When you didn’t “do enough” as a host

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appetizer isn't dinner. I don't get people who do that but just tell her I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. You can host next time.

Op here. Our family did this last year so I followed suit. Plus there was tons of food. The one who complained about the food was the one who did heavy apps last year

What is "heavy apps??" Never heard of that. Just make a big turkey next year, and ask others to bring sides. You put out few bowls chips, dips, nuts to snack on and make gravey. Put their sides in oven to reheat after pull turkey out.

[Anonymous]

OP, your sister is rude. That said, she did heavy apps last year because the event started earlier. Since you started later, people probably expected dinner. Dinner and heavy apps are distinctly different even if the overall quantity of food is the same. Granted, she should’ve sucked it up and been polite but it is possible you done messed up a bit too.

[Anonymous]

Is she looking to host next year?

[Anonymous]

This is weird. Usually the arrival time and the meal are announced by the host in advance and guests are free to accept or decline. Did you invite guests over for lunch at noon and serve appetizers at 6 instead? Assuming there was no miscommunication, I’d ignore your sister. I despise appetizers for dinner unless you have elderly parents who are going to moan about “so much food that they couldn’t possibly eat.” Just my two cents.

[Anonymous]

Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly so livid right now. We hosted Christmas and apparently we didn’t have the right start time, nor the right food, nor did we ask our guests to bring the right things, nor did we act excited enough, nor did we take food/gifts promptly enough… we apparently acted like “we didn’t even know they were coming” but the house was clean, food was cooking, table was set… I spent a lot of time, energy and money on tonight and I’m literally sobbing now … this is all immediate family that came over. I don’t know what I’m asking for except to just vent because I’m so sad

How can you be "literally sobbing" and type this all out at the same time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly so livid right now. We hosted Christmas and apparently we didn’t have the right start time, nor the right food, nor did we ask our guests to bring the right things, nor did we act excited enough, nor did we take food/gifts promptly enough… we apparently acted like “we didn’t even know they were coming” but the house was clean, food was cooking, table was set… I spent a lot of time, energy and money on tonight and I’m literally sobbing now … this is all immediate family that came over. I don’t know what I’m asking for except to just vent because I’m so sad

How can you be "literally sobbing" and type this all out at the same time

Most people can cry and type at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Your sister is a beyotch. Don’t let her get to you.

[Anonymous]

What time was the start time?

(I’m not saying she was justified in being rude, but I do think anything served after, say, 4 p.m. needs to be a dinner, or you need to make it crystal clear that it’s heavy apps, so everyone can eat ahead of time and be prepared for that.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appetizer isn't dinner. I don't get people who do that but just tell her I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. You can host next time.

Op here. Our family did this last year so I followed suit. Plus there was tons of food. The one who complained about the food was the one who did heavy apps last year

Just serve a meal. How hard is that.

I would love heavy apps for Christmas! If you’ve already had a nice meal for Christmas Eve and a heavy breakfast/brunch in Christmas morning, apps for dinner sounds perfect. Maybe they weren’t heavy enough, OP? Not that it excuses anyone complaining, but what did you serve?

[Anonymous]

What kind of appetizers? I’m so confused about this! Was it piggies in a blanket or mini quiche?

[Anonymous]

OP, I love heavy apps as a meal. I’m sorry your sister was so rude. I hosted last night as well and am exhausted today despite very little drama. Please try to let this go, this is obviously a her problem, not a you problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly so livid right now. We hosted Christmas and apparently we didn’t have the right start time, nor the right food, nor did we ask our guests to bring the right things, nor did we act excited enough, nor did we take food/gifts promptly enough… we apparently acted like “we didn’t even know they were coming” but the house was clean, food was cooking, table was set… I spent a lot of time, energy and money on tonight and I’m literally sobbing now … this is all immediate family that came over. I don’t know what I’m asking for except to just vent because I’m so sad

How can you be "literally sobbing" and type this all out at the same time

Most people can cry and type at the same time.

Do you know what sobbing is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appetizer isn't dinner. I don't get people who do that but just tell her I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. You can host next time.

Op here. Our family did this last year so I followed suit. Plus there was tons of food. The one who complained about the food was the one who did heavy apps last year

Just serve a meal. How hard is that.

I would love heavy apps for Christmas! If you’ve already had a nice meal for Christmas Eve and a heavy breakfast/brunch in Christmas morning, apps for dinner sounds perfect. Maybe they weren’t heavy enough, OP? Not that it excuses anyone complaining, but what did you serve?

I love heavy apps compared to a traditional holiday meal! Lots of small samples of many delicious foods instead of a big piece of meat? Yes please!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gave you this feedback? I can't imagine anything more rude than to complain to a host/hostess about any perceived shortcomings. Very strange, and I'm sorry you had to cope with that. Would you be able to have a calm discussion with that person in the future about your efforts and your hurt feelings, or is this typical behavior on the part of family members?

My sister

So then you call all the other guests to thank them for coming, and say: "you won't believe what Sis just said... she's so incredibly rude... I really don't feel like having her over anymore, she doesn't deserve all the effort I put into hosting..." It's puts them on the spot to not be on her team, and it makes them aware that you are ready to fight back so if they had any criticisms themselves, they'll shut up about it.

Of this is your advise, your family dynamics seem toxic. Trash talking about people behind their backs isn't ok. Picking teams when it comes to family members isn't ok