21-year-old DS has launched and I'm so sad

[Anonymous]

Oh, man. My kid is 13 and I’m getting an anticipatory lump in my throat just reading this.

Strength, OP.

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned that he only has one week of PTO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be concerned that he only has one week of PTO.

My ds (22) has 5 weeks PTO, but is working 70+ hours/week at the moment.

[Anonymous]

You are transitioning into a new phase of life. Focus on how lucky you are to do so, not all are as lucky. Definitely plan visits to his city! You can stay at a hotel & he can take you to his favorite restaurant in his new city, etc. Believe me, this is a wonderful phase & much better than having him struggling under your roof…enjoy seeing him flourish & use this as a reason to open up new experiences/travels for yourself.

[Anonymous]

How far away was his college? Why isn't he staying in the DMV?

[Anonymous]

Just curious OP, did you have these sort of feelings when he went to college? I feel like that would be the really hard transition, especially because it sounds like you raised a very successful son!

I agree with the other posters. Book trips to see him. Check out some great restaurants near him, combined with some activity that you like on your own. (So, he doesn’t view visits as too much.)

[Anonymous]

I feel you, OP. My oldest is similarly launched and my second is nearly there. We still have a family Thanksgiving and Christmas, but no more Spring Breaks or long summer vacations together. And the oldest is also in a serious relationship and will probably start alternating those holidays soon. Sooo hard to let go. I cringe when I think back to when I was that age and how little time I made for my parents. I get it now!

[Anonymous]

OP did your DS graduate college 1 or 2 years early? Mine is 21 and will graduate in 18 months. No gap years.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really understand. You can visit him anytime. You don’t have to worry about exams, or homework or waiting until spring break.

Most kids these days get some work from home so no PTO needed.

Get an Airbnb at a ski resort and spend the week, he can work during the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP did your DS graduate college 1 or 2 years early? Mine is 21 and will graduate in 18 months. No gap years.

kids typically graduate at 22.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand. You can visit him anytime. You don’t have to worry about exams, or homework or waiting until spring break.

Most kids these days get some work from home so no PTO needed.

Get an Airbnb at a ski resort and spend the week, he can work during the day.

Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inappropriate humble bragging.

Not really, but an interesting perception on your part.

I'll second this! Op, hugs!

[Anonymous]

Totally understand, OP. My oldest is 33. My youngest is 22. All five of mine are now officially launched. They are off on their own living their best lives. They all live in different states. For a while, two were overseas. A few things I’ve learned as the mom of five adults - Don’t pressure them to visit. Mine come home often and I think a lot of that is because I do not pressure them. Three of them are married. We have to share. I would never want my kids to worry about hurting my feelings. I’ve told them many times that we love having them home when they are able to be here. But we totally understand when they can’t. We also travel to see them! When we do, we get a hotel nearby to minimize disruption to their routine. I did stay with them when my daughters-in-law had their babies. But, they are the ones who initiated that conversation and asked me if I would be willing to stay at their house. Of course I said YES!

They still need you. Mine call and ask for advice. They call when they are sick. They call when they are having a rough day. They still need their mama every once in a while.

Be proud that you gave your kid the tools and the confidence to jump into this crazy world! I know it hurts. My house is so damn quiet now. When I pass a school or see a school bus, I feel like I should have a child in school. This is a good time to start thinking about the way you want your life to look as an empty nester. If I had my way they would all live on our family land. But, that’s not who they are. That’s not how we raised them. We encouraged them to travel, explore, and find their own path.

I know exactly how you feel. I wish I could say it gets easier. But, my older kids have been out of the house for many years and it still sucks. I still hate asking for a table for two when we go out to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are transitioning into a new phase of life. Focus on how lucky you are to do so, not all are as lucky. Definitely plan visits to his city! You can stay at a hotel & he can take you to his favorite restaurant in his new city, etc. Believe me, this is a wonderful phase & much better than having him struggling under your roof…enjoy seeing him flourish & use this as a reason to open up new experiences/travels for yourself.

Yep, alternatively, schedule short vacations and invite them if they're available. I just scheduled five days in Park City, send out an invite on our group chat to adult children and two of the four will be there! Works every time. lol.

[Anonymous]

You’ll get used to it! I totally get the loss you’re feeling, but just think - the exact thing happened to all the other “old” people you see, and they acclimated. You will too! Build your network of girlfriends, it will help.