My straight 70 yo Dad is on Transgender websites

[Anonymous]

I would just let him know that, despite this happening to him, you still love and always will.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why everyone is jumping to this meaning he thinks he's potentially Trans. Since it's a dating website, my first thought is that he is attracted to and wants to have sex with a Trans person and is potentially fetishizing them. It would make sense then to put straight for himself, he wants to be with a trans woman and considers that within the straight definition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No you don't confront him, what is there to confront? Poor guy, has probably felt this way his whole life but is too scared to be his true self. You want to blow up his life at this point? Please think this through.

My Dad has a VERY distinct name and a business with that name and was STUPID enough to use his real name with his trasgender dating profile. So there is NO hiding this. If my cousin found it his clients will find it.

DP: then I would tell him this, gently and alone. "Dad, your name, your REAL name, which is tied to your business, showed up on some trans dating sites. Whatever you do, whoever you are, I love you and it's okay with me as long as you're being safe and using protection. But can I help you delete these profiles with your real name so that your clients don't find this - not everyone is as open-minded as we want them to be and I'd hate for this to negatively affect your business or how you're treated. So can I help you delete those? You can create a new profile with a handle that's not tied to your name, and create a gmail address specifically for this. Can I show you how?

And then I'd encourage him to tell his ... wife?

I don't support him cheating on my Mom with anyone so that definitely would not be my talk track..

Of course, but here's the thing. 1. He may just be looking and not dating people. 2. He may not KNOW if he's trans. Some older people have lived so conservatively that they're literally not sure of the wording to describe how they feel, and he's trying to figure that out. Maybe he's "just" gay. Maybe he just wants to cross-dress but thinks that makes him trans. He might be on a dating site trying to talk to others to learn how he feels. If he's so non-tech savvy that he used his real name, then it makes sense to me he doesn't have the words for this. I would not jump to the conclusion he's cheating on your mom.

All valid points

[Anonymous]

You sure he doesn’t have some kind of business or other enemy that put him on that site?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No you don't confront him, what is there to confront? Poor guy, has probably felt this way his whole life but is too scared to be his true self. You want to blow up his life at this point? Please think this through.

My Dad has a VERY distinct name and a business with that name and was STUPID enough to use his real name with his trasgender dating profile. So there is NO hiding this. If my cousin found it his clients will find it.

if this is your true concern, then you send him a note that just says something like "Dad, it was brought to my attention that you used your real name on a dating website. It's not my business but I thought you would want to know".

Tell him like this. If he’s older, he may not realize that you don’t put your real info on the internet like that. Tell him for that reason alone and don’t even mention the transgender site or anything about your mom.

Another reason to tell him is the small possibility that he didn’t actually create this and someone else did, knowing he has a distinct name and a business. He also needs to know for that reason. What if he didn’t create this?

There is no question- it's multiple pictures of him wearing a wig. It's not a hack and most definitely him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sure he doesn’t have some kind of business or other enemy that put him on that site?

Unless it's a scorned lover I don't know who would have these kinds if pictures of my Dad other than hi.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell him anybody can see he is on there, so he needs to change his name on there. Can you email that to him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why everyone is jumping to this meaning he thinks he's potentially Trans. Since it's a dating website, my first thought is that he is attracted to and wants to have sex with a Trans person and is potentially fetishizing them. It would make sense then to put straight for himself, he wants to be with a trans woman and considers that within the straight definition.

He identified on the site as straight but he's in drag. Honestly I can't read the profile in detail. But it seems that, yes, he wants to have sex with trans men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No you don't confront him, what is there to confront? Poor guy, has probably felt this way his whole life but is too scared to be his true self. You want to blow up his life at this point? Please think this through.

My Dad has a VERY distinct name and a business with that name and was STUPID enough to use his real name with his trasgender dating profile. So there is NO hiding this. If my cousin found it his clients will find it.

if this is your true concern, then you send him a note that just says something like "Dad, it was brought to my attention that you used your real name on a dating website. It's not my business but I thought you would want to know".

Tell him like this. If he’s older, he may not realize that you don’t put your real info on the internet like that. Tell him for that reason alone and don’t even mention the transgender site or anything about your mom.

Another reason to tell him is the small possibility that he didn’t actually create this and someone else did, knowing he has a distinct name and a business. He also needs to know for that reason. What if he didn’t create this?

There is no question- it's multiple pictures of him wearing a wig. It's not a hack and most definitely him

Any chance the photos could be photoshopped ; maybe by someone trying to hurt his reputation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No you don't confront him, what is there to confront? Poor guy, has probably felt this way his whole life but is too scared to be his true self. You want to blow up his life at this point? Please think this through.

My Dad has a VERY distinct name and a business with that name and was STUPID enough to use his real name with his trasgender dating profile. So there is NO hiding this. If my cousin found it his clients will find it.

if this is your true concern, then you send him a note that just says something like "Dad, it was brought to my attention that you used your real name on a dating website. It's not my business but I thought you would want to know".

+1. If your dad is as you describe then this it the best approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think he's straight?

His transgender dating profile says it

There are many 'straight' men who visit transgender websites who are autogynphiles. These guys can be 'straight' macho men, or cross-dressers in private who present as men in public, or trans individuals.

OP, I would stay out of it entirely, especially if he is an angry person. It is very unlikely that your fathers wants to discuss his sexual fetishes with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No you don't confront him, what is there to confront? Poor guy, has probably felt this way his whole life but is too scared to be his true self. You want to blow up his life at this point? Please think this through.

My Dad has a VERY distinct name and a business with that name and was STUPID enough to use his real name with his trasgender dating profile. So there is NO hiding this. If my cousin found it his clients will find it.

if this is your true concern, then you send him a note that just says something like "Dad, it was brought to my attention that you used your real name on a dating website. It's not my business but I thought you would want to know".

Tell him like this. If he’s older, he may not realize that you don’t put your real info on the internet like that. Tell him for that reason alone and don’t even mention the transgender site or anything about your mom.

Another reason to tell him is the small possibility that he didn’t actually create this and someone else did, knowing he has a distinct name and a business. He also needs to know for that reason. What if he didn’t create this?

There is no question- it's multiple pictures of him wearing a wig. It's not a hack and most definitely him

Any chance the photos could be photoshopped ; maybe by someone trying to hurt his reputation?

I photoshop photos a lot for professional use. I don't recognize the backgrounds in the photos but it could be his office. The lighting looks consistent. They aren't pictures I've ever seen of him (so in other words not like it was ripped of the internet).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No you don't confront him, what is there to confront? Poor guy, has probably felt this way his whole life but is too scared to be his true self. You want to blow up his life at this point? Please think this through.

My Dad has a VERY distinct name and a business with that name and was STUPID enough to use his real name with his trasgender dating profile. So there is NO hiding this. If my cousin found it his clients will find it.

if this is your true concern, then you send him a note that just says something like "Dad, it was brought to my attention that you used your real name on a dating website. It's not my business but I thought you would want to know".

Tell him like this. If he’s older, he may not realize that you don’t put your real info on the internet like that. Tell him for that reason alone and don’t even mention the transgender site or anything about your mom.

Another reason to tell him is the small possibility that he didn’t actually create this and someone else did, knowing he has a distinct name and a business. He also needs to know for that reason. What if he didn’t create this?

There is no question- it's multiple pictures of him wearing a wig. It's not a hack and most definitely him

I’m sorry, this must be very shocking and upsetting. It’s even more reason to bring it up to him. My dad is in his mid 70s and I’m constantly warning him about things to do or not to do online. At a minimum, your dad needs to know to not use his real name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No you don't confront him, what is there to confront? Poor guy, has probably felt this way his whole life but is too scared to be his true self. You want to blow up his life at this point? Please think this through.

My Dad has a VERY distinct name and a business with that name and was STUPID enough to use his real name with his trasgender dating profile. So there is NO hiding this. If my cousin found it his clients will find it.

if this is your true concern, then you send him a note that just says something like "Dad, it was brought to my attention that you used your real name on a dating website. It's not my business but I thought you would want to know".

+1. If your dad is as you describe then this it the best approach.

Given that my cousin has already identified him it could get out to his brothers. For now it seems like cousin thinks it's a hack but it doesn't take much to realize it isn't a hack.

[Anonymous]

Many straight men get off looking at gay trans men. They don’t want to date, they are just looking to chat or view something visual to help their stimulation.