Mom can't get over that DH doesn't participate in weekly FaceTime calls

[Anonymous]

It seems like your parents are really trying to foster a relationship with your husband while he remains steadfast in being cold and distant to them for no good reason. He could try harder to be friendly and not hide behind “but I’m shy or an introvert”. He managed to date and marry you so he isn’t a total mute or social dud, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like your parents are really trying to foster a relationship with your husband while he remains steadfast in being cold and distant to them for no good reason. He could try harder to be friendly and not hide behind “but I’m shy or an introvert”. He managed to date and marry you so he isn’t a total mute or social dud, right?

No.

[Anonymous]

Op, your Mom would also get a brief glimpse of the two of you interacting, as a couple. That's reassuring. She wants to know you're in a happy situation (happy enough). You are her baby. Parents want to feel close to their kids (don't you want to feel close to your kids? .. don't you want to feel you know about your kid's life and things/people who are important to them?) No different.

Haven't read the whole thread ... does your DH see them once a year? At least? Once a year, minimum, in person, he should.

[Anonymous]

You know what, I really think it's fine if your DH doesn't want to facetime.

Regardless of what your mom wants, it's his call whether or not he participates in this.

I would definitely let her know he's not going to be joining. Use whatever excuse you want or none at all, but something along the lines of "Ryan doesn't enjoy using Facetime. It's important to me that you get to know Larla better. Please let your idea that Ryan will join us for Facetime go. It's just not his speed."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, your Mom would also get a brief glimpse of the two of you interacting, as a couple. That's reassuring. She wants to know you're in a happy situation (happy enough). You are her baby. Parents want to feel close to their kids (don't you want to feel close to your kids? .. don't you want to feel you know about your kid's life and things/people who are important to them?) No different.

Haven't read the whole thread ... does your DH see them once a year? At least? Once a year, minimum, in person, he should.

Oh come off it. Want a “glimpse” of a couple? Watch a reality show. No one is entitled to the “glimpses” of someone else’s life just to satisfy their own curiosity or cure their own boredom. OP is not a show pony.

[Anonymous]

someone else’s life

Is *your* child ... just someone else? Some random person?

[Anonymous]

I vote your parents not give a crap about your weird DH who can’t muster a simple convo and then you can come back complaining about your parents aren’t trying enough with him.

[Anonymous]

In-laws, am I right?

Cliches are cliches because they are true.

[Anonymous]

I hate FaceTime. I have absolutely no interest in participating in FaceTime conversations. If my parents demanded that of my spouse, I'd simply say that FaceTime isn't for everyone and he won't be participating.

Personally, I can't imagine a forced conversation with my in-laws weekly. I barely even talk in the phone to even my closest friends. The idea of any kind of a weekly FaceTime sounds positively hellish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like your parents are really trying to foster a relationship with your husband while he remains steadfast in being cold and distant to them for no good reason. He could try harder to be friendly and not hide behind “but I’m shy or an introvert”. He managed to date and marry you so he isn’t a total mute or social dud, right?

It is the opposite of "cold" to pop on every few weeks and say a friendly hello, and then excuse himself. He's friendly. But clearly he's not comfortable on FaceTime, probably with anyone, not just with in laws.

I'm an extremely extroverted person in a job with a lot of exposure to the general public...I talk to, conservatively, over 100 people a day. I'm neither a dud nor a mute, but I don't talk to anyone on FaceTime. It's extremely uncomfortable, awkward, and stupid, in my opinion. You can have your own opinion, but FaceTime enjoyment does not equal "social skills".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Mom, stop being so ridiculous. These calls are for you to talk to our daughter. If you are just going to complain, we can do them once a month instead.”

Well, this is a great way to escalate unnecessarily. Why can’t the calls be what both parties want instead of just what one person dictates?

Exactly. What is it with pushy, demanding Boomer women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband needs to learn to deal with his poor social skills. Having a young child is going to offer more opportunities to interact with others, he needs to be able to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn't give any valid reason why your husband couldn't pop in for 5 minutes and be polite.

You don’t give any valid reason why he should?

Because his MIL would like to visit with him. It is also good for their daughter to see the relationship. He has social anxiety that makes a 10 minute conversation with his wife & daughter as the focus difficult. Also it is manners, when I was a kid if someone came in the house (today's facetime) we at least greeted them and asked how they were.

Honestly the social anxiety is the worrisome part. OP will be back in 5 years saying how her husband won't interact with other families and they're not invited to events.

You are absolutely ridiculous. Truly.

not OP

[Anonymous]

Ugh. “He’s an introvert with mild social anxiety” is a pathetic, made up excuse. Get over it and learn to behave like a normal human. I’m so sick of all the “introvert” crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mom, if Janie and I talking to you on FaceTime doesn't work for you, by all means, we can stop the calls. Jim sometimes says hi, but he's got other things to do, and yeah, sometimes Janie would rather not be on a call. What with her being THREE and all. So if all you're going to do is complain and be 'concerned,' I'll end these calls because they've become a tiresome chore for me. If you can be content with the calls, let me know. It's entirely up to you. If you complain again, I'll know you don't want these calls anymore."

God I hate these suggested dialogues. Do people really speak to other people like this? This is snotty and childish and passive aggressive.

So is OP's mom's behavior. She is literally being snotty and childish and passive aggressive. She can be on the receiving end. For once.

No she isn’t. OP’s DH is a weirdo who can’t say hi for 30 seconds once a week, time and time again, because he’s too scared or introverted or whatever. He’s the one being childish.