Does anyone regret leaving the work force?

[Anonymous]

No regrets.

I felt that I was finally able to be a good mom.

My marriage also improved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me. Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No regrets.

I felt that I was finally able to be a good mom.

My marriage also improved.

Can you elaborate on this, PP?
I'm a WOHM who never envisions being a SAHM (took a year off temporarily when I had a baby). But I"m interested in hearing this perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No regrets.

I felt that I was finally able to be a good mom.

My marriage also improved.

Can you elaborate on this, PP?
I'm a WOHM who never envisions being a SAHM (took a year off temporarily when I had a baby). But I"m interested in hearing this perspective.

Not PP, but bottom line is happy wife, happy life. No job means no work stress. I get done what I need to while DH works and kids are at school, have time to meet friends for lunch or coffee, then focus on my kids after school, serve my family a home-cooked meal, and have time and energy for DH when the kids are in bed. I’m not a worker bee stressed out from the grind. While egalitarian marriages are ideal for some people, DH and I have different strengths and weaknesses. I have no interest in managing people and he has no interest in after-school play dates. We’re not interested in a 50-50 relationship—he doesn’t need to pack the kids’ lunches and take leave when the kids are sick to prove he’s a good dad and I don’t need to work full-time to prove I’m his equal. We complement each other, we don’t compete with each other.

[Anonymous]

I think it all boils down to can you afford to SAH. If you can and save for college and retirement and not go into debt, and you want to, sure go for it.

[Anonymous]

I quit biglaw after getting promoted to partner-track counsel immediately after the promotion last year. I don’t regret it in the least. I didn’t even realize how much my health had degraded, despite only being mid 30s. I would only consider something part time and not in litigation in the immediate future.

[Anonymous]

I regret becoming a SAHM. Actually, I would've really enjoyed one year of maternity leave then a gradual return to full-time/in-office once the kid is in PK3.

I do not regret leaving a crappy job and toxic work environment. I should've found something better instead of staying because I knew I was going to quit to SAH with my baby.

But now that baby is 7 and another one is 4 and yet another is 20 months. No, this totally sucks. The older two are in school but between random days off and illness and just the fact that the school day really isn't all that long it still doesn't feel like I'm getting enough of a break from all of them, frankly.

[Anonymous]

No regrets. Life is short. My Mom died shorty after turning 65 and never got to enjoy the retirement years that she had worked so hard for. She told me that her happiest years were when she was a SAHM when my brother and I were little.

I quit when I was pregnant and never went mine. My kids are in high school now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No regrets.

I felt that I was finally able to be a good mom.

My marriage also improved.

This has been my experience too.

[Anonymous]

I think my brain is not that sharp after each pregnancies, and I have 3 young kids under 7. I want to quit my job, but my income can provide cushions and less stress to fully rely on DH income. DH does not make a lot.

How do you all keep brain sharp after each pregnancies and working/taking care of kids at the same time?

[Anonymous]

My only regret is that my husband now wants me to go back. Jealous of those with more understanding husbands. Finances are not an issue.

[Anonymous]

No. But, we do not need the money. My kids and family has done well with me being a SAHM.

If my family needed the money, there is no way I would leave my job. I say this because I have worked for many years to support myself and my family.

[Anonymous]

No regrets at all but we are in a good financial place. The only time I regret it is when I would love to have an excuse for the occasional something I don’t want to do for the house or the kids. I can’t make my husband do it because I have no excuse haha! Otherwise it is great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it all boils down to can you afford to SAH. If you can and save for college and retirement and not go into debt, and you want to, sure go for it.

This. If your DH is rich or you have a trust, there won’t be any regret in 99% of cases

[Anonymous]

I just did this and have some pangs of regret, but I’m working on letting those pass. mostly I feel really good. Now I work out, take music lessons, go for walks in the woods, and generally do what I want to do. I miss my “big” career sometimes, but it was simply too much of my life, like yours is. If you leave, think of it as a break or reset. Maybe you won’t be able to go back to something as big or exciting, but is a job like that what you want?

if you worked on a consulting basis or part time and made significantly less money, but you could go to the pool every day with your kids over the summer or lie on the couch at 11 am and read a book at 11 am, wouldn’t that be great too?