Do we need to disclose in preschool applications?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the request for a current teacher recommendation?

What is not so great about the current place? I ask because if he has trouble with routine/transitions, he might do better staying in one place before pre-K rather than moving from daycare to different preschool to different pre-k.

OP yes tough to know for sure. He never resonated with this teacher and the teacher is also not super warm. He does better with structure and here it’s too unstructured for him. Also I think he does feel singled out now vs other kids as the problem kid which did not help. I am working to boost his self esteem by telling him how much the teacher loves it when he contributes in his class (knowing his areas of strength) and that is working a bit.
But again I am under much time pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was today years old when I learned that letters of recommendation for a toddler are a thing.

This is hilarious.

agree, this is HILARIOUS.

+2 wow just wow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the request for a current teacher recommendation?

What is not so great about the current place? I ask because if he has trouble with routine/transitions, he might do better staying in one place before pre-K rather than moving from daycare to different preschool to different pre-k.

OP yes tough to know for sure. He never resonated with this teacher and the teacher is also not super warm. He does better with structure and here it’s too unstructured for him. Also I think he does feel singled out now vs other kids as the problem kid which did not help. I am working to boost his self esteem by telling him how much the teacher loves it when he contributes in his class (knowing his areas of strength) and that is working a bit.
But again I am under much time pressure.

My daughter is in Prek3 now and her teachers last year were much warmer - and she had a best friend in her class. This year her teachers are not as warm and her best friend isn't in her class. You can't control your child's teachers or their peers. I don't think you're looking for problems, but it's a fact of life that you're not going to vibe with everyone and part of getting along in this world is figuring out how to cope in social situations that aren't skewed to meet all your needs. If you are looking for structure I would be wary of some of the progressive schools that others have suggested. It doesn't sound like St. Anne's or Fieldston would be great for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was today years old when I learned that letters of recommendation for a toddler are a thing.

This is hilarious.

agree, this is HILARIOUS.

+2 wow just wow

Not OP, but you may think this is ridiculous. So did I over twenty years ago when my boss screamed and celebrated in the office when she got the announcement that her daughter got into a prestigious NYC kindergarten. I remember thinking, what is this, college admissions? Twenty years later I am doing the same thing. So never say never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ravenna schools requires disclosure and teacher/caregiver confidential letters. If you fail to disclose, then you will not get accepted based on your failure to disclose. All children have transitional issues. Don’t worry your child’s current teachers aren’t going to “trash” him/her/they.

OP Yes, thanks for the re-assurance. I am concerned. They did complain to us a couple of times and mentioned it during parent-teacher conferences.

We are working with the daycare to address it but it's been such a short time.

Ravenna ISAAGNY form requires their ranking across these dimensions relative to his peers. I got feedback that he's great in some and lacking in others - like transitions. Plus if it's mentioned that he pushed other kids, he's probably totally screwed.

And I don't mean from the top-top (e.g., Horace Mann in NYC), but also the very good ones (e.g., Dwight) for those who know the schools in NYC.

So I had a similar situation where I just didn't want to ask my kid's daycare for a recommendation for a school on Ravenna (it just would have seemed so ridiculous to them that we'd apply there). I asked the private in question if it was necessary and they laughed and said no, we can waive that, there's no need for a 3 year old's reference letter. It was very heartening that they were so reasonable.

Kid got into the school in question, so I don't think it's really that big a deal. I'd just ask so they don't think you're super bad at following directions haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former preschool teacher here---I know the private school part of this is important to you, but if you want your child to be successful right now (which will help create his personal self image as a student) then I would make sure you find a preschool that has a lot of fun and allows for copious outdoor time and unstructured play as well as the structure and routine of sitting in circle time (not too long) and being able to line up and walk in the hallway, take turns, share. I worry that kids like yours will get into these fancy academic schools and be labeled a "bad" kid because they can't sit for a 30 minute circle time, when really the circle time length is developmentally inappropriate. So just as you want them to accept your son, I want you to be careful to find the right environment for HIM so that he sees himself as a bright and capable learner, a successful student--which will prepare him just as much for his future schooling as being in the "right" fancy preschool

OP Agreed. But there’s no equivalence. He’s at a neighborhood run of the mill daycare, nothing fancy. And things are not going well. We went for an open house at a fancier place and the moment we knew we were on the verge of a tantrum, the educator there handled it so well that no tantrum ensued. Maybe it was that one individual teacher but if anything we saw the difference very clearly in favor of the fancier school who had a better equipped teacher.

Trust me- I’d your child throws more than a few tantrums in a fancy school at age 3, you will be counseled out. Just make sure it’s a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the request for a current teacher recommendation?

What is not so great about the current place? I ask because if he has trouble with routine/transitions, he might do better staying in one place before pre-K rather than moving from daycare to different preschool to different pre-k.

OP yes tough to know for sure. He never resonated with this teacher and the teacher is also not super warm. He does better with structure and here it’s too unstructured for him. Also I think he does feel singled out now vs other kids as the problem kid which did not help. I am working to boost his self esteem by telling him how much the teacher loves it when he contributes in his class (knowing his areas of strength) and that is working a bit.
But again I am under much time pressure.

My daughter is in Prek3 now and her teachers last year were much warmer - and she had a best friend in her class. This year her teachers are not as warm and her best friend isn't in her class. You can't control your child's teachers or their peers. I don't think you're looking for problems, but it's a fact of life that you're not going to vibe with everyone and part of getting along in this world is figuring out how to cope in social situations that aren't skewed to meet all your needs. If you are looking for structure I would be wary of some of the progressive schools that others have suggested. It doesn't sound like St. Anne's or Fieldston would be great for your child.

OP Are progressive schools unstructured in preK? I thought there has to be structure there unless it’s Montessori. We are in NYC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former preschool teacher here---I know the private school part of this is important to you, but if you want your child to be successful right now (which will help create his personal self image as a student) then I would make sure you find a preschool that has a lot of fun and allows for copious outdoor time and unstructured play as well as the structure and routine of sitting in circle time (not too long) and being able to line up and walk in the hallway, take turns, share. I worry that kids like yours will get into these fancy academic schools and be labeled a "bad" kid because they can't sit for a 30 minute circle time, when really the circle time length is developmentally inappropriate. So just as you want them to accept your son, I want you to be careful to find the right environment for HIM so that he sees himself as a bright and capable learner, a successful student--which will prepare him just as much for his future schooling as being in the "right" fancy preschool

OP Agreed. But there’s no equivalence. He’s at a neighborhood run of the mill daycare, nothing fancy. And things are not going well. We went for an open house at a fancier place and the moment we knew we were on the verge of a tantrum, the educator there handled it so well that no tantrum ensued. Maybe it was that one individual teacher but if anything we saw the difference very clearly in favor of the fancier school who had a better equipped teacher.

Trust me- I’d your child throws more than a few tantrums in a fancy school at age 3, you will be counseled out. Just make sure it’s a good fit.

OP hopefully. There’s no way to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ravenna schools requires disclosure and teacher/caregiver confidential letters. If you fail to disclose, then you will not get accepted based on your failure to disclose. All children have transitional issues. Don’t worry your child’s current teachers aren’t going to “trash” him/her/they.

OP Yes, thanks for the re-assurance. I am concerned. They did complain to us a couple of times and mentioned it during parent-teacher conferences.

We are working with the daycare to address it but it's been such a short time.

Ravenna ISAAGNY form requires their ranking across these dimensions relative to his peers. I got feedback that he's great in some and lacking in others - like transitions. Plus if it's mentioned that he pushed other kids, he's probably totally screwed.

And I don't mean from the top-top (e.g., Horace Mann in NYC), but also the very good ones (e.g., Dwight) for those who know the schools in NYC.

So I had a similar situation where I just didn't want to ask my kid's daycare for a recommendation for a school on Ravenna (it just would have seemed so ridiculous to them that we'd apply there). I asked the private in question if it was necessary and they laughed and said no, we can waive that, there's no need for a 3 year old's reference letter. It was very heartening that they were so reasonable.

Kid got into the school in question, so I don't think it's really that big a deal. I'd just ask so they don't think you're super bad at following directions haha.

OP Interesting idea! When you called the incoming school what did you say your reason was for not submitting a recommendation? How did you frame your request?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former preschool teacher here---I know the private school part of this is important to you, but if you want your child to be successful right now (which will help create his personal self image as a student) then I would make sure you find a preschool that has a lot of fun and allows for copious outdoor time and unstructured play as well as the structure and routine of sitting in circle time (not too long) and being able to line up and walk in the hallway, take turns, share. I worry that kids like yours will get into these fancy academic schools and be labeled a "bad" kid because they can't sit for a 30 minute circle time, when really the circle time length is developmentally inappropriate. So just as you want them to accept your son, I want you to be careful to find the right environment for HIM so that he sees himself as a bright and capable learner, a successful student--which will prepare him just as much for his future schooling as being in the "right" fancy preschool

OP Agreed. But there’s no equivalence. He’s at a neighborhood run of the mill daycare, nothing fancy. And things are not going well. We went for an open house at a fancier place and the moment we knew we were on the verge of a tantrum, the educator there handled it so well that no tantrum ensued. Maybe it was that one individual teacher but if anything we saw the difference very clearly in favor of the fancier school who had a better equipped teacher.

Trust me- I’d your child throws more than a few tantrums in a fancy school at age 3, you will be counseled out. Just make sure it’s a good fit.

PP This is ridiculous. Kids do sometimes throw tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the request for a current teacher recommendation?

What is not so great about the current place? I ask because if he has trouble with routine/transitions, he might do better staying in one place before pre-K rather than moving from daycare to different preschool to different pre-k.

OP yes tough to know for sure. He never resonated with this teacher and the teacher is also not super warm. He does better with structure and here it’s too unstructured for him. Also I think he does feel singled out now vs other kids as the problem kid which did not help. I am working to boost his self esteem by telling him how much the teacher loves it when he contributes in his class (knowing his areas of strength) and that is working a bit.
But again I am under much time pressure.

My daughter is in Prek3 now and her teachers last year were much warmer - and she had a best friend in her class. This year her teachers are not as warm and her best friend isn't in her class. You can't control your child's teachers or their peers. I don't think you're looking for problems, but it's a fact of life that you're not going to vibe with everyone and part of getting along in this world is figuring out how to cope in social situations that aren't skewed to meet all your needs. If you are looking for structure I would be wary of some of the progressive schools that others have suggested. It doesn't sound like St. Anne's or Fieldston would be great for your child.

OP Are progressive schools unstructured in preK? I thought there has to be structure there unless it’s Montessori. We are in NYC

I am in Greenwich and used to live in NYC. All children thrive with some structure, bit my assumption is that a school like Fieldston would be less structured than a more traditional school. Structure is progressive and some schools incorporate aspects of Montessori into PreK and K programs. You should ask about the educational philosophies underpinning the PreK and K programs in the parent interviews and if it is a game changer for your child, perhaps emphasize that your child thrives in structured environments in a parent essay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former preschool teacher here---I know the private school part of this is important to you, but if you want your child to be successful right now (which will help create his personal self image as a student) then I would make sure you find a preschool that has a lot of fun and allows for copious outdoor time and unstructured play as well as the structure and routine of sitting in circle time (not too long) and being able to line up and walk in the hallway, take turns, share. I worry that kids like yours will get into these fancy academic schools and be labeled a "bad" kid because they can't sit for a 30 minute circle time, when really the circle time length is developmentally inappropriate. So just as you want them to accept your son, I want you to be careful to find the right environment for HIM so that he sees himself as a bright and capable learner, a successful student--which will prepare him just as much for his future schooling as being in the "right" fancy preschool

OP Agreed. But there’s no equivalence. He’s at a neighborhood run of the mill daycare, nothing fancy. And things are not going well. We went for an open house at a fancier place and the moment we knew we were on the verge of a tantrum, the educator there handled it so well that no tantrum ensued. Maybe it was that one individual teacher but if anything we saw the difference very clearly in favor of the fancier school who had a better equipped teacher.

Trust me- I’d your child throws more than a few tantrums in a fancy school at age 3, you will be counseled out. Just make sure it’s a good fit.

PP This is ridiculous. Kids do sometimes throw tantrums.

Of course 3 year olds throw tantrums but many 3 year olds can hold it together at school. I have two kids in school and have never received a phone call about tantrums for either of them and no teacher has ever commented on tantrums during conferences. My children have tantrums at home but they know that it's not OK at school. I do think it's a little different if your child is in a full day program at 3 because it's much harder to ask a kid to hold it together for 8-10 hours at 3 than it is to ask a child to hold it together for 3-4 hours. My guess is that teachers in daycare would be aware of this though and would only raise tantrums if they were occurring enough that they surpassed what was normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former preschool teacher here---I know the private school part of this is important to you, but if you want your child to be successful right now (which will help create his personal self image as a student) then I would make sure you find a preschool that has a lot of fun and allows for copious outdoor time and unstructured play as well as the structure and routine of sitting in circle time (not too long) and being able to line up and walk in the hallway, take turns, share. I worry that kids like yours will get into these fancy academic schools and be labeled a "bad" kid because they can't sit for a 30 minute circle time, when really the circle time length is developmentally inappropriate. So just as you want them to accept your son, I want you to be careful to find the right environment for HIM so that he sees himself as a bright and capable learner, a successful student--which will prepare him just as much for his future schooling as being in the "right" fancy preschool

OP Agreed. But there’s no equivalence. He’s at a neighborhood run of the mill daycare, nothing fancy. And things are not going well. We went for an open house at a fancier place and the moment we knew we were on the verge of a tantrum, the educator there handled it so well that no tantrum ensued. Maybe it was that one individual teacher but if anything we saw the difference very clearly in favor of the fancier school who had a better equipped teacher.

Trust me- I’d your child throws more than a few tantrums in a fancy school at age 3, you will be counseled out. Just make sure it’s a good fit.

PP This is ridiculous. Kids do sometimes throw tantrums.

Of course 3 year olds throw tantrums but many 3 year olds can hold it together at school. I have two kids in school and have never received a phone call about tantrums for either of them and no teacher has ever commented on tantrums during conferences. My children have tantrums at home but they know that it's not OK at school. I do think it's a little different if your child is in a full day program at 3 because it's much harder to ask a kid to hold it together for 8-10 hours at 3 than it is to ask a child to hold it together for 3-4 hours. My guess is that teachers in daycare would be aware of this though and would only raise tantrums if they were occurring enough that they surpassed what was normal.

OP back. My kid is in extended care. He goes there 730 am in the morning and we pick him il after 6 pm. We are both working parents and have no other choice though I am now exploring getting a nanny to pick him up at 4 pm. His pushing other kids has also mostly happened after 3 pm so when he’s tired. In terms of tantrums, they did not call us for it they just mentioned it happens so I think he probably does tantrum more than others but they did not highlight it as a huge problem.

To the poster above how did you manage to teach your kid that tantrums are not acceptable in school? Tips?

[Anonymous]

We did preschool in Manhattan. I chose the one with the best indoor play facilities and the nicest and most approachable headmaster that I actually looked forward to seeing every day. There were no waitlists, no recs, and it was easy to get a morning spot. We all loved that preschool and my kid (now 10) still remembers it fondly.

This came out from npr in 2012 - apparently hundreds of parents in ny tried to put their kids on the application list.

https://www.npr.org/2012/04/01/149804404/n-y-preschool-starts-dna-testing-for-admission

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did preschool in Manhattan. I chose the one with the best indoor play facilities and the nicest and most approachable headmaster that I actually looked forward to seeing every day. There were no waitlists, no recs, and it was easy to get a morning spot. We all loved that preschool and my kid (now 10) still remembers it fondly.

This came out from npr in 2012 - apparently hundreds of parents in ny tried to put their kids on the application list.

https://www.npr.org/2012/04/01/149804404/n-y-preschool-starts-dna-testing-for-admission

That was an April Fool's joke: https://www.geneticsandsociety.org/biopolitical-times/genetic-april-foolery-npr-and-economist
https://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/business/economy/preschool-tuition-race-is-no-joke-economic-view.html