I'm a 40 year old married mom of two early elmentary school age kids. I want to make mom friends. I've tried everything, and nothing works. I've met a lot of moms, but none of them wants to be my friend. How it usually goes is I'll meet a mom at a PTA volunteer event, or at a family-friendly event, or at a meetup group, chat for a bit, invite them out for coffee, and we meet for coffee. The meetup usually goes well and then....crickets. I never hear from them again and when I reach out a few weeks later to follow up and see how they're doing, I usually don't hear back or they'll be polite but distant, making it clear they're not interested in a friendship.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong to be so unlikeable. I'm married (15 years), work full-time, have a really interesting career, am a good conversationalist, and try to get to know them/express interest. Most of the time they don't seem that interested in getting to know me. Like I'll ask, what are you guys doing this summer and they don't ask what we're doing, just blather on and on about their summer plans. I work out at a small gym and that has not let to any friendships either. I am also in a hobby group and also have not made friends that way. The moms of my kids' friends have made it clear they are not interested in a friendship--they will bring their kids over for playdates when I set them up, but have never invited us and don't stay to chat, they just drop off and leave, or send their husbands to drop off. Where can I meet mom friends or just friends for me? My kids are in first and third grade. I am chronically lonely and feel like no one likes me or wants to be my friend, and it really sucks. |
If you have time on the weekend, join in an activity you're interested in. I have made a few friends in meet up and facebook groups for tennis, hiking and birdwatching. Look up groups for the things you like and join outings. |
I’m in a similar spot, OP. I’ve always had plenty of friends and understand social cues. It’s strange to me why I can now not make any friends. I can’t figure it out for the life of me. |
Some people really just don't have the time for random coffees if it means they have to arrange for someone else to watch their kids. Why can't you invite people to do something along with their kids, so that they don't have to arrange for childcare? |
A coffee date is a lot of pressure for a new friendship. Try play dates. Casual, just meet at a park, or have dinner at a brewery or something like that. Take all the kids to a winery in the afternoon. Or have drinks at home or nearby after bedtime.
Meeting a new mom friend for coffee would feel like an interview. |
What activities do your kids do? I become friends with the parents that have to sit around waiting for the kids to finish the activities.
I would try inviting your kids' friends and their parents over for a pizza night. The kids can play and the adults can talk and maybe that will help. Does your husband have poor social skills or do anything offputting? Are you a Republican or openly conservative? That can make it a lot harder in this area. |
Are these moms not as successful as you? Meaning are you thin with an impressive career? I think a lot of women are very tribal and if you’re too impressive they are going to stay away. You need to meet other successful women. |
When my kids were the age yours are, I didn't really do coffee dates, more group outings with the kids. When they got to middle school and busier, then I started meeting up more for occasional coffee with the moms, it took a while to get to that stage! |
We are just busy. We are balancing needy kids, jobs, husband time, extended family, maybe a neighbor. I find some meaningful texting friendships with my young kid mom friends who I have clicked with, maybe when our kids are older we can meet more in person! And in this area people move away a lot. I’m sorry op. Look for connections wherever you can find them during this time. |
OP, I hear you. Consider an impromptu hug strategy. Not too long after a conversation begins, it's really an instinct thing (there is no "rule" on timing), just hug the person. You or they can carry on whatever they were saying, the hug doesn't have to be "about" anything. It's just a hug! You may find your tribe from there. I know people who have. |
LOL |
Maybe they sense desperation or maybe they don't need as many friends. |
… and btw How do you find time to go to the gym?? |
NP you laugh but this is true. Intimidation factor is real for some people. |
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