Does anyone regret leaving the work force?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

It's 2022. And we're talking about women in their 30s and 40s (ie with children at home) - so peak earning years. There are LOTS of jobs that pay that amount in 2022. And the higher up you go, the more flexibility you have to demand work from home. ALso not surprising the hours are reasonable - because this is a lot less money than the jobs where they expect around-the-clock checking in. Remember, we're not talking about 27 year olds.

That you think there aren't (or you've convinced yourself there aren't) is part of the problem. Women aim low straight out of college. Especially the ones with the eye on the prize of staying home. They take unpaid internships, get low paying jobs in nonprofits or doing things that "make them happy". But after 5 years they have kids, and turns out the job didn't make them that "happy" because they are more than happy to quit as soon as they have kids. Plus, those "make me happy" jobs pay shit. So even more reason to quit. It's all self-perpetuating.

But back to the original point: $250k a year in 2022 is not unusual in DC for a job with flexibility in your late 30s and 40s.

While I agree this is possible I think you are unrealistic about how easy they are to find - especially with the kind of flexibility you mention.

The posters above are all saying they are former biglaw lawyers. If they'd stayed in biglaw, they'd be making at least $350k part time, $600k as an non-equity partner and $1m+ as an equity partner. It would be very easy for them in the covid era to find a job paying $250k, work from home where they shut off the email at 6pm. I have multiple friends making almost that as government lawyers 15 years out of law school. My husband's middling company (not lawyers, not a very exciting entry level job) are currently hiring B students right out of third tier colleges (think SUNY system) and starting pay is $80k, and if they last the year (some won't - they aren't great) the pay kicks to $95k. They work from home 2-3 days a week. $250k is not unreasonable for a flex job in your mid career if you have a decent college degree (like much of DC).

I would really like to know where these amazing high paying jobs are. My DH and I both are feds making 250k combined.

Exactly, please sign me up.

[Anonymous]

Bubble!

Try $125 K combined or $60 K combined! And those incomes are not poverty level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bubble!


Try $125 K combined or $60 K combined! And those incomes are not poverty level.

Actually, $60k combined is absolutely poverty level in the DMV. Back in 2008, I believe, the city's officially poverty cutoff for a family of 4 was $72k.

While there are some institutional barriers to women achieving comparable salaries to men, the excuses some women make for why they only should make literal 'poverty wages' with a college degree is astounding. At a certain point, you just need to own the decisions you've made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

It's 2022. And we're talking about women in their 30s and 40s (ie with children at home) - so peak earning years. There are LOTS of jobs that pay that amount in 2022. And the higher up you go, the more flexibility you have to demand work from home. ALso not surprising the hours are reasonable - because this is a lot less money than the jobs where they expect around-the-clock checking in. Remember, we're not talking about 27 year olds.

That you think there aren't (or you've convinced yourself there aren't) is part of the problem. Women aim low straight out of college. Especially the ones with the eye on the prize of staying home. They take unpaid internships, get low paying jobs in nonprofits or doing things that "make them happy". But after 5 years they have kids, and turns out the job didn't make them that "happy" because they are more than happy to quit as soon as they have kids. Plus, those "make me happy" jobs pay shit. So even more reason to quit. It's all self-perpetuating.

But back to the original point: $250k a year in 2022 is not unusual in DC for a job with flexibility in your late 30s and 40s.

While I agree this is possible I think you are unrealistic about how easy they are to find - especially with the kind of flexibility you mention.

The posters above are all saying they are former biglaw lawyers. If they'd stayed in biglaw, they'd be making at least $350k part time, $600k as an non-equity partner and $1m+ as an equity partner. It would be very easy for them in the covid era to find a job paying $250k, work from home where they shut off the email at 6pm. I have multiple friends making almost that as government lawyers 15 years out of law school. My husband's middling company (not lawyers, not a very exciting entry level job) are currently hiring B students right out of third tier colleges (think SUNY system) and starting pay is $80k, and if they last the year (some won't - they aren't great) the pay kicks to $95k. They work from home 2-3 days a week. $250k is not unreasonable for a flex job in your mid career if you have a decent college degree (like much of DC).

I would really like to know where these amazing high paying jobs are. My DH and I both are feds making 250k combined.

Exactly, please sign me up.

These jobs are out there but I don’t think you can leave the workforce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

It's 2022. And we're talking about women in their 30s and 40s (ie with children at home) - so peak earning years. There are LOTS of jobs that pay that amount in 2022. And the higher up you go, the more flexibility you have to demand work from home. ALso not surprising the hours are reasonable - because this is a lot less money than the jobs where they expect around-the-clock checking in. Remember, we're not talking about 27 year olds.

That you think there aren't (or you've convinced yourself there aren't) is part of the problem. Women aim low straight out of college. Especially the ones with the eye on the prize of staying home. They take unpaid internships, get low paying jobs in nonprofits or doing things that "make them happy". But after 5 years they have kids, and turns out the job didn't make them that "happy" because they are more than happy to quit as soon as they have kids. Plus, those "make me happy" jobs pay shit. So even more reason to quit. It's all self-perpetuating.

But back to the original point: $250k a year in 2022 is not unusual in DC for a job with flexibility in your late 30s and 40s.

While I agree this is possible I think you are unrealistic about how easy they are to find - especially with the kind of flexibility you mention.

The posters above are all saying they are former biglaw lawyers. If they'd stayed in biglaw, they'd be making at least $350k part time, $600k as an non-equity partner and $1m+ as an equity partner. It would be very easy for them in the covid era to find a job paying $250k, work from home where they shut off the email at 6pm. I have multiple friends making almost that as government lawyers 15 years out of law school. My husband's middling company (not lawyers, not a very exciting entry level job) are currently hiring B students right out of third tier colleges (think SUNY system) and starting pay is $80k, and if they last the year (some won't - they aren't great) the pay kicks to $95k. They work from home 2-3 days a week. $250k is not unreasonable for a flex job in your mid career if you have a decent college degree (like much of DC).

I would really like to know where these amazing high paying jobs are. My DH and I both are feds making 250k combined.

Exactly, please sign me up.

These jobs are out there but I don’t think you can leave the workforce.

What do you mean? If you ever SAH in the past you can’t have these jobs later on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

It's 2022. And we're talking about women in their 30s and 40s (ie with children at home) - so peak earning years. There are LOTS of jobs that pay that amount in 2022. And the higher up you go, the more flexibility you have to demand work from home. ALso not surprising the hours are reasonable - because this is a lot less money than the jobs where they expect around-the-clock checking in. Remember, we're not talking about 27 year olds.

That you think there aren't (or you've convinced yourself there aren't) is part of the problem. Women aim low straight out of college. Especially the ones with the eye on the prize of staying home. They take unpaid internships, get low paying jobs in nonprofits or doing things that "make them happy". But after 5 years they have kids, and turns out the job didn't make them that "happy" because they are more than happy to quit as soon as they have kids. Plus, those "make me happy" jobs pay shit. So even more reason to quit. It's all self-perpetuating.

But back to the original point: $250k a year in 2022 is not unusual in DC for a job with flexibility in your late 30s and 40s.

While I agree this is possible I think you are unrealistic about how easy they are to find - especially with the kind of flexibility you mention.

The posters above are all saying they are former biglaw lawyers. If they'd stayed in biglaw, they'd be making at least $350k part time, $600k as an non-equity partner and $1m+ as an equity partner. It would be very easy for them in the covid era to find a job paying $250k, work from home where they shut off the email at 6pm. I have multiple friends making almost that as government lawyers 15 years out of law school. My husband's middling company (not lawyers, not a very exciting entry level job) are currently hiring B students right out of third tier colleges (think SUNY system) and starting pay is $80k, and if they last the year (some won't - they aren't great) the pay kicks to $95k. They work from home 2-3 days a week. $250k is not unreasonable for a flex job in your mid career if you have a decent college degree (like much of DC).

I would really like to know where these amazing high paying jobs are. My DH and I both are feds making 250k combined.

Exactly, please sign me up.

These jobs are out there but I don’t think you can leave the workforce.

What do you mean? If you ever SAH in the past you can’t have these jobs later on?

These flexible well paying jobs are not common. Of course they exist.

In my experience, most flexible jobs pay more like 50-150k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

It's 2022. And we're talking about women in their 30s and 40s (ie with children at home) - so peak earning years. There are LOTS of jobs that pay that amount in 2022. And the higher up you go, the more flexibility you have to demand work from home. ALso not surprising the hours are reasonable - because this is a lot less money than the jobs where they expect around-the-clock checking in. Remember, we're not talking about 27 year olds.

That you think there aren't (or you've convinced yourself there aren't) is part of the problem. Women aim low straight out of college. Especially the ones with the eye on the prize of staying home. They take unpaid internships, get low paying jobs in nonprofits or doing things that "make them happy". But after 5 years they have kids, and turns out the job didn't make them that "happy" because they are more than happy to quit as soon as they have kids. Plus, those "make me happy" jobs pay shit. So even more reason to quit. It's all self-perpetuating.

But back to the original point: $250k a year in 2022 is not unusual in DC for a job with flexibility in your late 30s and 40s.

While I agree this is possible I think you are unrealistic about how easy they are to find - especially with the kind of flexibility you mention.

The posters above are all saying they are former biglaw lawyers. If they'd stayed in biglaw, they'd be making at least $350k part time, $600k as an non-equity partner and $1m+ as an equity partner. It would be very easy for them in the covid era to find a job paying $250k, work from home where they shut off the email at 6pm. I have multiple friends making almost that as government lawyers 15 years out of law school. My husband's middling company (not lawyers, not a very exciting entry level job) are currently hiring B students right out of third tier colleges (think SUNY system) and starting pay is $80k, and if they last the year (some won't - they aren't great) the pay kicks to $95k. They work from home 2-3 days a week. $250k is not unreasonable for a flex job in your mid career if you have a decent college degree (like much of DC).

I would really like to know where these amazing high paying jobs are. My DH and I both are feds making 250k combined.

Not every biglaw associate makes partner. The ones who are trying to cut down and work from home likely were not on partner track.

I do have friends who have somewhat flexible jobs earning 200-300k but they never stayed home. I don’t think it is so easy to stop working for five years and jump back demanding high pay and flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

This sounds amazing but really how many jobs that pay 250-300k are like this?

It's 2022. And we're talking about women in their 30s and 40s (ie with children at home) - so peak earning years. There are LOTS of jobs that pay that amount in 2022. And the higher up you go, the more flexibility you have to demand work from home. ALso not surprising the hours are reasonable - because this is a lot less money than the jobs where they expect around-the-clock checking in. Remember, we're not talking about 27 year olds.

That you think there aren't (or you've convinced yourself there aren't) is part of the problem. Women aim low straight out of college. Especially the ones with the eye on the prize of staying home. They take unpaid internships, get low paying jobs in nonprofits or doing things that "make them happy". But after 5 years they have kids, and turns out the job didn't make them that "happy" because they are more than happy to quit as soon as they have kids. Plus, those "make me happy" jobs pay shit. So even more reason to quit. It's all self-perpetuating.

But back to the original point: $250k a year in 2022 is not unusual in DC for a job with flexibility in your late 30s and 40s.

While I agree this is possible I think you are unrealistic about how easy they are to find - especially with the kind of flexibility you mention.

The posters above are all saying they are former biglaw lawyers. If they'd stayed in biglaw, they'd be making at least $350k part time, $600k as an non-equity partner and $1m+ as an equity partner. It would be very easy for them in the covid era to find a job paying $250k, work from home where they shut off the email at 6pm. I have multiple friends making almost that as government lawyers 15 years out of law school. My husband's middling company (not lawyers, not a very exciting entry level job) are currently hiring B students right out of third tier colleges (think SUNY system) and starting pay is $80k, and if they last the year (some won't - they aren't great) the pay kicks to $95k. They work from home 2-3 days a week. $250k is not unreasonable for a flex job in your mid career if you have a decent college degree (like much of DC).

I would really like to know where these amazing high paying jobs are. My DH and I both are feds making 250k combined.

Exactly, please sign me up.

These jobs are out there but I don’t think you can leave the workforce.

What do you mean? If you ever SAH in the past you can’t have these jobs later on?

I’m a DP but to some extent yes. In my case I used the capital I’d developed over a ten year career to be able to say, here’s the red lines, I will be with my baby for six months and then in the office no more than six hours per day while my kids are little, but if I had gone out of the workforce no one would have owed me that upon my return, and I would have given up ten years of raises so yeah no one is going to give you $250,000 and your own schedule after a prolonged absence. If you’re not at the table you’re on the menu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

My husband would make 15-20x what I would earn.

Several of my successful female friends are now divorced or separating. I know it is only my friend circle but the ones who are the most successful are the least compromising in their standards and their marriages have fallen apart. The ones who are at the very top constantly feel like guys are trying to push them out or take their job. My one friend who has poured a decade of her life into a company just got laid off. Her husband was taking time to find himself. They just upgraded everything in their house and now may sell their multi million dollar home. The grass is always greener on the other side.

You sound really smug about your friends who are divorced or separated. There but for the grade of God go I.

NP, but as someone trying to work a full time job and doing ALL the house/kids stuff while my husband works 60+ hours weekly, my marriage is not great right now. I hold a lot of resentment for his lack of ability to contribute on the home front, and I'm not sure when exactly I'm supposed to spend quality time with my spouse when I go to bed at 9 and get up at 5 and am busy for all of my waking 16 hours. I could go harder to try to be successful in my career, but my kids would suffer, and my marriage would suffer more. There is only so much time in the day.

[Anonymous]

Our school had a thanksgiving breakfast event for parents today. The kids whose parents didn’t come looked sad. My kid used to make me feel terrible when I couldn’t make it to these types of events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our school had a thanksgiving breakfast event for parents today. The kids whose parents didn’t come looked sad. My kid used to make me feel terrible when I couldn’t make it to these types of events.

What's your point? I work and do all these things. Was your husband there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our school had a thanksgiving breakfast event for parents today. The kids whose parents didn’t come looked sad. My kid used to make me feel terrible when I couldn’t make it to these types of events.

What's your point? I work and do all these things. Was your husband there?

Me too - i attend them all. When i periodically miss something (like the constant stupid class parties where they ask for volunteers) i briefly feel guilty but DS is totally indifferent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

I’m not judging, but I find this mindset very interesting. I guess once you earn big law/finance type money is skews your perceptions of normal jobs?

I am in one of those mommy-track jobs you couldn’t stand to take, but I’m very happy with it. I find $130k + good benefits to be worthwhile. Plus it’s a public service role, so I like that I get to feel good about what I do. I’m a lawyer, but have always thought it would be soul sucking to work doing something like defending insurance companies or helping giant corporations pay less taxes. I also get to work from home full time and set my own schedule, so this means I can volunteer at my kids’ school, meet the school bus in the afternoons so we don’t need after care, be home with them when they’re sick, etc. It helps that my DH also has a flexible WAH job so he is very involved with getting the kids ready in the morning, taking kids to doctors’ appointments, coaching their teams, etc. and does most the grocery shopping and cooking.

Our HHI is “only” 300k (a bit more some years). I guess that is low by some standards, but it still affords a nice lifestyle (close-in house, good school district, 2-3 domestic vacations/year, biweekly house cleaning, take out a couple times per week) and we get a ton of time together with our 3 kids. I’m sure with more money we could take more vacations and have a bigger house, but I don’t see the point of constantly chasing something bigger and better at the expense of enjoying my kids while they’re young.

We also started our family on the younger side (for the DC area), late 20s/early 30s. We didn’t want to delay having kids, which probably limited our career choices out the gate, but I have no desire to change diapers in my 40s. I’m sure the OP of the moms of 3 under 35 thread would think this is “smug.”

It’s just a matter of priorities though. I don’t think I’d ever want to leave the workforce, but I wanted to chime in for the OP that you can also get great satisfaction from your job if you enjoy your work’s mission. These flexible mommy-track jobs aren’t all bad.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

When I used to work, I actually used to come on here and ask similar questions as OP. I struggled with work life balance. Parents who have a spouse who can share the kid pick up may not understand how hard it is to handle both the morning and afternoons. I was burnt out.

I actually love politics. Maybe I will work on the 2024 campaign. I’m allowed to be happy with my choices. It beats feeling burnt out. I used to have this stressed out life. Every moment of my life would feel like I had so much to do. I would stay up at night thinking about everything I had to do before getting kids to school and everything I had to do as soon as I got to work. I was tired all the time. I would actually get pissed when the school had a muffins for mom or a musical in the middle of the day. Now I am usually the one who picks up the muffins for these types of events. I know the principal well and the other pta parents.

I genuinely cannot relate to your level of stress while you were working. Maybe my job is easier or I have more help or my kids’ school is less demanding? But, given what you were facing, it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice and are living your best life!

I had a stressful job with a lot of people reporting to me. I also oversaw a lot of consultants. I had some flexibility so I could drop my kids off at school in the morning. The emails would start while I was getting kids ready for the day. I would usually be on the phone on my drive to work. I crammed as much as I could during the day so I could leave to pick up kids from aftercare. I usually left earlier than everyone else so I always had work after I put kids down. I worked with mostly men and many had stay at home wives. I always felt burdened with work that was never finished.

I posted I didn’t want to get a flexible work from home job that pays 100k that makes no difference in our lifestyle. It was not to insult others. I do miss the hustle and bustle. I don’t want a job for the sake of having a job and I like seeing people at the office. I have considered getting an easy job but these are jobs that I would get paid less than at my college internships twenty years ago. I always went for the highly sought after internships and jobs that were demanding and well paid. With bonus, I earned 200k at my first job out of grad school.

My friends and colleagues are all very senior now. I held SVP and MD positions. My mom friends who kept working don’t sleep much. They stay up late the way I used to and wake up early, like 4:30-5 early to get ready for their days. Some have full time nannies even though their kids go to school all day. Others have husbands with more flexibility. Some use most of their PTO so they can go to all the school events and don’t travel often. Some dropped to lower jobs and hate it. I think they are super moms. They say I’m a super mom since I do so much for the kids and school. In real life, we are all just friends. It is not some war between working and non working moms.

I agree with you that $100k isn’t worth it. But there are in between jobs. I am in one making $250k working on average 45 hours a week (sometimes 55, sometimes 30). Not expected to answer emails outside office hours. I do log in at night after the kids go to bed because I take some flexibility during the day to volunteer at my kids’ school or run errands. With another promotion or two I could get to $300k without adding on too much stress. That’s a decent chunk of change and represents 25-30% of our HHI

My husband would make 15-20x what I would earn.

Several of my successful female friends are now divorced or separating. I know it is only my friend circle but the ones who are the most successful are the least compromising in their standards and their marriages have fallen apart. The ones who are at the very top constantly feel like guys are trying to push them out or take their job. My one friend who has poured a decade of her life into a company just got laid off. Her husband was taking time to find himself. They just upgraded everything in their house and now may sell their multi million dollar home. The grass is always greener on the other side.

So the best way to preserve one’s marriage is to… be completely dependent on one’s husband. LOL

[Anonymous]

^ Also, it seems that your “friends” circle has an unhealthy all-or-none approach to working. They either have to be at the top rung of the ladder, or at the bottom rung such as yourself. Fail to realize there are places in between.