My straight 70 yo Dad is on Transgender websites

[Anonymous]

I'm not clear on your dad's gender identity or sexual preference, and I guess the bigger issue is the cheating. I would approach him with what I found and ask him what's going on and that mom deserves to know. I would suggest therapy if there's something he needs to explore. I feel for people his age, who couldn't make sense if this when they were younger and had to hide a lot of feelings throughout their lives, and suddenly have the opportunity to explore.

[Anonymous]

I thought my dad was straight too. Turns out I was wrong. Found out 6 years after his death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought my dad was straight too. Turns out I was wrong. Found out 6 years after his death.

6 years! How did you find out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought my dad was straight too. Turns out I was wrong. Found out 6 years after his death.

6 years! How did you find out?

Mom just kind of let it spill. It made a lot of things make sense. Like in a blink the puzzle came together after years of scattered pieces. I never saw it coming but then it made sense (if that makes sense). I wish I knew in his life. But the fact remains he had affairs. I wasn’t ok with that but left that between him and my mom. (They we’re married 51 years, she stayed with him after finding out right after I was born. I’m 54).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought my dad was straight too. Turns out I was wrong. Found out 6 years after his death.

6 years! How did you find out?

Mom just kind of let it spill. It made a lot of things make sense. Like in a blink the puzzle came together after years of scattered pieces. I never saw it coming but then it made sense (if that makes sense). I wish I knew in his life. But the fact remains he had affairs. I wasn’t ok with that but left that between him and my mom. (They we’re married 51 years, she stayed with him after finding out right after I was born. I’m 54).

I'm the poster who has a gay fil. Why did she stay with him? Were they open about it? My husband and his sister had a lot of puzzle pieces that came together a once it was confirmed. But they don't know if their mom knew fil was gay. we knew he had oddly close friendships with men, but my husband always thought his mom was too naive to notice. I'm just curious how your own mom handled it all those years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No you don't confront him, what is there to confront? Poor guy, has probably felt this way his whole life but is too scared to be his true self. You want to blow up his life at this point? Please think this through.

My Dad has a VERY distinct name and a business with that name and was STUPID enough to use his real name with his trasgender dating profile. So there is NO hiding this. If my cousin found it his clients will find it.

Why in the world is this anyone's business but his? NO that was not "stupid" you are a hateful shit.

NP. FFS, READ what the OP has been posting before you call OP names. You're showing your own ignorance of what the full story is.

OP has said that
(1) Dad is in a "macho" profession.
(2) Dad still works, and has clients in his profession. It follows that OP means these clients are likely to have an issue with it if they discover dad is on this site -- no matter what the reason from dad's side. Are the clients "hateful," PP? Sure, whatever, but you have no idea if dad needs those clients not to bail on him. Making a living and all that.
(3) Dad was indeed stupid, certainly incredibly naive, to use his real name. On this or any website. It's not "stupid" because it's on a trans site, it's stupid because it violates the most basic internet security protocols for ANY type of site.
(4) OP said in one post that they would not be surprised if dad harmed himself if his presence on this site were known. THAT is a huge red flag for ensuring dad understands he must ax that profile with his real, identifiable name immediately.

I loathe posters like you who accuse OPs of being horrible when it's unjustified. What's hateful is you not paying any attention to the actual story but cranking up your personal indignation to 100 without all the facts.

[Anonymous]

(I meant to ask, were they open about it with each other...Or did he not know she knew?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought my dad was straight too. Turns out I was wrong. Found out 6 years after his death.

6 years! How did you find out?

Mom just kind of let it spill. It made a lot of things make sense. Like in a blink the puzzle came together after years of scattered pieces. I never saw it coming but then it made sense (if that makes sense). I wish I knew in his life. But the fact remains he had affairs. I wasn’t ok with that but left that between him and my mom. (They we’re married 51 years, she stayed with him after finding out right after I was born. I’m 54).

I'm the poster who has a gay fil. Why did she stay with him? Were they open about it? My husband and his sister had a lot of puzzle pieces that came together a once it was confirmed. But they don't know if their mom knew fil was gay. we knew he had oddly close friendships with men, but my husband always thought his mom was too naive to notice. I'm just curious how your own mom handled it all those years.

I think there are two answers to why she stayed. My mom was fairly uneducated, never really wanted a career. She had a disability of sorts- cancer in arm when 8, left one arm “deformed” and in her generation it really thwarted job opportunities. People were cruel. So she thought marriage and kids would be her thing and they were. She truly loved my dad. She discovered he was gay after I was born (last of three) and they had conversations about it back then. She stayed because she wanted a family and she had very few options really. He needed her for career advancement (good ole boy network job). She paid the price though. When I said things made sense- major family meltdowns, mental health issues, just breakdowns she had. About once every 7 years or so. She just couldn’t cope. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone for sure. He was closeted his entire career until about 55 when things unraveled at work and he was demoted out of a partner in charge position so he retired. Took a job in academia. We never knew why any of that happened until a year ago. It’s pretty bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought my dad was straight too. Turns out I was wrong. Found out 6 years after his death.

6 years! How did you find out?

Mom just kind of let it spill. It made a lot of things make sense. Like in a blink the puzzle came together after years of scattered pieces. I never saw it coming but then it made sense (if that makes sense). I wish I knew in his life. But the fact remains he had affairs. I wasn’t ok with that but left that between him and my mom. (They we’re married 51 years, she stayed with him after finding out right after I was born. I’m 54).

I'm the poster who has a gay fil. Why did she stay with him? Were they open about it? My husband and his sister had a lot of puzzle pieces that came together a once it was confirmed. But they don't know if their mom knew fil was gay. we knew he had oddly close friendships with men, but my husband always thought his mom was too naive to notice. I'm just curious how your own mom handled it all those years.

I think there are two answers to why she stayed. My mom was fairly uneducated, never really wanted a career. She had a disability of sorts- cancer in arm when 8, left one arm “deformed” and in her generation it really thwarted job opportunities. People were cruel. So she thought marriage and kids would be her thing and they were. She truly loved my dad. She discovered he was gay after I was born (last of three) and they had conversations about it back then. She stayed because she wanted a family and she had very few options really. He needed her for career advancement (good ole boy network job). She paid the price though. When I said things made sense- major family meltdowns, mental health issues, just breakdowns she had. About once every 7 years or so. She just couldn’t cope. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone for sure. He was closeted his entire career until about 55 when things unraveled at work and he was demoted out of a partner in charge position so he retired. Took a job in academia. We never knew why any of that happened until a year ago. It’s pretty bizarre.

Very interesting and sorry about the stress this put on your family.

[Anonymous]

Is the website for dating trans people? Like men who want to date trans women? Because some people would still consider that “straight” dating. It doesn’t mean the Dad isn’t straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No you don't confront him, what is there to confront? Poor guy, has probably felt this way his whole life but is too scared to be his true self. You want to blow up his life at this point? Please think this through.

My Dad has a VERY distinct name and a business with that name and was STUPID enough to use his real name with his trasgender dating profile. So there is NO hiding this. If my cousin found it his clients will find it.

Why in the world is this anyone's business but his? NO that was not "stupid" you are a hateful shit.

NP. FFS, READ what the OP has been posting before you call OP names. You're showing your own ignorance of what the full story is.

OP has said that
(1) Dad is in a "macho" profession.
(2) Dad still works, and has clients in his profession. It follows that OP means these clients are likely to have an issue with it if they discover dad is on this site -- no matter what the reason from dad's side. Are the clients "hateful," PP? Sure, whatever, but you have no idea if dad needs those clients not to bail on him. Making a living and all that.
(3) Dad was indeed stupid, certainly incredibly naive, to use his real name. On this or any website. It's not "stupid" because it's on a trans site, it's stupid because it violates the most basic internet security protocols for ANY type of site.
(4) OP said in one post that they would not be surprised if dad harmed himself if his presence on this site were known. THAT is a huge red flag for ensuring dad understands he must ax that profile with his real, identifiable name immediately.

I loathe posters like you who accuse OPs of being horrible when it's unjustified. What's hateful is you not paying any attention to the actual story but cranking up your personal indignation to 100 without all the facts.

BRAVO!!!