21-year-old DS has launched and I'm so sad

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like a wonderful parent who raised a wonderful kid! Thank you for sharing this perspective. My kids are a bit younger but it’s helpful to mentally prepare for what’s to come (assuming a successful launch). I’m wishing you all the best, your feelings sound completely normal and I hope you can be gentle with yourself as you chart this new path.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations on being a great parent and getting to this point (I have high schoolers I worry about every day but can see myself in your shoes once I get them launched; I totally validate your feelings. It’s like any transition I think. When my kids left preschool I would feel said driving by it; same with elementary and middle- my kids are close in age).

Thinking back to my young adulthood…. I enjoyed my parents coming to got me and taking me out to nicer dinners / theater than I would have been able to afford on my own.

They never offered trips but if they had, I am sure I would have been delighted!

I did return for Christmas holidays through my 20s. (Thanksgiving was never a huge holiday in my family so I didn’t always do that).

Maybe the summary advice is that it’s okay to mourn. And then to strategize about what you and your DC liked the best to do together (travel? Time at home?) and offer that as a way to spend time.

[Anonymous]

I like the idea of scheduling trips for yourself (and spouse?) and then inviting your son, no pressure. “Hey, in August I’m thinking of going to Yellowstone and the grand Tetons with your uncle John and Aunt Sue. If you’d have any interest in joining us, I’d be happy to treat you to airfare. No pressure though!”

Totally understand your feeling, OP. I do think this is why many parents over-enable their young adults to live at home and not launch. If you love parenting for parenting’s sake, if course it is sad when that daily in-person parenting ends. Kudos to you for not holding your child back from his dreams so you can enjoy him for longer.

Agree with others that going to him does not have to be a burden. Create reasons to be in town and invite him to things. Make it VERY clear that you are okay with being in his city for a weekend and doing your own thing most of the time, but happy to bring him bagels on Saturday morning and hang out for an hour or two, or happy to take him and his roommate to a nice dinner in Sunday night, etc.

Also, if you loved parenting, have you ever considered foster parenting? It sounds like you did a great job with this one. You could be just the home someone needs.

[Anonymous]

I agree with visiting occasionally and inviting him on vacations. Some of our kids live in town and some a few hours away, and they all still appreciate a parent funded beach vacation every summer. We will continue to offer vacation time to them as long as we can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a question for op and others in a similar circumstance and feeling....
Did you expect to feel this way? Was it surprising?

I ask because I adore my kids and being with them but am looking forward to them leaving for college. I wonder if things will be as amazing as I am expecting when/if they leave. They are still my world but I want them to be happy and somewhere else.

I've never felt that my kids are my world. I've always looked forward to them experiencing all the steps of a healthy life cycle for THEM.

+1

I feel this way as well. My 25-year-old is thriving in his job in a city on the other side of the country. He has his own insurance, a car, a long-term girlfriend, and retirement savings. We see him here at least once a year at the holidays and sometimes twice, depending on what’s going on. I love visiting in his city and seeing how he is thriving.

It’s exactly what I wanted for him. And for me!

Your comment is irrelevant here then!