The opposite of overscheduled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol right now my seven year old has nothing. He does do nothing just because it’s not organized. He spends two hours running around outside and playing, building, exploring with friends in the woods after school these days. We’ll do swimming and soccer in the spring. In the meantime, I think he’s learning a lot more and having a lot more fun with his free time.

*doesn’t do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly why do you care?

Honestly why did you post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol right now my seven year old has nothing. He does do nothing just because it’s not organized. He spends two hours running around outside and playing, building, exploring with friends in the woods after school these days. We’ll do swimming and soccer in the spring. In the meantime, I think he’s learning a lot more and having a lot more fun with his free time.

Then you aren’t the kind of parent OP is talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So UMC parents fall into two categories in my observations: Majority are those that do a ton a ton of enrichment and activists, because they believe it will keep their child engaged and accelerated. Then there is the other category that does the opposite. Sort of like the free range parent, unschool philosophy, or just let them be humans. They don’t schedule things because they want (hope) their kinds will follow whatever interests them in their house and come up with creative ways to use their time.

There are parents who overschedule and parents who underschedule. Some come at it from a healthy perspective and some don’t, on either side. For every parent wanting to keep a child engaged and thrive, there is another who craves family time and creativity. On the flip side, there are parents who can’t be bothered or put their own priorities’ first, on either side.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Free time is important; you don’t know how to use it as an adult if you didn’t have it as a child. A lot of the carting kids around to activities is to satisfy parents’ anxieties (and their not knowing what to do with any free time they may have). I don’t want my kid viewing kids under that kind of pressure as relevant peers.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So UMC parents fall into two categories in my observations: Majority are those that do a ton a ton of enrichment and activists, because they believe it will keep their child engaged and accelerated. Then there is the other category that does the opposite. Sort of like the free range parent, unschool philosophy, or just let them be humans. They don’t schedule things because they want (hope) their kinds will follow whatever interests them in their house and come up with creative ways to use their time.

There are parents who overschedule and parents who underschedule. Some come at it from a healthy perspective and some don’t, on either side. For every parent wanting to keep a child engaged and thrive, there is another who craves family time and creativity. On the flip side, there are parents who can’t be bothered or put their own priorities’ first, on either side.

Is there really such a thing as underscheduled? What does that even mean? I think that it's far more detrimental for kids to be overscheduled.

Yes I think kids can be under scheduled but it’s going to depend on the neighborhood (are there kids around?), the age (middle school kids need more than younger elementary) and what’s offered at that particular school (athletics, instruments, art).

Having a neighborhood helps for sure, but I always wondered why ppl say middle school kids need more? Are they not allowed to play with their neighborhood friends? Are they some how less deserving of fun and being a kid? I realize it is neighborhood dependent. I just feel like kids elementary and middle are really overscheduled and don't get enough of free play. I also do not understand why middle school kids seemingly aren't allowed to.

This has nothing to do with no allowing free play, it’s about recognizing that middle schoolers are more advanced. They are transitioning out of a toy based play phase and their social development have different needs. There’s a reason that extracurricular options are wider in middle compared with elementary schools; kids are capable of more at those ages.

Yes, they may be getting older and things change a little bit, but overscheduling is still a big problem. There is nothing wrong with encouraging free play to MS kids. Kids don't get nearly enough of it imo. Nothing wrong with kids not wanting to end their childhood play so early.

This post is about underscheduling.

Yes, and I pointed out that i don't believe that there really is such a thing as underschedulimg. But, overscheduling is a problem for at least some.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure that they haven't tried organized activities just for the kids to quit after not even really giving it a chance? My son is the type to want to try everything and if he shows interest in something, I am all for giving it a try. Sometimes it has worked and he sticks with it but there have been other times that he "really" wants to do something only to refuse to go after the first time. So now I limit it to things that I know he will actually do. I'm tired of wasting my money on his whims.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. Those types of parents drive me crazy when they can't give up their own free time for their kids. I work a ton, and it's not really my idea of a good time to sit in a waiting room, my car or a ball field most weeknights and weekends, but I will definitely do it for my DD.

I have two neighbor mom friends who side eye us hard about how busy our DD is. They make some pretty passive aggressive comments about it. But she asks to do more. She does about 6 hours a week on one activity, just asked to add another 2 hours, plus she will add a weekend sport in the spring. I constantly check in to make sure it's not too much and she says it's not. Plus, that activity is her social circle now, so it's also time with friends.

I personally look at it like she's learning life skills (time management, commitment, etc) and better than sitting in front of a TV or a device.

I just can't stand the superiority of those that intentionally won't let their kids do activities when they have the time and money. They are doing their kids a disservice because once they make it to middle school and decide "hey I want to go out for X sport" it's probably too late because most of those kids have been doing that sport for years already. It's just not like how it was when we were growing up. And you can fight it all you want (I wish it was a little more chill as well!!) but that's not going to change anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol right now my seven year old has nothing. He does do nothing just because it’s not organized. He spends two hours running around outside and playing, building, exploring with friends in the woods after school these days. We’ll do swimming and soccer in the spring. In the meantime, I think he’s learning a lot more and having a lot more fun with his free time.

Then you aren’t the kind of parent OP is talking about.

Well he hasn't had anything for months. And soccer is 1x/week. Swimming is just lessons, not swim team or anything. Once he's a stronger swimmer, we'll be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. Those types of parents drive me crazy when they can't give up their own free time for their kids. I work a ton, and it's not really my idea of a good time to sit in a waiting room, my car or a ball field most weeknights and weekends, but I will definitely do it for my DD.

I have two neighbor mom friends who side eye us hard about how busy our DD is. They make some pretty passive aggressive comments about it. But she asks to do more. She does about 6 hours a week on one activity, just asked to add another 2 hours, plus she will add a weekend sport in the spring. I constantly check in to make sure it's not too much and she says it's not. Plus, that activity is her social circle now, so it's also time with friends.

I personally look at it like she's learning life skills (time management, commitment, etc) and better than sitting in front of a TV or a device.

I just can't stand the superiority of those that intentionally won't let their kids do activities when they have the time and money. They are doing their kids a disservice because once they make it to middle school and decide "hey I want to go out for X sport" it's probably too late because most of those kids have been doing that sport for years already. It's just not like how it was when we were growing up. And you can fight it all you want (I wish it was a little more chill as well!!) but that's not going to change anything.

Work on your own insecurity, guilt, and obsessive need to compare yourself favorably to others. Your DD will pick up on your attitude toward life and then she will become a miserable adult like you because she thinks that's the correct way to parent, and that any lifestyle other than the hamster wheel you're on is failure. Also, expand your horizons so that you don't assume the only two choices for children are organized activities or screens. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can somebody explain the philosophy behind having no organized activities or enrichment (music lessons, language lessons, or tutoring) for your child? I'm talking about situations where there is plenty of money to pay for them and the child has requested them. Parents don't work unreasonable hours, so it's not a question of time. They just never get around to signing up for music lessons, soccer teams, art camps, chess clubs, sailing lessons, etc... I know that most people consider the UMC kids of the DMV to be overscheduled. But it doesn't seem any more healthy to do no activities or zero enrichment. These are not free range kids either. They don't have any interest in exploring more than their own street nor would the parents allow that.

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. Those types of parents drive me crazy when they can't give up their own free time for their kids. I work a ton, and it's not really my idea of a good time to sit in a waiting room, my car or a ball field most weeknights and weekends, but I will definitely do it for my DD.

I have two neighbor mom friends who side eye us hard about how busy our DD is. They make some pretty passive aggressive comments about it. But she asks to do more. She does about 6 hours a week on one activity, just asked to add another 2 hours, plus she will add a weekend sport in the spring. I constantly check in to make sure it's not too much and she says it's not. Plus, that activity is her social circle now, so it's also time with friends.

I personally look at it like she's learning life skills (time management, commitment, etc) and better than sitting in front of a TV or a device.

I just can't stand the superiority of those that intentionally won't let their kids do activities when they have the time and money. They are doing their kids a disservice because once they make it to middle school and decide "hey I want to go out for X sport" it's probably too late because most of those kids have been doing that sport for years already. It's just not like how it was when we were growing up. And you can fight it all you want (I wish it was a little more chill as well!!) but that's not going to change anything.

Work on your own insecurity, guilt, and obsessive need to compare yourself favorably to others. Your DD will pick up on your attitude toward life and then she will become a miserable adult like you because she thinks that's the correct way to parent, and that any lifestyle other than the hamster wheel you're on is failure. Also, expand your horizons so that you don't assume the only two choices for children are organized activities or screens. Best of luck to you.

So smug

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. Those types of parents drive me crazy when they can't give up their own free time for their kids. I work a ton, and it's not really my idea of a good time to sit in a waiting room, my car or a ball field most weeknights and weekends, but I will definitely do it for my DD.

I have two neighbor mom friends who side eye us hard about how busy our DD is. They make some pretty passive aggressive comments about it. But she asks to do more. She does about 6 hours a week on one activity, just asked to add another 2 hours, plus she will add a weekend sport in the spring. I constantly check in to make sure it's not too much and she says it's not. Plus, that activity is her social circle now, so it's also time with friends.

I personally look at it like she's learning life skills (time management, commitment, etc) and better than sitting in front of a TV or a device.

I just can't stand the superiority of those that intentionally won't let their kids do activities when they have the time and money. They are doing their kids a disservice because once they make it to middle school and decide "hey I want to go out for X sport" it's probably too late because most of those kids have been doing that sport for years already. It's just not like how it was when we were growing up. And you can fight it all you want (I wish it was a little more chill as well!!) but that's not going to change anything.

Just because parents may have the time/money to let their kids do certain activities doesn't mean it's a good idea. I personally wouldn't tell my own kids that they aren't allowed activities at all, but they won't be able to do just anything and that's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. Those types of parents drive me crazy when they can't give up their own free time for their kids. I work a ton, and it's not really my idea of a good time to sit in a waiting room, my car or a ball field most weeknights and weekends, but I will definitely do it for my DD.

I have two neighbor mom friends who side eye us hard about how busy our DD is. They make some pretty passive aggressive comments about it. But she asks to do more. She does about 6 hours a week on one activity, just asked to add another 2 hours, plus she will add a weekend sport in the spring. I constantly check in to make sure it's not too much and she says it's not. Plus, that activity is her social circle now, so it's also time with friends.

I personally look at it like she's learning life skills (time management, commitment, etc) and better than sitting in front of a TV or a device.

I just can't stand the superiority of those that intentionally won't let their kids do activities when they have the time and money. They are doing their kids a disservice because once they make it to middle school and decide "hey I want to go out for X sport" it's probably too late because most of those kids have been doing that sport for years already. It's just not like how it was when we were growing up. And you can fight it all you want (I wish it was a little more chill as well!!) but that's not going to change anything.

Work on your own insecurity, guilt, and obsessive need to compare yourself favorably to others. Your DD will pick up on your attitude toward life and then she will become a miserable adult like you because she thinks that's the correct way to parent, and that any lifestyle other than the hamster wheel you're on is failure. Also, expand your horizons so that you don't assume the only two choices for children are organized activities or screens. Best of luck to you.

So smug

Not the poster, but it's not smug. So many people say they put their kids in organized activities, keep them busy as they say so that they stay off screens. Screens or activities are not the only two options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. Those types of parents drive me crazy when they can't give up their own free time for their kids. I work a ton, and it's not really my idea of a good time to sit in a waiting room, my car or a ball field most weeknights and weekends, but I will definitely do it for my DD.

I have two neighbor mom friends who side eye us hard about how busy our DD is. They make some pretty passive aggressive comments about it. But she asks to do more. She does about 6 hours a week on one activity, just asked to add another 2 hours, plus she will add a weekend sport in the spring. I constantly check in to make sure it's not too much and she says it's not. Plus, that activity is her social circle now, so it's also time with friends.

I personally look at it like she's learning life skills (time management, commitment, etc) and better than sitting in front of a TV or a device.

I just can't stand the superiority of those that intentionally won't let their kids do activities when they have the time and money. They are doing their kids a disservice because once they make it to middle school and decide "hey I want to go out for X sport" it's probably too late because most of those kids have been doing that sport for years already. It's just not like how it was when we were growing up. And you can fight it all you want (I wish it was a little more chill as well!!) but that's not going to change anything.

Work on your own insecurity, guilt, and obsessive need to compare yourself favorably to others. Your DD will pick up on your attitude toward life and then she will become a miserable adult like you because she thinks that's the correct way to parent, and that any lifestyle other than the hamster wheel you're on is failure. Also, expand your horizons so that you don't assume the only two choices for children are organized activities or screens. Best of luck to you.

So smug

Not the poster, but it's not smug. So many people say they put their kids in organized activities, keep them busy as they say so that they stay off screens. Screens or activities are not the only two options.

I agree with this (NP) and I really dislike the argument that the only way to keep kids off screens is to schedule their every waking hour. Also: it's not true.

A kid who is very scheduled will get used to always having a distraction. If your child is never forced to entertain themselves for any substantial length of time, they will become the kind of adult who feels nervous and uncomfortable whenever they are not occupied. And that is the sort of the adult who is most likely to become addicted to their phone or tablet, because it's something to "do" during all the parts of life that are boring. Like, just as a for instance, when your kid is at swim class and you are stuck waiting for them to be done.

I don't think my kid is under scheduled, but I 100% schedule "nothing" into her life to ensure that she develops the ability to entertain herself when bored in ways that don't involve screens. Like when I was booking summer camp, I purposefully booked two weeks without camp that I've told her are "mom weeks" -- we're going to do some stuff (library visits, pool, go to the movies, outings with friends) but there will be swaths of each day that are unscheduled. She's got books and toys, she enjoys art, she gets to decide how to spend that time but screen access will be limited. I want her to grow up to be a person who can take a week off and find fun things to do but also knows how to relax have down time.

Same thing with after school. She has some activities but there are always a couple days a week where she has nothing scheduled after school and she is too old for aftercare. She comes home, gets herself a snack, and finds stuff to do. Sometimes she comes to me and says "I'm booooored, what should I do" and I say "That sounds tough but I don't know. I'm finishing work now and you are welcome to help me with dinner when I'm done, but I guess you've just got to find something to do right now." She whines about it, but she finds stuff to do. We've also learned some interesting things about her, like if there is music playing in the house, she has an easier time entertaining herself. That's a useful life lesson she can take with her to adulthood that she would never have gotten out of two extra days of scheduled activities.