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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I thought my dad was straight too. Turns out I was wrong. Found out 6 years after his death. [/quote]

6 years! How did you find out? [/quote]

Mom just kind of let it spill. It made a lot of things make sense. Like in a blink the puzzle came together after years of scattered pieces. I never saw it coming but then it made sense (if that makes sense). I wish I knew in his life. But the fact remains he had affairs. I wasn’t ok with that but left that between him and my mom. (They we’re married 51 years, she stayed with him after finding out right after I was born. I’m 54).[/quote]

I'm the poster who has a gay fil. Why did she stay with him? Were they open about it? My husband and his sister had a lot of puzzle pieces that came together a once it was confirmed. But they don't know if their mom knew fil was gay. we knew he had oddly close friendships with men, but my husband always thought his mom was too naive to notice. I'm just curious how your own mom handled it all those years. [/quote]

I think there are two answers to why she stayed. My mom was fairly uneducated, never really wanted a career. She had a disability of sorts- cancer in arm when 8, left one arm “deformed” and in her generation it really thwarted job opportunities. People were cruel. So she thought marriage and kids would be her thing and they were. She truly loved my dad. She discovered he was gay after I was born (last of three) and they had conversations about it back then. She stayed because she wanted a family and she had very few options really. He needed her for career advancement (good ole boy network job). She paid the price though. When I said things made sense- major family meltdowns, mental health issues, just breakdowns she had. About once every 7 years or so. She just couldn’t cope. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone for sure. He was closeted his entire career until about 55 when things unraveled at work and he was demoted out of a partner in charge position so he retired. Took a job in academia. We never knew why any of that happened until a year ago. It’s pretty bizarre. [/quote]

Very interesting and sorry about the stress this put on your family. [/quote]

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