Custody Schedule - School year vs. Summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

This is the pp with the teen. They should id themselves to avoid confusion, or better yet, start their own thread.

[Anonymous]

I think you would really struggle to get a judge to order that kind of custody agreements. You have to remember custody is not granted to the "better" parent. If your DH is minimally acceptable he will get 50%. In your opinion, you may do a better job of regulating/managing your child but its a significant bar to deprive a parent of 50%. Have you tried one week on/one week off to minimize disruptions? I would encourage you to work with you ex to come up with some consistent routines that you both agree to apply during your time rather than wasting your money trying to force that type of change in court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life. You will do far more harm than good. Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life. You will do far more harm than good. Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.

Parent is both a noun and a verb. A 5 year old child has needs that only an adult can meet. OP has explained many times how her ex is not meeting those needs. If ex wants to spend time with his son, he needs to actively parent. There are other ways to continue that relationship, other than a 50/50 custody schedule that is not in the best interests of the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life. You will do far more harm than good. Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.

Parent is both a noun and a verb. A 5 year old child has needs that only an adult can meet. OP has explained many times how her ex is not meeting those needs. If ex wants to spend time with his son, he needs to actively parent. There are other ways to continue that relationship, other than a 50/50 custody schedule that is not in the best interests of the child.

(This is the OP).

Thank you. My attorney agrees that the evidence and patterns support the current custody arrangement. I also have always been the parent to encourage our child to continue having a relationship with the other parent, and when the other parent says they want more time with the child, I take that seriously. I'm just trying to brainstorm a way to do that that would not be a detriment to our child. I am starting to think that a long period of time with the other parent during the summer would not work for the child, so I'm open to other suggestions of how to allow for more visitation that would not be harmful to our child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life. You will do far more harm than good. Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.

Parent is both a noun and a verb. A 5 year old child has needs that only an adult can meet. OP has explained many times how her ex is not meeting those needs. If ex wants to spend time with his son, he needs to actively parent. There are other ways to continue that relationship, other than a 50/50 custody schedule that is not in the best interests of the child.

A parent visiting a child a few days a month is not a parent. But, please, keep pretending it is and good enough for a child.

50-50 is best. OP is not describing anything that terrible and just wants to stick it to her ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life. You will do far more harm than good. Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.

Parent is both a noun and a verb. A 5 year old child has needs that only an adult can meet. OP has explained many times how her ex is not meeting those needs. If ex wants to spend time with his son, he needs to actively parent. There are other ways to continue that relationship, other than a 50/50 custody schedule that is not in the best interests of the child.

(This is the OP).

Thank you. My attorney agrees that the evidence and patterns support the current custody arrangement. I also have always been the parent to encourage our child to continue having a relationship with the other parent, and when the other parent says they want more time with the child, I take that seriously. I'm just trying to brainstorm a way to do that that would not be a detriment to our child. I am starting to think that a long period of time with the other parent during the summer would not work for the child, so I'm open to other suggestions of how to allow for more visitation that would not be harmful to our child.

So, if you will not let the child be there 50-50 or even more than a day or two during the summer, the questions is what do you propose.

Just be honest. Tell Dad he can casually visit at your whim, which will be maybe 1-2 times a month and be done with it.

You will always have excuses of why child cannot see friends - school, activities, friends, your family, etc.

Why can't child spend from the last school day to the first school day with Dad and you have every other weekend and maybe one afternoon or evening a week? What you don't want to be away from your child that long? How do you think Dad feels?

Do 3 day/4 day schedule or ever other week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life. You will do far more harm than good. Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.

Parent is both a noun and a verb. A 5 year old child has needs that only an adult can meet. OP has explained many times how her ex is not meeting those needs. If ex wants to spend time with his son, he needs to actively parent. There are other ways to continue that relationship, other than a 50/50 custody schedule that is not in the best interests of the child.

A parent visiting a child a few days a month is not a parent. But, please, keep pretending it is and good enough for a child.

50-50 is best. OP is not describing anything that terrible and just wants to stick it to her ex.

50/50 physical custody is actually not always best. The judge has even said that. I'm not trying to "stick it" to my ex; the arrangement we have no is all my ex wanted and what has been happening for years at this point. I want what is truly best for our child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life. You will do far more harm than good. Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.

Parent is both a noun and a verb. A 5 year old child has needs that only an adult can meet. OP has explained many times how her ex is not meeting those needs. If ex wants to spend time with his son, he needs to actively parent. There are other ways to continue that relationship, other than a 50/50 custody schedule that is not in the best interests of the child.

(This is the OP).

Thank you. My attorney agrees that the evidence and patterns support the current custody arrangement. I also have always been the parent to encourage our child to continue having a relationship with the other parent, and when the other parent says they want more time with the child, I take that seriously. I'm just trying to brainstorm a way to do that that would not be a detriment to our child. I am starting to think that a long period of time with the other parent during the summer would not work for the child, so I'm open to other suggestions of how to allow for more visitation that would not be harmful to our child.

So, if you will not let the child be there 50-50 or even more than a day or two during the summer, the questions is what do you propose.

Just be honest. Tell Dad he can casually visit at your whim, which will be maybe 1-2 times a month and be done with it.

You will always have excuses of why child cannot see friends - school, activities, friends, your family, etc.

Why can't child spend from the last school day to the first school day with Dad and you have every other weekend and maybe one afternoon or evening a week? What you don't want to be away from your child that long? How do you think Dad feels?

Do 3 day/4 day schedule or ever other week.

I'm confused. The other parent sees the kid more than 1-2 times per month. It is every other weekend plus one weekday visit. I am fine with the child being with the other parent all summer and me having every other weekend - that is exactly what I was seeking feedback on in my original post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life. You will do far more harm than good. Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.

Parent is both a noun and a verb. A 5 year old child has needs that only an adult can meet. OP has explained many times how her ex is not meeting those needs. If ex wants to spend time with his son, he needs to actively parent. There are other ways to continue that relationship, other than a 50/50 custody schedule that is not in the best interests of the child.

A parent visiting a child a few days a month is not a parent. But, please, keep pretending it is and good enough for a child.

50-50 is best. OP is not describing anything that terrible and just wants to stick it to her ex.

50/50 physical custody is actually not always best. The judge has even said that. I'm not trying to "stick it" to my ex; the arrangement we have no is all my ex wanted and what has been happening for years at this point. I want what is truly best for our child.

Are you the OP? It so I would help if you ID’d that in your threads.

If you are, and OP voluntarily gave your temporary physical custody for years, that is going to carry more weight than anything else you’ve raised. I think that saying “my kid can handle summers away from me”’ implies a big transition is fine for him. I would instead say “my kid is thriving with the current arrangement, I propose it stays the same, or we add a one week visit in the summer” or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life. You will do far more harm than good. Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.

Parent is both a noun and a verb. A 5 year old child has needs that only an adult can meet. OP has explained many times how her ex is not meeting those needs. If ex wants to spend time with his son, he needs to actively parent. There are other ways to continue that relationship, other than a 50/50 custody schedule that is not in the best interests of the child.

She really hasn't. Her list of complaints are that he is financially unstable, that he has roommates and that her kid acts out after spending limited time with him. Equal time hasn't even been tried -- she just asserts that she is better at this and that everyone, including a judge, should just accept that.

It's pretty weak tea, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life. You will do far more harm than good. Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.

Parent is both a noun and a verb. A 5 year old child has needs that only an adult can meet. OP has explained many times how her ex is not meeting those needs. If ex wants to spend time with his son, he needs to actively parent. There are other ways to continue that relationship, other than a 50/50 custody schedule that is not in the best interests of the child.

A parent visiting a child a few days a month is not a parent. But, please, keep pretending it is and good enough for a child.

50-50 is best. OP is not describing anything that terrible and just wants to stick it to her ex.

50/50 physical custody is actually not always best. The judge has even said that. I'm not trying to "stick it" to my ex; the arrangement we have no is all my ex wanted and what has been happening for years at this point. I want what is truly best for our child.

Are you the OP? It so I would help if you ID’d that in your threads.

If you are, and OP voluntarily gave your temporary physical custody for years, that is going to carry more weight than anything else you’ve raised. I think that saying “my kid can handle summers away from me”’ implies a big transition is fine for him. I would instead say “my kid is thriving with the current arrangement, I propose it stays the same, or we add a one week visit in the summer” or something like that.

(OP). Thank you. That makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life. You will do far more harm than good. Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.

Parent is both a noun and a verb. A 5 year old child has needs that only an adult can meet. OP has explained many times how her ex is not meeting those needs. If ex wants to spend time with his son, he needs to actively parent. There are other ways to continue that relationship, other than a 50/50 custody schedule that is not in the best interests of the child.

She really hasn't. Her list of complaints are that he is financially unstable, that he has roommates and that her kid acts out after spending limited time with him. Equal time hasn't even been tried -- she just asserts that she is better at this and that everyone, including a judge, should just accept that.

It's pretty weak tea, IMO.

The point of child support is to help equalize both homes. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life. You will do far more harm than good. Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.

Parent is both a noun and a verb. A 5 year old child has needs that only an adult can meet. OP has explained many times how her ex is not meeting those needs. If ex wants to spend time with his son, he needs to actively parent. There are other ways to continue that relationship, other than a 50/50 custody schedule that is not in the best interests of the child.

(This is the OP).

Thank you. My attorney agrees that the evidence and patterns support the current custody arrangement. I also have always been the parent to encourage our child to continue having a relationship with the other parent, and when the other parent says they want more time with the child, I take that seriously. I'm just trying to brainstorm a way to do that that would not be a detriment to our child. I am starting to think that a long period of time with the other parent during the summer would not work for the child, so I'm open to other suggestions of how to allow for more visitation that would not be harmful to our child.

So, if you will not let the child be there 50-50 or even more than a day or two during the summer, the questions is what do you propose.

Just be honest. Tell Dad he can casually visit at your whim, which will be maybe 1-2 times a month and be done with it.

You will always have excuses of why child cannot see friends - school, activities, friends, your family, etc.

Why can't child spend from the last school day to the first school day with Dad and you have every other weekend and maybe one afternoon or evening a week? What you don't want to be away from your child that long? How do you think Dad feels?

Do 3 day/4 day schedule or ever other week.

I'm confused. The other parent sees the kid more than 1-2 times per month. It is every other weekend plus one weekday visit. I am fine with the child being with the other parent all summer and me having every other weekend - that is exactly what I was seeking feedback on in my original post.

Every other weekend is 4 days a month. So, 4 days and 4 four hour visits a month. Why don’t you have child live with dad and you take the every other weekend schedule. It’s not bad according to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities. You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them. Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end. This way, kid comes home to your house after school. You get homework done and touch base with your kid. This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP. You get kid on time to extracurricular activities. Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities. This little change solved so many problems for me. Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time. This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now. Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex.

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.

PP here. No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD. It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday. I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here. Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something. I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup. I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute. I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore. The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.

PP. I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child. I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money. These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life. It is the best I could have hoped for. Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life. You will do far more harm than good. Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.

Parent is both a noun and a verb. A 5 year old child has needs that only an adult can meet. OP has explained many times how her ex is not meeting those needs. If ex wants to spend time with his son, he needs to actively parent. There are other ways to continue that relationship, other than a 50/50 custody schedule that is not in the best interests of the child.

(This is the OP).

Thank you. My attorney agrees that the evidence and patterns support the current custody arrangement. I also have always been the parent to encourage our child to continue having a relationship with the other parent, and when the other parent says they want more time with the child, I take that seriously. I'm just trying to brainstorm a way to do that that would not be a detriment to our child. I am starting to think that a long period of time with the other parent during the summer would not work for the child, so I'm open to other suggestions of how to allow for more visitation that would not be harmful to our child.

So, if you will not let the child be there 50-50 or even more than a day or two during the summer, the questions is what do you propose.

Just be honest. Tell Dad he can casually visit at your whim, which will be maybe 1-2 times a month and be done with it.

You will always have excuses of why child cannot see friends - school, activities, friends, your family, etc.

Why can't child spend from the last school day to the first school day with Dad and you have every other weekend and maybe one afternoon or evening a week? What you don't want to be away from your child that long? How do you think Dad feels?

Do 3 day/4 day schedule or ever other week.

I'm confused. The other parent sees the kid more than 1-2 times per month. It is every other weekend plus one weekday visit. I am fine with the child being with the other parent all summer and me having every other weekend - that is exactly what I was seeking feedback on in my original post.

Every other weekend is 4 days a month. So, 4 days and 4 four hour visits a month. Why don’t you have child live with dad and you take the every other weekend schedule. It’s not bad according to you.

I would do it if it was what was best for the kid, but it’s not.