21-year-old DS has launched and I'm so sad

[Anonymous]

He graduated college last spring, secured a really good job this fall, is off our insurance, has his own car and apartment and is living his life independently. When he went home (3 hours away in another city) after the holidays it was the first time I didn't know for sure when he'd be back. There is no "spring break" visit on the horizon. It's unfair to ask him to spend the week of PTO he gets with us, so we will be lucky for a weekend visit here and there. He will text and call and is in touch, but he's gone.

There's so much fear about failure to launch, the nobody talks about the void when they do. Someone tell me it gets easier.

[Anonymous]

If you want more than Christmas or Thanksgiving, you should go visit him. It’s not fair for young adults to have to do all the travel.

[Anonymous]

Inappropriate humble bragging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want more than Christmas or Thanksgiving, you should go visit him. It’s not fair for young adults to have to do all the travel.

Yes, but how much is an imposition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inappropriate humble bragging.

Not really, but an interesting perception on your part.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. Life has a new path. Go down the new path to see what is waiting for you.

[Anonymous]

Go to his city! Stay in a hotel, and be a visitor in the city. Coordinate the visit so he knows you’re coming, of course — maybe you can take him out to dinner or do something fun with him while you’re there.

Are you in a position to schedule and underwrite a family trip? My sister and I took trips with our parents as young adults (NYC at the holidays and the beach in the summer). The fact that our parents paid for it, even though we were on our own, made it so easy to say yes to the trips.

Sending you positive vibes, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to his city! Stay in a hotel, and be a visitor in the city. Coordinate the visit so he knows you’re coming, of course — maybe you can take him out to dinner or do something fun with him while you’re there.

Are you in a position to schedule and underwrite a family trip? My sister and I took trips with our parents as young adults (NYC at the holidays and the beach in the summer). The fact that our parents paid for it, even though we were on our own, made it so easy to say yes to the trips.

Sending you positive vibes, OP.

Thank you. The city he is in has some great summer activities, so I'll look ahead a few months and see what I can plan. I'm hesitant to schedule or offer to pay for a trip because I don't want him to feel like he needs to spend his few PTO days on a family vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inappropriate humble bragging.

Not really, but an interesting perception on your part.

You should more sensitive.

[Anonymous]

I totally understand OP.

I feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inappropriate humble bragging.

Not really, but an interesting perception on your part.

You should more sensitive.

I believe you are the one who dismissed this parent's expressed sadness as "humble bragging."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to his city! Stay in a hotel, and be a visitor in the city. Coordinate the visit so he knows you’re coming, of course — maybe you can take him out to dinner or do something fun with him while you’re there.

Are you in a position to schedule and underwrite a family trip? My sister and I took trips with our parents as young adults (NYC at the holidays and the beach in the summer). The fact that our parents paid for it, even though we were on our own, made it so easy to say yes to the trips.

Sending you positive vibes, OP.

Thank you. The city he is in has some great summer activities, so I'll look ahead a few months and see what I can plan. I'm hesitant to schedule or offer to pay for a trip because I don't want him to feel like he needs to spend his few PTO days on a family vacation.

NP - I think that if there’s enough going on in the city, you can plan to see him for dinner or an activity that won’t require him to take PTO. Maybe visit for a long weekend?

And generally, this phase of life is brand-new. It makes sense that you’d feel grief, even during what is overall a happy outcome for your son. Totally understandable, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to his city! Stay in a hotel, and be a visitor in the city. Coordinate the visit so he knows you’re coming, of course — maybe you can take him out to dinner or do something fun with him while you’re there.

Are you in a position to schedule and underwrite a family trip? My sister and I took trips with our parents as young adults (NYC at the holidays and the beach in the summer). The fact that our parents paid for it, even though we were on our own, made it so easy to say yes to the trips.

Sending you positive vibes, OP.

Thank you. The city he is in has some great summer activities, so I'll look ahead a few months and see what I can plan. I'm hesitant to schedule or offer to pay for a trip because I don't want him to feel like he needs to spend his few PTO days on a family vacation.

You could still offer if you are in the position to do so. The thing I remember my parents always, always saying was, “Do what works for you/your family.” They genuinely meant it. I’m trying to channel that as my own kids prepare to launch. The offers were made, and the fact that it was truly okay to say, “Thank you so much for the offer, but that doesn’t work for us this year.” Over time, I grew to appreciate that more and more.

[Anonymous]

I understand, OP, and I’ll be in the same boat some day soon, too.

Keep in mind those ways you can still see him, and remember: this is actually a good outcome.

But your post does have me a bit verklempt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand, OP, and I’ll be in the same boat some day soon, too.

Keep in mind those ways you can still see him, and remember: this is actually a good outcome.

But your post does have me a bit verklempt.

Thanks. I was a little blindsided by how sad I was when he drove away. I never felt that way when he went back to school. I feel like someone should have warned me.