14 and 15 year olds- sex and drugs? Tell other parents or not?

[Anonymous]

If you are aquainted with the teens parents,I would say something,but in a polite way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP: I am not going to flame you. I think a lot of people on these boards think it's fine to experiment or take drugs if the recent long thread about the 4:30 club is anything to go by. But I want to ask you a parenting question:

Did you feel it was ok to experiment before you had kids or when they were small? In other words, has this has been a long-held view?

Or did you decide you had to accept experiementation if you were to gain your son's trust? I understand that is the point of your post - the importance of mutual trust.

In otherwords, if you did not accept experimentation, do you think your son wouldn't have trusted you or trusted you less?

FWIW, I hope he stays away from drugs when traveling overseas. I wouldn't like to the consular officer calling to tell you you he's been arrested and put in jail. Ane in some places, not likely to be released for years. Or died in a hospital with inadequate care because while he was in an altered state he was robbed/beaten or drowned in a pool.

I looked for this thread with the search function and also scrolled back a few pages in this forum, and can't find this thread. Would you be able to suggest a few more words to search on? thanks!

[Anonymous]

OP here. So....3 years later. Here is the update:

I did NOT tell the other parents. My kid got involved. My kid now has a record for pot use in the state that he attends college. My kid is currently being drug tested by his school in order to keep his scholarship.

If I had to do it again, I would have come down harder.

It's never easy, and hindsight is 20/20, but that's where we are.

[Anonymous]

Was your kid arrested with the others for pot use? How did that happen? Did the school do anything after you reported the issue to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I looked for this thread with the search function and also scrolled back a few pages in this forum, and can't find this thread. Would you be able to suggest a few more words to search on? thanks!

Never mind! Just realized this thread is 3 years old....

[Anonymous]

My kid was the ONLY one arrested. He was in his dorm, alone, smoking pot and the cops knocked on his door. He got probation (both from the courts and from the school) and if he passes the drug tests for 6 months (3 tests total- one every 60 days or so but they are random) he can keep his scholarship and his housing and it's wiped from his criminal record. If he tests positive he loses his housing, his scholarship and the issue goes back to court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid was the ONLY one arrested. He was in his dorm, alone, smoking pot and the cops knocked on his door. He got probation (both from the courts and from the school) and if he passes the drug tests for 6 months (3 tests total- one every 60 days or so but they are random) he can keep his scholarship and his housing and it's wiped from his criminal record. If he tests positive he loses his housing, his scholarship and the issue goes back to court.

Given the amount of pot smoking that goes on in colleges, I am surprised by this. I believe you, but my sense is that most schools have a pretty hands off approach to personal use in private.

[Anonymous]

OP here. No, schools are fairly strict about it.

At UMCP, it's one and done. You lose your housing the 1st offense, no questions asked. My son goes to an out of state school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Did the drugstore test on my kid- he came out clean. He told me if he was going to do it, he could have, would have and has had ample opportunity and that I need to treat him as if he is responsible at let him choose his friends, because he has not "done anything wrong." Oh- and I obtained the information lurking on his facebook when he forgot to log out. I have known these kids since kindergarten. Sigh.

Fuck you, you're an evil parent.

More parents should be this evil. Stupid creep - are you dealing ?

Have you ever heard of invasion of privacy? Or respect for other people's privacy? It is morally wrong to snoop like that.

Um, my children should have no expectation of privacy in my house.

[Anonymous]

PP who read Facebook: How many friends does DC have? Scores? Hundreds? It's not a private space. He/she left the account open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not morally wrong if you TELL your child that you will be monitoring their facebook, texts and emails. It's called PARENTING.

Yeah, just like it would be fine if the government monitored all of your personal phone calls, emails, letters, and texts. Right? As long as they tell you they're doing it, it must be for your own good. They're the authority figure, which means they're always justified and correct..right?

Some of you guys sound ridiculous.

The government does not operate "in loco parentis" to adult citizens of the United States.

Parens do in fact operate "in loco parentis" to their own children, so the analogy you are making is flawed.

Um.... That phrase doesn't mean what you think it means. Parents don't act in PLACE of parents. They ARE parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those situations in which parents say they want to know, but typically, they really don't. Honestly, I don't know what I would do. It would really depend on my relationship with the parents. If I knew the parents well, I would say something. If I did not know the parents well, I am not sure I would say anything if I could avoid doing so. In my professional experience, parents tend to shoot the messenger when given this kind of news. My big problem would be my kid continuing to hang out with drug users. Sex, in my mind, is more manageable than drug use. There are so many more opportunities for an innocent bystander to get into serious trouble with drug users.

Wow...that is a great reason to get to know your kids' friends' parents!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So....3 years later. Here is the update:

I did NOT tell the other parents. My kid got involved. My kid now has a record for pot use in the state that he attends college. My kid is currently being drug tested by his school in order to keep his scholarship.

If I had to do it again, I would have come down harder.

It's never easy, and hindsight is 20/20, but that's where we are.

OMG, OP, I am so sorry to hear this. Thank you for posting this update. I just read the whole string - I'd wondered why an old thread had been resurrected.

Just curious: did you tell the school principal or did you ultimately trust your son's word that he would not get involved with what his friends were doing?

[Anonymous]

I would want to know, mainly so I could make absolutely certain that they knew that the jump from pot to other drugs was extremely dangerous. But that is a lesson we have taught since toddlerhood. I think the lesson that all drugs, including pot, are always bad is very very dangerous. Them again, I would like to postpone my child's usage of pot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. When my kid turns 18 and has graduated college than he would have earned the right of privacy. He is a CHILD. I am his PARENT. I am not a tyrant that has a kid that hates me- my son and I were able to discuss which kids are/were using, and what to do. He is as scared and confused as I am. FWIW, we (my son and I together) decided not to tell specific details to individual parents, but I did alert the principal to the goings on in the woods, and I spoke with some parents in the group and put the drugs-are-around-monitor-your-kid bug in their ears. I just hope that's enough.

+1

THANK YOU!