$ obviously).

If the child’s activity schedule is creating difficulties for parents, then the family is overscheduled. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s one activity or ten. OP said her child is early elementary. “Ripping away a passion” sounds a bit dramatic for a kid that age. At some point a choice was made to sign the child up for an activity that is unusually time consuming for a young kid. This isn’t a high schooler who has slowly built up their commitment to something over time, who can be part of a carpool and/or get themselves to the activity. Most parents think about what kind of time they realistically have before signing up for something like this. It’s ok to tell kids no. Based on what OP has said it sounds like she has a hard time setting boundaries both at work and at home.

[Anonymous]

Definitely no more activity nights for DC. Make DH responsible for half the nights weekly. This schedule is insane and if DH won't do half the nights, only allow DC to sign up for two activity nights next year. Surely DC can play with neighborhood friends two nights a week instead of being in a structured class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.

It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.

This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.

I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.

Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.

PS I understand the need for a lot of activities. My kid has ADHD and lots and lots of exercise helps more than almost anything else. Just playing in the yard with friends doesn’t do it. Obviously many kids are not like this but I totally get it.

Thank you. DC doesn't have ADHD but staying busy is best for them. Plus it's a physical activity and lots of exercise just does a lot for DC's disposition.

I wish people would stop saying we are overscheduled when this is what works best for DC. And that's often why I stay on the long days so I can at least see DC on breaks and eat dinner together.

But you are overscheduled. You're letting your child's interests dictate your schedule in a way that prevents you from getting basic household tasks done. That's why you're exhausted. People limit their kids' choices based on what they can afford/how much time they have all the time. That's parenting.

Either scale back or outsource more. Those are your choices.

That's not what people mean when they talk about a child being "overscheduled". OP explained that her DC only actually does 1-2 activities at a time, but they are competitive and time consuming. Those are the kinds of activities that are actually the most worthwhile and from which your child will reap real benefit. I'd rather have some piles of clean, but unfolded, laundry than rip a passion away from my child. (Although I have neither situation -- I have a part-time housekeeper who does the household tasks I can't get to.) OP have you said somewhere that you adverse to hiring paid help or can't afford it? If not, just do so. You seem to have made it work with physically being able to get your kid where they need to go; that's actually usually the hard part. The areas where you are falling short -- e.g., laundry -- are the easy-peasy ones to outsource (assuming $$ obviously).

If the child’s activity schedule is creating difficulties for parents, then the family is overscheduled. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s one activity or ten. OP said her child is early elementary. “Ripping away a passion” sounds a bit dramatic for a kid that age. At some point a choice was made to sign the child up for an activity that is unusually time consuming for a young kid. This isn’t a high schooler who has slowly built up their commitment to something over time, who can be part of a carpool and/or get themselves to the activity. Most parents think about what kind of time they realistically have before signing up for something like this. It’s ok to tell kids no. Based on what OP has said it sounds like she has a hard time setting boundaries both at work and at home.

Disagree. A lot of things in life are difficult, it doesn't mean they are bad or should be eliminated. OP has decided the difficulty is worth it, and I can envision a lot of scenarios where I would agree. OP said younger elementary, does that mean like second grader? I know a passionate ice skater that age. I know a passionate baseball player. Some kids are like that, and it really would be upsetting for them to have to stop. Upthread OP didn't even seem to know where to look for a housekeeper. She has clearly not exhausted very basic options here. I don't think we need to jump to telling her to have her child quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a laundry service, you still need to put the clothes away! Otherwise, you’ll just have bags of folded laundry lying around, same as what you have now, essentially.

Op here. That’s what I’ve always wondered too. And I hang a ton of stuff up. If they’d hang it, that’d be awesome. At least to get me caught up

For me the putting away is quite easy and fast. I HATE the folding so for me that was a good trade off and very easy to coordinate.

I’m the PP who said hire some one to drive. It’s really possible if you pay enough. I’d look into it.