Does anyone regret leaving the work force?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

I’m not judging, but I find this mindset very interesting. I guess once you earn big law/finance type money is skews your perceptions of normal jobs?

I am in one of those mommy-track jobs you couldn’t stand to take, but I’m very happy with it. I find $130k + good benefits to be worthwhile. Plus it’s a public service role, so I like that I get to feel good about what I do. I’m a lawyer, but have always thought it would be soul sucking to work doing something like defending insurance companies or helping giant corporations pay less taxes. I also get to work from home full time and set my own schedule, so this means I can volunteer at my kids’ school, meet the school bus in the afternoons so we don’t need after care, be home with them when they’re sick, etc. It helps that my DH also has a flexible WAH job so he is very involved with getting the kids ready in the morning, taking kids to doctors’ appointments, coaching their teams, etc. and does most the grocery shopping and cooking.

Our HHI is “only” 300k (a bit more some years). I guess that is low by some standards, but it still affords a nice lifestyle (close-in house, good school district, 2-3 domestic vacations/year, biweekly house cleaning, take out a couple times per week) and we get a ton of time together with our 3 kids. I’m sure with more money we could take more vacations and have a bigger house, but I don’t see the point of constantly chasing something bigger and better at the expense of enjoying my kids while they’re young.

We also started our family on the younger side (for the DC area), late 20s/early 30s. We didn’t want to delay having kids, which probably limited our career choices out the gate, but I have no desire to change diapers in my 40s. I’m sure the OP of the moms of 3 under 35 thread would think this is “smug.”

It’s just a matter of priorities though. I don’t think I’d ever want to leave the workforce, but I wanted to chime in for the OP that you can also get great satisfaction from your job if you enjoy your work’s mission. These flexible mommy-track jobs aren’t all bad.

Working for $130k makes sense in your situation because it is nearly half your HHI. It makes less sense when it is a much smaller proportion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Also, it seems that your “friends” circle has an unhealthy all-or-none approach to working. They either have to be at the top rung of the ladder, or at the bottom rung such as yourself. Fail to realize there are places in between.

When a biglaw lawyer leaves to stay home with her kids and is married to a partner earning $1-2m, I don’t consider her at the bottom. I would say this is a higher position than two working spouses in average jobs earning 300-400k combined.

If you are married to a CEO, law firm partner, hedge fund manager earning millions, you are not bottom rung. Most women married to these types also are well educated and beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

I’m not judging, but I find this mindset very interesting. I guess once you earn big law/finance type money is skews your perceptions of normal jobs?

I am in one of those mommy-track jobs you couldn’t stand to take, but I’m very happy with it. I find $130k + good benefits to be worthwhile. Plus it’s a public service role, so I like that I get to feel good about what I do. I’m a lawyer, but have always thought it would be soul sucking to work doing something like defending insurance companies or helping giant corporations pay less taxes. I also get to work from home full time and set my own schedule, so this means I can volunteer at my kids’ school, meet the school bus in the afternoons so we don’t need after care, be home with them when they’re sick, etc. It helps that my DH also has a flexible WAH job so he is very involved with getting the kids ready in the morning, taking kids to doctors’ appointments, coaching their teams, etc. and does most the grocery shopping and cooking.

Our HHI is “only” 300k (a bit more some years). I guess that is low by some standards, but it still affords a nice lifestyle (close-in house, good school district, 2-3 domestic vacations/year, biweekly house cleaning, take out a couple times per week) and we get a ton of time together with our 3 kids. I’m sure with more money we could take more vacations and have a bigger house, but I don’t see the point of constantly chasing something bigger and better at the expense of enjoying my kids while they’re young.

We also started our family on the younger side (for the DC area), late 20s/early 30s. We didn’t want to delay having kids, which probably limited our career choices out the gate, but I have no desire to change diapers in my 40s. I’m sure the OP of the moms of 3 under 35 thread would think this is “smug.”

It’s just a matter of priorities though. I don’t think I’d ever want to leave the workforce, but I wanted to chime in for the OP that you can also get great satisfaction from your job if you enjoy your work’s mission. These flexible mommy-track jobs aren’t all bad.

You represent almost half your HHI. Of course it makes sense for you to work. Your husband doesn’t earn enough to fund your retirement. Imagine your husband earned $1m. To earn that much, your husband would have a more demanding and flexible schedule and most or all the family and household duties will fall on you. It is a trade off for sure.

[Anonymous]

Find another job

[Anonymous]

OP, I would try to find a flexible job first before deciding to leave the work force.

I started at a high stress job. I switched to a 9-5 job and have also worked part time and consulting jobs. I currently stay home and don’t have a job. I manage our investments. I will take another part time position if it works with our schedule.

Absolutely do not attend that meeting next week.

I remember working thanksgiving weekend on a deal I was working on. I worked thanksgiving day, Friday after thanksgiving and that weekend. I used to work on billion dollar transactions and had this giant bonus every year. It was not worth it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t run in the kinds of circles where husbands are making $1M/year or even close. We live in a neighborhood with a lot of double feds or fed/teacher or fed/flexible private sector. In the cases I can think of, the families with a SAHM have less financial stability than the dual working families, not more. I understand in uber wealthy circles this is not the case. But I don’t understand women who SAH with school aged children (not infants and toddlers) but can’t afford activities for them and don’t have a plan for college. My sister is one such person, though she doesn’t live in this area. No college savings and doesn’t seem to really care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

I make $200K with typically a small bonus and have a job that is fully remote, about 40 hours a week. I guess they are not super common but among highly educated women in their 30s and 40s in the DC metro area I also don't think they are unicorns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ Also, it seems that your “friends” circle has an unhealthy all-or-none approach to working. They either have to be at the top rung of the ladder, or at the bottom rung such as yourself. Fail to realize there are places in between.

When a biglaw lawyer leaves to stay home with her kids and is married to a partner earning $1-2m, I don’t consider her at the bottom. I would say this is a higher position than two working spouses in average jobs earning 300-400k combined.

If you are married to a CEO, law firm partner, hedge fund manager earning millions, you are not bottom rung. Most women married to these types also are well educated and beautiful.

It’s bottom rung in that they are not doing anything professionally. The “friends” at the top rung now look down on them and perceive them as worthless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ Also, it seems that your “friends” circle has an unhealthy all-or-none approach to working. They either have to be at the top rung of the ladder, or at the bottom rung such as yourself. Fail to realize there are places in between.

When a biglaw lawyer leaves to stay home with her kids and is married to a partner earning $1-2m, I don’t consider her at the bottom. I would say this is a higher position than two working spouses in average jobs earning 300-400k combined.

If you are married to a CEO, law firm partner, hedge fund manager earning millions, you are not bottom rung. Most women married to these types also are well educated and beautiful.

It’s bottom rung in that they are not doing anything professionally. The “friends” at the top rung now look down on them and perceive them as worthless.

Lol. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would try to find a flexible job first before deciding to leave the work force.

I started at a high stress job. I switched to a 9-5 job and have also worked part time and consulting jobs. I currently stay home and don’t have a job. I manage our investments. I will take another part time position if it works with our schedule.

Absolutely do not attend that meeting next week.

I remember working thanksgiving weekend on a deal I was working on. I worked thanksgiving day, Friday after thanksgiving and that weekend. I used to work on billion dollar transactions and had this giant bonus every year. It was not worth it.

+1 OP's boss sounds like a nightmare. She needs a job with better work/life balance and respect for employees. FWIW, I took off 7 years but was able to regularly freelance during that time to keep up my connections/resume. Had no trouble getting back into a FT job when my kids started ES. ES seems like the time when it's easiest to work FT as long as you have some flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ Also, it seems that your “friends” circle has an unhealthy all-or-none approach to working. They either have to be at the top rung of the ladder, or at the bottom rung such as yourself. Fail to realize there are places in between.

When a biglaw lawyer leaves to stay home with her kids and is married to a partner earning $1-2m, I don’t consider her at the bottom. I would say this is a higher position than two working spouses in average jobs earning 300-400k combined.

If you are married to a CEO, law firm partner, hedge fund manager earning millions, you are not bottom rung. Most women married to these types also are well educated and beautiful.

Lol, no. Lucky and privileged? For sure. But plenty of these types have a BA in basketweaving, never worked any sort of real job, and put on 10-15 lbs with each successive pregnancy. I've also noticed a high correlation with anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

I make $200K with typically a small bonus and have a job that is fully remote, about 40 hours a week. I guess they are not super common but among highly educated women in their 30s and 40s in the DC metro area I also don't think they are unicorns.

Of course they are not super common! Some DCUMs live in such a bubble. For my work I have access to a large database of demographic data. Looking just at people who are employed FT and have a graduate degree and live in the 5 largest markets in the US (so, expensive regions), the median individual income is $106K and only 15% have an individual income of $200K+.

And for women the numbers are lower -- median $94k, 9% at $200K+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

I make $200K with typically a small bonus and have a job that is fully remote, about 40 hours a week. I guess they are not super common but among highly educated women in their 30s and 40s in the DC metro area I also don't think they are unicorns.

Of course they are not super common! Some DCUMs live in such a bubble. For my work I have access to a large database of demographic data. Looking just at people who are employed FT and have a graduate degree and live in the 5 largest markets in the US (so, expensive regions), the median individual income is $106K and only 15% have an individual income of $200K+.

And for women the numbers are lower -- median $94k, 9% at $200K+.

Thanks for this data- and this income is for FT workers, not these superflex PT positions some people are describing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

I make $200K with typically a small bonus and have a job that is fully remote, about 40 hours a week. I guess they are not super common but among highly educated women in their 30s and 40s in the DC metro area I also don't think they are unicorns.

Of course they are not super common! Some DCUMs live in such a bubble. For my work I have access to a large database of demographic data. Looking just at people who are employed FT and have a graduate degree and live in the 5 largest markets in the US (so, expensive regions), the median individual income is $106K and only 15% have an individual income of $200K+.

And for women the numbers are lower -- median $94k, 9% at $200K+.

Thanks for this data- and this income is for FT workers, not these superflex PT positions some people are describing!

Narrow the data down for women in their mid 30s and 40s. FT data on women is going to skew heavily towards women in their 20s since so many women drop out of go part time. That a 25 year old only makes $80k isn’t relevant at all to what a 42 year old woman can make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

I make $200K with typically a small bonus and have a job that is fully remote, about 40 hours a week. I guess they are not super common but among highly educated women in their 30s and 40s in the DC metro area I also don't think they are unicorns.

Of course they are not super common! Some DCUMs live in such a bubble. For my work I have access to a large database of demographic data. Looking just at people who are employed FT and have a graduate degree and live in the 5 largest markets in the US (so, expensive regions), the median individual income is $106K and only 15% have an individual income of $200K+.

And for women the numbers are lower -- median $94k, 9% at $200K+.

Thanks for this data- and this income is for FT workers, not these superflex PT positions some people are describing!

Narrow the data down for women in their mid 30s and 40s. FT data on women is going to skew heavily towards women in their 20s since so many women drop out of go part time. That a 25 year old only makes $80k isn’t relevant at all to what a 42 year old woman can make.

Seriously, people are delusional about what typical salaries are. I added the filter for age 35-54, so prime earning years. The sample size is getting a bit smaller (really, not that many people have graduate degrees). Still, women 35-54, employed full time, have a graduate degree, live in the top 5 markets, ... median individual income is a bit higher but not tremendously-- $104.5K, 11% make $200K+ (personally I fit those criteria and make $160K with great work/life balance and think I'm doing quite well).

And, yes, some women drop out of work but full-time work is the most common situation. Among those women with graduate degrees age 35-54 in top markets AND have children at home (59% of them), 63% work full time. Those opting not to work FT are more likely to drop out than to find PT work (23% not employed, 14% part time). The FT salary profile is similar regardless of whether or not there are children.