The opposite of overscheduled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"DH and I are at work when the kids (MS & HS) get home. So, no, we “cannot be bothered” to … not have jobs?"

Most UMC parents have the types of jobs where you can leave the office at 4 to get your kids and then work on your home computer after dinner. That's how we did it while our kids were in K-12.

Wow. What? There are so few jobs like this. How can you say “most UMC parents” have a job like this? That is a ridiculous amount of privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"DH and I are at work when the kids (MS & HS) get home. So, no, we “cannot be bothered” to … not have jobs?"

Most UMC parents have the types of jobs where you can leave the office at 4 to get your kids and then work on your home computer after dinner. That's how we did it while our kids were in K-12.

Wow. What? There are so few jobs like this. How can you say “most UMC parents” have a job like this? That is a ridiculous amount of privilege.

+1. People in the DMV need to get their heads out of their asses and see how the rest of America works, because it’s not this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"DH and I are at work when the kids (MS & HS) get home. So, no, we “cannot be bothered” to … not have jobs?"

Most UMC parents have the types of jobs where you can leave the office at 4 to get your kids and then work on your home computer after dinner. That's how we did it while our kids were in K-12.

Wow. What? There are so few jobs like this. How can you say “most UMC parents” have a job like this? That is a ridiculous amount of privilege.

+1. People in the DMV need to get their heads out of their asses and see how the rest of America works, because it’s not this.

Long work days don’t prevent extracurriculars on the weekend. This post is about parents who have the money and children that want to do the activities.

[Anonymous]

I was an over scheduled child. It sucked.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Can somebody explain the philosophy behind having no organized activities or enrichment (music lessons, language lessons, or tutoring) for your child? I'm talking about situations where there is plenty of money to pay for them and the child has requested them. Parents don't work unreasonable hours, so it's not a question of time. They just never get around to signing up for music lessons, soccer teams, art camps, chess clubs, sailing lessons, etc... I know that most people consider the UMC kids of the DMV to be overscheduled. But it doesn't seem any more healthy to do no activities or zero enrichment. These are not free range kids either. They don't have any interest in exploring more than their own street nor would the parents allow that.

Music lessons? Like the kind where you pay a zillion dollars for lessons but getting kid to practice turns into a battle so it's a big money sink?
Language lessons? What kid asks for or enjoys that?
Tutoring? You know some kids are smart and don't need tutors?

Our kids don't do activities because we work full time, and they spend 9-10 hours a day in school+aftercare, and we are all tired at the end of the day. They are learning piano using an app on their ipads. They don't like playing sports. They do art and creative activities constantly at home. I'm not sure what you think is going to happen to them if they don't have sailing lessons.

MCPS and other school systems offer free tutoring even for smart kids, like mine.
Language lessons - mine asks for it.
Music lessons - yes we battle to practice but when we suggest stopping them kid gets upset.

It sounds like it's really about you, no the kids. They might enjoy an art class, for example. You don't learn piano on an app. Funny how screen time is ok but activities are not. Its really you are tired and cannot be bothered.

I find a lot of families whose children do few or zero ECs take up a lot of that time with screen time. I had a conversation recently with a mom and she just told me straight up that she did zero activities growing up and it was fine for her so she's not planning on her kids doing many/any. She said she doesn't want to have to drive them and sit there while they do whatever it is. I don't relate to this but also my kids wouldn't be happy with so much at home time.
I would also honestly worry about college admissions. I went to a private college but a lot of people in our social group went to the highly ranked, cheap public university and seem to assume their kids will easily be able to follow suit. I think admission was a different ballgame 25 years ago, but it doesn't seem likely to get in now with zero ECs.

So we are over scheduling elementary school kids because of parental anxiety about college admissions?

I guess if your idea of "overscheduling" involves your child participating in at least one activity, then yes.
IME if kids do zero activities through elementary and middle school they don't tend to be super involved in meaningful activities in HS (and beyond).

[Anonymous]

Our friends did that until they got divorced. Now dad is getting them into activities. My son was their kid's only close friend. Mom would lament to me that her DD didn't have any female friends. When I suggested she try out a place that has a wide variety of classes (dance, ninja, gymnastics, theater, art), she reacted in near disgust. "Ugh, that's too much time. We want to spend weekends as a family."

It was a strange controlling dynamic in that family - mom seemed disapproving of most other families because they didn't parent exactly the same as her. Yet she wished her kids had more friends. Well...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was an over scheduled child. It sucked.

I was an under scheduled child. It sucked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was an over scheduled child. It sucked.

I was an under scheduled child. It sucked.

Me too. I think there is a sweet spot in the middle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was an over scheduled child. It sucked.

I was an under scheduled child. It sucked.

Me too. I think there is a sweet spot in the middle.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High school kids do workout videos alone at home?! I've seriously never heard of such a thing. And yes, I find that really odd. I'm not sure why, but I do. I get the sense that this isn't a member of the football team trying to bulk up in the off-season in his backyard with a weight set.

Learning to play piano alone using an app on a device? You don't play an instrument, do you?

I do not play an instrument, and I’m trying to fathom how I’ve been harmed.
My family could not afford music lessons growing up. My brother taught himself to play guitar as an adult, and now he writes songs and plays in a band.

NP. Harmed isn’t the right word. That being said, there are documented, lifelong cognitive benefits to learning an instrument in childhood, including later appreciation and processing of music, memory, attention span and protection against age related neural decline.

The studies you refer to are likely confounded by the fact that wealthy kids with other andvantages are more likely to take music lessons. I managed to get a full academic scholarship to college and a PhD in neuroscience without musical training. But by all means, keep forcing your kid to play that violin in hopes that they get an extra IQ point or two.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:So UMC parents fall into two categories in my observations: Majority are those that do a ton a ton of enrichment and activists, because they believe it will keep their child engaged and accelerated. Then there is the other category that does the opposite. Sort of like the free range parent, unschool philosophy, or just let them be humans. They don’t schedule things because they want (hope) their kinds will follow whatever interests them in their house and come up with creative ways to use their time.

There are parents who overschedule and parents who underschedule. Some come at it from a healthy perspective and some don’t, on either side. For every parent wanting to keep a child engaged and thrive, there is another who craves family time and creativity. On the flip side, there are parents who can’t be bothered or put their own priorities’ first, on either side.

Is there really such a thing as underscheduled? What does that even mean? I think that it's far more detrimental for kids to be overscheduled.

+1 there is no such thing as 'underscheduled' if the child does some form of schooling other than unschooling, and the vast majority of kids go to school. school is plenty demanding for many children. underscheduled is just a term made up by overscheduling parents to make themselves feel better about stealing all their kids' free time.

Yeah, summer is the one time where I could see there being a such thing as "underscheduled." Most kids need activities or camps of some kind in the summer to avoid sitting around and watching TV all day.

I've observed the camps in my area (they are in the public parks where anyone can visit) and they are all Lord of the Flies situations "supervised" by a couple of teenagers who are looking at their phones. Kids go missing every year (they always end up found, usually trying to walk home.)

I used to tell myself I'd never send my kid to one of those camps,.. I remember seeing the Lord of the flies at the park too. But last summer, my options were few are so I signed him up for the very camp I was always so opposed to. He had 2 good friends there, so I wasn't worried that he'd be one of the kids sitting alone amongst the chaos. I also realized that the outdoor free play time was only a small portion of the day. They also did swim lessons, crafts, stem activities, field trips, cooking class, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our friends did that until they got divorced. Now dad is getting them into activities. My son was their kid's only close friend. Mom would lament to me that her DD didn't have any female friends. When I suggested she try out a place that has a wide variety of classes (dance, ninja, gymnastics, theater, art), she reacted in near disgust. "Ugh, that's too much time. We want to spend weekends as a family."

It was a strange controlling dynamic in that family - mom seemed disapproving of most other families because they didn't parent exactly the same as her. Yet she wished her kids had more friends. Well...

I always heard that line as an underscheduled kid "Weekends are family time." We spent every weekend taking day trips to quaint little towns, antique shopping, on our boat in the middle of the lake...and I was bored to death!!! My parents were in 30-something heaven and I just sat there reading my comic books and wishing I was in an activity with other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High school kids do workout videos alone at home?! I've seriously never heard of such a thing. And yes, I find that really odd. I'm not sure why, but I do. I get the sense that this isn't a member of the football team trying to bulk up in the off-season in his backyard with a weight set.

Learning to play piano alone using an app on a device? You don't play an instrument, do you?

I do not play an instrument, and I’m trying to fathom how I’ve been harmed.
My family could not afford music lessons growing up. My brother taught himself to play guitar as an adult, and now he writes songs and plays in a band.

NP. Harmed isn’t the right word. That being said, there are documented, lifelong cognitive benefits to learning an instrument in childhood, including later appreciation and processing of music, memory, attention span and protection against age related neural decline.

The studies you refer to are likely confounded by the fact that wealthy kids with other andvantages are more likely to take music lessons. I managed to get a full academic scholarship to college and a PhD in neuroscience without musical training. But by all means, keep forcing your kid to play that violin in hopes that they get an extra IQ point or two.

You do realize that some kids choose it, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High school kids do workout videos alone at home?! I've seriously never heard of such a thing. And yes, I find that really odd. I'm not sure why, but I do. I get the sense that this isn't a member of the football team trying to bulk up in the off-season in his backyard with a weight set.

Learning to play piano alone using an app on a device? You don't play an instrument, do you?

I do not play an instrument, and I’m trying to fathom how I’ve been harmed.
My family could not afford music lessons growing up. My brother taught himself to play guitar as an adult, and now he writes songs and plays in a band.

NP. Harmed isn’t the right word. That being said, there are documented, lifelong cognitive benefits to learning an instrument in childhood, including later appreciation and processing of music, memory, attention span and protection against age related neural decline.

The studies you refer to are likely confounded by the fact that wealthy kids with other andvantages are more likely to take music lessons. I managed to get a full academic scholarship to college and a PhD in neuroscience without musical training. But by all means, keep forcing your kid to play that violin in hopes that they get an extra IQ point or two.

No, they are adjusted for SES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our friends did that until they got divorced. Now dad is getting them into activities. My son was their kid's only close friend. Mom would lament to me that her DD didn't have any female friends. When I suggested she try out a place that has a wide variety of classes (dance, ninja, gymnastics, theater, art), she reacted in near disgust. "Ugh, that's too much time. We want to spend weekends as a family."

It was a strange controlling dynamic in that family - mom seemed disapproving of most other families because they didn't parent exactly the same as her. Yet she wished her kids had more friends. Well...

I always heard that line as an underscheduled kid "Weekends are family time." We spent every weekend taking day trips to quaint little towns, antique shopping, on our boat in the middle of the lake...and I was bored to death!!! My parents were in 30-something heaven and I just sat there reading my comic books and wishing I was in an activity with other kids.

My parents dragged us to their stuff and pretended it was for us. It was never for or about us as they never considered what we'd enjoy doing. Then, they wondered why I pulled away and preferred being with my grandparents vs. them. My grandma would teach me how to sew and just spend real time with me. I wish my parents allowed me to do something I was interested in, just once. I don't event think I realized how much it sucked till the one time as an adult my parents got my husband and me to take a trip with them and they did the same thing - they wandered around, fast mode never really stopping to enjoy it or going inside places that might interest us. When my husband said something, it made me realize how my world was always just about them and not me. Never again would I travel with them.

I would have loved to do a sport that I choose or art.