When you didn’t “do enough” as a host

[Anonymous]

I’m honestly so livid right now. We hosted Christmas and apparently we didn’t have the right start time, nor the right food, nor did we ask our guests to bring the right things, nor did we act excited enough, nor did we take food/gifts promptly enough… we apparently acted like “we didn’t even know they were coming” but the house was clean, food was cooking, table was set… I spent a lot of time, energy and money on tonight and I’m literally sobbing now … this is all immediate family that came over. I don’t know what I’m asking for except to just vent because I’m so sad

[Anonymous]

Who gave you this feedback? I can't imagine anything more rude than to complain to a host/hostess about any perceived shortcomings. Very strange, and I'm sorry you had to cope with that. Would you be able to have a calm discussion with that person in the future about your efforts and your hurt feelings, or is this typical behavior on the part of family members?

[Anonymous]

If these things were said directly to you in so many words, then you raise your voice and express your scorn vividly. They are wildly disrespectful and you will let them feel your displeasure for the long term.

If the critique was veiled, or you heard it from a third party, put the brakes on. Maybe something was lost in the transfer and no one ever meant it to sound that harsh.

Also, maybe you can have a fabulous tropical vacation just about this time next year. And if someone complains, tell them you're done with the nasty criticism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who gave you this feedback? I can't imagine anything more rude than to complain to a host/hostess about any perceived shortcomings. Very strange, and I'm sorry you had to cope with that. Would you be able to have a calm discussion with that person in the future about your efforts and your hurt feelings, or is this typical behavior on the part of family members?

My sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gave you this feedback? I can't imagine anything more rude than to complain to a host/hostess about any perceived shortcomings. Very strange, and I'm sorry you had to cope with that. Would you be able to have a calm discussion with that person in the future about your efforts and your hurt feelings, or is this typical behavior on the part of family members?

My sister

Sorry hit send too soon. It was not veiled and said directly to my face

[Anonymous]

Your sister was probably just jealous. I would ask others how you acted. Don’t rely on one person’s criticism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gave you this feedback? I can't imagine anything more rude than to complain to a host/hostess about any perceived shortcomings. Very strange, and I'm sorry you had to cope with that. Would you be able to have a calm discussion with that person in the future about your efforts and your hurt feelings, or is this typical behavior on the part of family members?

My sister

Sorry hit send too soon. It was not veiled and said directly to my face

Can you give us the conversation word for word?

Was any of the criticism true? Is it possible you acted unwelcoming or put-upon, not on purpose but from the stress of hosting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister was probably just jealous. I would ask others how you acted. Don’t rely on one person’s criticism.

’’

I wouldn’t even ask. You hosted. THAT’S ENOUGH, I mean, unless there are roaches or bugs everywhere, I am assuming it was fine.

[Anonymous]

^ I say this bc sometimes the stress shows on my face when I host. DH no longer allows me to, unless we have everything catered and the cleaners come the day before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gave you this feedback? I can't imagine anything more rude than to complain to a host/hostess about any perceived shortcomings. Very strange, and I'm sorry you had to cope with that. Would you be able to have a calm discussion with that person in the future about your efforts and your hurt feelings, or is this typical behavior on the part of family members?

My sister

Sorry hit send too soon. It was not veiled and said directly to my face

Can you give us the conversation word for word?

Was any of the criticism true? Is it possible you acted unwelcoming or put-upon, not on purpose but from the stress of hosting?

Word for word? No lol. But they let themselves into the house (totally fine, we leave the door unlocked for family) and showed up early. As soon we heard them come in, I helped grab food, rearranged the freezer for some to fit their dishes in, DH helped my dad bring gifts in from the car. Dinner was heavy apps, just as we did last year at another family members house. Apparently our arrival time was too late, we should’ve had people over at lunch but we have kids and so do others, so we wanted a leisurely morning vs rush rush

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gave you this feedback? I can't imagine anything more rude than to complain to a host/hostess about any perceived shortcomings. Very strange, and I'm sorry you had to cope with that. Would you be able to have a calm discussion with that person in the future about your efforts and your hurt feelings, or is this typical behavior on the part of family members?

My sister

So then you call all the other guests to thank them for coming, and say: "you won't believe what Sis just said... she's so incredibly rude... I really don't feel like having her over anymore, she doesn't deserve all the effort I put into hosting..." It's puts them on the spot to not be on her team, and it makes them aware that you are ready to fight back so if they had any criticisms themselves, they'll shut up about it.

[Anonymous]

Appetizer isn't dinner. I don't get people who do that but just tell her I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. You can host next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Appetizer isn't dinner. I don't get people who do that but just tell her I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. You can host next time.

Op here. Our family did this last year so I followed suit. Plus there was tons of food. The one who complained about the food was the one who did heavy apps last year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appetizer isn't dinner. I don't get people who do that but just tell her I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. You can host next time.

Op here. Our family did this last year so I followed suit. Plus there was tons of food. The one who complained about the food was the one who did heavy apps last year

Just serve a meal. How hard is that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gave you this feedback? I can't imagine anything more rude than to complain to a host/hostess about any perceived shortcomings. Very strange, and I'm sorry you had to cope with that. Would you be able to have a calm discussion with that person in the future about your efforts and your hurt feelings, or is this typical behavior on the part of family members?

My sister

Sorry hit send too soon. It was not veiled and said directly to my face

oh brother. take that sh-- with grain of salt for sure. They can be so competitive. next!!