Does anyone regret leaving the work force?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

I make $200K with typically a small bonus and have a job that is fully remote, about 40 hours a week. I guess they are not super common but among highly educated women in their 30s and 40s in the DC metro area I also don't think they are unicorns.

Of course they are not super common! Some DCUMs live in such a bubble. For my work I have access to a large database of demographic data. Looking just at people who are employed FT and have a graduate degree and live in the 5 largest markets in the US (so, expensive regions), the median individual income is $106K and only 15% have an individual income of $200K+.

And for women the numbers are lower -- median $94k, 9% at $200K+.

Thanks for this data- and this income is for FT workers, not these superflex PT positions some people are describing!

I described my flexible position and it is FT. And 9% is not a unicorn. if you are in certain fields/companies/neighborhoods you run into these people frequently and they constitute the majority of your social network

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

I make $200K with typically a small bonus and have a job that is fully remote, about 40 hours a week. I guess they are not super common but among highly educated women in their 30s and 40s in the DC metro area I also don't think they are unicorns.

Of course they are not super common! Some DCUMs live in such a bubble. For my work I have access to a large database of demographic data. Looking just at people who are employed FT and have a graduate degree and live in the 5 largest markets in the US (so, expensive regions), the median individual income is $106K and only 15% have an individual income of $200K+.

And for women the numbers are lower -- median $94k, 9% at $200K+.

Poster you are responding to - you are right, my salary is high (though on DCUM, well it's skewed)...I am more talking about the professional salary with flex. It's possible. You don't have to be in the c-suite/a big law partner etc. to make a decent living. Most of my circle of friends - moms and dads - have a professional career and no one is going in every day anymore, or consistently working nights and weekends. Honestly the most harried of my working mom friends are teachers! They actually have to go in every day (though most at least have a short commute to neighborhood schools) and have the least flex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

I make $200K with typically a small bonus and have a job that is fully remote, about 40 hours a week. I guess they are not super common but among highly educated women in their 30s and 40s in the DC metro area I also don't think they are unicorns.

Of course they are not super common! Some DCUMs live in such a bubble. For my work I have access to a large database of demographic data. Looking just at people who are employed FT and have a graduate degree and live in the 5 largest markets in the US (so, expensive regions), the median individual income is $106K and only 15% have an individual income of $200K+.

And for women the numbers are lower -- median $94k, 9% at $200K+.

Thanks for this data- and this income is for FT workers, not these superflex PT positions some people are describing!

Narrow the data down for women in their mid 30s and 40s. FT data on women is going to skew heavily towards women in their 20s since so many women drop out of go part time. That a 25 year old only makes $80k isn’t relevant at all to what a 42 year old woman can make.

Seriously, people are delusional about what typical salaries are. I added the filter for age 35-54, so prime earning years. The sample size is getting a bit smaller (really, not that many people have graduate degrees). Still, women 35-54, employed full time, have a graduate degree, live in the top 5 markets, ... median individual income is a bit higher but not tremendously-- $104.5K, 11% make $200K+ (personally I fit those criteria and make $160K with great work/life balance and think I'm doing quite well).

And, yes, some women drop out of work but full-time work is the most common situation. Among those women with graduate degrees age 35-54 in top markets AND have children at home (59% of them), 63% work full time. Those opting not to work FT are more likely to drop out than to find PT work (23% not employed, 14% part time). The FT salary profile is similar regardless of whether or not there are children.

So I meet this profile (grad degree, 44 yo, work FT, make just over $200k, reasonable hours) and many of my work colleagues/peers probably have a similar profile. So it doesn’t feel that uncommon.

Here’s the thing - my DH makes $2M. So my income (which I think is a lot) doesn’t really contribute much to our financial profile. I know this is less common, but I do have several friends who also fit this profile, so it doesn’t *feel* uncommon - I regularly remind myself that we are atypical, even in the over-educated metro areas.

I think at some point I’ll stop working. It’s a really privileged thing to complain about.

[Anonymous]

No regrets. I left my full-time job when the kids were small and transitioned to part-time/freelance--which turned out to be nearly the same workload for less pay. After three years of that, I quit entirely and haven't looked back. I will say that I am fortunate that my husband's career ramped up at about the same time, so we could afford to be a one-income family. Now that the kids are nearly grown, I'm enjoying the opportunity to pursue something I love, that is related to my former career, but more fun. In time, it might even generate some retirement income. All good.