I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are these moms not as successful as you? Meaning are you thin with an impressive career? I think a lot of women are very tribal and if you’re too impressive they are going to stay away. You need to meet other successful women.

Doesn’t sound like OP makes friends anywhere she goes, doubt it’s the fault of all the other moms.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you come on too strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inviting for coffee is like an awkward date. It's weird. You're just going about things inorganically. What you do is you invite kids for playdates and hope that in the moments you see their moms, over time you chat, click, you start randomly texting each other, and a friendship accidentally forms organically.

+1 or if you collect anything invite them to check out your collection. I collect flashlights, for example, and people always find in interesting to see them. You just have to go with that flow.

Are you joking?

Why? Flashlights are a lot of fun. Who has a problem with them?

They are BASIC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about your spouse? The only "mom friends" that have turned into real friends for me are because our husbands also get along. Then it easily turns into family outings, traveling together, double dates, etc. In honesty, it would be hard for me to maintain a really involved 1:1 friendship with a mom, with no other family involvement. I'm not saying this is a good thing, just that it's my reality.

See that's the opposite of me. My dh's idea of hell is hanging out with another couple.

[Anonymous]

1. You come on too strong.
2. You seem full of yourself. You think you're really "interesting" in terms of career, in your own words, but when others talk they are "blathering on" and boring. Nobody wants to be friends with someone like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 40 year old married mom of two early elmentary school age kids. I want to make mom friends. I've tried everything, and nothing works. I've met a lot of moms, but none of them wants to be my friend. How it usually goes is I'll meet a mom at a PTA volunteer event, or at a family-friendly event, or at a meetup group, chat for a bit, invite them out for coffee, and we meet for coffee. The meetup usually goes well and then....crickets. I never hear from them again and when I reach out a few weeks later to follow up and see how they're doing, I usually don't hear back or they'll be polite but distant, making it clear they're not interested in a friendship.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong to be so unlikeable. I'm married (15 years), work full-time, have a really interesting career, am a good conversationalist, and try to get to know them/express interest. Most of the time they don't seem that interested in getting to know me. Like I'll ask, what are you guys doing this summer and they don't ask what we're doing, just blather on and on about their summer plans.

I work out at a small gym and that has not let to any friendships either. I am also in a hobby group and also have not made friends that way.

The moms of my kids' friends have made it clear they are not interested in a friendship--they will bring their kids over for playdates when I set them up, but have never invited us and don't stay to chat, they just drop off and leave, or send their husbands to drop off.

Where can I meet mom friends or just friends for me? My kids are in first and third grade.

I am chronically lonely and feel like no one likes me or wants to be my friend, and it really sucks.

I have noticed this a lot lately, much moreso in the past few years than previously. I don't know if the pandemic made us all socially inept, or its something about moms of elementary aged kids.

That said, I have noticed a few moms I see at school pickup, one in particular, who is AMAZING at talking to people. All she does is ask them about themselves and they start talking and talking and talking. Its really interesting. I never see her offer up much about herself, but she is just nice and asks people how they are doing and seems like their BFF. I plan to start doing this myself.

[Anonymous]

I think the majority of UMC moms are uninterested in making friends. They are working and tending to their own families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 40 year old married mom of two early elmentary school age kids. I want to make mom friends. I've tried everything, and nothing works. I've met a lot of moms, but none of them wants to be my friend. How it usually goes is I'll meet a mom at a PTA volunteer event, or at a family-friendly event, or at a meetup group, chat for a bit, invite them out for coffee, and we meet for coffee. The meetup usually goes well and then....crickets. I never hear from them again and when I reach out a few weeks later to follow up and see how they're doing, I usually don't hear back or they'll be polite but distant, making it clear they're not interested in a friendship.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong to be so unlikeable. I'm married (15 years), work full-time, have a really interesting career, am a good conversationalist, and try to get to know them/express interest. Most of the time they don't seem that interested in getting to know me. Like I'll ask, what are you guys doing this summer and they don't ask what we're doing, just blather on and on about their summer plans.

I work out at a small gym and that has not let to any friendships either. I am also in a hobby group and also have not made friends that way.

The moms of my kids' friends have made it clear they are not interested in a friendship--they will bring their kids over for playdates when I set them up, but have never invited us and don't stay to chat, they just drop off and leave, or send their husbands to drop off.

Where can I meet mom friends or just friends for me? My kids are in first and third grade.

I am chronically lonely and feel like no one likes me or wants to be my friend, and it really sucks.

Hi OP, I am in the same boat. I have people I chat with at the athletic activity that I do, and people I chat with in the neighborhood at school drop off and pick up, but nobody is texting me to say hi, or inviting me out for drinks. I have friends from college/post-college that I see a few times/year, and maybe another social event 1-2x/year comes up.

I don't have any suggestions, really. Its hard when you work full time to make friends with SAHMs, just because they are free during the day when you are at work. Its also hard to make friends with other working moms bc we are all working. I'm also not the type to force my kid to hang out at the playground longer than they want to just so that I can make mom friends.

My answer? I just keep working on myself and doing what I want to do with my family, and it will all work out in the end. Or I will die lonely. One of the two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the majority of UMC moms are uninterested in making friends. They are working and tending to their own families.

Agree. I also find that a lot of the suburban moms are actually from the area and have HS friends and family local that they hang out with — they are not looking to add new friends. And also a lot of moms only want new friends that come as a couple — the husbands have to get along as well because that’s how they do most social get-together. I wish there was some pin we could wear or something that designates we are looking for friends. I’ve spent a lot of time developing casual friendships with other moms, only to realize belatedly that they don’t really have space in their life for additional friends.

[Anonymous]

Just in general it was never easy to make friends. Just appreciate the ones you got. Any new ones are always a nice surprise for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. Consider an impromptu hug strategy. Not too long after a conversation begins, it's really an instinct thing (there is no "rule" on timing), just hug the person. You or they can carry on whatever they were saying, the hug doesn't have to be "about" anything. It's just a hug! You may find your tribe from there. I know people who have.

Don’t do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the majority of UMC moms are uninterested in making friends. They are working and tending to their own families.

Agree. I also find that a lot of the suburban moms are actually from the area and have HS friends and family local that they hang out with — they are not looking to add new friends. And also a lot of moms only want new friends that come as a couple — the husbands have to get along as well because that’s how they do most social get-together. I wish there was some pin we could wear or something that designates we are looking for friends. I’ve spent a lot of time developing casual friendships with other moms, only to realize belatedly that they don’t really have space in their life for additional friends.

I have noticed that quite a bit, either you have to get along as couples, or your whole family has to get along. Which stinks, because my oldest kiddo is on the spectrum and not a lot of kids are clamoring to play with him.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need good friends at this age anyway? Don't you have them from high school, college etc? Between work and volunteering and hobbies and kids I must talk to 50 people a day and they are all friends of different levels of closeness. We live in a very populated area. It isn't too hard. I think you might just be expecting too much from others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inviting for coffee is like an awkward date. It's weird. You're just going about things inorganically. What you do is you invite kids for playdates and hope that in the moments you see their moms, over time you chat, click, you start randomly texting each other, and a friendship accidentally forms organically.

+1 or if you collect anything invite them to check out your collection. I collect flashlights, for example, and people always find in interesting to see them. You just have to go with that flow.

omg I can"t imagine being excited by flashlights. Glad you found people who do. Your startegy would work well with show in tell in Kindergarten though.

+1 or if you collect anything invite them to check out your collection. I collect flashlights, for example, and people always find in interesting to see them. You just have to go with that flow.

Well, this has worked for me. Sometimes when a potential new friend is looking at the collection I'll stand behind them and say "Will you be my friend?" If it works, it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need good friends at this age anyway? Don't you have them from high school, college etc? Between work and volunteering and hobbies and kids I must talk to 50 people a day and they are all friends of different levels of closeness. We live in a very populated area. It isn't too hard. I think you might just be expecting too much from others.

Good for you. You're not OP. What a jerk response.