I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend

[Anonymous]

I have found making friends here as an adult harder than any other time period in my life. I don't have any friends either. I have some people I make chit chat with and that's it.

[Anonymous]

If you are in MoCo and interested in dance, there is a mom dance group that was founded earlier this year. The name of the group is called Mom-entum, and the info can be found on FB. There’s various types of dance classes on different nights and locations. No dance experience is required. Many of the moms have never danced.

It’s truly been a lifeline for me and many of the other moms that have joined so far. We also get together for activities outside of the studio with the kids. Prior to that, it was really hard for me to make friends with other adults at gym or school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. Consider an impromptu hug strategy. Not too long after a conversation begins, it's really an instinct thing (there is no "rule" on timing), just hug the person. You or they can carry on whatever they were saying, the hug doesn't have to be "about" anything. It's just a hug! You may find your tribe from there. I know people who have.

Please don’t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. Consider an impromptu hug strategy. Not too long after a conversation begins, it's really an instinct thing (there is no "rule" on timing), just hug the person. You or they can carry on whatever they were saying, the hug doesn't have to be "about" anything. It's just a hug! You may find your tribe from there. I know people who have.

This is so hilariously creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 40 year old married mom of two early elmentary school age kids. I want to make mom friends. I've tried everything, and nothing works. I've met a lot of moms, but none of them wants to be my friend. How it usually goes is I'll meet a mom at a PTA volunteer event, or at a family-friendly event, or at a meetup group, chat for a bit, invite them out for coffee, and we meet for coffee. The meetup usually goes well and then....crickets. I never hear from them again and when I reach out a few weeks later to follow up and see how they're doing, I usually don't hear back or they'll be polite but distant, making it clear they're not interested in a friendship.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong to be so unlikeable. I'm married (15 years), work full-time, have a really interesting career, am a good conversationalist, and try to get to know them/express interest. Most of the time they don't seem that interested in getting to know me. Like I'll ask, what are you guys doing this summer and they don't ask what we're doing, just blather on and on about their summer plans.

I work out at a small gym and that has not let to any friendships either. I am also in a hobby group and also have not made friends that way.

The moms of my kids' friends have made it clear they are not interested in a friendship--they will bring their kids over for playdates when I set them up, but have never invited us and don't stay to chat, they just drop off and leave, or send their husbands to drop off.

Where can I meet mom friends or just friends for me? My kids are in first and third grade.

I am chronically lonely and feel like no one likes me or wants to be my friend, and it really sucks.

I know a woman like this at my daughter's school. She's friendly and likable to some degree, but SOOOO NEEDY that it's a huge turnoff. I did ask this person over for a plydate with the kids and coffee for us. I felt like she expected me to roll out the red carpet or something. I don't do that for anyone, so I just never invited her again. It needs to be effortless for me and easy.

If you make friendships difficult, no one will want one with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. Consider an impromptu hug strategy. Not too long after a conversation begins, it's really an instinct thing (there is no "rule" on timing), just hug the person. You or they can carry on whatever they were saying, the hug doesn't have to be "about" anything. It's just a hug! You may find your tribe from there. I know people who have.

This is so hilariously creepy.

PP, I am also a PP. Why is putting yourself out there creepy? As the old saying went, there's always a place for an embrace. If OP is seeking new friends why not take a chance with a hug and a statement along the lines of I would like for us to be friends. How would you like that? (or whatever phrasing feels right to you.) Friendships are fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 40 year old married mom of two early elmentary school age kids. I want to make mom friends. I've tried everything, and nothing works. I've met a lot of moms, but none of them wants to be my friend. How it usually goes is I'll meet a mom at a PTA volunteer event, or at a family-friendly event, or at a meetup group, chat for a bit, invite them out for coffee, and we meet for coffee. The meetup usually goes well and then....crickets. I never hear from them again and when I reach out a few weeks later to follow up and see how they're doing, I usually don't hear back or they'll be polite but distant, making it clear they're not interested in a friendship.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong to be so unlikeable. I'm married (15 years), work full-time, have a really interesting career, am a good conversationalist, and try to get to know them/express interest. Most of the time they don't seem that interested in getting to know me. Like I'll ask, what are you guys doing this summer and they don't ask what we're doing, just blather on and on about their summer plans.

I work out at a small gym and that has not let to any friendships either. I am also in a hobby group and also have not made friends that way.

The moms of my kids' friends have made it clear they are not interested in a friendship--they will bring their kids over for playdates when I set them up, but have never invited us and don't stay to chat, they just drop off and leave, or send their husbands to drop off.

Where can I meet mom friends or just friends for me? My kids are in first and third grade.

I am chronically lonely and feel like no one likes me or wants to be my friend, and it really sucks.

Hi OP, I am in the same boat. I have people I chat with at the athletic activity that I do, and people I chat with in the neighborhood at school drop off and pick up, but nobody is texting me to say hi, or inviting me out for drinks. I have friends from college/post-college that I see a few times/year, and maybe another social event 1-2x/year comes up.

I don't have any suggestions, really. Its hard when you work full time to make friends with SAHMs, just because they are free during the day when you are at work. Its also hard to make friends with other working moms bc we are all working. I'm also not the type to force my kid to hang out at the playground longer than they want to just so that I can make mom friends.

My answer? I just keep working on myself and doing what I want to do with my family, and it will all work out in the end. Or I will die lonely. One of the two.

Ugh, we need to trade neighborhoods! Like where are all the SAHMs of young kids? Everyone seems to be working, or have kids that are way older than mine. I feel so lame meeting people through their nannies.

Same here. I’m a SAHM and I never meet other SAHMs. It sucks.

+2 This is very true.

Curious, where are you (and the other SAHM) located?

[Anonymous]

One reason I’ve had no luck finding mom friends is bc my kids’ friends’ moms will often set up playdates then leave me with the grandparents. I connect with someone and then when we meet up, there’s Grannie and no mom my age in sight.

[Anonymous]

“ I don't know what I'm doing wrong to be so unlikeable. I'm married (15 years), work full-time, have a really interesting career, am a good conversationalist, and try to get to know them/express interest.”

Is there a reason why you think being married means you are more like able? That speaks to values and judgmentalism that would make me steer away from being friends with you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how attractive are you? If you are pretty, you could work the angle of becoming friends with the Dads first, and then eventually befriending the Moms and letting it grow organically into couples friendships.

Another troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try hugs and hugging. Not too long after a conversation begins, hug the person. The hug doesn't have to be "about" anything. It's a great way to connect with people. If it feels right you just say... I want us to be friends, how would you like that? #empath

That is extremely creepy and crosses many people’s boundaries. If someone I barely knew did that to me, my response would be something like: “ I wouldn’t. “ And I would avoid that person going forward. I hug people that I care about.
Behavior like this would strike me as being very selfish. Someone needed or wanted physical contact— and reached out to satisfy their need, ignoring my cues, and without checking what my wishes might be. This would be weird if it were a greeting. It’s really weird in the middle of a random conversation, and with me, it would torpedo any chance of developing a friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


I'm guessing you are in an affluent area OP? I find people shun this "trying hard to make friends". You aren't supposed to really talk about it and it can take years to make real friends. Just remember- you aren't at summer camp, MOST of these moms HAVE their circle and don't need to add more so you need to tread lightly. It's like dating, if you look too desperate and needy, they won't like you and will be turned off.
If you are looking for just friends, there are lots of clubs and activities you can join to meet people (book club, church groups, any kind of Womens club, interest groups, etc, etc). I would go that route first. Just remember, making friends as an adult is hard and takes longer than it did in your college years and even 20s.

NP. I’m naturally distant, and I’ve noticed that few people make friends over “years.” Either there’s momentum at the start or you just stay acquaintances.

I’ve noticed that the people able to make new friends are the ones who proactively invite others to stuff. Sure, the too-busy wannabe socialites will turn you down, but some women will be receptive.

Don’t waste time on bookstore-based book clubs and meetups. These usually attract senior citizen who aren’t necessarily looking for younger friends either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try hugs and hugging. Not too long after a conversation begins, hug the person. The hug doesn't have to be "about" anything. It's a great way to connect with people. If it feels right you just say... I want us to be friends, how would you like that? #empath

Why make the same creepy post more than once, on a dredged up thread that’s several months old. This post is the opposite of appropriate and helpful. Very Silence of the Lambs vibe.

[Anonymous]

If anybody tried to hug me when I first met them I would avoid them totally in the future. That's inappropriate and no way to make friends unless you happen to have found the person who posted this odd suggestion, you could hug her and go on to be BFFs.

Brutal honesty to the OP: There's something weird about you that you aren't aware of. Either get into therapy to try to figure out what it is or ask someone who knows you well to please be very honest with you about what you are doing that puts people off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might have more time for friendship than others with kids and marriages and jobs (I’m gathering from the coffees and the gym). Have you tried throwing a life raft to anyone in your circle who is struggling? I’m struggling, and I would befriend anyone halfway decent who helped me right now! I am going through a health crisis and have a an autistic child. Life is hard. I can’t have coffee. But if I’m somewhat friendly with a mom from school and she’s really KIND to me and then offers to be a back up babysitter if I need to go to the ER? Done. She’s my best friend.

Ugh. Genuinely sorry you’re dealing with all this, but what you describe is needing a therapist and childcare. Someone who volunteers to be your crisis dumping ground would then later receive your “friendship” in return? OK.