Mom can't get over that DH doesn't participate in weekly FaceTime calls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really just do not understand pushy people. If someone doesn’t want to chat with you why do you think forcing it will yield an enjoyable experience? It’s the same as relatives trying to invite themselves to things. Why would you want to force yourself into an event where you weren’t invited.
We have a few relatives like this and the more they push, the more everyone avoids them.

Regardless, your mom pushing and pushing, is her problem. Not yours and not your husbands. She doesn’t get to dictate that your husband will chat with her weekly. You don’t need to explain or justify. Just say no and move on and don’t let her put her monkey on your back.

Because the pushy person knows best. If everyone would start doing things the way the pushy person wants them, they’d realize how much better their life can be, and then the pushy person won’t have to be so demanding all the time. It’s so simple,

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update on this. My Mom started to back off a little on the requests for DH to be included in FaceTime. Over the past few months, DD (who is now three!) has turned into a bit of a Daddy's girl. The other night, we were FaceTiming with my parents while DH legitimately had a work call. During the FaceTime, DD ran upstairs (where DH's office is) crying "daddy, daddy, daddy!" Eventually, the crying go to the point where I had to end the FAceTime call.

The next day, I get a very long text from my Mom, saying that she is "deeply concerned" about the behavior that we're modeling for DD by not having DH on these calls. She's concerned that it shows a lack of interest in our (my) family, and that we need to be more mindful of how DD will interpret this.

I responded with a quick "thanks for letting us know Mom!" and didn't want to get into it, but I'm livid at my Mom's reaction over this. It feels like this simple act of DH not participating in these calls is causing her to act like we have a broken family, and are setting a bad example for our daughter. Anyways, just wanted to come here and vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Mom, stop being so ridiculous. These calls are for you to talk to our daughter. If you are just going to complain, we can do them once a month instead.”

This. Stop being a pushover. Your mom can get over but prefers not to and force herself on others. Just put a stop to it.

[Anonymous]

Hey Mom, I've been rather concerned myself over the continued negative response you seem to be having to the weekly video chats with us. Seems like time to back off on them a bit. We will start with every other week and go from there.

[Anonymous]

I don't have social anxiety and I hate facetime

[Anonymous]

I like my inlaws. I text my MIL far more often than my DH does and send her photos from every mildly interesting event that my DCs participate in. Having said that, I would never do a weekly FaceTime call them them. If DH is speaking with his parents, I wave in the background and say hello and continue about my day.

I would also never ask DH to participate in weekly call with my own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Mom, stop being so ridiculous. These calls are for you to talk to our daughter. If you are just going to complain, we can do them once a month instead.”

Well, this is a great way to escalate unnecessarily. Why can’t the calls be what both parties want instead of just what one person dictates?

Her husband, quite obviously, doesn't want to be on the calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update on this. My Mom started to back off a little on the requests for DH to be included in FaceTime. Over the past few months, DD (who is now three!) has turned into a bit of a Daddy's girl. The other night, we were FaceTiming with my parents while DH legitimately had a work call. During the FaceTime, DD ran upstairs (where DH's office is) crying "daddy, daddy, daddy!" Eventually, the crying go to the point where I had to end the FAceTime call.

The next day, I get a very long text from my Mom, saying that she is "deeply concerned" about the behavior that we're modeling for DD by not having DH on these calls. She's concerned that it shows a lack of interest in our (my) family, and that we need to be more mindful of how DD will interpret this.

I responded with a quick "thanks for letting us know Mom!" and didn't want to get into it, but I'm livid at my Mom's reaction over this. It feels like this simple act of DH not participating in these calls is causing her to act like we have a broken family, and are setting a bad example for our daughter. Anyways, just wanted to come here and vent.

She was ridiculous before, and now she's really ridiculous. I'd let her know that.

[Anonymous]

Tell your mom that you and DD are very hurt that you're not enough for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey Mom, I've been rather concerned myself over the continued negative response you seem to be having to the weekly video chats with us. Seems like time to back off on them a bit. We will start with every other week and go from there.

+1

[Anonymous]

Mom, you’re right. Let’s schedule on Sunday instead so he can join more often.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read all the pages but has anyone suggested just an actual conversation with the truth?

DH is an introvert and he finds FaceTime calls really draining. He's happy to say hi once in a while and enjoy seeing you in person, but the FaceTime calls aren't his thing. It isn't personal to you.

The business about your daughter and what she did and your mom commenting, your mom is overstepping. Just be firm. Mom, you aren't here and don't know about our family dynamic. And then change the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom, you’re right. Let’s schedule on Sunday instead so he can join more often.

No, try this. Mom, he's not joining the calls, let it go.

Husband doesn't want to join and that is fine; why would you schedule something for him that he doesn't want to do / doesn't need to attend?

[Anonymous]

How about you cancel every time Dh is not available?

Oops, Dh wanted to be here but got called into a meeting! We know how important it is for you to see him so let's reschedule to next week.

(kidding)

[Anonymous]

Have you told your parents he has social anxiety and is introverted? I can kind of see why your parents keep pushing because you're not giving them any real information and it's just excuses that kick the can down the road.

You're an adult. Just tell the truth.