Reply to Custody Schedule - School year vs. Summer

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "Custody Schedule - School year vs. Summer"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One little thing that can help if you have an ex who wants to be around but only for the fun stuff is to maintain control over extracurricular activities.  You get to schedule a certain amount of extracurricular activities per year - you pick them and pay for them.  Pick up time on his parenting days is after the activities end.  This way, kid comes home to your house after school.  You get homework done and touch base with your kid.  This is especially helpful for kids on an IEP.  You get kid on time to extracurricular activities.  Pickup time for ex is after the conclusion of the extracurricular activities.  This little change solved so many problems for me.  Language in parenting agreement is very clear that the extracurricular activities take precedent over both parents' parenting time, meaning if kid has as soccer tournament in another state and your ex can't be bothered to take kid on his parenting time, then you get to take kid and ex loses the time.  This one change helped me get my kid in a much better place academically and keep him there over the years and it allowed kid to participate in sports, which are really important to kid, especially now.  Ex still feels like he has 50/50 parenting time, but it's not even close to that in reality, although it's enough for kid and for ex. [/quote]

That is helpful!

I'm curious - is your ex able to keep up with taking care of your child? Mine struggles to do things like get the kid to school on time, pack a lunch, keep them in uniform, bathing and grooming, etc. This has caused a lot of issues already even with my ex only having to send the kid to school 2-3 times per month.[/quote]

PP here.  No, ex can't keep up with taking care of our child. Ex and kid both have ADHD.  It has gotten better over the years, primarily because kid comes home everyday after school now, so we have a habit of brushing teeth right after school everyday.  I assume kid doesn't bath or shower at ex's house but try not to make a big deal of it and just make sure we keep his haircut short and shower everyday here.  Apple watches help (yes, it is plural - I assume we'll lose 2 to 3 a year at ex's house) because he can call or text me from school now if he needs something.  I buy at least two uniforms for every sport so I have one as a backup.  I have to take the high road all the time, pay for everything, go to ex's house 30 minutes away to pick up things kid leaves there but needs for school or a sport, and be ready at all times to do things on his parenting time for our kid because he'll drop out at the last minute.  I no longer even give him a hard time about anymore.  The main thing for me was to structure our parenting time in a way that made him feel like he got what he wanted, but gave me control over the things I care most about.  [/quote]

Is your income higher or do you pay for everything out of child support?

Just because he doesn't do it your way doesn't mean it's wrong.  Most of this sounds like normal teen issues.[/quote]

PP.  I let him lie about his income (owns his own business, claimed his income took an extreme dive in the years after our divorce, but failed to respond to any discovery - I just let him lie) so that no one pays child support, and I agreed to pay for everything for our child.   I still make enough to pay for everything, so I decided early on to prioritize what was best for kid over money.  These look like normal teen issues because I structured our parenting agreement in a way to give our kid a normal teen life.  It is the best I could have hoped for.  Our kid is kind, thoughtful, has a solid group of friends, is getting good grades and plays on a top travel team in his sport in spite of a broken home and ADHD.  [/quote]

This is getting confusing. Is the pp also OP or did someone hijack the thread? Because no 6 year-old plays on a "top travel team."[/quote]

OP here. My child is 6. There is another poster who shared their situation who has a teenager.[/quote]

Don't take a father away from ma 5 year old and have him a visitor in the child's life.  You will do far more harm than good.  Better ways to get back at your ex than through your child.[/quote]

Parent is both a noun and a verb.  A 5 year old child has needs that only an adult can meet.  OP has explained many times how her ex is not meeting those needs.  If ex wants to spend time with his son, he needs to actively parent.  There are other ways to continue that relationship, other than a 50/50 custody schedule that is not in the best interests of the child.  [/quote]

(This is the OP).

Thank you. My attorney agrees that the evidence and patterns support the current custody arrangement. I also have always been the parent to encourage our child to continue having a relationship with the other parent, and when the other parent says they want more time with the child, I take that seriously. I'm just trying to brainstorm a way to do that that would not be a detriment to our child. I am starting to think that a long period of time with the other parent during the summer would not work for the child, so I'm open to other suggestions of how to allow for more visitation that would not be harmful to our child.[/quote]

So, if you will not let the child be there 50-50 or even more than a day or two during the summer, the questions is what do you propose.

Just be honest.  Tell Dad he can casually visit at your whim, which will be maybe 1-2 times a month and be done with it.

You will always have excuses of why child cannot see friends - school, activities, friends, your family, etc.

Why can't child spend from the last school day to the first school day with Dad and you have every other weekend and maybe one afternoon or evening a week?  What you don't want to be away from your child that long?  How do you think Dad feels?

Do 3 day/4 day schedule or ever other week.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics