Do you find it alluring if a man orders for you at a restaurant?

[Anonymous]

Once my male assistant ordered for me at a restaurant. He was quickly disabused of the idea that this was a good or proper thing to do.

[Anonymous]

How tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

Some men still know how to be men.

Gross. This has nothing to do with being a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

Some men still know how to be men.

What does this even mean? That some men are good at turning off modern independent women who want to be seen as equals and can speak for themselves?

[Anonymous]

I place my own orders when I dine out and don’t really understand why anyone would offer to do it for me. I didn’t think anyone does that IRL. I used to hate placing takeout orders over the phone, so I’d ask dh to do it. Now I’m the queen of DoorDash and do it all online. In a drive thru, I expect whoever is driving to place the order for everyone in the car.

[Anonymous]

Female here. I once suggested an ethnic restaurant and know the language, so I ordered for both of us. I thought maybe he’d like the touch of the special dishes I was able to order. Instead he seemed uncomfortable, and of course I ended up paying, not only the bill but also the relationship fizzled from there. I think many people just want to pick out what they want without interference. (But dang wouldn’t it be great if the guy was like - that was hot rather than feeling emasculated by this.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
One man with whom I had a relationship ordered for me the first time we went to a restaurant.; he asked if I would mind his ordering, with my telling him what I wanted. I told him, he suggested we add a particular appetizer, and then he ordered. We were at a restaurant where they knew him and were clearly extra attentive because of that, and it was frankly attractive to watch him act with such easy confidence. When we next ate out, I was going to pay, and I said I would like to order for us both. It became a thing between us, with the one paying being the one who ordered, and we both enjoyed a bit of showing off as we did it, and joked about it.

This is utterly baffling behavior to me. Why did he want to order for both of you? And why did that demonstrate "easy confidence?" It's a food order, not instructions on a rocket launch. I've never been to a restaurant with anyone who didn't have the "easy confidence" to place an order. Unless the bill of fare is in Uzbeki, your average American adult should be able to handle this competently.

If you find it offensive at its core, you won't get this aspect of ordering for someone else, and that's just fine. But this is, for those of us who liked it being done, not at all about whether we are "competent" enough to order food off a menu. Of course we are. We do, almost all the time. This is about some couples finding it a bit spoiling and old-fashioned. As for easy confidence, well, you'd have to know the man involved; it was indeed attractive to me. It wouldn't have been to you. As another PP posted above, it depends on the person and the circumstances.

And "Its a food order, not instructions on a rocket launch" rather misses the point. That's seeing ordering as very functional and mundane, which usually it is. But i"m not talking above about ordering an average meal in a regular restaurant on any old night with a date I've just met.

[Anonymous]

I think a man who has the social graces and awareness to understand when he's with a woman who appreciates this or when he's with a woman who doesn't is good man.

And I think all men who err on the side of not ordering for another when they don't know if it will be welcome are being prudent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Female here. I once suggested an ethnic restaurant and know the language, so I ordered for both of us. I thought maybe he’d like the touch of the special dishes I was able to order. Instead he seemed uncomfortable, and of course I ended up paying, not only the bill but also the relationship fizzled from there. I think many people just want to pick out what they want without interference. (But dang wouldn’t it be great if the guy was like - that was hot rather than feeling emasculated by this.)

Ordering in Amharic or whatever is one thing. Pretty cool party trick. But why did you pay for dinner too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Female here. I once suggested an ethnic restaurant and know the language, so I ordered for both of us. I thought maybe he’d like the touch of the special dishes I was able to order. Instead he seemed uncomfortable, and of course I ended up paying, not only the bill but also the relationship fizzled from there. I think many people just want to pick out what they want without interference. (But dang wouldn’t it be great if the guy was like - that was hot rather than feeling emasculated by this.)

Did you not discuss it with him before you ordered? I would be pretty upset if this was sprung on me, and it would be an absolute red flag for a relationship. What are freedoms are going to be taken without notice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
One man with whom I had a relationship ordered for me the first time we went to a restaurant.; he asked if I would mind his ordering, with my telling him what I wanted. I told him, he suggested we add a particular appetizer, and then he ordered. We were at a restaurant where they knew him and were clearly extra attentive because of that, and it was frankly attractive to watch him act with such easy confidence. When we next ate out, I was going to pay, and I said I would like to order for us both. It became a thing between us, with the one paying being the one who ordered, and we both enjoyed a bit of showing off as we did it, and joked about it.

This is utterly baffling behavior to me. Why did he want to order for both of you? And why did that demonstrate "easy confidence?" It's a food order, not instructions on a rocket launch. I've never been to a restaurant with anyone who didn't have the "easy confidence" to place an order. Unless the bill of fare is in Uzbeki, your average American adult should be able to handle this competently.

If you find it offensive at its core, you won't get this aspect of ordering for someone else, and that's just fine. But this is, for those of us who liked it being done, not at all about whether we are "competent" enough to order food off a menu. Of course we are. We do, almost all the time. This is about some couples finding it a bit spoiling and old-fashioned. As for easy confidence, well, you'd have to know the man involved; it was indeed attractive to me. It wouldn't have been to you. As another PP posted above, it depends on the person and the circumstances.

And "Its a food order, not instructions on a rocket launch" rather misses the point. That's seeing ordering as very functional and mundane, which usually it is. But i"m not talking above about ordering an average meal in a regular restaurant on any old night with a date I've just met.

Pray tell, what was so special about this restaurant? French Laundry-level expense? In a foreign country where you don't speak the language? Did he cut your food for you as well, and spoon it into your mouth? Did he tell you if you were a really good girl and ate all your vegetables, you'd get a yummy dessert?

[Anonymous]

Hate it -- but I do expect a man to gesture or otherwise ensure that the server takes orders from the ladies first.

I really find annoying when the server arrives and a man at the table just starts barking out what he wants -- usually without even making eye contact with the server.

I have a few couple friends that include men like that. Grates on my nerves every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's Point Four in Damone's Five Point Plan. Men have died trying to get this information, but I'll post it here for free:

One: Never let on how much you like a girl.

Two: Always call the shots.

Three: Act like wherever you are, that's the place to be.

Four: When ordering food, find out what she wants and then order for both of you... it's a classy move.

Five: When you get down to making out, whenever possible, put on the first side of Led Zeppelin IV.

If memory serves, Kashmir (from Physical Graffiti, not Zeppelin IV) is playing in this scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
One man with whom I had a relationship ordered for me the first time we went to a restaurant.; he asked if I would mind his ordering, with my telling him what I wanted. I told him, he suggested we add a particular appetizer, and then he ordered. We were at a restaurant where they knew him and were clearly extra attentive because of that, and it was frankly attractive to watch him act with such easy confidence. When we next ate out, I was going to pay, and I said I would like to order for us both. It became a thing between us, with the one paying being the one who ordered, and we both enjoyed a bit of showing off as we did it, and joked about it.

This is utterly baffling behavior to me. Why did he want to order for both of you? And why did that demonstrate "easy confidence?" It's a food order, not instructions on a rocket launch. I've never been to a restaurant with anyone who didn't have the "easy confidence" to place an order. Unless the bill of fare is in Uzbeki, your average American adult should be able to handle this competently.

If you find it offensive at its core, you won't get this aspect of ordering for someone else, and that's just fine. But this is, for those of us who liked it being done, not at all about whether we are "competent" enough to order food off a menu. Of course we are. We do, almost all the time. This is about some couples finding it a bit spoiling and old-fashioned. As for easy confidence, well, you'd have to know the man involved; it was indeed attractive to me. It wouldn't have been to you. As another PP posted above, it depends on the person and the circumstances.

And "Its a food order, not instructions on a rocket launch" rather misses the point. That's seeing ordering as very functional and mundane, which usually it is. But i"m not talking above about ordering an average meal in a regular restaurant on any old night with a date I've just met.

Pray tell, what was so special about this restaurant? French Laundry-level expense? In a foreign country where you don't speak the language? Did he cut your food for you as well, and spoon it into your mouth? Did he tell you if you were a really good girl and ate all your vegetables, you'd get a yummy dessert?

Strange how invested you are in insulting, at a hysterical fever pitch, a total stranger who has different experiences from your own. You seem quite angry that I might do something you would choose not to do. Did I offend all of womankind by not screaming that I must order for myself or the world would end? Or perhaps you're upset that I indicated we ate at a place that was not average enough for you.

And you missed the part in my first post where I noted that when we went out and I paid, I ordered for us both, after he did it the first time, when he paid. We actually both had senses of humor, and weren't touchy and easily triggered like you apparently are. Grown-ups, you see.

Plenty of yummy desserts all around, thank you for asking.

[Anonymous]

NO