When you didn’t “do enough” as a host

[Anonymous]

Fugget About It! She was being a beeaattch and she gets to host next year while you stay home with your family and have a nice day.

To be that critical must mean that you did a bang up job and she is just jealous.

So, FUGGET ABOUT IT and that's an order.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I'd call my sister and ask her what was going on, if she needed any help, if she was depressed. Because perhaps there is something going on.

And then, if she told me some horrible news I'd understand why she was bring a brat. And I'd let it go and know she was taking out her upset on me (which isn't great or ok, but if it was something horrible, you'd understand better)

And, if she said nothing was wrong, then I'd tell her that she was NEVER to speak to me like she did yesterday, ever again. "I'd understand if you were just depressed or upset, but given you weren't, you were nasty, rude, uncalled for and I won't have you say those things to me, ever again." and when she asked what you meant, I'd spell it out for her. Calmly, not yelling, but I'd be clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I'd call my sister and ask her what was going on, if she needed any help, if she was depressed. Because perhaps there is something going on.

And then, if she told me some horrible news I'd understand why she was bring a brat. And I'd let it go and know she was taking out her upset on me (which isn't great or ok, but if it was something horrible, you'd understand better)

And, if she said nothing was wrong, then I'd tell her that she was NEVER to speak to me like she did yesterday, ever again. "I'd understand if you were just depressed or upset, but given you weren't, you were nasty, rude, uncalled for and I won't have you say those things to me, ever again." and when she asked what you meant, I'd spell it out for her. Calmly, not yelling, but I'd be clear.

The first part sounds pretty passive aggressive. If you have this conversation, do it in person, not over the phone.

[Anonymous]

Whenever people complain about how I do something, my response is always "Cool. You can take it over from now on. Thanks!"

[Anonymous]

About food, Julia Child said you make the food and eat and never apologize for your cooking. Maybe that can apply to hosting. You did the best you could and a guest was rude by sharing their opinion (not a fact), their OPINION, and they didn’t do jack didily squat compared to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever people complain about how I do something, my response is always "Cool. You can take it over from now on. Thanks!"

Yep! Same. If I volunteer to do things and people suggest this and that I need to do that, I tell them I LOooooooVE help and when will they be getting that done. I love their shocked expressions. 🤣🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

Quite the Miss Piggy you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

If you’re 50 I assume by now someone has told you that you eat politely at your hosts house, say thank you graciously, and depart. You can get takeout on your way home if there is something about bruschetta that a 50 year old cannot safely due to their advanced age or other dietary conditions. The 50 y/os in my life are either much healthier than you or much more polite, not sure which.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever people complain about how I do something, my response is always "Cool. You can take it over from now on. Thanks!"

Yep! Same. If I volunteer to do things and people suggest this and that I need to do that, I tell them I LOooooooVE help and when will they be getting that done. I love their shocked expressions. 🤣🤣

Me too! I did that so many times when I was on the PTA board at my kids’ school. It was so hilarious. I really increased the number of volunteers though. One of the best was when we were hosting an event and realized right beforehand we were low on paper products so someone ran to target and got whatever they had that would work. Someone complained that it wasn’t environmentally friendly, so that night she became head of the environmentally friendly consumables replacement committee. It’s nice when everyone walks away happy.

[Anonymous]

OP, the real issue is why are you so devastated that your family member who was clearly out of line did not seem to have a great time? This is obviously her issue and not yours. You need to focus more on your own needs and not take things so personally.

My sister has a personality disorder and sometimes does things like this and I just call her out by saying something like, "Well hosting is a lot of work and on top of that it is pretty expensive. I'm not willing to host a Christmas lunch, but if you want to do that next time, that is fine with me. The Chinese restaurant down the street delivers if you are still hungry."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

No, I assume you eat a varied selection of foods and not just bread-some proteins and fats to fill you up along with some bruschetta. I also assume you’d go back and get more food if you’re still hungry and there’s a lot of food available, as OP indicated. If you only have a few pieces of bruschetta at a Christmas event, you’re doing it wrong. Maybe you’re a slow learner, because I figured that out when I was 8, but statistically you have a few more decades to practice, so good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, your sister told you this? You have A Sister Problem. Your sister is the problem. She is a big problem. If you can't *not* invite her next time, do not have her spoiling your holiday - do something else.

You know this now. Act accordingly.

[Anonymous]

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Will you be hosting next time?"

[Anonymous]

Very rude of your sister. What's the back story with her? Does this seem in character?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

Quite the Miss Piggy you are.

So its Miss Piggy to want to be full after eating dinner? Rude to expect not to leave hungry? The sister shouldn't complain, but healthy adults don't eat "heavy apps" for dinner.