Do we need to disclose in preschool applications?

[Anonymous]

We are applying for a few selective preschools for PreK3 for next fall.

Our 2 year old has been in a run-of-the-mill daycare for 2 months now after being only with a nanny.

The daycare is not that good but we had to find something quick because our nanny informed us of her plans to leave.

He has been having a hard time - we think due to the abrupt transition. That has translated into more tantrums (including at school), limited attention span with circle time, activities that he is not a big fan of, and even up to occasionally pushing other kids.

We are taking action and trying to help out of course, but preschool applications are due this month so we are under time pressure. They all require letters of recommendation from his past teachers.

1) are these automatic dealbreakers in applications if they are mentioned in the teacher letters?

2) do we need to disclose the fact that he has been in daycare for 2 months if his hard transition automatically disqualifies him from getting into a good preschool for next year?

[Anonymous]

A letter of recommendation for a toddler?! That's insane. Find a normal preschool for your child.

[Anonymous]

This is insane. What preschool requires letters of recommendation for the child?!

[Anonymous]

My kids’ preK-12th grade school required letters on behalf of my then 3 year old. I think this is very typical, PPs.

OP I would get a letter from the nanny as well.

[Anonymous]

Why are you applying at “ selective” preschools? What does that even mean?

[Anonymous]

Ravenna schools requires disclosure and teacher/caregiver confidential letters. If you fail to disclose, then you will not get accepted based on your failure to disclose. All children have transitional issues. Don’t worry your child’s current teachers aren’t going to “trash” him/her/they.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A letter of recommendation for a toddler?! That's insane. Find a normal preschool for your child.

All good preschools in our area - Manhattan, require letters of recommendation / teacher statements. There are certain standard questions that rank the child across a 4 point scale essentially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids’ preK-12th grade school required letters on behalf of my then 3 year old. I think this is very typical, PPs.

OP I would get a letter from the nanny as well.

OP Good idea, thanks for the suggestion. Do you think they will take it into account?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids’ preK-12th grade school required letters on behalf of my then 3 year old. I think this is very typical, PPs.

OP I would get a letter from the nanny as well.

This is not very typical. I can only guess that the reason they want a "letter of recommendation" for a child is to ascertain the pedigree of the family. That's the only thing that makes sense here. What could a note like that possibly say? "Larlo is a great napper and can count to 20." "Larlo inherited his intellect from his father, who runs a successful consulting business serving Fortune 500 companies."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you applying at “ selective” preschools? What does that even mean?

OP We are applying b/c we want him to be in a good private school through the end of elementary, middle school or even HS.

We don't live in an area with good public schools so I either move to the suburbs or pay for private.

If we pay for private, it might just as well be a selective one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids’ preK-12th grade school required letters on behalf of my then 3 year old. I think this is very typical, PPs.

OP I would get a letter from the nanny as well.

This is not very typical. I can only guess that the reason they want a "letter of recommendation" for a child is to ascertain the pedigree of the family. That's the only thing that makes sense here. What could a note like that possibly say? "Larlo is a great napper and can count to 20." "Larlo inherited his intellect from his father, who runs a successful consulting business serving Fortune 500 companies."

OP

Ha, I actually have to fill out my title in the application - crazy, I know, but this is the system, need to do it.

In terms of the letter, it's standardized, they ask about how he compares to his peers in terms of gross and fine motor skills, play skills, attention, social-emotional behaviors - that's why I am so concerned his tantrums, limited attention span and occasionally pushing other kids will disqualify him.

Especially since we don't have any other connections, we're not alumni, etc.

Both my husband and I built up to the ability to afford this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids’ preK-12th grade school required letters on behalf of my then 3 year old. I think this is very typical, PPs.

OP I would get a letter from the nanny as well.

This is not very typical. I can only guess that the reason they want a "letter of recommendation" for a child is to ascertain the pedigree of the family. That's the only thing that makes sense here. What could a note like that possibly say? "Larlo is a great napper and can count to 20." "Larlo inherited his intellect from his father, who runs a successful consulting business serving Fortune 500 companies."

It’s very typical *for preK-12ths* I should have said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ravenna schools requires disclosure and teacher/caregiver confidential letters. If you fail to disclose, then you will not get accepted based on your failure to disclose. All children have transitional issues. Don’t worry your child’s current teachers aren’t going to “trash” him/her/they.

OP Yes, thanks for the re-assurance. I am concerned. They did complain to us a couple of times and mentioned it during parent-teacher conferences.

We are working with the daycare to address it but it's been such a short time.

Ravenna ISAAGNY form requires their ranking across these dimensions relative to his peers. I got feedback that he's great in some and lacking in others - like transitions. Plus if it's mentioned that he pushed other kids, he's probably totally screwed.

And I don't mean from the top-top (e.g., Horace Mann in NYC), but also the very good ones (e.g., Dwight) for those who know the schools in NYC.

[Anonymous]

So there’s a few things going on:

- you definitely should get your nanny to fill in one of those recommendations as she has been with your child the longest. There should be an area in your statements that you can explain she has been his longest caregiver.

- in general these schools like to see that the child has already been socialized in some kind of group setting. That could have been your daycare if not for his hard transition. Be sure to mention any playgroups or other group settings. Or lessons that your child has done that your nanny has taken him to.

- it’s been only two months in daycare, aren’t the recommendations due by Feb? I would talk to the daycare teachers about your intent to apply and how to work with them to have the best recommendation. Hard, yes if he is the “difficult” kid it’s a ding. But since it’s Feb hopefully time for improvement.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So there’s a few things going on:

- you definitely should get your nanny to fill in one of those recommendations as she has been with your child the longest. There should be an area in your statements that you can explain she has been his longest caregiver.

- in general these schools like to see that the child has already been socialized in some kind of group setting. That could have been your daycare if not for his hard transition. Be sure to mention any playgroups or other group settings. Or lessons that your child has done that your nanny has taken him to.

- it’s been only two months in daycare, aren’t the recommendations due by Feb? I would talk to the daycare teachers about your intent to apply and how to work with them to have the best recommendation. Hard, yes if he is the “difficult” kid it’s a ding. But since it’s Feb hopefully time for improvement.

Good luck.

PP, I know time is a little tight but sometimes sometimes the school is just not a fit. Is there anyway to switch him to another school since it’s only been two months? One school labeled my kid a trouble maker even though she was a normal two year old and I realized she would never get a good recommendation from them. I switched her and her new school says she’s a “good friend”. Glad I switched, I realized the previous school would never have given a good recommendation.