Cut-off Mother Sending Certified Letter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTH? Open the letter, be an adult.

The sender is manipulating them.

They are trying to be an adult by maintaining boundaries.
The sender is looking for a way to get a response (breaking through boundaries).

They are not immature or crazy. They are in an emotional chess game.


AGAIN, I think you should receive the letter and ignore the contents, but get a friend to manage the letter. They should read and/or burn or both.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

It's not monkeys. It's her parents! And we still have no idea why OP has gone to this extreme

The reason why she cut off her parents is irrelevant to this thread. The question was how to handle a certified letter.

DP. Actually the reason is relevant. Is OP rationally dealing with years of abuse, or is she one of DCUM’s drama-seeking children who is probably at least partly to blame for the frost?

NP. I think you are confused. OP is the one who cut her mother off. She is avoiding all contact, and therefore all drama. It's her mom who is looking for drama by desperately trying to provoke a reaction with a certified letter.

You’re confused. OP cutting her mother off for no obvious reason (at least that she deigns to tell us) IS the drama. Grandma probably just wants to see her grandkids. This certified letter, if it’s not an attempt to reconnect, may threaten a lawsuit to see the grandkids.

People don’t do this for no reason. It’s not easy, and it’s not fun to cut someone off, especially someone society expects you to respect and love. It’s a myth, a DCUM legend, that people cut off parents for no reason. These people don’t exist. Maybe you wouldn’t do the same thing in their position. Maybe they had other options. Maybe they were at the end of their rope and something small pushed them to take drastic measures. But there’s always something, and it’s usually a long list of bad behavior involved. Often there’s a history of abuse. Sometimes there’s untreated mental illness. There’s usually a history of warnings, attempts to set boundaries and the boundaries not being respected. It’s never for no reason.

Yes, some people have very good reason to cut off a parent. But, as we see on DCUM on a daily basis, others are immature or drama addicts and cut people off for minor reasons. These latter are themselves the problem.

Your speculation is useless. We don’t know which OP is, and OP isn’t telling us. Although usually when there’s clear abuse, the OP will say so. That isn’t the case here.

JFC you’re a presumptive a$$. You think most people who suffer abuse are eager to open those old wounds? Even if someone says they were abused, someone like you will come along and ask what the abusive behavior was, because in their opinion most people who claim abuse were really just yelled at occasionally. Then if someone says their dad beat them with a belt, someone will come along and say that everyone in their generation was spanked with hands/belts/whatever, it was just how things were done then and not abusive by the standards at the time. So yeah, it actually does make sense for people not to share why, because there’s no end to the shaming abuse victims get when they decide to stand up to their abusers. I really don’t know if it’s trolls, abusers who don’t want to recognize what they’re doing as abuse, or other abuse survivors who need to normalize their experience because they’re not ready to deal with their emotions.

You’re right that the speculation is irrelevant though. Whatever caused OP to cut off her mom was enough for OP to make that decision. OP seems fine with her decision. The one who can’t accept it is her mother, who clearly isn’t respecting her daughter’s boundaries. If I tell someone to leave me alone, that I don’t want a relationship with them, they need to stop. Forcing your way in will not win people over. I’m not sure why you don’t see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Write on envelope:

"REFUSED BY ADDRESSEE. RETURN TO SENDER"

and hand it back to mail carrier.

She doesn't even have to do that. Just tell the carrier, I'm refusing it. The carrier will scan it refused and send it back.

Or tell the carrier you'll pick it up at the post office, and don't-it will go back unclaimed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTH? Open the letter, be an adult.

The sender is manipulating them.

They are trying to be an adult by maintaining boundaries.
The sender is looking for a way to get a response (breaking through boundaries).

They are not immature or crazy. They are in an emotional chess game.


AGAIN, I think you should receive the letter and ignore the contents, but get a friend to manage the letter. They should read and/or burn or both.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

It's not monkeys. It's her parents! And we still have no idea why OP has gone to this extreme

The reason why she cut off her parents is irrelevant to this thread. The question was how to handle a certified letter.

DP. Actually the reason is relevant. Is OP rationally dealing with years of abuse, or is she one of DCUM’s drama-seeking children who is probably at least partly to blame for the frost?

NP. I think you are confused. OP is the one who cut her mother off. She is avoiding all contact, and therefore all drama. It's her mom who is looking for drama by desperately trying to provoke a reaction with a certified letter.

You’re confused. OP cutting her mother off for no obvious reason (at least that she deigns to tell us) IS the drama. Grandma probably just wants to see her grandkids. This certified letter, if it’s not an attempt to reconnect, may threaten a lawsuit to see the grandkids.

People don’t do this for no reason. It’s not easy, and it’s not fun to cut someone off, especially someone society expects you to respect and love. It’s a myth, a DCUM legend, that people cut off parents for no reason. These people don’t exist. Maybe you wouldn’t do the same thing in their position. Maybe they had other options. Maybe they were at the end of their rope and something small pushed them to take drastic measures. But there’s always something, and it’s usually a long list of bad behavior involved. Often there’s a history of abuse. Sometimes there’s untreated mental illness. There’s usually a history of warnings, attempts to set boundaries and the boundaries not being respected. It’s never for no reason.

Yes, some people have very good reason to cut off a parent. But, as we see on DCUM on a daily basis, others are immature or drama addicts and cut people off for minor reasons. These latter are themselves the problem.

Your speculation is useless. We don’t know which OP is, and OP isn’t telling us. Although usually when there’s clear abuse, the OP will say so. That isn’t the case here.

JFC you’re a presumptive a$$. You think most people who suffer abuse are eager to open those old wounds? Even if someone says they were abused, someone like you will come along and ask what the abusive behavior was, because in their opinion most people who claim abuse were really just yelled at occasionally. Then if someone says their dad beat them with a belt, someone will come along and say that everyone in their generation was spanked with hands/belts/whatever, it was just how things were done then and not abusive by the standards at the time. So yeah, it actually does make sense for people not to share why, because there’s no end to the shaming abuse victims get when they decide to stand up to their abusers. I really don’t know if it’s trolls, abusers who don’t want to recognize what they’re doing as abuse, or other abuse survivors who need to normalize their experience because they’re not ready to deal with their emotions.

You’re right that the speculation is irrelevant though. Whatever caused OP to cut off her mom was enough for OP to make that decision. OP seems fine with her decision. The one who can’t accept it is her mother, who clearly isn’t respecting her daughter’s boundaries. If I tell someone to leave me alone, that I don’t want a relationship with them, they need to stop. Forcing your way in will not win people over. I’m not sure why you don’t see that.

^^^ Abuser enabling potentially other abusers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTH? Open the letter, be an adult.

The sender is manipulating them.

They are trying to be an adult by maintaining boundaries.
The sender is looking for a way to get a response (breaking through boundaries).

They are not immature or crazy. They are in an emotional chess game.


AGAIN, I think you should receive the letter and ignore the contents, but get a friend to manage the letter. They should read and/or burn or both.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

It's not monkeys. It's her parents! And we still have no idea why OP has gone to this extreme

The reason why she cut off her parents is irrelevant to this thread. The question was how to handle a certified letter.

DP. Actually the reason is relevant. Is OP rationally dealing with years of abuse, or is she one of DCUM’s drama-seeking children who is probably at least partly to blame for the frost?

NP. I think you are confused. OP is the one who cut her mother off. She is avoiding all contact, and therefore all drama. It's her mom who is looking for drama by desperately trying to provoke a reaction with a certified letter.

You’re confused. OP cutting her mother off for no obvious reason (at least that she deigns to tell us) IS the drama. Grandma probably just wants to see her grandkids. This certified letter, if it’s not an attempt to reconnect, may threaten a lawsuit to see the grandkids.

People don’t do this for no reason. It’s not easy, and it’s not fun to cut someone off, especially someone society expects you to respect and love. It’s a myth, a DCUM legend, that people cut off parents for no reason. These people don’t exist. Maybe you wouldn’t do the same thing in their position. Maybe they had other options. Maybe they were at the end of their rope and something small pushed them to take drastic measures. But there’s always something, and it’s usually a long list of bad behavior involved. Often there’s a history of abuse. Sometimes there’s untreated mental illness. There’s usually a history of warnings, attempts to set boundaries and the boundaries not being respected. It’s never for no reason.

Yes, some people have very good reason to cut off a parent. But, as we see on DCUM on a daily basis, others are immature or drama addicts and cut people off for minor reasons. These latter are themselves the problem.

Your speculation is useless. We don’t know which OP is, and OP isn’t telling us. Although usually when there’s clear abuse, the OP will say so. That isn’t the case here.

JFC you’re a presumptive a$$. You think most people who suffer abuse are eager to open those old wounds? Even if someone says they were abused, someone like you will come along and ask what the abusive behavior was, because in their opinion most people who claim abuse were really just yelled at occasionally. Then if someone says their dad beat them with a belt, someone will come along and say that everyone in their generation was spanked with hands/belts/whatever, it was just how things were done then and not abusive by the standards at the time. So yeah, it actually does make sense for people not to share why, because there’s no end to the shaming abuse victims get when they decide to stand up to their abusers. I really don’t know if it’s trolls, abusers who don’t want to recognize what they’re doing as abuse, or other abuse survivors who need to normalize their experience because they’re not ready to deal with their emotions.

You’re right that the speculation is irrelevant though. Whatever caused OP to cut off her mom was enough for OP to make that decision. OP seems fine with her decision. The one who can’t accept it is her mother, who clearly isn’t respecting her daughter’s boundaries. If I tell someone to leave me alone, that I don’t want a relationship with them, they need to stop. Forcing your way in will not win people over. I’m not sure why you don’t see that.

Posters like you are ruining DCUM with your arrogance and ad hominens. You know nothing about OP’s circumstances. You’re clearly not qualified to offer adult advice. Sit down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTH? Open the letter, be an adult.

The sender is manipulating them.

They are trying to be an adult by maintaining boundaries.
The sender is looking for a way to get a response (breaking through boundaries).

They are not immature or crazy. They are in an emotional chess game.


AGAIN, I think you should receive the letter and ignore the contents, but get a friend to manage the letter. They should read and/or burn or both.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

It's not monkeys. It's her parents! And we still have no idea why OP has gone to this extreme

The reason why she cut off her parents is irrelevant to this thread. The question was how to handle a certified letter.

DP. Actually the reason is relevant. Is OP rationally dealing with years of abuse, or is she one of DCUM’s drama-seeking children who is probably at least partly to blame for the frost?

NP. I think you are confused. OP is the one who cut her mother off. She is avoiding all contact, and therefore all drama. It's her mom who is looking for drama by desperately trying to provoke a reaction with a certified letter.

You’re confused. OP cutting her mother off for no obvious reason (at least that she deigns to tell us) IS the drama. Grandma probably just wants to see her grandkids. This certified letter, if it’s not an attempt to reconnect, may threaten a lawsuit to see the grandkids.

People don’t do this for no reason. It’s not easy, and it’s not fun to cut someone off, especially someone society expects you to respect and love. It’s a myth, a DCUM legend, that people cut off parents for no reason. These people don’t exist. Maybe you wouldn’t do the same thing in their position. Maybe they had other options. Maybe they were at the end of their rope and something small pushed them to take drastic measures. But there’s always something, and it’s usually a long list of bad behavior involved. Often there’s a history of abuse. Sometimes there’s untreated mental illness. There’s usually a history of warnings, attempts to set boundaries and the boundaries not being respected. It’s never for no reason.

Yes, some people have very good reason to cut off a parent. But, as we see on DCUM on a daily basis, others are immature or drama addicts and cut people off for minor reasons. These latter are themselves the problem.

Your speculation is useless. We don’t know which OP is, and OP isn’t telling us. Although usually when there’s clear abuse, the OP will say so. That isn’t the case here.

JFC you’re a presumptive a$$. You think most people who suffer abuse are eager to open those old wounds? Even if someone says they were abused, someone like you will come along and ask what the abusive behavior was, because in their opinion most people who claim abuse were really just yelled at occasionally. Then if someone says their dad beat them with a belt, someone will come along and say that everyone in their generation was spanked with hands/belts/whatever, it was just how things were done then and not abusive by the standards at the time. So yeah, it actually does make sense for people not to share why, because there’s no end to the shaming abuse victims get when they decide to stand up to their abusers. I really don’t know if it’s trolls, abusers who don’t want to recognize what they’re doing as abuse, or other abuse survivors who need to normalize their experience because they’re not ready to deal with their emotions.

You’re right that the speculation is irrelevant though. Whatever caused OP to cut off her mom was enough for OP to make that decision. OP seems fine with her decision. The one who can’t accept it is her mother, who clearly isn’t respecting her daughter’s boundaries. If I tell someone to leave me alone, that I don’t want a relationship with them, they need to stop. Forcing your way in will not win people over. I’m not sure why you don’t see that.

Posters like you are ruining DCUM with your arrogance and ad hominens. You know nothing about OP’s circumstances. You’re clearly not qualified to offer adult advice. Sit down.

I know OP doesn’t want to have a relationship with someone and you’re suggesting she should set aside her discomfort and continue the relationship without knowing why she wants to discontinue it. No means no. That she doesn’t want a relationship is enough of a reason to stop contact. Why would you want to force a woman to have a relationship with anyone who makes her uncomfortable?

I’m not being arrogant. I’m saying listen to the OP and believe what she says when she states she needed to end a relationship. Don’t adults get to decide that for themselves? Why do you think you know better than OP?

[Anonymous]

Question 1: Am I missing the part where OP is concerned about being sued?

Question 2: Did the mother know that OP was aware of the letter coming?

Either way, I'd argue that the best choice is to accept it like any other piece of mail. The mother claims that this is about a concern whether OP is "OK." By signing for the mail, OP will have satisfied that request by confirming that she's OK, while providing virtually zero other information. Legal assumptions aside, the mother will never know whether it was indeed opened.

What happens after signing is completely up to OP.

After seeing the number of narcissists obsessing on the "thank you notes" thread, most the responses here don't surprise me one bit. You people know nothing about respecting boundaries.