Do we need to disclose in preschool applications?

[Anonymous]

Do you think these issues won't exist in the "selective" preschool? Does the "selective" preschool have age appropriate expectations?

Because you aren't doing your child any favors to put him in a school that won't tolerate him.

[Anonymous]

I agree to move the child if the recommendation is required and you are set on this kind of school. The teacher is not going to say the child is essentially easy to have in class (basically what those questions are getting at).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think these issues won't exist in the "selective" preschool? Does the "selective" preschool have age appropriate expectations?

Because you aren't doing your child any favors to put him in a school that won't tolerate him.

This.

[Anonymous]

Cast a wide net, that's all you can do. Make sure you have backup options.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's crazy to ask for reccs. Plenty of people send their kids to 2s programs so it would stand to reason plenty of people would be able to get recommendations. I think it will look bad if you lie on your PreK3 applications, so I would recommend either 1) contacting the schools and asking them what to do or 2) asking the head of the preschool your son is currently at what (s)he would recommend.

I know you want to attribute your child's behavior to your nanny's abrupt departure and although I can see how that would be traumatic the truth is your kid doesn't have a comparable experience in which he behaved differently, so you don't know for sure if this is because of your nanny leaving or if this is because the is who he is. FWIW, many people transition from nannies to full day childcare programs around two and not all children act out. He may just not care about circle time and he may just take his anger out on other kids. You may want to adjust your thinking a little bit because your child will go through plenty of transitions throughout his life.

[Anonymous]

Is this a 3s or 4s program for next year? How old exactly (2 year 1 month v 2 years11m) is your kid now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids’ preK-12th grade school required letters on behalf of my then 3 year old. I think this is very typical, PPs.

OP I would get a letter from the nanny as well.

This is not very typical. I can only guess that the reason they want a "letter of recommendation" for a child is to ascertain the pedigree of the family. That's the only thing that makes sense here. What could a note like that possibly say? "Larlo is a great napper and can count to 20." "Larlo inherited his intellect from his father, who runs a successful consulting business serving Fortune 500 companies."

Ha. This sums it up. I would be more concerned about whether my spouse and I are sufficiently interesting and impressive enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think these issues won't exist in the "selective" preschool? Does the "selective" preschool have age appropriate expectations?

Because you aren't doing your child any favors to put him in a school that won't tolerate him.

This.

Yes! X a million. My DC is super bright, consistently scores in the 99th percentile for every single academic measure, my DH and I both have great academic pedigrees (ivy) and good job titles and we were having serious meetings about whether they were going to allowed to finish out the year at their good but not super selective pre-school. It was really really horrible. Unless you are the CEO of Amazon or equivalent the school is looking for easy, compliant kids. I don’t know enough to say if your kid is going to have bigger issues than a rough transition but please don’t set them up to fail. Also apply to more progressive schools and think long term about public. One of my friends’ kids go to a fancy private school and they were straight up told this is a school for kids who sit still and listen. And their kid can do that so it’s fine, mine could not at 4 (and even now probably would not meet their standards)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids’ preK-12th grade school required letters on behalf of my then 3 year old. I think this is very typical, PPs.

OP I would get a letter from the nanny as well.

This is not very typical. I can only guess that the reason they want a "letter of recommendation" for a child is to ascertain the pedigree of the family. That's the only thing that makes sense here. What could a note like that possibly say? "Larlo is a great napper and can count to 20." "Larlo inherited his intellect from his father, who runs a successful consulting business serving Fortune 500 companies."

Ha. This sums it up. I would be more concerned about whether my spouse and I are sufficiently interesting and impressive enough.

People who send their kids to these kinds of ultra-posh highly selective preschools have more complaints about them than people who send their kids to whatever run-of-the-mill preschool or daycare fits their budget and commute. You'll pay 4-5 times more for the privilege of having Larlo rub elbows with the who's-who of toddlers, and the school will lead you to believe they have 4 yos reading War and Peace, but every time Larlo puts a pea up his nose or says the word 'fart' a hundred times a row in the car, you'll wonder what the hell you're actually paying for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids’ preK-12th grade school required letters on behalf of my then 3 year old. I think this is very typical, PPs.

OP I would get a letter from the nanny as well.

This is not very typical. I can only guess that the reason they want a "letter of recommendation" for a child is to ascertain the pedigree of the family. That's the only thing that makes sense here. What could a note like that possibly say? "Larlo is a great napper and can count to 20." "Larlo inherited his intellect from his father, who runs a successful consulting business serving Fortune 500 companies."

Ha. This sums it up. I would be more concerned about whether my spouse and I are sufficiently interesting and impressive enough.

People who send their kids to these kinds of ultra-posh highly selective preschools have more complaints about them than people who send their kids to whatever run-of-the-mill preschool or daycare fits their budget and commute. You'll pay 4-5 times more for the privilege of having Larlo rub elbows with the who's-who of toddlers, and the school will lead you to believe they have 4 yos reading War and Peace, but every time Larlo puts a pea up his nose or says the word 'fart' a hundred times a row in the car, you'll wonder what the hell you're actually paying for.

OP Look, I disagree with you but this not my question. The reality that some of these schools are pretty good in terms of college admissions and learning opportunities albeit not perfect. My issue is public schools around me are really bad. If I want a good public school guaranteed I need to move 1.5 hours away from my office. So I prefer to put him in a good private school. Also TBH the private schools I visited seemed to have a more nuanced approach to his social development than his current school. They were applying the same principles I am reading in psychology textbooks vs his current daycare is more like “don’t push” not “reinforcing the good, etc.” Anyway off topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think these issues won't exist in the "selective" preschool? Does the "selective" preschool have age appropriate expectations?

Because you aren't doing your child any favors to put him in a school that won't tolerate him.

This.

Yes! X a million. My DC is super bright, consistently scores in the 99th percentile for every single academic measure, my DH and I both have great academic pedigrees (ivy) and good job titles and we were having serious meetings about whether they were going to allowed to finish out the year at their good but not super selective pre-school. It was really really horrible. Unless you are the CEO of Amazon or equivalent the school is looking for easy, compliant kids. I don’t know enough to say if your kid is going to have bigger issues than a rough transition but please don’t set them up to fail. Also apply to more progressive schools and think long term about public. One of my friends’ kids go to a fancy private school and they were straight up told this is a school for kids who sit still and listen. And their kid can do that so it’s fine, mine could not at 4 (and even now probably would not meet their standards)

OP They do. I am applying to a couple progressive schools but here I am concerned about lack of structure?

If this is just a transition period, I don’t want to hold him back. Don’t want him to get penalized for 2 months as a 27 month old?

If it turns out there are deeper problems, we will look to address them and if nothing works, move him elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids’ preK-12th grade school required letters on behalf of my then 3 year old. I think this is very typical, PPs.

OP I would get a letter from the nanny as well.

This is not very typical. I can only guess that the reason they want a "letter of recommendation" for a child is to ascertain the pedigree of the family. That's the only thing that makes sense here. What could a note like that possibly say? "Larlo is a great napper and can count to 20." "Larlo inherited his intellect from his father, who runs a successful consulting business serving Fortune 500 companies."

Ha. This sums it up. I would be more concerned about whether my spouse and I are sufficiently interesting and impressive enough.

OP that’s the part that comes in essays, interviews. The rec letter is basically screening out any behavioral problems and ensuring compliant kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's crazy to ask for reccs. Plenty of people send their kids to 2s programs so it would stand to reason plenty of people would be able to get recommendations. I think it will look bad if you lie on your PreK3 applications, so I would recommend either 1) contacting the schools and asking them what to do or 2) asking the head of the preschool your son is currently at what (s)he would recommend.

I know you want to attribute your child's behavior to your nanny's abrupt departure and although I can see how that would be traumatic the truth is your kid doesn't have a comparable experience in which he behaved differently, so you don't know for sure if this is because of your nanny leaving or if this is because the is who he is. FWIW, many people transition from nannies to full day childcare programs around two and not all children act out. He may just not care about circle time and he may just take his anger out on other kids. You may want to adjust your thinking a little bit because your child will go through plenty of transitions throughout his life.

OP You’re entirely right. The problem is I don’t know for sure yet. I don’t want to assume the extreme negative either because that can impact his life trajectory for no reason. But of course it could be the transition and it might not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a 3s or 4s program for next year? How old exactly (2 year 1 month v 2 years11m) is your kid now?

OP He’s 26 months old. And yes the application is for preK3.

In his play date interview he will hopefully do ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cast a wide net, that's all you can do. Make sure you have backup options. [/quote
OP True. Any recs? Thanks