Sick as a dog - husband gone on fishing trip and au pair is off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had an au pair move in yesterday - it’s been awkward. She alternâtes between spending some time with us and then spending hours alone in her room with the door closed.

Im sick as a dog. I’m trying to care for my 3 y/o and he’s a complete handful. He’s pulling things off the counter and kicking and screaming when I try to change his diaper. I just grabbed his leg when he kicked me and said NO loudly - which made him cry and I feel like an awful mother.

My husband has been away and out of cell service range on a 4 day fishing trip. I have no family nearby to call. I really want to ask the au pair of she could watch my 3 y/o but she’s been intent on sitting in bed on her laptop doing "classes" …

Our au pair was in country already and was in friendly rematch with another family. She’s been here 7 months, she’s not homesick.

Ok, so she knows the expectations. She knows that you asked for her to do extra hours occasionally on weekends for extra pay. You shouldn't have paid last week, she arrived and didn't work yesterday, but since you did with no expectation of anything out of it, you just need to let that go. She had two weeks off for rematch, presumably the third was to travel after she made the match?

Reset conversation.

Go get her, sit her down and tell her you need her to work three hours this afternoon so that you can rest. Normally, you would give her the option, but as your husband can't be reached, you're feverish, and she's there, there's no choice. You'll pay her the agreed rate for extra weekend hours, and the total weekly will not exceed 45.

Set the expectation now that if she knows something needs to be done (like helping bc you're ill), she'll pitch in. She'll be paid, but she needs to help.

au Pair is under no obligation to help on her time off
OP opted for cheap help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP—

Some of us have had to take care of multiple young kids while sick. It sucks. We get through it.

It’s not the au pair’s fault.

(Signed, mom of three kids who once woke up feeling like complete hell the day I was hosting a kids’ birthday party. My husband had to be out-of-town last minute and was several thousand miles away. And my illness turned out to be shingles. So you could be hosting a dozen six year olds plus two other kids of your own. Cope.)

I hope you feel better soon.

I hope you cancelled rather than hosting when you were sick!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had an au pair move in yesterday - it’s been awkward. She alternâtes between spending some time with us and then spending hours alone in her room with the door closed.

Im sick as a dog. I’m trying to care for my 3 y/o and he’s a complete handful. He’s pulling things off the counter and kicking and screaming when I try to change his diaper. I just grabbed his leg when he kicked me and said NO loudly - which made him cry and I feel like an awful mother.

My husband has been away and out of cell service range on a 4 day fishing trip. I have no family nearby to call. I really want to ask the au pair of she could watch my 3 y/o but she’s been intent on sitting in bed on her laptop doing "classes" …

Our au pair was in country already and was in friendly rematch with another family. She’s been here 7 months, she’s not homesick.

Au pair is not on duty and why is a three year old still in diaper!? You do what the rest of us do-- he watches a movie, feed him, and do as little as possible. Do you have a friend who will help you? As soon as you're well, your number one priority is to potty train your three year old!

Best comment yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol that the DH says he’s “out of cell range” for days and we’re all just like yeah, that’s a thing in 2022.

This is definitely a thing in rural areas. Please educate yourself.

-went to a state park in WV yesterday and had no service at all

Yep. I was in Michigan's upper peninsula in Porcupine Mountain Wilderness State park earlier this month, and there were definitely miles of "dead zones."

[Anonymous]

Your first problem is the fact a THREE year old is still in diapers. Take it off and send him outside. Good grief.

Next, text the AP or knock on your door and ask if she's willing to work. Be gracious if she says no--it sounds like you have covid, and should be isolating.

Third, you blow up your husbands phone with calls and texts with the hope that maybe one will get through and he can either come home early, or call someone to help you.

Fourth, air out your damn house and disinfect so you don't get everyone else sick too, though it might be too late.

But seriously, no more diapers for that kid. Period.

[Anonymous]

I might be really pissed if my husband called me home from a short girls trip because he was sick. Call grandma, call a babysitter, give the au pair a bunch of money. Figure it out.

I'm Not saying it doesn't suck. Been there when dh was out of town for work. But still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I might be really pissed if my husband called me home from a short girls trip because he was sick. Call grandma, call a babysitter, give the au pair a bunch of money. Figure it out.

I'm Not saying it doesn't suck. Been there when dh was out of town for work. But still.

Meh. Four days fishing? He’ll be fine coming home to parent his kids. He’s an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I might be really pissed if my husband called me home from a short girls trip because he was sick. Call grandma, call a babysitter, give the au pair a bunch of money. Figure it out.

I'm Not saying it doesn't suck. Been there when dh was out of town for work. But still.

I’d be pissed if I was an aupair and my boss demanded I work on my day off because she had a cold and her husband couldn’t be bothered to disrupt his fishing trip.

[Anonymous]

No husband of a three year old should be out of cell phone range for four days. I say this from experience, where my husband would be out of range for up to 10 days at a time while skiing. When/if the kids get sick, they can pass on the joy to the caregiving parent, creating a potentially dangerous situation. That said, I understand that the au pair is not required to help in that situation, but I maintain that a good, kind person would want to at least pitch in, and a good, kind employer would reward that au pair generously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I might be really pissed if my husband called me home from a short girls trip because he was sick. Call grandma, call a babysitter, give the au pair a bunch of money. Figure it out.

I'm Not saying it doesn't suck. Been there when dh was out of town for work. But still.

You haven't lived until you have sick kids, are sick yourself, a winter storm hits creating a multi-day blackout and you can't get the truck out of the garage because the broken door spring was never repaired ("it's not broken"), and the door hangs lower than the roof of your truck. And when you finally reach your husband, his solution is to 'wedge a damn broomstick in the garage door to hold it open and see if that works". My folks were 3000 miles away. His nearby folks didn't care enough to help. No cabs were running due to the large snowfall days before.

If you won't go home to help your husband with your kids when he's sick, the problem is you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol that the DH says he’s “out of cell range” for days and we’re all just like yeah, that’s a thing in 2022.

This is definitely a thing in rural areas. Please educate yourself.

-went to a state park in WV yesterday and had no service at all

Yep. I was in Michigan's upper peninsula in Porcupine Mountain Wilderness State park earlier this month, and there were definitely miles of "dead zones."

Driving cross country, you are often warned about dead zones and not to rely on your GPS/Waze/etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol that the DH says he’s “out of cell range” for days and we’re all just like yeah, that’s a thing in 2022.

It could be. My vacation home in the Midwest has some dead spots even for Verizon

I have a beach house and we don't get cell service in my location. You have to go about three blocks away to get it. This is occurring because residents of the peninsula don't want an additional tower.

[Anonymous]

Yeah it's her day off, sorry.

[Anonymous]

suck it up buttercup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:suck it up buttercup.

+1

Is this your first AP? As a single parent who had 4 APs over 7 years, you need to absolutely respect her time off or she will leave in a hot minute. She’s required to complete her classes within a certain amount of time.

Suck it up.