Do we need to disclose in preschool applications?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The least of your worries is how to get him into private school.

I can’t speak for other private schools but at my private school there’s a strong sense of parent involvement in the school. Unfortunately that means parents have flexible jobs, or one has a stay at home mom, or there is a grandparent or a nanny willing to pick up the slack. Even the parents with high flying jobs get involved. At least at the pre k or kindergarten level the school wants to see that parents will be part of the community. Yes understandably to be able do that smacks of privilege, but that’s why it’s elite private school.

You may want to think right now about how working long hours may not give you the flexibility that private schools are looking from its parents.

+1 to the first part. Spend your money on a nanny and a good half-day preK3 program. He’s struggling right now, so if you have the funds - use them to provide a nurturing environment.

As for the second part of this statement, just wow. This is so out of touch and elitist. OP’s child’s application is not going to suffer because she and her husband work long hours at what I’m sure are at least somewhat prestigious jobs. And involvement like coming into the classroom to read a book occasionally or for conferences or even being on the spring gala auction committee after a handful of years at the school is very different from leaving work at 4 pm every day to get your child from daycare. Even lost-COVID there are many jobs that do not allow (maybe not explicitly but optically) for you to leave every day at 4 for daycare pick up. OP is in NYC not Seattle.

Yes but OP is thinking of hiring a nanny to do this and many of us are agreeing that is a good idea. I also cut my hours to pick my kid up early but if I couldn’t have I would have had some one else do it. He was doing well with a nanny before and now is not doing well- that’s so much more important to figure out than preschool applications.

I agreed with the first part of the statement, so no argument there. What I don’t agree with is the statement that schools look for parents who can be heavily involved. And as for the 4 pm thing - it’s not realistic if you work at Goldman Sachs or Morgan Stanley or Apollo or Latham or any number of NYC firms. Your flexing your schedule to accommodate a 4 pm schedule in DC is just not possible for many working moms in NYC. The culture is not accepting of that and if OP is working at one of these places and does this daily she will lose her job. My point is that the comment is out of touch and not applicable to NYC work culture. Why do you think the OP hasn’t done this yet? Probably because she can’t.

PP above yours is in a loser job or is one of the useless c suite. Has no idea what work is. As someone with a big job, the biggest joke on women is reduced hours.

I’m the loser PP you are referring to. I’m happy with my choices but my point was that this child might benefit from being home earlier in a quiet environment, which can be with a nanny. I think the parental involvement thing is BS but I’m not in NYC so I don’t really know, maybe it’s different there. My main point is that this kid is clearly having a hard time and I’d focus on that and not what preschool he will get into.

I’m the person PP was quoting so weird you responded. Do you do this often? Probably not a surprise, but I am in NYC and that’s why I was saying that OP probably doesn’t have the flexibility that someone working at a firm in a second tier city might have. OP probably either wants or needs to keep her job so suggestions about her flexing although well-intentioned won’t fly. She needs to focus on finding a nanny and moving to a shorter preschool day instead of putting her energy into getting her child into Dwight or Horace Mann. You still have multiple years before K, OP. Set your kid up for success before throwing him into the deep end at an elite institution that will probably have less compassion than your daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The least of your worries is how to get him into private school.

I can’t speak for other private schools but at my private school there’s a strong sense of parent involvement in the school. Unfortunately that means parents have flexible jobs, or one has a stay at home mom, or there is a grandparent or a nanny willing to pick up the slack. Even the parents with high flying jobs get involved. At least at the pre k or kindergarten level the school wants to see that parents will be part of the community. Yes understandably to be able do that smacks of privilege, but that’s why it’s elite private school.

You may want to think right now about how working long hours may not give you the flexibility that private schools are looking from its parents.

+1 to the first part. Spend your money on a nanny and a good half-day preK3 program. He’s struggling right now, so if you have the funds - use them to provide a nurturing environment.

As for the second part of this statement, just wow. This is so out of touch and elitist. OP’s child’s application is not going to suffer because she and her husband work long hours at what I’m sure are at least somewhat prestigious jobs. And involvement like coming into the classroom to read a book occasionally or for conferences or even being on the spring gala auction committee after a handful of years at the school is very different from leaving work at 4 pm every day to get your child from daycare. Even lost-COVID there are many jobs that do not allow (maybe not explicitly but optically) for you to leave every day at 4 for daycare pick up. OP is in NYC not Seattle.

Yes but OP is thinking of hiring a nanny to do this and many of us are agreeing that is a good idea. I also cut my hours to pick my kid up early but if I couldn’t have I would have had some one else do it. He was doing well with a nanny before and now is not doing well- that’s so much more important to figure out than preschool applications.

I agreed with the first part of the statement, so no argument there. What I don’t agree with is the statement that schools look for parents who can be heavily involved. And as for the 4 pm thing - it’s not realistic if you work at Goldman Sachs or Morgan Stanley or Apollo or Latham or any number of NYC firms. Your flexing your schedule to accommodate a 4 pm schedule in DC is just not possible for many working moms in NYC. The culture is not accepting of that and if OP is working at one of these places and does this daily she will lose her job. My point is that the comment is out of touch and not applicable to NYC work culture. Why do you think the OP hasn’t done this yet? Probably because she can’t.

PP above yours is in a loser job or is one of the useless c suite. Has no idea what work is. As someone with a big job, the biggest joke on women is reduced hours.

I’m the loser PP you are referring to. I’m happy with my choices but my point was that this child might benefit from being home earlier in a quiet environment, which can be with a nanny. I think the parental involvement thing is BS but I’m not in NYC so I don’t really know, maybe it’s different there. My main point is that this kid is clearly having a hard time and I’d focus on that and not what preschool he will get into.

I’m the person PP was quoting so weird you responded. Do you do this often? Probably not a surprise, but I am in NYC and that’s why I was saying that OP probably doesn’t have the flexibility that someone working at a firm in a second tier city might have. OP probably either wants or needs to keep her job so suggestions about her flexing although well-intentioned won’t fly. She needs to focus on finding a nanny and moving to a shorter preschool day instead of putting her energy into getting her child into Dwight or Horace Mann. You still have multiple years before K, OP. Set your kid up for success before throwing him into the deep end at an elite institution that will probably have less compassion than your daycare.

Great so we agree 😀 since the person who called me, the reduced hour PP, a loser responded to you saying the “the PP above you” I was pretty clear they were talking about me. So I responded. I’m done now though. Enjoy your first tier city and your big jobs! I will enjoy being a nice human being. Happy Friday!

[Anonymous]

You have your priorities wrong. You are applying to a fancy private school but you currently have your 2yo child in a crappy daycare for 11 hours?

If you can truly afford private, then you can also afford to go through an agency to hire a high-quality nanny as replacement.

What you are doing is the equivalent of buying your kids designer clothes but feeding them Top Ramen every day.

Signed, private school K-12 parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The least of your worries is how to get him into private school.

I can’t speak for other private schools but at my private school there’s a strong sense of parent involvement in the school. Unfortunately that means parents have flexible jobs, or one has a stay at home mom, or there is a grandparent or a nanny willing to pick up the slack. Even the parents with high flying jobs get involved. At least at the pre k or kindergarten level the school wants to see that parents will be part of the community. Yes understandably to be able do that smacks of privilege, but that’s why it’s elite private school.

You may want to think right now about how working long hours may not give you the flexibility that private schools are looking from its parents.

+1 to the first part. Spend your money on a nanny and a good half-day preK3 program. He’s struggling right now, so if you have the funds - use them to provide a nurturing environment.

As for the second part of this statement, just wow. This is so out of touch and elitist. OP’s child’s application is not going to suffer because she and her husband work long hours at what I’m sure are at least somewhat prestigious jobs. And involvement like coming into the classroom to read a book occasionally or for conferences or even being on the spring gala auction committee after a handful of years at the school is very different from leaving work at 4 pm every day to get your child from daycare. Even lost-COVID there are many jobs that do not allow (maybe not explicitly but optically) for you to leave every day at 4 for daycare pick up. OP is in NYC not Seattle.

Yes but OP is thinking of hiring a nanny to do this and many of us are agreeing that is a good idea. I also cut my hours to pick my kid up early but if I couldn’t have I would have had some one else do it. He was doing well with a nanny before and now is not doing well- that’s so much more important to figure out than preschool applications.

I agreed with the first part of the statement, so no argument there. What I don’t agree with is the statement that schools look for parents who can be heavily involved. And as for the 4 pm thing - it’s not realistic if you work at Goldman Sachs or Morgan Stanley or Apollo or Latham or any number of NYC firms. Your flexing your schedule to accommodate a 4 pm schedule in DC is just not possible for many working moms in NYC. The culture is not accepting of that and if OP is working at one of these places and does this daily she will lose her job. My point is that the comment is out of touch and not applicable to NYC work culture. Why do you think the OP hasn’t done this yet? Probably because she can’t.

PP above yours is in a loser job or is one of the useless c suite. Has no idea what work is. As someone with a big job, the biggest joke on women is reduced hours.

I’m the loser PP you are referring to. I’m happy with my choices but my point was that this child might benefit from being home earlier in a quiet environment, which can be with a nanny. I think the parental involvement thing is BS but I’m not in NYC so I don’t really know, maybe it’s different there. My main point is that this kid is clearly having a hard time and I’d focus on that and not what preschool he will get into.

I’m the person PP was quoting so weird you responded. Do you do this often? Probably not a surprise, but I am in NYC and that’s why I was saying that OP probably doesn’t have the flexibility that someone working at a firm in a second tier city might have. OP probably either wants or needs to keep her job so suggestions about her flexing although well-intentioned won’t fly. She needs to focus on finding a nanny and moving to a shorter preschool day instead of putting her energy into getting her child into Dwight or Horace Mann. You still have multiple years before K, OP. Set your kid up for success before throwing him into the deep end at an elite institution that will probably have less compassion than your daycare.

Look, I’m a FT WOHM too, but at some point you can’t outsource all your parenting. You have to actually be there for your kid.

I lived and worked in NYC for nearly a decade and am happy to now be in a “second tier city” in a flexible job that allows me to pick my children up from their private school 3-4x a week, and volunteer usually once a month. Frankly, I would think someone who boasted about their big “first tier city” job necessitating leaving their toddler away from a family member for 11 hours a day is just pathetic. Yes nannies are great (ours has been with us for 7 years) but does not replace time with a parent, or maybe a grandparent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The least of your worries is how to get him into private school.

I can’t speak for other private schools but at my private school there’s a strong sense of parent involvement in the school. Unfortunately that means parents have flexible jobs, or one has a stay at home mom, or there is a grandparent or a nanny willing to pick up the slack. Even the parents with high flying jobs get involved. At least at the pre k or kindergarten level the school wants to see that parents will be part of the community. Yes understandably to be able do that smacks of privilege, but that’s why it’s elite private school.

You may want to think right now about how working long hours may not give you the flexibility that private schools are looking from its parents.

+1 to the first part. Spend your money on a nanny and a good half-day preK3 program. He’s struggling right now, so if you have the funds - use them to provide a nurturing environment.

As for the second part of this statement, just wow. This is so out of touch and elitist. OP’s child’s application is not going to suffer because she and her husband work long hours at what I’m sure are at least somewhat prestigious jobs. And involvement like coming into the classroom to read a book occasionally or for conferences or even being on the spring gala auction committee after a handful of years at the school is very different from leaving work at 4 pm every day to get your child from daycare. Even lost-COVID there are many jobs that do not allow (maybe not explicitly but optically) for you to leave every day at 4 for daycare pick up. OP is in NYC not Seattle.

Yes but OP is thinking of hiring a nanny to do this and many of us are agreeing that is a good idea. I also cut my hours to pick my kid up early but if I couldn’t have I would have had some one else do it. He was doing well with a nanny before and now is not doing well- that’s so much more important to figure out than preschool applications.

I agreed with the first part of the statement, so no argument there. What I don’t agree with is the statement that schools look for parents who can be heavily involved. And as for the 4 pm thing - it’s not realistic if you work at Goldman Sachs or Morgan Stanley or Apollo or Latham or any number of NYC firms. Your flexing your schedule to accommodate a 4 pm schedule in DC is just not possible for many working moms in NYC. The culture is not accepting of that and if OP is working at one of these places and does this daily she will lose her job. My point is that the comment is out of touch and not applicable to NYC work culture. Why do you think the OP hasn’t done this yet? Probably because she can’t.

PP above yours is in a loser job or is one of the useless c suite. Has no idea what work is. As someone with a big job, the biggest joke on women is reduced hours.

I’m the loser PP you are referring to. I’m happy with my choices but my point was that this child might benefit from being home earlier in a quiet environment, which can be with a nanny. I think the parental involvement thing is BS but I’m not in NYC so I don’t really know, maybe it’s different there. My main point is that this kid is clearly having a hard time and I’d focus on that and not what preschool he will get into.

I’m the person PP was quoting so weird you responded. Do you do this often? Probably not a surprise, but I am in NYC and that’s why I was saying that OP probably doesn’t have the flexibility that someone working at a firm in a second tier city might have. OP probably either wants or needs to keep her job so suggestions about her flexing although well-intentioned won’t fly. She needs to focus on finding a nanny and moving to a shorter preschool day instead of putting her energy into getting her child into Dwight or Horace Mann. You still have multiple years before K, OP. Set your kid up for success before throwing him into the deep end at an elite institution that will probably have less compassion than your daycare.

Look, I’m a FT WOHM too, but at some point you can’t outsource all your parenting. You have to actually be there for your kid.

I lived and worked in NYC for nearly a decade and am happy to now be in a “second tier city” in a flexible job that allows me to pick my children up from their private school 3-4x a week, and volunteer usually once a month. Frankly, I would think someone who boasted about their big “first tier city” job necessitating leaving their toddler away from a family member for 11 hours a day is just pathetic. Yes nannies are great (ours has been with us for 7 years) but does not replace time with a parent, or maybe a grandparent.

And this is why I called you a loser - you’re actually being a huge jerk. You have no idea what lower income women in first tier cities go through to put food on the table. How long is your great nanny away from her kids? How long was she when they were little?

I don’t think their kids are screwed because their moms have to work. I think your loser job is going to set your kids up for mediocrity at best. It’s not that the big job is what’s cool, it’s that implicit in your commentary is some super crappy classism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the request for a current teacher recommendation?

What is not so great about the current place? I ask because if he has trouble with routine/transitions, he might do better staying in one place before pre-K rather than moving from daycare to different preschool to different pre-k.

OP yes tough to know for sure. He never resonated with this teacher and the teacher is also not super warm. He does better with structure and here it’s too unstructured for him. Also I think he does feel singled out now vs other kids as the problem kid which did not help. I am working to boost his self esteem by telling him how much the teacher loves it when he contributes in his class (knowing his areas of strength) and that is working a bit.
But again I am under much time pressure.

My daughter is in Prek3 now and her teachers last year were much warmer - and she had a best friend in her class. This year her teachers are not as warm and her best friend isn't in her class. You can't control your child's teachers or their peers. I don't think you're looking for problems, but it's a fact of life that you're not going to vibe with everyone and part of getting along in this world is figuring out how to cope in social situations that aren't skewed to meet all your needs. If you are looking for structure I would be wary of some of the progressive schools that others have suggested. It doesn't sound like St. Anne's or Fieldston would be great for your child.

OP Are progressive schools unstructured in preK? I thought there has to be structure there unless it’s Montessori. We are in NYC

I am in Greenwich and used to live in NYC. All children thrive with some structure, bit my assumption is that a school like Fieldston would be less structured than a more traditional school. Structure is progressive and some schools incorporate aspects of Montessori into PreK and K programs. You should ask about the educational philosophies underpinning the PreK and K programs in the parent interviews and if it is a game changer for your child, perhaps emphasize that your child thrives in structured environments in a parent essay.

OP Yes, thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former preschool teacher here---I know the private school part of this is important to you, but if you want your child to be successful right now (which will help create his personal self image as a student) then I would make sure you find a preschool that has a lot of fun and allows for copious outdoor time and unstructured play as well as the structure and routine of sitting in circle time (not too long) and being able to line up and walk in the hallway, take turns, share. I worry that kids like yours will get into these fancy academic schools and be labeled a "bad" kid because they can't sit for a 30 minute circle time, when really the circle time length is developmentally inappropriate. So just as you want them to accept your son, I want you to be careful to find the right environment for HIM so that he sees himself as a bright and capable learner, a successful student--which will prepare him just as much for his future schooling as being in the "right" fancy preschool

OP Agreed. But there’s no equivalence. He’s at a neighborhood run of the mill daycare, nothing fancy. And things are not going well. We went for an open house at a fancier place and the moment we knew we were on the verge of a tantrum, the educator there handled it so well that no tantrum ensued. Maybe it was that one individual teacher but if anything we saw the difference very clearly in favor of the fancier school who had a better equipped teacher.

Trust me- I’d your child throws more than a few tantrums in a fancy school at age 3, you will be counseled out. Just make sure it’s a good fit.

PP This is ridiculous. Kids do sometimes throw tantrums.

Of course 3 year olds throw tantrums but many 3 year olds can hold it together at school. I have two kids in school and have never received a phone call about tantrums for either of them and no teacher has ever commented on tantrums during conferences. My children have tantrums at home but they know that it's not OK at school. I do think it's a little different if your child is in a full day program at 3 because it's much harder to ask a kid to hold it together for 8-10 hours at 3 than it is to ask a child to hold it together for 3-4 hours. My guess is that teachers in daycare would be aware of this though and would only raise tantrums if they were occurring enough that they surpassed what was normal.

OP back. My kid is in extended care. He goes there 730 am in the morning and we pick him il after 6 pm. We are both working parents and have no other choice though I am now exploring getting a nanny to pick him up at 4 pm. His pushing other kids has also mostly happened after 3 pm so when he’s tired. In terms of tantrums, they did not call us for it they just mentioned it happens so I think he probably does tantrum more than others but they did not highlight it as a huge problem.

To the poster above how did you manage to teach your kid that tantrums are not acceptable in school? Tips?

Is he still napping? Mine dropped their naps early and then really needed to come home by 4. I would work later in the evening if I needed to be my husband and I staggered our hours to make it possible. I would definitely look into this for your child’s happiness not for preschool applications.

OP Still napping. We cannot stagger our hours. We are looking to get a PT nanny to pick him up around 4 but it takes time to find someone we like and I am not sure we will see enough improvement in his behavior before applications are due so the rec letter issue still stands. Of course, we would still get a nanny to support him but my point is it's not going to solve the immediate issue in the next 2 weeks. We expect the nanny to start by mid-Jan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former preschool teacher here---I know the private school part of this is important to you, but if you want your child to be successful right now (which will help create his personal self image as a student) then I would make sure you find a preschool that has a lot of fun and allows for copious outdoor time and unstructured play as well as the structure and routine of sitting in circle time (not too long) and being able to line up and walk in the hallway, take turns, share. I worry that kids like yours will get into these fancy academic schools and be labeled a "bad" kid because they can't sit for a 30 minute circle time, when really the circle time length is developmentally inappropriate. So just as you want them to accept your son, I want you to be careful to find the right environment for HIM so that he sees himself as a bright and capable learner, a successful student--which will prepare him just as much for his future schooling as being in the "right" fancy preschool

OP Agreed. But there’s no equivalence. He’s at a neighborhood run of the mill daycare, nothing fancy. And things are not going well. We went for an open house at a fancier place and the moment we knew we were on the verge of a tantrum, the educator there handled it so well that no tantrum ensued. Maybe it was that one individual teacher but if anything we saw the difference very clearly in favor of the fancier school who had a better equipped teacher.

Trust me- I’d your child throws more than a few tantrums in a fancy school at age 3, you will be counseled out. Just make sure it’s a good fit.

PP This is ridiculous. Kids do sometimes throw tantrums.

Of course 3 year olds throw tantrums but many 3 year olds can hold it together at school. I have two kids in school and have never received a phone call about tantrums for either of them and no teacher has ever commented on tantrums during conferences. My children have tantrums at home but they know that it's not OK at school. I do think it's a little different if your child is in a full day program at 3 because it's much harder to ask a kid to hold it together for 8-10 hours at 3 than it is to ask a child to hold it together for 3-4 hours. My guess is that teachers in daycare would be aware of this though and would only raise tantrums if they were occurring enough that they surpassed what was normal.

OP back. My kid is in extended care. He goes there 730 am in the morning and we pick him il after 6 pm. We are both working parents and have no other choice though I am now exploring getting a nanny to pick him up at 4 pm. His pushing other kids has also mostly happened after 3 pm so when he’s tired. In terms of tantrums, they did not call us for it they just mentioned it happens so I think he probably does tantrum more than others but they did not highlight it as a huge problem.

To the poster above how did you manage to teach your kid that tantrums are not acceptable in school? Tips?

Ok now we see the problem. You are keeping him there for way too long. Totally agree with the PP that’s too long for a two year old and tantrums will occur. Ironically at my school the child with the most temper tantrums in my DD’s class is also the kid that is in extended care the longest. You are better off keeping him there for shorter periods of time.

OP I know. We made a mistake by not getting a PT nanny. We had not considered this. It's our bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The least of your worries is how to get him into private school.

I can’t speak for other private schools but at my private school there’s a strong sense of parent involvement in the school. Unfortunately that means parents have flexible jobs, or one has a stay at home mom, or there is a grandparent or a nanny willing to pick up the slack. Even the parents with high flying jobs get involved. At least at the pre k or kindergarten level the school wants to see that parents will be part of the community. Yes understandably to be able do that smacks of privilege, but that’s why it’s elite private school.

You may want to think right now about how working long hours may not give you the flexibility that private schools are looking from its parents.

OP Yes, I agree there is some parent involvement required. I work long hours but I am reasonably senior and have some flexibility if I need to go late / leave early 1-2 per month. Or even go to an event in the middle of the day. I'd be able to do that, not consistently, but can contribute. Similarly, don't mind working on such things at night after he goes to bed. I need to work "for work" anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ravenna schools requires disclosure and teacher/caregiver confidential letters. If you fail to disclose, then you will not get accepted based on your failure to disclose. All children have transitional issues. Don’t worry your child’s current teachers aren’t going to “trash” him/her/they.

OP Yes, thanks for the re-assurance. I am concerned. They did complain to us a couple of times and mentioned it during parent-teacher conferences.

We are working with the daycare to address it but it's been such a short time.

Ravenna ISAAGNY form requires their ranking across these dimensions relative to his peers. I got feedback that he's great in some and lacking in others - like transitions. Plus if it's mentioned that he pushed other kids, he's probably totally screwed.

And I don't mean from the top-top (e.g., Horace Mann in NYC), but also the very good ones (e.g., Dwight) for those who know the schools in NYC.

So I had a similar situation where I just didn't want to ask my kid's daycare for a recommendation for a school on Ravenna (it just would have seemed so ridiculous to them that we'd apply there). I asked the private in question if it was necessary and they laughed and said no, we can waive that, there's no need for a 3 year old's reference letter. It was very heartening that they were so reasonable.

Kid got into the school in question, so I don't think it's really that big a deal. I'd just ask so they don't think you're super bad at following directions haha.

OP Interesting idea! When you called the incoming school what did you say your reason was for not submitting a recommendation? How did you frame your request?

I just phrased it in terms of how overworked and underpaid the daycare teachers were and how most of the questions were for older kids (like how well can my kid read? No, she sort of sings the ABCs but she definitely thinks ellemennopie is a word).

The admissions director was very down to earth and said that usually they get kids who haven’t been in organized care applying to PK3 so they didn’t even think that people would be asking daycare for recommendations. She said it’s more an assessment for kids with quantifiable skills and waived it.

OP Thanks. Was that an ISAAGNY school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The least of your worries is how to get him into private school.

I can’t speak for other private schools but at my private school there’s a strong sense of parent involvement in the school. Unfortunately that means parents have flexible jobs, or one has a stay at home mom, or there is a grandparent or a nanny willing to pick up the slack. Even the parents with high flying jobs get involved. At least at the pre k or kindergarten level the school wants to see that parents will be part of the community. Yes understandably to be able do that smacks of privilege, but that’s why it’s elite private school.

You may want to think right now about how working long hours may not give you the flexibility that private schools are looking from its parents.

+1 to the first part. Spend your money on a nanny and a good half-day preK3 program. He’s struggling right now, so if you have the funds - use them to provide a nurturing environment.

As for the second part of this statement, just wow. This is so out of touch and elitist. OP’s child’s application is not going to suffer because she and her husband work long hours at what I’m sure are at least somewhat prestigious jobs. And involvement like coming into the classroom to read a book occasionally or for conferences or even being on the spring gala auction committee after a handful of years at the school is very different from leaving work at 4 pm every day to get your child from daycare. Even lost-COVID there are many jobs that do not allow (maybe not explicitly but optically) for you to leave every day at 4 for daycare pick up. OP is in NYC not Seattle.

Yes but OP is thinking of hiring a nanny to do this and many of us are agreeing that is a good idea. I also cut my hours to pick my kid up early but if I couldn’t have I would have had some one else do it. He was doing well with a nanny before and now is not doing well- that’s so much more important to figure out than preschool applications.

I agreed with the first part of the statement, so no argument there. What I don’t agree with is the statement that schools look for parents who can be heavily involved. And as for the 4 pm thing - it’s not realistic if you work at Goldman Sachs or Morgan Stanley or Apollo or Latham or any number of NYC firms. Your flexing your schedule to accommodate a 4 pm schedule in DC is just not possible for many working moms in NYC. The culture is not accepting of that and if OP is working at one of these places and does this daily she will lose her job. My point is that the comment is out of touch and not applicable to NYC work culture. Why do you think the OP hasn’t done this yet? Probably because she can’t.

OP Yes, not realistic for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:The least of your worries is how to get him into private school.

I can’t speak for other private schools but at my private school there’s a strong sense of parent involvement in the school. Unfortunately that means parents have flexible jobs, or one has a stay at home mom, or there is a grandparent or a nanny willing to pick up the slack. Even the parents with high flying jobs get involved. At least at the pre k or kindergarten level the school wants to see that parents will be part of the community. Yes understandably to be able do that smacks of privilege, but that’s why it’s elite private school.

You may want to think right now about how working long hours may not give you the flexibility that private schools are looking from its parents.

+1 to the first part. Spend your money on a nanny and a good half-day preK3 program. He’s struggling right now, so if you have the funds - use them to provide a nurturing environment.

As for the second part of this statement, just wow. This is so out of touch and elitist. OP’s child’s application is not going to suffer because she and her husband work long hours at what I’m sure are at least somewhat prestigious jobs. And involvement like coming into the classroom to read a book occasionally or for conferences or even being on the spring gala auction committee after a handful of years at the school is very different from leaving work at 4 pm every day to get your child from daycare. Even lost-COVID there are many jobs that do not allow (maybe not explicitly but optically) for you to leave every day at 4 for daycare pick up. OP is in NYC not Seattle.

Yes but OP is thinking of hiring a nanny to do this and many of us are agreeing that is a good idea. I also cut my hours to pick my kid up early but if I couldn’t have I would have had some one else do it. He was doing well with a nanny before and now is not doing well- that’s so much more important to figure out than preschool applications.

I agreed with the first part of the statement, so no argument there. What I don’t agree with is the statement that schools look for parents who can be heavily involved. And as for the 4 pm thing - it’s not realistic if you work at Goldman Sachs or Morgan Stanley or Apollo or Latham or any number of NYC firms. Your flexing your schedule to accommodate a 4 pm schedule in DC is just not possible for many working moms in NYC. The culture is not accepting of that and if OP is working at one of these places and does this daily she will lose her job. My point is that the comment is out of touch and not applicable to NYC work culture. Why do you think the OP hasn’t done this yet? Probably because she can’t.

PP above yours is in a loser job or is one of the useless c suite. Has no idea what work is. As someone with a big job, the biggest joke on women is reduced hours.

I’m the loser PP you are referring to. I’m happy with my choices but my point was that this child might benefit from being home earlier in a quiet environment, which can be with a nanny. I think the parental involvement thing is BS but I’m not in NYC so I don’t really know, maybe it’s different there. My main point is that this kid is clearly having a hard time and I’d focus on that and not what preschool he will get into.

I’m the person PP was quoting so weird you responded. Do you do this often? Probably not a surprise, but I am in NYC and that’s why I was saying that OP probably doesn’t have the flexibility that someone working at a firm in a second tier city might have. OP probably either wants or needs to keep her job so suggestions about her flexing although well-intentioned won’t fly. She needs to focus on finding a nanny and moving to a shorter preschool day instead of putting her energy into getting her child into Dwight or Horace Mann. You still have multiple years before K, OP. Set your kid up for success before throwing him into the deep end at an elite institution that will probably have less compassion than your daycare.

OP Yes, need to find a nanny regardless of preschool.

Problem is some schools fill out quite a bit at PreK though as non-affiliated we do have a higher shot at K anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have your priorities wrong. You are applying to a fancy private school but you currently have your 2yo child in a crappy daycare for 11 hours?

If you can truly afford private, then you can also afford to go through an agency to hire a high-quality nanny as replacement.

What you are doing is the equivalent of buying your kids designer clothes but feeding them Top Ramen every day.

Signed, private school K-12 parent

OP Agree, we can afford, albeit with some compromises. Problem is my husband would not do it, I don't understand why, he's irrational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Do you think these issues won't exist in the "selective" preschool? Does the "selective" preschool have age appropriate expectations?

Because you aren't doing your child any favors to put him in a school that won't tolerate him.

This.

Yes! X a million. My DC is super bright, consistently scores in the 99th percentile for every single academic measure, my DH and I both have great academic pedigrees (ivy) and good job titles and we were having serious meetings about whether they were going to allowed to finish out the year at their good but not super selective pre-school. It was really really horrible. Unless you are the CEO of Amazon or equivalent the school is looking for easy, compliant kids. I don’t know enough to say if your kid is going to have bigger issues than a rough transition but please don’t set them up to fail. Also apply to more progressive schools and think long term about public. One of my friends’ kids go to a fancy private school and they were straight up told this is a school for kids who sit still and listen. And their kid can do that so it’s fine, mine could not at 4 (and even now probably would not meet their standards)

OP They do. I am applying to a couple progressive schools but here I am concerned about lack of structure?

If this is just a transition period, I don’t want to hold him back. Don’t want him to get penalized for 2 months as a 27 month old?

If it turns out there are deeper problems, we will look to address them and if nothing works, move him elsewhere.

Lololol. Reinforcing the good isn’t going to get your PITA toddler to behave. She doesn’t behave because you don’t have discipline at home.

Winners have discipline. Try harder.