Cut-off Mother Sending Certified Letter

[Anonymous]

I cut off my parents (whole family, really) back in July of last year. DH and I have blocked them on our phones and social media. My mother periodically sends cards or gifts for DD, which have all been thrown out. (DH has thrown most of these away without me seeing them, per my request.) She’s also left a couple voicemails over the past year, none of which I’ve listened to. (Again, DH has screened and deleted them.) Along with blocking them, I did text my parents last November to say the relationship was over and I would not respond to any communication.

Last voicemail was a couple weeks ago, DH said she sounded more stern and said I had to call or text them so they knew I was OK. We have USPS notifications set up and saw that a certified letter is now on its way. What’s the best way to respond to that? If we accept it, she’ll know it was received by us and if we reject it, it’s still an answer, which is really what she’s after.

[Anonymous]

I rarely open the door so I'd probably miss it anyway, but I would reject it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have time at the moment to review the previous thread but the only reason I would accept it was to prepare for a legal battle. If you are in an area with grandparents rights or if she thinks you owe her money, you might want to know her intentions.

[Anonymous]

In my area they make 3 attempts to deliver and returned if not accepted.

I have missed those attempts so many times because I wasn't home.

I would talk to a lawyer just in case before making any decisions

[Anonymous]

I agree with pps about not answering the door. Also, make sure your children don't open the door. Definitely talk to a lawyer for more knowledgeable.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm not understanding the harm in rejecting the letter.

It's the proof of life she claims she's after and it reinforces the fact that you have zero interest in corresponding.

Otherwise, you're, in a sense, forced into hiding in your own house and ignoring your doorbell for several days because they will continously try to deliver the mail.

[Anonymous]

I’d say just accept it. You don’t have to read it or respond to it. It seems more difficult to be hiding out from your mailman for several days.
No response reaffirms the no contact you have in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have time at the moment to review the previous thread but the only reason I would accept it was to prepare for a legal battle. If you are in an area with grandparents rights or if she thinks you owe her money, you might want to know her intentions.

What previous thread?

[Anonymous]

How are they still leaving vmails if you’ve blocked them? As for the letter, usually the post office puts a card in your mailbox if you don’t answer the door (sometimes the card is just left they never knock). You then have to sign to either have the letter left or pick up the letter in person. You don’t need to dodge the postman multiple times. Just throw out the card and be done with your day.

But get prepared for her to show up and your house or to call the police for a welfare check.

[Anonymous]

This is some next level manipulation on her part.

Just a suggestion: If you are trying to get an A+ in the no contact war, and you feel that what you do with the letter is a win or a loss, you could make yourself crazy.

You have demonstrated strength and firm boundaries. Even if they hired a private investigator to confirm that you are "alive" you still did what you have to do for your own mental health and safety. Good for you.

If the letter makes it's way into your hands, burn it or give it to someone who understands to handle for you.

I printed a crazy email once and brought it to my therapist to decode for me. She crumpled it up and threw it away.

You are strong. They are sneaky. You already "won" by breaking the pattern.

[Anonymous]

I would accept the letter — which confirms that you’re ok. Then toss it. You don’t have to open it or respond to it. If you’re not home when the letter is delivered then just let USPS return it.

I think a PP made a good point about the possibility that your family might subject you to a welfare check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is some next level manipulation on her part.

Just a suggestion: If you are trying to get an A+ in the no contact war, and you feel that what you do with the letter is a win or a loss, you could make yourself crazy.

You have demonstrated strength and firm boundaries. Even if they hired a private investigator to confirm that you are "alive" you still did what you have to do for your own mental health and safety. Good for you.

If the letter makes it's way into your hands, burn it or give it to someone who understands to handle for you.

I printed a crazy email once and brought it to my therapist to decode for me. She crumpled it up and threw it away.

You are strong. They are sneaky. You already "won" by breaking the pattern.

Is it though?

Instead of just asking the post office or rejecting the letter OP has to come here with this long, drawn out explanation.

Did your mother commit a criminal act against you or a family member, OP?

[Anonymous]

A sibling did this after I blocked them every other way. I accepted it, and then threw it away. Drove my sibling crazy because they were expecting a response.

[Anonymous]

You may want to start documenting some of the behavior instead of deleting it. Is this situation at the level you need a restraining order to show the police when a welfare check on DD is being used to harass you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A sibling did this after I blocked them every other way. I accepted it, and then threw it away. Drove my sibling crazy because they were expecting a response.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Accept it then throw it away.