14 and 15 year olds- sex and drugs? Tell other parents or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Did the drugstore test on my kid- he came out clean. He told me if he was going to do it, he could have, would have and has had ample opportunity and that I need to treat him as if he is responsible at let him choose his friends, because he has not "done anything wrong." Oh- and I obtained the information lurking on his facebook when he forgot to log out. I have known these kids since kindergarten. Sigh.

Fuck you, you're an evil parent.

That's a bit strong, but the OP certainly seems to need to learn that "respect" is a two-way street.

I think the F bomber is a kid. My ds had to friend me to be able to get a facebook page. Now I wish I had demanded the password also. That way I could see what all his friends were saying too and I could tell their mothers.

How did DS have to friend you to get a facebook page? You asked him? Kids set these pages up with email accounts not affiliated with your msn, cox, etc. They commonly do a gmail account and remove traces . Gmail has a counter at the bottom of the page showing logins and ip addresses. If a parent gets wind of it they change accounts. Parents cinnaan set up their own FB and see some things like the profile pics BUT most kids use friends only privacy settings. With the advent of FB chat it all disappears and there is nothing to see even if you were on their FB.

So 1000 of their closest friends might know who your kid is doing drugs with, who they had random sex encounters with, see revealing photos, see the beer pong and passouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Did the drugstore test on my kid- he came out clean. He told me if he was going to do it, he could have, would have and has had ample opportunity and that I need to treat him as if he is responsible at let him choose his friends, because he has not "done anything wrong." Oh- and I obtained the information lurking on his facebook when he forgot to log out. I have known these kids since kindergarten. Sigh.

Fuck you, you're an evil parent.

That's a bit strong, but the OP certainly seems to need to learn that "respect" is a two-way street.

I think the F bomber is a kid. My ds had to friend me to be able to get a facebook page. Now I wish I had demanded the password also. That way I could see what all his friends were saying too and I could tell their mothers.

How did DS have to friend you to get a facebook page? You asked him? Kids set these pages up with email accounts not affiliated with your msn, cox, etc. They commonly do a gmail account and remove traces . Gmail has a counter at the bottom of the page showing logins and ip addresses. If a parent gets wind of it they change accounts. Parents cinnaan set up their own FB and see some things like the profile pics BUT most kids use friends only privacy settings. With the advent of FB chat it all disappears and there is nothing to see even if you were on their FB.

So 1000 of their closest friends might know who your kid is doing drugs with, who they had random sex encounters with, see revealing photos, see the beer pong and passouts.

Honestly, you're an awful parent if your kid is dumb enough to put pictures of himself "doing drugs, having random sexual encounters, revealing photos, beer pong, and pass-outs" on his facebook page. He shouldn't need you going on his facebook to double check to make sure he isn't doing those things. Frankly if you're THAT worried he is doing those things, then either you probably are a poor parent, or you're an invasive, over-anxious helicopter parent.

Seriously, since when did spying on your kid's every move become OK? I know it certainly wasn't when I was growing up. I really am disgusted when I hear about the lengths some parents think they're entitled to go to learn everything about their kid's activities. At some point you have to stop micromanaging and let your kids be independent, or else they'll never be able to function properly in the real world. It seems like half of the people here have no clue about that concept.

One last thing.. How do you think your kid would react if he learned you spied on his every move? He would be justifiably enraged, because it's a clear breach of respect. Some of you could use some reflection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Did the drugstore test on my kid- he came out clean. He told me if he was going to do it, he could have, would have and has had ample opportunity and that I need to treat him as if he is responsible at let him choose his friends, because he has not "done anything wrong." Oh- and I obtained the information lurking on his facebook when he forgot to log out. I have known these kids since kindergarten. Sigh.

Fuck you, you're an evil parent.

That's a bit strong, but the OP certainly seems to need to learn that "respect" is a two-way street.

I think the F bomber is a kid. My ds had to friend me to be able to get a facebook page. Now I wish I had demanded the password also. That way I could see what all his friends were saying too and I could tell their mothers.

How did DS have to friend you to get a facebook page? You asked him? Kids set these pages up with email accounts not affiliated with your msn, cox, etc. They commonly do a gmail account and remove traces . Gmail has a counter at the bottom of the page showing logins and ip addresses. If a parent gets wind of it they change accounts. Parents cinnaan set up their own FB and see some things like the profile pics BUT most kids use friends only privacy settings. With the advent of FB chat it all disappears and there is nothing to see even if you were on their FB.

So 1000 of their closest friends might know who your kid is doing drugs with, who they had random sex encounters with, see revealing photos, see the beer pong and passouts.

Honestly, you're an awful parent if your kid is dumb enough to put pictures of himself "doing drugs, having random sexual encounters, revealing photos, beer pong, and pass-outs" on his facebook page. He shouldn't need you going on his facebook to double check to make sure he isn't doing those things. Frankly if you're THAT worried he is doing those things, then either you probably are a poor parent, or you're an invasive, over-anxious helicopter parent.

Seriously, since when did spying on your kid's every move become OK? I know it certainly wasn't when I was growing up. I really am disgusted when I hear about the lengths some parents think they're entitled to go to learn everything about their kid's activities. At some point you have to stop micromanaging and let your kids be independent, or else they'll never be able to function properly in the real world. It seems like half of the people here have no clue about that concept.

One last thing.. How do you think your kid would react if he learned you spied on his every move? He would be justifiably enraged, because it's a clear breach of respect. Some of you could use some reflection.

Yeah, I'd agree. Reading your child's facebook is about as reasonable as putting a secret microphone on them before they go to school and listening to everything they say..

[Anonymous]

One last thing.. How do you think your kid would react if he learned you spied on his every move? He would be justifiably enraged, because it's a clear breach of respect. Some of you could use some reflection.

Not to pile on, but OP already said she administered a "drugstore test", which I can only assume is some sort of over-the-counter drug test, so I doubt it would come as a surprise in the least.

[Anonymous]

Under most circumstances I would agree that a child's (anyone under the age of 18 for this topic) privacy should be respected - no reading a diary, listening to phone calls etc.
However, in todays world, where information about a child can be made avaible to vast numbers of people with or without permission, requires guidance and supervision by parents. Growing up today is not like it was when we were growing up, we did not have to worry about pictures of indescretions being taken and passed around school. Its a reality and no offense to most teenagers but they do not have any idea about how conduct today may effect their life 5, 10 or 15 years later...Facebook is not a private a forum where a child should assume his or her parents will not snoop - that is telephone call, diary and perhaps notes and letters they may share with their friends. It is a parents responibility to guide their children through the different stages of their life, perhaps the hardest is the teenage years, and their their utmost to prtoect their childs reputation and safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Under most circumstances I would agree that a child's (anyone under the age of 18 for this topic) privacy should be respected - no reading a diary, listening to phone calls etc.
However, in todays world, where information about a child can be made avaible to vast numbers of people with or without permission, requires guidance and supervision by parents. Growing up today is not like it was when we were growing up, we did not have to worry about pictures of indescretions being taken and passed around school. Its a reality and no offense to most teenagers but they do not have any idea about how conduct today may effect their life 5, 10 or 15 years later...Facebook is not a private a forum where a child should assume his or her parents will not snoop - that is telephone call, diary and perhaps notes and letters they may share with their friends. It is a parents responibility to guide their children through the different stages of their life, perhaps the hardest is the teenage years, and their their utmost to prtoect their childs reputation and safety.

Facebook becomes a private forum when it comes to reading your child's PRIVATE messages. The messages that the OP admitted to reading were private messages that are not put on the kid's public facebook page. It's as much of a breach of privacy as reading a diary or listening to phone calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not morally wrong if you TELL your child that you will be monitoring their facebook, texts and emails. It's called PARENTING.

Yeah, just like it would be fine if the government monitored all of your personal phone calls, emails, letters, and texts. Right? As long as they tell you they're doing it, it must be for your own good. They're the authority figure, which means they're always justified and correct..right?

Some of you guys sound ridiculous.

The government does not operate "in loco parentis" to adult citizens of the United States.

Parens do in fact operate "in loco parentis" to their own children, so the analogy you are making is flawed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Under most circumstances I would agree that a child's (anyone under the age of 18 for this topic) privacy should be respected - no reading a diary, listening to phone calls etc.
However, in todays world, where information about a child can be made avaible to vast numbers of people with or without permission, requires guidance and supervision by parents. Growing up today is not like it was when we were growing up, we did not have to worry about pictures of indescretions being taken and passed around school. Its a reality and no offense to most teenagers but they do not have any idea about how conduct today may effect their life 5, 10 or 15 years later...Facebook is not a private a forum where a child should assume his or her parents will not snoop - that is telephone call, diary and perhaps notes and letters they may share with their friends. It is a parents responibility to guide their children through the different stages of their life, perhaps the hardest is the teenage years, and their their utmost to prtoect their childs reputation and safety.

Facebook becomes a private forum when it comes to reading your child's PRIVATE messages. The messages that the OP admitted to reading were private messages that are not put on the kid's public facebook page. It's as much of a breach of privacy as reading a diary or listening to phone calls.

Any child who posts information on his or her drug use and sex use, on Facebook, to 300 of his or her closest friends, has really got NO RIGHT to an expectation of privacy abotu that information. ANY of those 300 "friends" could share that information with anyone, at any time.

OP< personally I think you should share what you have heard with the parents of the other kids, if possible in a way that doesn't make your wown child a scapegoat. And you should share what you have learned with the school and anyone else necessary.

If your son loses half his friends because they are doing drugs and fooling around so be it. There is a time and a place for fooling around and getting wasted, and that is college.

[Anonymous]

I completely agree that there should be no expectation of privacy on Facebook. Make sure your kids know that. Better you find the drugs, sex, etc. messages than his/her potential employer.

[Anonymous]

So if something "bad" happens are you going to ask ...... where were the parent's? how did they not know what was happening in their own house?

[Anonymous]

But what if it's "just pot." Does that make a difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what if it's "just pot." Does that make a difference?

I think that's for the other parents to decide. But I think OP should tell them and let parents decide if they care or not.

If it were my kid, I'd be upset about pot use as well. I think that kids in high school who smoke pot (more than once or twice, I mean - kids who are into it) are doing so because they are bored, disengaged, upset, lonely, and aimless, have no sense of a goal.

I know my husband did a LOT of pot when he was in high school and college and only realized much later that he was self-medicating for depression.

If I found out my kids were smoking a lot of pot, I'd want to intervene and make sure that they were staying very busy with all sorts of activities, clubs, or volunteer work. If they want to bored and aimless, OK by me, but they'll have to do it in the 2 free hours a week that I allow them. If they can't find productive things to do with their time, I will help them find it.

[Anonymous]

However, in todays world...

Funny how it's *always* different in "today's world". Since the dawn of recorded history, always has been; always will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what if it's "just pot." Does that make a difference?

Yes

[Anonymous]

FWIW even if your child has friended you on facebook he/she can still make sure you don't see certain updates, pictures, etc. Might they be less likely to post the full deal still, sure, but don't think you're necessarily seeing it all.