Sick as a dog - husband gone on fishing trip and au pair is off.

[Anonymous]

We just had an au pair move in yesterday - it’s been awkward. She alternâtes between spending some time with us and then spending hours alone in her room with the door closed.

Im sick as a dog. I’m trying to care for my 3 y/o and he’s a complete handful. He’s pulling things off the counter and kicking and screaming when I try to change his diaper. I just grabbed his leg when he kicked me and said NO loudly - which made him cry and I feel like an awful mother.

My husband has been away and out of cell service range on a 4 day fishing trip. I have no family nearby to call. I really want to ask the au pair of she could watch my 3 y/o but she’s been intent on sitting in bed on her laptop doing "classes" …

Our au pair was in country already and was in friendly rematch with another family. She’s been here 7 months, she’s not homesick.

[Anonymous]

Huh? You just expect her to work the weekend you come in?

[Anonymous]

Is she home, behind the closed door? Tell her to come out and have a work day, and she gets a day off later in the week. Does she know you're sick? I would seriously FIRE an au pair who let me take care of a 3 year old while I was sick as a dog. What kind of work ethic does someone like that have anyway?

Knock on the door. Be her boss. Tell her you need her to work today because you're sick.

[Anonymous]

God, I am so ready for the Me Too-type obliviation of the au pair situation.

She has a work schedule, right? Today is not on it? SHE’S NOT THERE. Just because you’ve chosen to compensate her partly with housing and an exploitative visa program doesn’t make her different from another employee. You can ask her if she’s willing to change her schedule, but frankly I don’t think you should because given the live-in, your-visa-depends-on-it nature of your employment relationship it would be hard for her to say no.

[Anonymous]

To the above poster: Au pairs aren't servants that you can command at whim at any hour or day. The OP should have communicated with her about her work schedule, what happens in case of illnesses, and general expectations in advance. It sounds like the au pair is waiting for some direction from OP, who doesn't seem up to the task of communicating. She probably shouldn't have an au pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God, I am so ready for the Me Too-type obliviation of the au pair situation.

She has a work schedule, right? Today is not on it? SHE’S NOT THERE. Just because you’ve chosen to compensate her partly with housing and an exploitative visa program doesn’t make her different from another employee. You can ask her if she’s willing to change her schedule, but frankly I don’t think you should because given the live-in, your-visa-depends-on-it nature of your employment relationship it would be hard for her to say no.

OP here - well that’s scathing.

Her schedule as is, is under 40 hours/week. She has not worked in 3 weeks. We paid her full stipend this week even though she only just arrived yesterday. When matching I asked if she would mind the occasional weekend care for a few hours at a time for extra money and she agreed.

I didn’t expect to wake up with a head cold and fever but here I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God, I am so ready for the Me Too-type obliviation of the au pair situation.

She has a work schedule, right? Today is not on it? SHE’S NOT THERE. Just because you’ve chosen to compensate her partly with housing and an exploitative visa program doesn’t make her different from another employee. You can ask her if she’s willing to change her schedule, but frankly I don’t think you should because given the live-in, your-visa-depends-on-it nature of your employment relationship it would be hard for her to say no.

OP here - well that’s scathing.

Her schedule as is, is under 40 hours/week. She has not worked in 3 weeks. We paid her full stipend this week even though she only just arrived yesterday. When matching I asked if she would mind the occasional weekend care for a few hours at a time for extra money and she agreed.

I didn’t expect to wake up with a head cold and fever but here I am.

Then why haven’t you asked her to watch your son this afternoon for a few hours so you can rest. Even a 3 hour nap would probably do you a world of good. But she isn’t telepathic. Communicate your needs.

[Anonymous]

Just knock, tell her you're not feeling well, and that you'd like her to take DS outside to play with water toys and bubbles for a couple of hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God, I am so ready for the Me Too-type obliviation of the au pair situation.

She has a work schedule, right? Today is not on it? SHE’S NOT THERE. Just because you’ve chosen to compensate her partly with housing and an exploitative visa program doesn’t make her different from another employee. You can ask her if she’s willing to change her schedule, but frankly I don’t think you should because given the live-in, your-visa-depends-on-it nature of your employment relationship it would be hard for her to say no.

OP here - well that’s scathing.

Her schedule as is, is under 40 hours/week. She has not worked in 3 weeks. We paid her full stipend this week even though she only just arrived yesterday. When matching I asked if she would mind the occasional weekend care for a few hours at a time for extra money and she agreed.

I didn’t expect to wake up with a head cold and fever but here I am.

NP. So did you specifically ask her to help you out today for extra money? Or do you expect your brand new au pair to read your mind?

[Anonymous]

Kick her out if she doesn’t want to do her job.

[Anonymous]

Wow.

Good lord, OP, go ask her.

But you might want to dial back that attitude. “Classes”? Why the air quotes? She is spending time in her room? Is that not allowed? It’s been awkward? Why? Have you not been welcoming?

You are not starting off well with this au pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God, I am so ready for the Me Too-type obliviation of the au pair situation.

She has a work schedule, right? Today is not on it? SHE’S NOT THERE. Just because you’ve chosen to compensate her partly with housing and an exploitative visa program doesn’t make her different from another employee. You can ask her if she’s willing to change her schedule, but frankly I don’t think you should because given the live-in, your-visa-depends-on-it nature of your employment relationship it would be hard for her to say no.

OP here - well that’s scathing.

Her schedule as is, is under 40 hours/week. She has not worked in 3 weeks. We paid her full stipend this week even though she only just arrived yesterday. When matching I asked if she would mind the occasional weekend care for a few hours at a time for extra money and she agreed.

I didn’t expect to wake up with a head cold and fever but here I am.

So…did you ask her if she wants to pick up a few extra hours today for extra money? She’s allowed to say no even if she wants to stare at the wall instead.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want to work for someone who thinks so little of me OP.

And perhaps she thinks she is doing the right thing staying away from you so she doesn't get sick and can't fulfill her work week obligations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Good lord, OP, go ask her.

But you might want to dial back that attitude. “Classes”? Why the air quotes? She is spending time in her room? Is that not allowed? It’s been awkward? Why? Have you not been welcoming? You are not starting off well with this au pair.

I'm just guessing here, but OP probably isn't being welcoming because she woke up with fever and is trying to take care of a difficult 3 yr old while she can't reach her husband. She's busy and doesn't have the time or health to bake brownies and blow up balloons for the au pair.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Sorry, OP, you have to handle it. Your employee is off.

You’re the parent.