Do we need to disclose in preschool applications?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think these issues won't exist in the "selective" preschool? Does the "selective" preschool have age appropriate expectations?

Because you aren't doing your child any favors to put him in a school that won't tolerate him.

This.

OP I don’t know yet. I cannot make assumptions based on 2 month of slightly problematic but not unusual toddler behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cast a wide net, that's all you can do. Make sure you have backup options. [/quote
OP True. Any recs? Thanks

OP zany recs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree to move the child if the recommendation is required and you are set on this kind of school. The teacher is not going to say the child is essentially easy to have in class (basically what those questions are getting at).

OP will it be suspect that I move him after 2 months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So there’s a few things going on:

- you definitely should get your nanny to fill in one of those recommendations as she has been with your child the longest. There should be an area in your statements that you can explain she has been his longest caregiver.

- in general these schools like to see that the child has already been socialized in some kind of group setting. That could have been your daycare if not for his hard transition. Be sure to mention any playgroups or other group settings. Or lessons that your child has done that your nanny has taken him to.

- it’s been only two months in daycare, aren’t the recommendations due by Feb? I would talk to the daycare teachers about your intent to apply and how to work with them to have the best recommendation. Hard, yes if he is the “difficult” kid it’s a ding. But since it’s Feb hopefully time for improvement.

Good luck.

OP

1. Good to know. Don’t they assume the nanny is highly biased because she worked for us? Would that incriminate us further since we sort of draw attention to his application? Do most people do this?
2. He did do other playgroups and he did fine. How can I bring this in?
3. They are due beg to end Jan and the daycare would write them before the holidays. What kinds of things can I do to better work with the daycare? We have been very cooperative. He is showing some improvement already but I don’t know if he needs to achieve perfection.

2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there’s a few things going on:

- you definitely should get your nanny to fill in one of those recommendations as she has been with your child the longest. There should be an area in your statements that you can explain she has been his longest caregiver.

- in general these schools like to see that the child has already been socialized in some kind of group setting. That could have been your daycare if not for his hard transition. Be sure to mention any playgroups or other group settings. Or lessons that your child has done that your nanny has taken him to.

- it’s been only two months in daycare, aren’t the recommendations due by Feb? I would talk to the daycare teachers about your intent to apply and how to work with them to have the best recommendation. Hard, yes if he is the “difficult” kid it’s a ding. But since it’s Feb hopefully time for improvement.

Good luck.

PP, I know time is a little tight but sometimes sometimes the school is just not a fit. Is there anyway to switch him to another school since it’s only been two months? One school labeled my kid a trouble maker even though she was a normal two year old and I realized she would never get a good recommendation from them. I switched her and her new school says she’s a “good friend”. Glad I switched, I realized the previous school would never have given a good recommendation.

OP thanks so much. Glad it worked out for you guys. I do have a friend and her toddler also pushed kids around this age in super selective preschool and of course they worked in it with him but just told them he has a big personality and needs better impulse control. So it also depends on the school.

[Anonymous]

Former preschool teacher here---I know the private school part of this is important to you, but if you want your child to be successful right now (which will help create his personal self image as a student) then I would make sure you find a preschool that has a lot of fun and allows for copious outdoor time and unstructured play as well as the structure and routine of sitting in circle time (not too long) and being able to line up and walk in the hallway, take turns, share. I worry that kids like yours will get into these fancy academic schools and be labeled a "bad" kid because they can't sit for a 30 minute circle time, when really the circle time length is developmentally inappropriate. So just as you want them to accept your son, I want you to be careful to find the right environment for HIM so that he sees himself as a bright and capable learner, a successful student--which will prepare him just as much for his future schooling as being in the "right" fancy preschool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids’ preK-12th grade school required letters on behalf of my then 3 year old. I think this is very typical, PPs.

OP I would get a letter from the nanny as well.

This is not very typical. I can only guess that the reason they want a "letter of recommendation" for a child is to ascertain the pedigree of the family. That's the only thing that makes sense here. What could a note like that possibly say? "Larlo is a great napper and can count to 20." "Larlo inherited his intellect from his father, who runs a successful consulting business serving Fortune 500 companies."

Ha. This sums it up. I would be more concerned about whether my spouse and I are sufficiently interesting and impressive enough.

People who send their kids to these kinds of ultra-posh highly selective preschools have more complaints about them than people who send their kids to whatever run-of-the-mill preschool or daycare fits their budget and commute. You'll pay 4-5 times more for the privilege of having Larlo rub elbows with the who's-who of toddlers, and the school will lead you to believe they have 4 yos reading War and Peace, but every time Larlo puts a pea up his nose or says the word 'fart' a hundred times a row in the car, you'll wonder what the hell you're actually paying for.

OP Look, I disagree with you but this not my question. The reality that some of these schools are pretty good in terms of college admissions and learning opportunities albeit not perfect. My issue is public schools around me are really bad. If I want a good public school guaranteed I need to move 1.5 hours away from my office. So I prefer to put him in a good private school. Also TBH the private schools I visited seemed to have a more nuanced approach to his social development than his current school. They were applying the same principles I am reading in psychology textbooks vs his current daycare is more like “don’t push” not “reinforcing the good, etc.” Anyway off topic.

LOL you're beyond saving at this point. You've already invested too much into the idea of a feeder school system that starts in infancy and your child's *only* path to an Ivy. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there’s a few things going on:

- you definitely should get your nanny to fill in one of those recommendations as she has been with your child the longest. There should be an area in your statements that you can explain she has been his longest caregiver.

- in general these schools like to see that the child has already been socialized in some kind of group setting. That could have been your daycare if not for his hard transition. Be sure to mention any playgroups or other group settings. Or lessons that your child has done that your nanny has taken him to.

- it’s been only two months in daycare, aren’t the recommendations due by Feb? I would talk to the daycare teachers about your intent to apply and how to work with them to have the best recommendation. Hard, yes if he is the “difficult” kid it’s a ding. But since it’s Feb hopefully time for improvement.

Good luck.

OP

1. Good to know. Don’t they assume the nanny is highly biased because she worked for us? Would that incriminate us further since we sort of draw attention to his application? Do most people do this?
2. He did do other playgroups and he did fine. How can I bring this in?
3. They are due beg to end Jan and the daycare would write them before the holidays. What kinds of things can I do to better work with the daycare? We have been very cooperative. He is showing some improvement already but I don’t know if he needs to achieve perfection.

2.

1. every piece of info about your child is valuable. Your nanny has been his caregiver the longest and it makes sense for her to give a rec, especially if she has long term childcare experience or childhood education experience.

2. You go to the coordinator of the playgroup and ask for recs. When I was applying for private school my older child didn’t go to school during Covid and I asked her tutor and our religious leader. My child’s classmates mom asked her gym teacher for a rec. the more positive things the better.

3. Not sure what the culture of your daycare is but I was very open with my current preschool for my younger child that I intend to apply to private school and that I want to make sure there were good recs. This will also depend on your relationship with the current school and director and teacher. As mentioned, I moved my child from a school that had preemptively labeled her a troublemaker for normal two year old behavior and got her into a different school.

But what other mentioned is right. No matter how fancy the private school is be sure to focus on that it’s the right fit for your child. It can be the “best” but if your child is not thriving there it’s not the right school. That’s where open houses and campus tours are important.

3.

[Anonymous]

Is the request for a current teacher recommendation?

What is not so great about the current place? I ask because if he has trouble with routine/transitions, he might do better staying in one place before pre-K rather than moving from daycare to different preschool to different pre-k.

[Anonymous]

I was today years old when I learned that letters of recommendation for a toddler are a thing.

This is hilarious.

[Anonymous]

I’m a Manhattan mom applying for private preschool right now. I think your post is saying you’re doing the same dance? In my experience, having your nanny do the recommendation would be very unusual. The schools we are applying to only ask for the ISAAGNY form to be filled out if it’s from a program that involves separation.

I’d just ask your preschool teacher if they’d fill it out and tell them you obviously would like a positive but truthful recommendation. They don’t want to torpedo your kid. The other posters writing about choosing the right fit also make a good point and something to keep in mind.

Good luck. This whole process is really something. The essays and letters and multiple rounds of interviews for 2 year olds is simply absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a Manhattan mom applying for private preschool right now. I think your post is saying you’re doing the same dance? In my experience, having your nanny do the recommendation would be very unusual. The schools we are applying to only ask for the ISAAGNY form to be filled out if it’s from a program that involves separation.

I’d just ask your preschool teacher if they’d fill it out and tell them you obviously would like a positive but truthful recommendation. They don’t want to torpedo your kid. The other posters writing about choosing the right fit also make a good point and something to keep in mind.

Good luck. This whole process is really something. The essays and letters and multiple rounds of interviews for 2 year olds is simply absurd.

listen to what manhattan mom says. NYC private school applications is different and applying during covid year was different.

One thing, its okay to reach out to the school you are applying to, explain the situation and ask whether recommendations other than the current preschool is useful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was today years old when I learned that letters of recommendation for a toddler are a thing.

This is hilarious.

agree, this is HILARIOUS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former preschool teacher here---I know the private school part of this is important to you, but if you want your child to be successful right now (which will help create his personal self image as a student) then I would make sure you find a preschool that has a lot of fun and allows for copious outdoor time and unstructured play as well as the structure and routine of sitting in circle time (not too long) and being able to line up and walk in the hallway, take turns, share. I worry that kids like yours will get into these fancy academic schools and be labeled a "bad" kid because they can't sit for a 30 minute circle time, when really the circle time length is developmentally inappropriate. So just as you want them to accept your son, I want you to be careful to find the right environment for HIM so that he sees himself as a bright and capable learner, a successful student--which will prepare him just as much for his future schooling as being in the "right" fancy preschool

OP Agreed. But there’s no equivalence. He’s at a neighborhood run of the mill daycare, nothing fancy. And things are not going well. We went for an open house at a fancier place and the moment we knew we were on the verge of a tantrum, the educator there handled it so well that no tantrum ensued. Maybe it was that one individual teacher but if anything we saw the difference very clearly in favor of the fancier school who had a better equipped teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a Manhattan mom applying for private preschool right now. I think your post is saying you’re doing the same dance? In my experience, having your nanny do the recommendation would be very unusual. The schools we are applying to only ask for the ISAAGNY form to be filled out if it’s from a program that involves separation.

I’d just ask your preschool teacher if they’d fill it out and tell them you obviously would like a positive but truthful recommendation. They don’t want to torpedo your kid. The other posters writing about choosing the right fit also make a good point and something to keep in mind.

Good luck. This whole process is really something. The essays and letters and multiple rounds of interviews for 2 year olds is simply absurd.

OP Thank you. Crazy process and good luck to you as well.

Yes, I will adopt this approach with his current daycare. His teacher has never heard of an ISAAGNY form and TBH she is barely literate but the directors are better so I will also talk to them as I suspect they will also have to step in and support the process.