Cut-off Mother Sending Certified Letter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'd let it get sent back unclaimed. Meaning, don't open the door for the letter carrier, you will get a second notice (mailed, not brought by the carrier) and then it will be returned 'unclaimed' to the sender.

Why, so OP can annoy her mom? You people who think this is an emotional war to the death between OP and her mom are missing the point. OP needs to act in her own interest, and she also needs to stop caring whether her mom is hurt or gloating. If mom is suing OP, OP is going to find out when she gets served, and ignoring a letter isn't going to change that. If the letter is an anodyne "we miss our grandkids," then OP can just not respond.

The OP does not want mail from the mother and does not have to accept it!

Yes, we know you love the drama. But OP needs to consider her own interests, and that's probably knowing what's in the letter. She mentioned her DH was previewing the voicemails etc--he can read this letter for her.

She. Doesn't. Want. It. What part of that is confusing for you?

Your bad advice is what's confusing. Why would you want OP to be blindsided by getting served when she's out with her friends.

This is crazy. Op does not want the letter. She can't live her whole life around her crazy mother's letter-sending. And if the mother is going to sue, what difference does accepting the letter or not do? Not sure why you jump right to sueing.

OP can get a lawyer and prepare. And she can deal with the guy serving her at her house rather than at her work.

Also, OP's husband can read the letter, as he's apparently read other letters and texts and has listened to voicemails.

If it's not a legal matter, OP can simply not respond. Easy.

Prepare for what? There is no legal requirement to contract your parents. At worst, OP's mom can call the cops and request a wellness check, but all she'll get back is OP is fine and does not want contact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'd let it get sent back unclaimed. Meaning, don't open the door for the letter carrier, you will get a second notice (mailed, not brought by the carrier) and then it will be returned 'unclaimed' to the sender.

Why, so OP can annoy her mom? You people who think this is an emotional war to the death between OP and her mom are missing the point. OP needs to act in her own interest, and she also needs to stop caring whether her mom is hurt or gloating. If mom is suing OP, OP is going to find out when she gets served, and ignoring a letter isn't going to change that. If the letter is an anodyne "we miss our grandkids," then OP can just not respond.

The OP does not want mail from the mother and does not have to accept it!

Yes, we know you love the drama. But OP needs to consider her own interests, and that's probably knowing what's in the letter. She mentioned her DH was previewing the voicemails etc--he can read this letter for her.

She. Doesn't. Want. It. What part of that is confusing for you?

Your bad advice is what's confusing. Why would you want OP to be blindsided by getting served when she's out with her friends.

This is crazy. Op does not want the letter. She can't live her whole life around her crazy mother's letter-sending. And if the mother is going to sue, what difference does accepting the letter or not do? Not sure why you jump right to sueing.

OP can get a lawyer and prepare. And she can deal with the guy serving her at her house rather than at her work.

Also, OP's husband can read the letter, as he's apparently read other letters and texts and has listened to voicemails.

If it's not a legal matter, OP can simply not respond. Easy.

Prepare for what? There is no legal requirement to contract your parents. At worst, OP's mom can call the cops and request a wellness check, but all she'll get back is OP is fine and does not want contact

There could be worse. OP may get served or need a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has OP even come back? Or is it just 4+ pages of everyone else arguing?

4+ pages of everyone else arguing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'd let it get sent back unclaimed. Meaning, don't open the door for the letter carrier, you will get a second notice (mailed, not brought by the carrier) and then it will be returned 'unclaimed' to the sender.

Why, so OP can annoy her mom? You people who think this is an emotional war to the death between OP and her mom are missing the point. OP needs to act in her own interest, and she also needs to stop caring whether her mom is hurt or gloating. If mom is suing OP, OP is going to find out when she gets served, and ignoring a letter isn't going to change that. If the letter is an anodyne "we miss our grandkids," then OP can just not respond.

Some posters here clearly want to escalate the mom-daughter drama. They have no interest in helping OP do what's sensible and in her own interest.

I remember when people in this forum would offer nonjudgmental advice. Now it’s just a lot of trolls. I am truly sad about this.

OP, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Be strong, don’t look back, and just ignore the certified letter. Your mom sounds deranged. Sending hugs to you.

Cautioning OP that not opening the letter could have consequences is not being a "troll." Calling OP's mom "deranged" when OP has given little evidence is the act of a troll. Trying your best to escalate family rifts when OP has given us nothing is the act of a troll. Calling everybody else "trolls" when you disagree with the advice is the act of a troll.

See how that works? You're the troll. OP asked for advice, so let people offer advice on both sides of the issue.

PP's who are telling OP to cut mom off forever, in the absence of any details about the conflict, need to step down.

Some people are "conflict entrepreneurs" who stir the pot for power or attention. DCUM seems to have had an influx of conflict entrepreneurs recently.
https://getpocket.com/explore/item/how-to-work-with-someone-who-creates-unnecessary-conflict?utm_medium=email&utm_source=pocket_hits&utm_campaign=POCKET_HITS-EN-DAILY-SPONSORED&HUBSPOT-2022_12_05&sponsored=0&position=3&scheduled_corpus_item_id=591f054a-d06f-434c-a08c-dbe3e589f471

[Anonymous]

Write on envelope:

"REFUSED BY ADDRESSEE. RETURN TO SENDER"

and hand it back to mail carrier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cut off my parents (whole family, really) back in July of last year. DH and I have blocked them on our phones and social media. My mother periodically sends cards or gifts for DD, which have all been thrown out. (DH has thrown most of these away without me seeing them, per my request.) She’s also left a couple voicemails over the past year, none of which I’ve listened to. (Again, DH has screened and deleted them.) Along with blocking them, I did text my parents last November to say the relationship was over and I would not respond to any communication.

Last voicemail was a couple weeks ago, DH said she sounded more stern and said I had to call or text them so they knew I was OK. We have USPS notifications set up and saw that a certified letter is now on its way. What’s the best way to respond to that? If we accept it, she’ll know it was received by us and if we reject it, it’s still an answer, which is really what she’s after.

What did they to warrent such a strong rejection?

[Anonymous]

What did you decide to do OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTH? Open the letter, be an adult.

The sender is manipulating them.

They are trying to be an adult by maintaining boundaries.
The sender is looking for a way to get a response (breaking through boundaries).

They are not immature or crazy. They are in an emotional chess game.


AGAIN, I think you should receive the letter and ignore the contents, but get a friend to manage the letter. They should read and/or burn or both.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

It's not monkeys. It's her parents! And we still have no idea why OP has gone to this extreme

The reason why she cut off her parents is irrelevant to this thread. The question was how to handle a certified letter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTH? Open the letter, be an adult.

The sender is manipulating them.

They are trying to be an adult by maintaining boundaries.
The sender is looking for a way to get a response (breaking through boundaries).

They are not immature or crazy. They are in an emotional chess game.


AGAIN, I think you should receive the letter and ignore the contents, but get a friend to manage the letter. They should read and/or burn or both.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

It's not monkeys. It's her parents! And we still have no idea why OP has gone to this extreme

The reason why she cut off her parents is irrelevant to this thread. The question was how to handle a certified letter.

DP. Actually the reason is relevant. Is OP rationally dealing with years of abuse, or is she one of DCUM’s drama-seeking children who is probably at least partly to blame for the frost?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTH? Open the letter, be an adult.

The sender is manipulating them.

They are trying to be an adult by maintaining boundaries.
The sender is looking for a way to get a response (breaking through boundaries).

They are not immature or crazy. They are in an emotional chess game.


AGAIN, I think you should receive the letter and ignore the contents, but get a friend to manage the letter. They should read and/or burn or both.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

It's not monkeys. It's her parents! And we still have no idea why OP has gone to this extreme

The reason why she cut off her parents is irrelevant to this thread. The question was how to handle a certified letter.

DP. Actually the reason is relevant. Is OP rationally dealing with years of abuse, or is she one of DCUM’s drama-seeking children who is probably at least partly to blame for the frost?

NP. I think you are confused. OP is the one who cut her mother off. She is avoiding all contact, and therefore all drama. It's her mom who is looking for drama by desperately trying to provoke a reaction with a certified letter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTH? Open the letter, be an adult.

The sender is manipulating them.

They are trying to be an adult by maintaining boundaries.
The sender is looking for a way to get a response (breaking through boundaries).

They are not immature or crazy. They are in an emotional chess game.


AGAIN, I think you should receive the letter and ignore the contents, but get a friend to manage the letter. They should read and/or burn or both.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

It's not monkeys. It's her parents! And we still have no idea why OP has gone to this extreme

The reason why she cut off her parents is irrelevant to this thread. The question was how to handle a certified letter.

DP. Actually the reason is relevant. Is OP rationally dealing with years of abuse, or is she one of DCUM’s drama-seeking children who is probably at least partly to blame for the frost?

NP. I think you are confused. OP is the one who cut her mother off. She is avoiding all contact, and therefore all drama. It's her mom who is looking for drama by desperately trying to provoke a reaction with a certified letter.

You’re confused. OP cutting her mother off for no obvious reason (at least that she deigns to tell us) IS the drama. Grandma probably just wants to see her grandkids. This certified letter, if it’s not an attempt to reconnect, may threaten a lawsuit to see the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTH? Open the letter, be an adult.

The sender is manipulating them.

They are trying to be an adult by maintaining boundaries.
The sender is looking for a way to get a response (breaking through boundaries).

They are not immature or crazy. They are in an emotional chess game.


AGAIN, I think you should receive the letter and ignore the contents, but get a friend to manage the letter. They should read and/or burn or both.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

It's not monkeys. It's her parents! And we still have no idea why OP has gone to this extreme

The reason why she cut off her parents is irrelevant to this thread. The question was how to handle a certified letter.

DP. Actually the reason is relevant. Is OP rationally dealing with years of abuse, or is she one of DCUM’s drama-seeking children who is probably at least partly to blame for the frost?

NP. I think you are confused. OP is the one who cut her mother off. She is avoiding all contact, and therefore all drama. It's her mom who is looking for drama by desperately trying to provoke a reaction with a certified letter.

You’re confused. OP cutting her mother off for no obvious reason (at least that she deigns to tell us) IS the drama. Grandma probably just wants to see her grandkids. This certified letter, if it’s not an attempt to reconnect, may threaten a lawsuit to see the grandkids.

People don’t do this for no reason. It’s not easy, and it’s not fun to cut someone off, especially someone society expects you to respect and love. It’s a myth, a DCUM legend, that people cut off parents for no reason. These people don’t exist. Maybe you wouldn’t do the same thing in their position. Maybe they had other options. Maybe they were at the end of their rope and something small pushed them to take drastic measures. But there’s always something, and it’s usually a long list of bad behavior involved. Often there’s a history of abuse. Sometimes there’s untreated mental illness. There’s usually a history of warnings, attempts to set boundaries and the boundaries not being respected. It’s never for no reason.

[Anonymous]

The whole point of no contact is not letting someone control you. I’d accept the letter, then promptly throw it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTH? Open the letter, be an adult.

The sender is manipulating them.

They are trying to be an adult by maintaining boundaries.
The sender is looking for a way to get a response (breaking through boundaries).

They are not immature or crazy. They are in an emotional chess game.


AGAIN, I think you should receive the letter and ignore the contents, but get a friend to manage the letter. They should read and/or burn or both.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

It's not monkeys. It's her parents! And we still have no idea why OP has gone to this extreme

The reason why she cut off her parents is irrelevant to this thread. The question was how to handle a certified letter.

DP. Actually the reason is relevant. Is OP rationally dealing with years of abuse, or is she one of DCUM’s drama-seeking children who is probably at least partly to blame for the frost?

NP. I think you are confused. OP is the one who cut her mother off. She is avoiding all contact, and therefore all drama. It's her mom who is looking for drama by desperately trying to provoke a reaction with a certified letter.

You’re confused. OP cutting her mother off for no obvious reason (at least that she deigns to tell us) IS the drama. Grandma probably just wants to see her grandkids. This certified letter, if it’s not an attempt to reconnect, may threaten a lawsuit to see the grandkids.

People don’t do this for no reason. It’s not easy, and it’s not fun to cut someone off, especially someone society expects you to respect and love. It’s a myth, a DCUM legend, that people cut off parents for no reason. These people don’t exist. Maybe you wouldn’t do the same thing in their position. Maybe they had other options. Maybe they were at the end of their rope and something small pushed them to take drastic measures. But there’s always something, and it’s usually a long list of bad behavior involved. Often there’s a history of abuse. Sometimes there’s untreated mental illness. There’s usually a history of warnings, attempts to set boundaries and the boundaries not being respected. It’s never for no reason.

Yes, some people have very good reason to cut off a parent. But, as we see on DCUM on a daily basis, others are immature or drama addicts and cut people off for minor reasons. These latter are themselves the problem.

Your speculation is useless. We don’t know which OP is, and OP isn’t telling us. Although usually when there’s clear abuse, the OP will say so. That isn’t the case here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'd let it get sent back unclaimed. Meaning, don't open the door for the letter carrier, you will get a second notice (mailed, not brought by the carrier) and then it will be returned 'unclaimed' to the sender.

Why, so OP can annoy her mom? You people who think this is an emotional war to the death between OP and her mom are missing the point. OP needs to act in her own interest, and she also needs to stop caring whether her mom is hurt or gloating. If mom is suing OP, OP is going to find out when she gets served, and ignoring a letter isn't going to change that. If the letter is an anodyne "we miss our grandkids," then OP can just not respond.

The OP does not want mail from the mother and does not have to accept it!

Yes, we know you love the drama. But OP needs to consider her own interests, and that's probably knowing what's in the letter. She mentioned her DH was previewing the voicemails etc--he can read this letter for her.

She. Doesn't. Want. It. What part of that is confusing for you?

Your bad advice is what's confusing. Why would you want OP to be blindsided by getting served when she's out with her friends.

Exactly. Even if OP’s mom has literally zero basis for a legal claim, that doesn’t mean she can’t file suit against OP. Frivolous claims are made all the time in courts. It’s in OP’s interest to know if that is where this is headed. It would also be useful for OP to know if her mom is escalating and threatening to go to OP’s employer or CPS or something like that.

NP. Let's say the letter says "I'm contacting CPS" or "I'm suing you." How does OP knowing that in advance help? Because a) it might not be true; it's just as likely that the mom is trying to upset op and get a response from her and b) if it is true, it's not like having a letter about it in advance will prevent it from happening.

Personally, I would refuse the letter. If OP is worried about a lawsuit or bogus CPS calls, she can low key start looking for lawyers without contacting her mom.

Exactly. It doesn't sound like OP's mother is all that rational or reasonable, so I'm not sure why anyone is supposed to take her smoke signals as gospel truth.

A lot of people -- especially ones with unstable relationships -- threaten to sue, or call the police, or call CPS, but then don't. And they are also more prone to doing things out of left field without giving you warning. I just don't see how knowing what her mother wants to tell her at this point really advances OP's mental health at all.

If she gets officially served, then she gets served, and she knows where things actually stand. If her mother wants to use her like an emotional toilet to take a dump in but can't be trusted to be reliable about what she says, then what's the upside to getting crapped on and stressing out more?

Ignore. Go live your best life, OP. Be at peace.