Does anyone regret leaving the work force?

[Anonymous]

I've been out of the workforce for 2 years. Some days I do regret because I like working, I left for medical reasons. I've been trying to get back in, but the market is tough (I'm in fintech, and I'm over 40).

I came to say that my job was similar to yours, video calls all the time. Remote job or not didn't matter, I couldn't take calls while picking up the kids. That may be your issue, if you can get a role that's not as meeting intensive, that seems to be what all the happier working parents have, true flexibility over their hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was out for 6 years when my kid was young. I kind of had to be and don't really regret it, but now I see that my social security benefits really took a loss from that empty space where I made no money to raise my social security benefits and also contributed nothing to my 401k.

Now I'm in my 50s and really need to make up my retirement savings. If we get divorced, I will be in a tough spot. Husband's salary went up of course ha as did his social security benefits while I did almost all the work at home. You don't really know what will happen to your marriage and you might need to take care of yourself at some point, so be wary is what I'm saying I guess. It might seem like an escape but that might just be temporary and then you have different, perhaps bigger, problem.

No, they are all rich and have perfect, loving, understanding husbands. Just ask them.

I have a rich, mostly perfect, loving, understanding husband, so I have no regrets or doubts. If that weren’t 100% true, I would feel differently, and wouldn’t have quit in the first place. In fact before I did I started a thread on this board very similar to this one, and I really had to stop and probe my security in my husband and marriage.

[Anonymous]

Nope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was out for 6 years when my kid was young. I kind of had to be and don't really regret it, but now I see that my social security benefits really took a loss from that empty space where I made no money to raise my social security benefits and also contributed nothing to my 401k.

Now I'm in my 50s and really need to make up my retirement savings. If we get divorced, I will be in a tough spot. Husband's salary went up of course ha as did his social security benefits while I did almost all the work at home. You don't really know what will happen to your marriage and you might need to take care of yourself at some point, so be wary is what I'm saying I guess. It might seem like an escape but that might just be temporary and then you have different, perhaps bigger, problem.

No, they are all rich and have perfect, loving, understanding husbands. Just ask them.

I have a rich, mostly perfect, loving, understanding husband, so I have no regrets or doubts. If that weren’t 100% true, I would feel differently, and wouldn’t have quit in the first place. In fact before I did I started a thread on this board very similar to this one, and I really had to stop and probe my security in my husband and marriage.

We get it lady. We get it!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

[Anonymous]

I used to work in an inflexible job with a vile, toxic culture. It was terrible for my mental health even before I had my first child! When that child was 1.5, I switched to a job where I have flexibility over my hours and where the powers that be that value work-life balance. I wouldn't say I love the work itself, but I do like it very much. It did involve a pay cut, less upward mobility, and certainly has less cache. Do i regret that move? Noooooooooo, no, nopity, no, the biggest no that ever no'd!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

I had a nanny before I sent my kids to daycare. My kid would cry all day and pass out from crying. The daycare said it was fine and normal until they got used to the routine. Yes, some of the worst days of my life - leaving my sobbing kid at daycare.

With my youngest, her preschool had a parent child toddler class for 1 hour, part time 2 hour preschool and my child never once cried. The teachers came for a home visit. We went to open house, visited her classroom before school started. It was a very different experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

Sorry that sounded sharper than I meant it to. I also struggled at times with child care when my kids were very young but by 4 they love preschool. It’s not the time I’d be leaving the workforce. My kids are similar ages and I am a PP who cut back so my kids didn’t have long days (feel this even more strongly with elementary school, my oldest is TIRED after school) but I feel like I’m at the point where the decision to stay in the workforce is paying off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

It doesn’t really how you answer this thread. No one can be satisfied with their choices.

Do you only want people who regret it?

Sure, if your husband cheats and leaves you, you will probably regret it.
If your husband loses his job, you will regret it.
If you will wake up in your 50s and unhappy when kids go to college, you will regret it.

You may also regret it if you kept working and blink and the kids are grown.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone regret leaving the work force?

Never. Not one single day. I am so grateful that I was able to stay at home with my children. Now that they are adults, I'm working part-time as a trainer and yoga teacher. It's flexible enough that I can travel to visit my kids/grands when I want to. DH and I are financially secure. Life is good. I don't regret leaving the working world at all. And no, we are not rich.