When you didn’t “do enough” as a host

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Heavy apps isn't necessarily easier than dinner. A main entree and a few simple sides doesn't have to be that much work. Heavy apps can mean anything. What exactly was the menu?

Chicken, sliders, Mac n cheese, butternut squash ravioli, green beans, roasted broccoli, kale salad, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, and fruit salad.

Is this op? I’m confused. Eith the exception of sliders these are not heavy apps? Or apps at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Heavy apps isn't necessarily easier than dinner. A main entree and a few simple sides doesn't have to be that much work. Heavy apps can mean anything. What exactly was the menu?

Chicken, sliders, Mac n cheese, butternut squash ravioli, green beans, roasted broccoli, kale salad, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, and fruit salad.

Maybe this is the problem - you call this heavy apps but it’s dinner. Did you use little plates? I can see it would be difficult to eat this food on an appetizer plate. Still not a reason for your sister to be rude but maybe she was having other issues and taking it out on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister is a terrible person. But, we’re lots of other people there? Presumably, they all had a great time. Why are you letting one person ruin all this? And if you are really sobbing over this, you might need to work with a therapist. Most people would be angry or just rolling their eyes, because they already knew their sister was a ridiculous and terrible person.

I know, I’m probably really overreacting but I was just really hurt and blind sided that there was such an issue with the time and what was served. Also that I didn’t have enough freezer or fridge space for them (I did) and could they use the oven, but I was using it and why don’t we have two ovens. And who knows what else there was an issue with. If there was a problem with any of it in, I don’t know why there wasn’t a conversation in advance. I picked a later time to give people time with their families and kids in the morning so no one would have to rush or pull kids away from new toys. I remember hating that as a kid and now hating doing that as a mom. So when I’m hosting, I can pick a time that works for us. And also, we were with other family the day before so I really had limited time to get it all together and a couple extra hours would be helpful.

Had I known any of this would be an issue, I would’ve cooked a full meal and had everyone over at noon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Heavy apps isn't necessarily easier than dinner. A main entree and a few simple sides doesn't have to be that much work. Heavy apps can mean anything. What exactly was the menu?

Chicken, sliders, Mac n cheese, butternut squash ravioli, green beans, roasted broccoli, kale salad, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, and fruit salad.

Is this op? I’m confused. Eith the exception of sliders these are not heavy apps? Or apps at all?

This is not op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister is a terrible person. But, we’re lots of other people there? Presumably, they all had a great time. Why are you letting one person ruin all this? And if you are really sobbing over this, you might need to work with a therapist. Most people would be angry or just rolling their eyes, because they already knew their sister was a ridiculous and terrible person.

I know, I’m probably really overreacting but I was just really hurt and blind sided that there was such an issue with the time and what was served. Also that I didn’t have enough freezer or fridge space for them (I did) and could they use the oven, but I was using it and why don’t we have two ovens. And who knows what else there was an issue with. If there was a problem with any of it in, I don’t know why there wasn’t a conversation in advance. I picked a later time to give people time with their families and kids in the morning so no one would have to rush or pull kids away from new toys. I remember hating that as a kid and now hating doing that as a mom. So when I’m hosting, I can pick a time that works for us. And also, we were with other family the day before so I really had limited time to get it all together and a couple extra hours would be helpful.

Had I known any of this would be an issue, I would’ve cooked a full meal and had everyone over at noon.

What time did you serve this food and what did the rest of the family contribute to this meal/heavy apps? You said they brought so much you had to make room.

[Anonymous]

I would just respond icily, "Well I'm sorry the event wasn't up to your standards. You should definitely host Christmas from now on so you won't have to be disappointed again."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gave you this feedback? I can't imagine anything more rude than to complain to a host/hostess about any perceived shortcomings. Very strange, and I'm sorry you had to cope with that. Would you be able to have a calm discussion with that person in the future about your efforts and your hurt feelings, or is this typical behavior on the part of family members?

My sister

So then you call all the other guests to thank them for coming, and say: "you won't believe what Sis just said... she's so incredibly rude... I really don't feel like having her over anymore, she doesn't deserve all the effort I put into hosting..." It's puts them on the spot to not be on her team, and it makes them aware that you are ready to fight back so if they had any criticisms themselves, they'll shut up about it.

You can’t possibly be serious about this advice.

[Anonymous]

Is your sister normally rude and insulting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gave you this feedback? I can't imagine anything more rude than to complain to a host/hostess about any perceived shortcomings. Very strange, and I'm sorry you had to cope with that. Would you be able to have a calm discussion with that person in the future about your efforts and your hurt feelings, or is this typical behavior on the part of family members?

My sister

So then you call all the other guests to thank them for coming, and say: "you won't believe what Sis just said... she's so incredibly rude... I really don't feel like having her over anymore, she doesn't deserve all the effort I put into hosting..." It's puts them on the spot to not be on her team, and it makes them aware that you are ready to fight back so if they had any criticisms themselves, they'll shut up about it.

You can’t possibly be serious about this advice.

Op here, yeah definitely not doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appetizer isn't dinner. I don't get people who do that but just tell her I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. You can host next time.

Op here. Our family did this last year so I followed suit. Plus there was tons of food. The one who complained about the food was the one who did heavy apps last year

Just serve a meal. How hard is that.

Hi, OP's sister!

[Anonymous]

Do they have little kids? I have little kids and a baby. It’s so hard to keep my baby happy and nice. I really only have a small window between second nap and bed time that’s good for her. Any other time and she’s grumpy and nagging me. I would never say anything though. A 1pm or 2pm dinner is so awful for us, which is when my family serves thanksgiving or Christmas.

Either way- sister is a B. Stand up for yourself and tell her that she hurt your feelings.

[Anonymous]

My MIL served Capri Suns and dinner rolls with a muzzled dog growling beside the table in a messy house full of empty beer cans. I still managed to act grateful.

Does your sister have a big appetite? Maybe hunger took over her brain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they have little kids? I have little kids and a baby. It’s so hard to keep my baby happy and nice. I really only have a small window between second nap and bed time that’s good for her. Any other time and she’s grumpy and nagging me. I would never say anything though. A 1pm or 2pm dinner is so awful for us, which is when my family serves thanksgiving or Christmas.

Either way- sister is a B. Stand up for yourself and tell her that she hurt your feelings.

Yes to kids but they are out of the nap time phase (all the kids are). I used to despise stuff in the middle of the day when we were in the nap time phase of childhood. I picked late afternoon vs early afternoon. That’s it… that’s all the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

That sounds like a fantastic menu. I like that so much more than a turkey or ham and a few sides

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

That sounds like a fantastic menu. I like that so much more than a turkey or ham and a few sides

Op here, me too!! Ours was similar to this, plenty of heavier items but also some lighter stuff too. I also agree it’s great for kids because there are tons of options and it’s no big deal if they just try a couple bites and don’t love it. Great for grazing and also sitting at the table.