The opposite of overscheduled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can somebody explain the philosophy behind having no organized activities or enrichment (music lessons, language lessons, or tutoring) for your child? I'm talking about situations where there is plenty of money to pay for them and the child has requested them. Parents don't work unreasonable hours, so it's not a question of time. They just never get around to signing up for music lessons, soccer teams, art camps, chess clubs, sailing lessons, etc... I know that most people consider the UMC kids of the DMV to be overscheduled. But it doesn't seem any more healthy to do no activities or zero enrichment. These are not free range kids either. They don't have any interest in exploring more than their own street nor would the parents allow that.

Music lessons? Like the kind where you pay a zillion dollars for lessons but getting kid to practice turns into a battle so it's a big money sink?
Language lessons? What kid asks for or enjoys that?
Tutoring? You know some kids are smart and don't need tutors?

Our kids don't do activities because we work full time, and they spend 9-10 hours a day in school+aftercare, and we are all tired at the end of the day. They are learning piano using an app on their ipads. They don't like playing sports. They do art and creative activities constantly at home. I'm not sure what you think is going to happen to them if they don't have sailing lessons.

MCPS and other school systems offer free tutoring even for smart kids, like mine.
Language lessons - mine asks for it.
Music lessons - yes we battle to practice but when we suggest stopping them kid gets upset.

It sounds like it's really about you, no the kids. They might enjoy an art class, for example. You don't learn piano on an app. Funny how screen time is ok but activities are not. Its really you are tired and cannot be bothered.

I find a lot of families whose children do few or zero ECs take up a lot of that time with screen time. I had a conversation recently with a mom and she just told me straight up that she did zero activities growing up and it was fine for her so she's not planning on her kids doing many/any. She said she doesn't want to have to drive them and sit there while they do whatever it is. I don't relate to this but also my kids wouldn't be happy with so much at home time.
I would also honestly worry about college admissions. I went to a private college but a lot of people in our social group went to the highly ranked, cheap public university and seem to assume their kids will easily be able to follow suit. I think admission was a different ballgame 25 years ago, but it doesn't seem likely to get in now with zero ECs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can somebody explain the philosophy behind having no organized activities or enrichment (music lessons, language lessons, or tutoring) for your child? I'm talking about situations where there is plenty of money to pay for them and the child has requested them. Parents don't work unreasonable hours, so it's not a question of time. They just never get around to signing up for music lessons, soccer teams, art camps, chess clubs, sailing lessons, etc... I know that most people consider the UMC kids of the DMV to be overscheduled. But it doesn't seem any more healthy to do no activities or zero enrichment. These are not free range kids either. They don't have any interest in exploring more than their own street nor would the parents allow that.

Music lessons? Like the kind where you pay a zillion dollars for lessons but getting kid to practice turns into a battle so it's a big money sink?
Language lessons? What kid asks for or enjoys that?
Tutoring? You know some kids are smart and don't need tutors?

Our kids don't do activities because we work full time, and they spend 9-10 hours a day in school+aftercare, and we are all tired at the end of the day. They are learning piano using an app on their ipads. They don't like playing sports. They do art and creative activities constantly at home. I'm not sure what you think is going to happen to them if they don't have sailing lessons.

MCPS and other school systems offer free tutoring even for smart kids, like mine.
Language lessons - mine asks for it.
Music lessons - yes we battle to practice but when we suggest stopping them kid gets upset.

It sounds like it's really about you, no the kids. They might enjoy an art class, for example. You don't learn piano on an app. Funny how screen time is ok but activities are not. Its really you are tired and cannot be bothered.

I find a lot of families whose children do few or zero ECs take up a lot of that time with screen time. I had a conversation recently with a mom and she just told me straight up that she did zero activities growing up and it was fine for her so she's not planning on her kids doing many/any. She said she doesn't want to have to drive them and sit there while they do whatever it is. I don't relate to this but also my kids wouldn't be happy with so much at home time.
I would also honestly worry about college admissions. I went to a private college but a lot of people in our social group went to the highly ranked, cheap public university and seem to assume their kids will easily be able to follow suit. I think admission was a different ballgame 25 years ago, but it doesn't seem likely to get in now with zero ECs.

I don't think that's what most people are talking about though. I wouldn't not let my kids do activities, but there's going to be some limits and boundaries as to what they can and cannot do. Why do people just assume that all kids want activities anyway? And if there are no activities, families just resorting or allowing excessive screen time is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. Those types of parents drive me crazy when they can't give up their own free time for their kids. I work a ton, and it's not really my idea of a good time to sit in a waiting room, my car or a ball field most weeknights and weekends, but I will definitely do it for my DD.

I have two neighbor mom friends who side eye us hard about how busy our DD is. They make some pretty passive aggressive comments about it. But she asks to do more. She does about 6 hours a week on one activity, just asked to add another 2 hours, plus she will add a weekend sport in the spring. I constantly check in to make sure it's not too much and she says it's not. Plus, that activity is her social circle now, so it's also time with friends.

I personally look at it like she's learning life skills (time management, commitment, etc) and better than sitting in front of a TV or a device.

I just can't stand the superiority of those that intentionally won't let their kids do activities when they have the time and money. They are doing their kids a disservice because once they make it to middle school and decide "hey I want to go out for X sport" it's probably too late because most of those kids have been doing that sport for years already. It's just not like how it was when we were growing up. And you can fight it all you want (I wish it was a little more chill as well!!) but that's not going to change anything.

Work on your own insecurity, guilt, and obsessive need to compare yourself favorably to others. Your DD will pick up on your attitude toward life and then she will become a miserable adult like you because she thinks that's the correct way to parent, and that any lifestyle other than the hamster wheel you're on is failure. Also, expand your horizons so that you don't assume the only two choices for children are organized activities or screens. Best of luck to you.

So smug

Not the poster, but it's not smug. So many people say they put their kids in organized activities, keep them busy as they say so that they stay off screens. Screens or activities are not the only two options.

I agree with this (NP) and I really dislike the argument that the only way to keep kids off screens is to schedule their every waking hour. Also: it's not true.

A kid who is very scheduled will get used to always having a distraction. If your child is never forced to entertain themselves for any substantial length of time, they will become the kind of adult who feels nervous and uncomfortable whenever they are not occupied. And that is the sort of the adult who is most likely to become addicted to their phone or tablet, because it's something to "do" during all the parts of life that are boring. Like, just as a for instance, when your kid is at swim class and you are stuck waiting for them to be done.

I don't think my kid is under scheduled, but I 100% schedule "nothing" into her life to ensure that she develops the ability to entertain herself when bored in ways that don't involve screens. Like when I was booking summer camp, I purposefully booked two weeks without camp that I've told her are "mom weeks" -- we're going to do some stuff (library visits, pool, go to the movies, outings with friends) but there will be swaths of each day that are unscheduled. She's got books and toys, she enjoys art, she gets to decide how to spend that time but screen access will be limited. I want her to grow up to be a person who can take a week off and find fun things to do but also knows how to relax have down time.

Same thing with after school. She has some activities but there are always a couple days a week where she has nothing scheduled after school and she is too old for aftercare. She comes home, gets herself a snack, and finds stuff to do. Sometimes she comes to me and says "I'm booooored, what should I do" and I say "That sounds tough but I don't know. I'm finishing work now and you are welcome to help me with dinner when I'm done, but I guess you've just got to find something to do right now." She whines about it, but she finds stuff to do. We've also learned some interesting things about her, like if there is music playing in the house, she has an easier time entertaining herself. That's a useful life lesson she can take with her to adulthood that she would never have gotten out of two extra days of scheduled activities.

PP you are referring to and nowhere did I say my DD has every waking hour scheduled. She has 2-4 days a week where she has nothing scheduled. But still we often get "wowwww... you sure keep her busy, I would never do that" because 2 nights a week, she has dance for 3 hours and we often have something most weekends. And some weekends it's all weekend long, but she loves it and is happy.

Of course there's other things to do than screens if a kid isn't in an activity. My kid does those things too. I just don't understand why you wouldn't have your kid do something if you're able to. Especially when they are young ... try all the things and see what they like and are good at. It doesn't have to be super serious, I just think it's selfish of parents to not give up "their" time to put their kids in activity or two.

Because alot of activities are really expensive and time consuming. Even if you have those things doesn't mean you need to agree to spend alot of money/time on kids activities especially if they don't want it, but even if they do sometimes it's ok to say no.

PP here. One of her activities is really expensive (though there are more cost effective options that we did for years before we got into it more) but her other activity is like $125 a season, super cheap. I had one child on purpose and we have expendable income. I’ll let her try pretty much anything she wants. When she’s wanted to get more serious about an activity, we discuss the time and financial commitment and go through our expectations of her. I won’t pay a ton of money if she just wants social hour, but if she wants to work at it, I’m willing to invest money into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can somebody explain the philosophy behind having no organized activities or enrichment (music lessons, language lessons, or tutoring) for your child? I'm talking about situations where there is plenty of money to pay for them and the child has requested them. Parents don't work unreasonable hours, so it's not a question of time. They just never get around to signing up for music lessons, soccer teams, art camps, chess clubs, sailing lessons, etc... I know that most people consider the UMC kids of the DMV to be overscheduled. But it doesn't seem any more healthy to do no activities or zero enrichment. These are not free range kids either. They don't have any interest in exploring more than their own street nor would the parents allow that.

Music lessons? Like the kind where you pay a zillion dollars for lessons but getting kid to practice turns into a battle so it's a big money sink?
Language lessons? What kid asks for or enjoys that?
Tutoring? You know some kids are smart and don't need tutors?

Our kids don't do activities because we work full time, and they spend 9-10 hours a day in school+aftercare, and we are all tired at the end of the day. They are learning piano using an app on their ipads. They don't like playing sports. They do art and creative activities constantly at home. I'm not sure what you think is going to happen to them if they don't have sailing lessons.

MCPS and other school systems offer free tutoring even for smart kids, like mine.
Language lessons - mine asks for it.
Music lessons - yes we battle to practice but when we suggest stopping them kid gets upset.

It sounds like it's really about you, no the kids. They might enjoy an art class, for example. You don't learn piano on an app. Funny how screen time is ok but activities are not. Its really you are tired and cannot be bothered.

NP. This is such a bizarre argument. DH and I are at work when the kids (MS & HS) get home. So, no, we “cannot be bothered” to … not have jobs?

One of the kids loves being scheduled and stays at school or finds late evening classes so we can drive. The other one does not like structured activities and is perfectly happy to hang out at home, read, play with the dogs, draw, do workout videos alone, cook, and, sure, occasionally hang out with a friend. Each kid gets what they need.

Not doing things the way you would do them is not inherently wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. Those types of parents drive me crazy when they can't give up their own free time for their kids. I work a ton, and it's not really my idea of a good time to sit in a waiting room, my car or a ball field most weeknights and weekends, but I will definitely do it for my DD.

I have two neighbor mom friends who side eye us hard about how busy our DD is. They make some pretty passive aggressive comments about it. But she asks to do more. She does about 6 hours a week on one activity, just asked to add another 2 hours, plus she will add a weekend sport in the spring. I constantly check in to make sure it's not too much and she says it's not. Plus, that activity is her social circle now, so it's also time with friends.

I personally look at it like she's learning life skills (time management, commitment, etc) and better than sitting in front of a TV or a device.

I just can't stand the superiority of those that intentionally won't let their kids do activities when they have the time and money. They are doing their kids a disservice because once they make it to middle school and decide "hey I want to go out for X sport" it's probably too late because most of those kids have been doing that sport for years already. It's just not like how it was when we were growing up. And you can fight it all you want (I wish it was a little more chill as well!!) but that's not going to change anything.

Work on your own insecurity, guilt, and obsessive need to compare yourself favorably to others. Your DD will pick up on your attitude toward life and then she will become a miserable adult like you because she thinks that's the correct way to parent, and that any lifestyle other than the hamster wheel you're on is failure. Also, expand your horizons so that you don't assume the only two choices for children are organized activities or screens. Best of luck to you.

So smug

Not the poster, but it's not smug. So many people say they put their kids in organized activities, keep them busy as they say so that they stay off screens. Screens or activities are not the only two options.

I agree with this (NP) and I really dislike the argument that the only way to keep kids off screens is to schedule their every waking hour. Also: it's not true.

A kid who is very scheduled will get used to always having a distraction. If your child is never forced to entertain themselves for any substantial length of time, they will become the kind of adult who feels nervous and uncomfortable whenever they are not occupied. And that is the sort of the adult who is most likely to become addicted to their phone or tablet, because it's something to "do" during all the parts of life that are boring. Like, just as a for instance, when your kid is at swim class and you are stuck waiting for them to be done.

I don't think my kid is under scheduled, but I 100% schedule "nothing" into her life to ensure that she develops the ability to entertain herself when bored in ways that don't involve screens. Like when I was booking summer camp, I purposefully booked two weeks without camp that I've told her are "mom weeks" -- we're going to do some stuff (library visits, pool, go to the movies, outings with friends) but there will be swaths of each day that are unscheduled. She's got books and toys, she enjoys art, she gets to decide how to spend that time but screen access will be limited. I want her to grow up to be a person who can take a week off and find fun things to do but also knows how to relax have down time.

Same thing with after school. She has some activities but there are always a couple days a week where she has nothing scheduled after school and she is too old for aftercare. She comes home, gets herself a snack, and finds stuff to do. Sometimes she comes to me and says "I'm booooored, what should I do" and I say "That sounds tough but I don't know. I'm finishing work now and you are welcome to help me with dinner when I'm done, but I guess you've just got to find something to do right now." She whines about it, but she finds stuff to do. We've also learned some interesting things about her, like if there is music playing in the house, she has an easier time entertaining herself. That's a useful life lesson she can take with her to adulthood that she would never have gotten out of two extra days of scheduled activities.

PP you are referring to and nowhere did I say my DD has every waking hour scheduled. She has 2-4 days a week where she has nothing scheduled. But still we often get "wowwww... you sure keep her busy, I would never do that" because 2 nights a week, she has dance for 3 hours and we often have something most weekends. And some weekends it's all weekend long, but she loves it and is happy.

Of course there's other things to do than screens if a kid isn't in an activity. My kid does those things too. I just don't understand why you wouldn't have your kid do something if you're able to. Especially when they are young ... try all the things and see what they like and are good at. It doesn't have to be super serious, I just think it's selfish of parents to not give up "their" time to put their kids in activity or two.

Because alot of activities are really expensive and time consuming. Even if you have those things doesn't mean you need to agree to spend alot of money/time on kids activities especially if they don't want it, but even if they do sometimes it's ok to say no.

There are a lot of low-cost and free options. It sounds like you are just making excuses as you cannot be bothered. Personally, I'd rather cut back on other things to allow my kids in the activities they choose as they are my priority.

The whole family is my priority and that includes the adults’ sanity and breathing room. If Mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.

[Anonymous]

High school kids do workout videos alone at home?! I've seriously never heard of such a thing. And yes, I find that really odd. I'm not sure why, but I do. I get the sense that this isn't a member of the football team trying to bulk up in the off-season in his backyard with a weight set.

Learning to play piano alone using an app on a device? You don't play an instrument, do you?

[Anonymous]

"DH and I are at work when the kids (MS & HS) get home. So, no, we “cannot be bothered” to … not have jobs?"

Most UMC parents have the types of jobs where you can leave the office at 4 to get your kids and then work on your home computer after dinner. That's how we did it while our kids were in K-12.

[Anonymous]

Meant to add or they have a nanny. Or their kids carpool or else take Metro or a bus to their team practice, lessons, or clubs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can somebody explain the philosophy behind having no organized activities or enrichment (music lessons, language lessons, or tutoring) for your child? I'm talking about situations where there is plenty of money to pay for them and the child has requested them. Parents don't work unreasonable hours, so it's not a question of time. They just never get around to signing up for music lessons, soccer teams, art camps, chess clubs, sailing lessons, etc... I know that most people consider the UMC kids of the DMV to be overscheduled. But it doesn't seem any more healthy to do no activities or zero enrichment. These are not free range kids either. They don't have any interest in exploring more than their own street nor would the parents allow that.

Music lessons? Like the kind where you pay a zillion dollars for lessons but getting kid to practice turns into a battle so it's a big money sink?
Language lessons? What kid asks for or enjoys that?
Tutoring? You know some kids are smart and don't need tutors?

Our kids don't do activities because we work full time, and they spend 9-10 hours a day in school+aftercare, and we are all tired at the end of the day. They are learning piano using an app on their ipads. They don't like playing sports. They do art and creative activities constantly at home. I'm not sure what you think is going to happen to them if they don't have sailing lessons.

MCPS and other school systems offer free tutoring even for smart kids, like mine.
Language lessons - mine asks for it.
Music lessons - yes we battle to practice but when we suggest stopping them kid gets upset.

It sounds like it's really about you, no the kids. They might enjoy an art class, for example. You don't learn piano on an app. Funny how screen time is ok but activities are not. Its really you are tired and cannot be bothered.

Kids who are several grade levels ahead in math and reading do not need tutors. My oldest is in the district gifted program—shocking, I know, since she never did Kumon. My kids’ screen time is very limited. They spend their time creatively. They write a lot of stories, scripts for plays, etc. I do let them use screens for creative projects, like making stop-motion videos. One child created an environment club with her friends where they do themed activities together. This week their activity at home (of their choosing) was making handmade valentines for classmates. They take art and other classes via summer camps that we use for childcare.

What do you think the drawback is to children having free time? My kids are happy, as am I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:High school kids do workout videos alone at home?! I've seriously never heard of such a thing. And yes, I find that really odd. I'm not sure why, but I do. I get the sense that this isn't a member of the football team trying to bulk up in the off-season in his backyard with a weight set.

Learning to play piano alone using an app on a device? You don't play an instrument, do you?

I do not play an instrument, and I’m trying to fathom how I’ve been harmed.
My family could not afford music lessons growing up. My brother taught himself to play guitar as an adult, and now he writes songs and plays in a band.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can somebody explain the philosophy behind having no organized activities or enrichment (music lessons, language lessons, or tutoring) for your child? I'm talking about situations where there is plenty of money to pay for them and the child has requested them. Parents don't work unreasonable hours, so it's not a question of time. They just never get around to signing up for music lessons, soccer teams, art camps, chess clubs, sailing lessons, etc... I know that most people consider the UMC kids of the DMV to be overscheduled. But it doesn't seem any more healthy to do no activities or zero enrichment. These are not free range kids either. They don't have any interest in exploring more than their own street nor would the parents allow that.

Music lessons? Like the kind where you pay a zillion dollars for lessons but getting kid to practice turns into a battle so it's a big money sink?
Language lessons? What kid asks for or enjoys that?
Tutoring? You know some kids are smart and don't need tutors?

Our kids don't do activities because we work full time, and they spend 9-10 hours a day in school+aftercare, and we are all tired at the end of the day. They are learning piano using an app on their ipads. They don't like playing sports. They do art and creative activities constantly at home. I'm not sure what you think is going to happen to them if they don't have sailing lessons.

MCPS and other school systems offer free tutoring even for smart kids, like mine.
Language lessons - mine asks for it.
Music lessons - yes we battle to practice but when we suggest stopping them kid gets upset.

It sounds like it's really about you, no the kids. They might enjoy an art class, for example. You don't learn piano on an app. Funny how screen time is ok but activities are not. Its really you are tired and cannot be bothered.

I find a lot of families whose children do few or zero ECs take up a lot of that time with screen time. I had a conversation recently with a mom and she just told me straight up that she did zero activities growing up and it was fine for her so she's not planning on her kids doing many/any. She said she doesn't want to have to drive them and sit there while they do whatever it is. I don't relate to this but also my kids wouldn't be happy with so much at home time.
I would also honestly worry about college admissions. I went to a private college but a lot of people in our social group went to the highly ranked, cheap public university and seem to assume their kids will easily be able to follow suit. I think admission was a different ballgame 25 years ago, but it doesn't seem likely to get in now with zero ECs.

So we are over scheduling elementary school kids because of parental anxiety about college admissions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can somebody explain the philosophy behind having no organized activities or enrichment (music lessons, language lessons, or tutoring) for your child? I'm talking about situations where there is plenty of money to pay for them and the child has requested them. Parents don't work unreasonable hours, so it's not a question of time. They just never get around to signing up for music lessons, soccer teams, art camps, chess clubs, sailing lessons, etc... I know that most people consider the UMC kids of the DMV to be overscheduled. But it doesn't seem any more healthy to do no activities or zero enrichment. These are not free range kids either. They don't have any interest in exploring more than their own street nor would the parents allow that.

Music lessons? Like the kind where you pay a zillion dollars for lessons but getting kid to practice turns into a battle so it's a big money sink?
Language lessons? What kid asks for or enjoys that?
Tutoring? You know some kids are smart and don't need tutors?

Our kids don't do activities because we work full time, and they spend 9-10 hours a day in school+aftercare, and we are all tired at the end of the day. They are learning piano using an app on their ipads. They don't like playing sports. They do art and creative activities constantly at home. I'm not sure what you think is going to happen to them if they don't have sailing lessons.

MCPS and other school systems offer free tutoring even for smart kids, like mine.
Language lessons - mine asks for it.
Music lessons - yes we battle to practice but when we suggest stopping them kid gets upset.

It sounds like it's really about you, no the kids. They might enjoy an art class, for example. You don't learn piano on an app. Funny how screen time is ok but activities are not. Its really you are tired and cannot be bothered.

I find a lot of families whose children do few or zero ECs take up a lot of that time with screen time. I had a conversation recently with a mom and she just told me straight up that she did zero activities growing up and it was fine for her so she's not planning on her kids doing many/any. She said she doesn't want to have to drive them and sit there while they do whatever it is. I don't relate to this but also my kids wouldn't be happy with so much at home time.
I would also honestly worry about college admissions. I went to a private college but a lot of people in our social group went to the highly ranked, cheap public university and seem to assume their kids will easily be able to follow suit. I think admission was a different ballgame 25 years ago, but it doesn't seem likely to get in now with zero ECs.

I am that mom, my kids 7 and 11 have no activities unless aftercare counts. School, aftercare, home, dinner and bedtime. Weekend are always free.
Neither one wants to do sports although we tried a few when they were younger. No interest in music either. They will not be admitted to some great college and that’s ok. They’re going to be fine even if not rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can somebody explain the philosophy behind having no organized activities or enrichment (music lessons, language lessons, or tutoring) for your child? I'm talking about situations where there is plenty of money to pay for them and the child has requested them. Parents don't work unreasonable hours, so it's not a question of time. They just never get around to signing up for music lessons, soccer teams, art camps, chess clubs, sailing lessons, etc... I know that most people consider the UMC kids of the DMV to be overscheduled. But it doesn't seem any more healthy to do no activities or zero enrichment. These are not free range kids either. They don't have any interest in exploring more than their own street nor would the parents allow that.

Music lessons? Like the kind where you pay a zillion dollars for lessons but getting kid to practice turns into a battle so it's a big money sink?
Language lessons? What kid asks for or enjoys that?
Tutoring? You know some kids are smart and don't need tutors?

Our kids don't do activities because we work full time, and they spend 9-10 hours a day in school+aftercare, and we are all tired at the end of the day. They are learning piano using an app on their ipads. They don't like playing sports. They do art and creative activities constantly at home. I'm not sure what you think is going to happen to them if they don't have sailing lessons.

MCPS and other school systems offer free tutoring even for smart kids, like mine.
Language lessons - mine asks for it.
Music lessons - yes we battle to practice but when we suggest stopping them kid gets upset.

It sounds like it's really about you, no the kids. They might enjoy an art class, for example. You don't learn piano on an app. Funny how screen time is ok but activities are not. Its really you are tired and cannot be bothered.

I find a lot of families whose children do few or zero ECs take up a lot of that time with screen time. I had a conversation recently with a mom and she just told me straight up that she did zero activities growing up and it was fine for her so she's not planning on her kids doing many/any. She said she doesn't want to have to drive them and sit there while they do whatever it is. I don't relate to this but also my kids wouldn't be happy with so much at home time.
I would also honestly worry about college admissions. I went to a private college but a lot of people in our social group went to the highly ranked, cheap public university and seem to assume their kids will easily be able to follow suit. I think admission was a different ballgame 25 years ago, but it doesn't seem likely to get in now with zero ECs.

I am that mom, my kids 7 and 11 have no activities unless aftercare counts. School, aftercare, home, dinner and bedtime. Weekend are always free.
Neither one wants to do sports although we tried a few when they were younger. No interest in music either. They will not be admitted to some great college and that’s ok. They’re going to be fine even if not rich.

I’m surprised people have these low expectations of their children.

I want my kids to have every opportunity that I didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High school kids do workout videos alone at home?! I've seriously never heard of such a thing. And yes, I find that really odd. I'm not sure why, but I do. I get the sense that this isn't a member of the football team trying to bulk up in the off-season in his backyard with a weight set.

Learning to play piano alone using an app on a device? You don't play an instrument, do you?

I do not play an instrument, and I’m trying to fathom how I’ve been harmed.
My family could not afford music lessons growing up. My brother taught himself to play guitar as an adult, and now he writes songs and plays in a band.

NP. Harmed isn’t the right word. That being said, there are documented, lifelong cognitive benefits to learning an instrument in childhood, including later appreciation and processing of music, memory, attention span and protection against age related neural decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. Those types of parents drive me crazy when they can't give up their own free time for their kids. I work a ton, and it's not really my idea of a good time to sit in a waiting room, my car or a ball field most weeknights and weekends, but I will definitely do it for my DD.

I have two neighbor mom friends who side eye us hard about how busy our DD is. They make some pretty passive aggressive comments about it. But she asks to do more. She does about 6 hours a week on one activity, just asked to add another 2 hours, plus she will add a weekend sport in the spring. I constantly check in to make sure it's not too much and she says it's not. Plus, that activity is her social circle now, so it's also time with friends.

I personally look at it like she's learning life skills (time management, commitment, etc) and better than sitting in front of a TV or a device.

I just can't stand the superiority of those that intentionally won't let their kids do activities when they have the time and money. They are doing their kids a disservice because once they make it to middle school and decide "hey I want to go out for X sport" it's probably too late because most of those kids have been doing that sport for years already. It's just not like how it was when we were growing up. And you can fight it all you want (I wish it was a little more chill as well!!) but that's not going to change anything.

Work on your own insecurity, guilt, and obsessive need to compare yourself favorably to others. Your DD will pick up on your attitude toward life and then she will become a miserable adult like you because she thinks that's the correct way to parent, and that any lifestyle other than the hamster wheel you're on is failure. Also, expand your horizons so that you don't assume the only two choices for children are organized activities or screens. Best of luck to you.

So smug

Not the poster, but it's not smug. So many people say they put their kids in organized activities, keep them busy as they say so that they stay off screens. Screens or activities are not the only two options.

I agree with this (NP) and I really dislike the argument that the only way to keep kids off screens is to schedule their every waking hour. Also: it's not true.

A kid who is very scheduled will get used to always having a distraction. If your child is never forced to entertain themselves for any substantial length of time, they will become the kind of adult who feels nervous and uncomfortable whenever they are not occupied. And that is the sort of the adult who is most likely to become addicted to their phone or tablet, because it's something to "do" during all the parts of life that are boring. Like, just as a for instance, when your kid is at swim class and you are stuck waiting for them to be done.

I don't think my kid is under scheduled, but I 100% schedule "nothing" into her life to ensure that she develops the ability to entertain herself when bored in ways that don't involve screens. Like when I was booking summer camp, I purposefully booked two weeks without camp that I've told her are "mom weeks" -- we're going to do some stuff (library visits, pool, go to the movies, outings with friends) but there will be swaths of each day that are unscheduled. She's got books and toys, she enjoys art, she gets to decide how to spend that time but screen access will be limited. I want her to grow up to be a person who can take a week off and find fun things to do but also knows how to relax have down time.

Same thing with after school. She has some activities but there are always a couple days a week where she has nothing scheduled after school and she is too old for aftercare. She comes home, gets herself a snack, and finds stuff to do. Sometimes she comes to me and says "I'm booooored, what should I do" and I say "That sounds tough but I don't know. I'm finishing work now and you are welcome to help me with dinner when I'm done, but I guess you've just got to find something to do right now." She whines about it, but she finds stuff to do. We've also learned some interesting things about her, like if there is music playing in the house, she has an easier time entertaining herself. That's a useful life lesson she can take with her to adulthood that she would never have gotten out of two extra days of scheduled activities.

PP you are referring to and nowhere did I say my DD has every waking hour scheduled. She has 2-4 days a week where she has nothing scheduled. But still we often get "wowwww... you sure keep her busy, I would never do that" because 2 nights a week, she has dance for 3 hours and we often have something most weekends. And some weekends it's all weekend long, but she loves it and is happy.

Of course there's other things to do than screens if a kid isn't in an activity. My kid does those things too. I just don't understand why you wouldn't have your kid do something if you're able to. Especially when they are young ... try all the things and see what they like and are good at. It doesn't have to be super serious, I just think it's selfish of parents to not give up "their" time to put their kids in activity or two.

Because alot of activities are really expensive and time consuming. Even if you have those things doesn't mean you need to agree to spend alot of money/time on kids activities especially if they don't want it, but even if they do sometimes it's ok to say no.

There are a lot of low-cost and free options. It sounds like you are just making excuses as you cannot be bothered. Personally, I'd rather cut back on other things to allow my kids in the activities they choose as they are my priority.

The whole family is my priority and that includes the adults’ sanity and breathing room. If Mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.

I love catching up on my reading while my kids are at sports practice.