14 and 15 year olds- sex and drugs? Tell other parents or not?

[Anonymous]

Some of my sons friends are using drugs and having sex. These are 14 and 15 year old kids.I am not "friends" with the parents of the involved, but we are friendly. Tell or don't tell? Repercussions to my kid, or safety of theirs? Would you want to know, or would you shoot the messenger? Am I obgligated to tell if I have info, or is it up to them to find out?

[Anonymous]

This is one of those situations in which parents say they want to know, but typically, they really don't. Honestly, I don't know what I would do. It would really depend on my relationship with the parents. If I knew the parents well, I would say something. If I did not know the parents well, I am not sure I would say anything if I could avoid doing so. In my professional experience, parents tend to shoot the messenger when given this kind of news. My big problem would be my kid continuing to hang out with drug users. Sex, in my mind, is more manageable than drug use. There are so many more opportunities for an innocent bystander to get into serious trouble with drug users.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My kid says that if he was not allowed to hang out with the users that he would have 1/2 the friends he has now. Apparently, like 60-70% of his friends use. It's pot. Purchased by other kids at school (17-18 year olds) at small (2, 3 or 4) gatherings after school and in the woods near the school (high school.) Apparently, you can get a baggie of pot for 8-10 bucks. Kids pool their money and share.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Did the drugstore test on my kid- he came out clean. He told me if he was going to do it, he could have, would have and has had ample opportunity and that I need to treat him as if he is responsible at let him choose his friends, because he has not "done anything wrong." Oh- and I obtained the information lurking on his facebook when he forgot to log out. I have known these kids since kindergarten. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Speaking as the parent of a 15-year-old, I would want to know. Perhaps you could protect yourself by saying "this may just be rumor, but I wanted you to know what was being said about X."

[Anonymous]

What about the principal or guidance counselor at school? if there is a drug issue, that might be a way to approach it. The principal could approach the parents.

And honestly, when and where are these 14/15 year olds getting high? They need more supervision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of my sons friends are using drugs and having sex. These are 14 and 15 year old kids.I am not "friends" with the parents of the involved, but we are friendly. Tell or don't tell? Repercussions to my kid, or safety of theirs? Would you want to know, or would you shoot the messenger? Am I obgligated to tell if I have info, or is it up to them to find out?

Your DS comes first . STD's are live and well including oral HPV from kissing. There are lots of trashy guys and girls but in my experience some teens/people with a sense of decency will inform a nice girl/guy to stay away. Do you think their parents care? or are they proud of the popularity?

[Anonymous]

OP here. There kids are not the "in" kids, popularity is not the issue. These are the "trying to fit in kids." Not unpopular, but the 2nd or 3rd tier of kids on the popularity ladder. I absolutely think the parents would care- but it's happening after school, while the parents are at work. These kids are too old for daycare. It's while they are hanging out after school in small groups, in shopping centers (well technically behind shopping centers) and in homes. I just don't want to hurt my kid by being the tattletale- but I also think these kids are way too young.

[Anonymous]

As the parent of a now college age kid who did have a drug problem, YES please tell. Turns out that our son's best friend's parents learned that our sons were smoking pot. Put their kid in counseling but never said a word to us.

With cell phones and the internet parents no longer know each other but it's so important to communicate.

[Anonymous]

Tell the parents.
Send an anonymous note to the school about drug dealing near school grounds.
Read this mamapundit.com.
Addiction happens.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely want to know if it were my kid smoking pot or having sex. However, if I were you, I would also be worried about my DS being outed as the tattletale. I like the idea of covering him by saying it might be a rumor vs. "my DS said your DS is using drugs."

[Anonymous]

Be a parent, raise your kids the way you want, not the way you want people to think of you or your kids.

Why do parents try to be friends with thier kids? They don't want that they want leadership.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speaking as the parent of a 15-year-old, I would want to know. Perhaps you could protect yourself by saying "this may just be rumor, but I wanted you to know what was being said about X."

About drugs or anything illegal, I would want to know, period.

About sex, I would hope my relationship is such that I can trust my child's judgment on whether to tell me. I would not want a parent I don't know talking to me about my child's rumored sex life.

[Anonymous]

I think a PP made a good point about drug dealing in the vicinity of school grounds. You can inform the school directly and they will deal with it -- this happened at our local high school (Blair) when kids were walking through the neighborhood committing minor vandalism and intimidating residents. The principal and staff got involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Did the drugstore test on my kid- he came out clean. He told me if he was going to do it, he could have, would have and has had ample opportunity and that I need to treat him as if he is responsible at let him choose his friends, because he has not "done anything wrong." Oh- and I obtained the information lurking on his facebook when he forgot to log out. I have known these kids since kindergarten. Sigh.

Fuck you, you're an evil parent.