14 and 15 year olds- sex and drugs? Tell other parents or not?

[Anonymous]

18:51 poster here.
PP, thanks for the insightful questions and respectful manner in which you're asking them.

To answer the first question: I have always had this view, probably because it's how my parents saw it as well. I got all my experimenting over with as a young adult in safe/stable environments with people I love and trust. For some addicted teens, much of the allure of drugs/alcohol stems from the illegality of the substance coupled with the strong restrictions from their parents; it's almost like a way of rebelling or seeking independence.

For the second question: well to answer it bluntly, no, it was not necessary to accept experimentation to gain my son's trust. I accepted it because I believe it's the right thing to do.

Regarding the FWIW...yes, one has to be careful when trying something like E overseas. But at a rave club that holds 12,000 people, most of whom are doing some sort of drug, taking a pill beforehand in the company of 3 good friends is hardly what I consider life-threatening.

[Anonymous]

Drugs, absolutely! Sex, no. There is no such thing as "safe drugs" but kids can engage in sex safely. While I'm not wild of the idea of 14 and 15 year olds having sex at all, if they are being responsible from the standpoint of protecting against STDs and pregnancy then I'm not objecting on a safety level and not outraged on a moral level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gain your child's trust. My son has realized over his years in high school that I'm here to support him and help him with whatever he needs and that I'm not here to be a ruthless detective. Some may disagree with me, but I truly think marijuana is harmless. Indeed, it can be a "gateway" drug, and it can be overused, but these things only happen when the user has some sort of social insecurity or high level of anxiety. Pot smoked in moderation, socially, is fine by me. I've also been okay with beer pong, so long as absolutely NOBODY who drinks drives. My son just graduated from a DC private, is playing varsity ball at a top
NESCAC school, and is very focused and happy. I attribute a lot of that to the fact that my husband and I let him make his own choices; in doing that, he learned a lot about himself. I'm also at ease because he is honest; he even told me he tried ecstasy when he went to Europe with his friends this summer. Yeah, I'm ready for the angry replies to this post about how dangerous all these substances are, but I stand by my viewpoint that experimenting is fine. I guess the point of this rambling and somewhat incoherent post is that the most important thing is to make sure your teenager understands that you're on his/her side. Mutual trust is truly the best way of keeping up with what's going on with your kid

Mutual trust is important and so is being a parent NOT a friend. Friendly parent but not a peer. Who is going to ensure that no one drives? Girls and beer pong with random BJ's in the furnace room. Ever hear the summer story about the guy who had sex with 1 of a group of friends at a beach hook-up and 2 weeks later walked through a party twirling a condom getting ready to do her friend out on the lawn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gain your child's trust. My son has realized over his years in high school that I'm here to support him and help him with whatever he needs and that I'm not here to be a ruthless detective. Some may disagree with me, but I truly think marijuana is harmless. Indeed, it can be a "gateway" drug, and it can be overused, but these things only happen when the user has some sort of social insecurity or high level of anxiety. Pot smoked in moderation, socially, is fine by me. I've also been okay with beer pong, so long as absolutely NOBODY who drinks drives. My son just graduated from a DC private, is playing varsity ball at a top
NESCAC school, and is very focused and happy. I attribute a lot of that to the fact that my husband and I let him make his own choices; in doing that, he learned a lot about himself. I'm also at ease because he is honest; he even told me he tried ecstasy when he went to Europe with his friends this summer. Yeah, I'm ready for the angry replies to this post about how dangerous all these substances are, but I stand by my viewpoint that experimenting is fine. I guess the point of this rambling and somewhat incoherent post is that the most important thing is to make sure your teenager understands that you're on his/her side. Mutual trust is truly the best way of keeping up with what's going on with your kid

Mutual trust is important and so is being a parent NOT a friend. Friendly parent but not a peer. Who is going to ensure that no one drives? Girls and beer pong with random BJ's in the furnace room. Ever hear the summer story about the guy who had sex with 1 of a group of friends at a beach hook-up and 2 weeks later walked through a party twirling a condom getting ready to do her friend out on the lawn?

wtf....?

[Anonymous]

The wtf...? is so fine a response to my post on what actually happens. The post I responded to reminds me of the attitude of cool guy parents. Most people on these boards seem to have little kids . That post obviously was from a BRO parent and guess what? I too have an older teen .

Perhaps I have even met this parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wtf...? is so fine a response to my post on what actually happens. The post I responded to reminds me of the attitude of cool guy parents. Most people on these boards seem to have little kids . That post obviously was from a BRO parent and guess what? I too have an older teen .

Perhaps I have even met this parent.

NP here.
I'd like to understand and try to follow what you're saying, but I just can't decipher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drugs, absolutely! Sex, no. There is no such thing as "safe drugs" but kids can engage in sex safely. While I'm not wild of the idea of 14 and 15 year olds having sex at all, if they are being responsible from the standpoint of protecting against STDs and pregnancy then I'm not objecting on a safety level and not outraged on a moral level.

I disagree with both drugs and sex. Drugs are obvious, they are illegal and they can, and do, lead to other, more harmful drugs. Also, I don't want my children to smoke any tobacco products. As far as sex is concerned, teenagers do not know how to handle the emotional aspect of sex and there is also no such thing as "safe sex." Boys don't want to use condoms and girls want to be popular and do whatever they are asked to do. This is frightening and very sad. Any parent who thinks it is all right for their teenage child to drink beer or alcoholic beverage is absolutely wrong and, furthermore, can be arrested for serving alcohol to minors; any parent who thinks it is all right for their teenagers to engage in what they call "safe sex" is an unfit parent. None of these things are all right. You are supposed to guide your children. Try being a parent not their friend.

Also, if you have to look on Facebook to find out what your child is doing, then do so. Maybe George Hugely would not have murdered if his parents had been vigilant in monitoring his activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drugs, absolutely! Sex, no. There is no such thing as "safe drugs" but kids can engage in sex safely. While I'm not wild of the idea of 14 and 15 year olds having sex at all, if they are being responsible from the standpoint of protecting against STDs and pregnancy then I'm not objecting on a safety level and not outraged on a moral level.

I disagree with both drugs and sex. Drugs are obvious, they are illegal and they can, and do, lead to other, more harmful drugs. Also, I don't want my children to smoke any tobacco products. As far as sex is concerned, teenagers do not know how to handle the emotional aspect of sex and there is also no such thing as "safe sex." Boys don't want to use condoms and girls want to be popular and do whatever they are asked to do. This is frightening and very sad. Any parent who thinks it is all right for their teenage child to drink beer or alcoholic beverage is absolutely wrong and, furthermore, can be arrested for serving alcohol to minors; any parent who thinks it is all right for their teenagers to engage in what they call "safe sex" is an unfit parent. None of these things are all right. You are supposed to guide your children. Try being a parent not their friend.

Also, if you have to look on Facebook to find out what your child is doing, then do so. Maybe George Hugely would not have murdered if his parents had been vigilant in monitoring his activities.

Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drugs, absolutely! Sex, no. There is no such thing as "safe drugs" but kids can engage in sex safely. While I'm not wild of the idea of 14 and 15 year olds having sex at all, if they are being responsible from the standpoint of protecting against STDs and pregnancy then I'm not objecting on a safety level and not outraged on a moral level.

I disagree with both drugs and sex. Drugs are obvious, they are illegal and they can, and do, lead to other, more harmful drugs. Also, I don't want my children to smoke any tobacco products. As far as sex is concerned, teenagers do not know how to handle the emotional aspect of sex and there is also no such thing as "safe sex." Boys don't want to use condoms and girls want to be popular and do whatever they are asked to do. This is frightening and very sad. Any parent who thinks it is all right for their teenage child to drink beer or alcoholic beverage is absolutely wrong and, furthermore, can be arrested for serving alcohol to minors; any parent who thinks it is all right for their teenagers to engage in what they call "safe sex" is an unfit parent. None of these things are all right. You are supposed to guide your children. Try being a parent not their friend.

Also, if you have to look on Facebook to find out what your child is doing, then do so. Maybe George Hugely would not have murdered if his parents had been vigilant in monitoring his activities.

Go away.

Why, because you feel guilty about what you allow your children to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drugs, absolutely! Sex, no. There is no such thing as "safe drugs" but kids can engage in sex safely. While I'm not wild of the idea of 14 and 15 year olds having sex at all, if they are being responsible from the standpoint of protecting against STDs and pregnancy then I'm not objecting on a safety level and not outraged on a moral level.

I disagree with both drugs and sex. Drugs are obvious, they are illegal and they can, and do, lead to other, more harmful drugs. Also, I don't want my children to smoke any tobacco products. As far as sex is concerned, teenagers do not know how to handle the emotional aspect of sex and there is also no such thing as "safe sex." Boys don't want to use condoms and girls want to be popular and do whatever they are asked to do. This is frightening and very sad. Any parent who thinks it is all right for their teenage child to drink beer or alcoholic beverage is absolutely wrong and, furthermore, can be arrested for serving alcohol to minors; any parent who thinks it is all right for their teenagers to engage in what they call "safe sex" is an unfit parent. None of these things are all right. You are supposed to guide your children. Try being a parent not their friend.

Also, if you have to look on Facebook to find out what your child is doing, then do so. Maybe George Hugely would not have murdered if his parents had been vigilant in monitoring his activities.

Go away.

Why, because you feel guilty about what you allow your children to do?

Wow, you've got me all figured out! Nice work, fellow DCUrbanMom enthusiast!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drugs, absolutely! Sex, no. There is no such thing as "safe drugs" but kids can engage in sex safely. While I'm not wild of the idea of 14 and 15 year olds having sex at all, if they are being responsible from the standpoint of protecting against STDs and pregnancy then I'm not objecting on a safety level and not outraged on a moral level.

I disagree with both drugs and sex. Drugs are obvious, they are illegal and they can, and do, lead to other, more harmful drugs. Also, I don't want my children to smoke any tobacco products. As far as sex is concerned, teenagers do not know how to handle the emotional aspect of sex and there is also no such thing as "safe sex." Boys don't want to use condoms and girls want to be popular and do whatever they are asked to do. This is frightening and very sad. Any parent who thinks it is all right for their teenage child to drink beer or alcoholic beverage is absolutely wrong and, furthermore, can be arrested for serving alcohol to minors; any parent who thinks it is all right for their teenagers to engage in what they call "safe sex" is an unfit parent. None of these things are all right. You are supposed to guide your children. Try being a parent not their friend.

Also, if you have to look on Facebook to find out what your child is doing, then do so. Maybe George Hugely would not have murdered if his parents had been vigilant in monitoring his activities.

Go away.

Why, because you feel guilty about what you allow your children to do?

Wow, you've got me all figured out! Nice work, fellow DCUrbanMom enthusiast!!

There is a huge difference in giving birth to a child and then being a parent to that child and teaching, guiding and hoping and praying you have been a wise parent because you want your children to be able to make decisions that will not have delitorious effects.

[Anonymous]

"deleterious" effects in case your wish to flame me for spelling error.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gain your child's trust. My son has realized over his years in high school that I'm here to support him and help him with whatever he needs and that I'm not here to be a ruthless detective. Some may disagree with me, but I truly think marijuana is harmless. Indeed, it can be a "gateway" drug, and it can be overused, but these things only happen when the user has some sort of social insecurity or high level of anxiety. Pot smoked in moderation, socially, is fine by me. I've also been okay with beer pong, so long as absolutely NOBODY who drinks drives. My son just graduated from a DC private, is playing varsity ball at a top
NESCAC school, and is very focused and happy. I attribute a lot of that to the fact that my husband and I let him make his own choices; in doing that, he learned a lot about himself. I'm also at ease because he is honest; he even told me he tried ecstasy when he went to Europe with his friends this summer. Yeah, I'm ready for the angry replies to this post about how dangerous all these substances are, but I stand by my viewpoint that experimenting is fine. I guess the point of this rambling and somewhat incoherent post is that the most important thing is to make sure your teenager understands that you're on his/her side. Mutual trust is truly the best way of keeping up with what's going on with your kid

You are the nightmare parent who doesn't seem to care about the LAW, getting expelled from school or the health and well being of others. Your son is damn lucky he is ok.

[Anonymous]

It is nuts for anyone to argue that a teen has a right to privacy on Facebook. It is NOT a private place. Texts are private. Journals are private. Facebook is not private.

I too think the poster who used the F word is a teen!

[Anonymous]

Teens are not little adults. They are hard-wired to make stupid, even life threatening choices. Should we hover and protect them from all their poor decisions? No. Should we step in when they are making illegal choices? Yes. It's called parenting!