Reply to Unhappy With Summer Pre-College Program

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I did a program like this years ago for 6 weeks. It was on a campus with very old dorms that had no common areas. We were enrolled in college classes with undergraduates so it was hard to find other high schoolers in class. The dorms were just high schoolers but we had very few social events or formal gatherings.

I was socially awkward and I’m dating myself by saying that I almost took up smoking just to have the excuse to talk to random people. But I slowly observed what was going on and made some friends, and more importantly learned a lot about how to socialize at college. Your DD will be getting something out of this program if you do a debrief after it and talk about what went well and what she’ll change when she goes to college for real.

Here are my takeaways from my rocky first campus experience:

1) when a big pack goes out the first night, join them no matter what. No matter how tired you are and even if you really just want to unpack and settle in.
2) keep your door open at all times during the day and set your desk up so it’s visible from the hall 
3) no headphones (equivalent of no phone today) when in hallways or in walkways
4) when in doubt, hang out on the front steps of the dorm. Bring a book as a prop. If people are coming, make eye contact and say hi. If they are going, someone will eventually ask you to go somewhere. Do NOT say no. I ended up going to places I had no previous interest in- post offices, random museums, ethnic grocery stores- only because someone said “I’m going to X, does anyone want to come?”. Thank god for welcoming extroverts who can’t handle running errands alone. 
5) figure out who is in your classes. Sit near them. Say hi. See someone with the same textbook in the dining hall or on the steps? Say “oh you’re in x’s class! What do you think about it so far?” Keep it open-ended and don’t be the first to vent or complain.

Variations on this strategy and learning the hard way served me well through college, grad school, hostel travel and many first new jobs. $6k well spent, OP.[/quote]

OP here. Thank you. This is actually really helpful, and I did tell her some of these things. Unfortunately, she is at the end of the hall and the freaking doors are so heavy they don't stay open! But I've been telling her to stay outside and visible and not just stay in her room, even if she feels like no one is around.

They hosted something last night. It was a movie night, and 2 kids showed up. They showed kids movies. I don't get it, but I have kind of given up that the program itself is going to do much. And she doesn't know where all the kids are. Maybe because they're hanging out in rooms? Or other places on campus or off? Maybe because she's socially awkward and doesn't understand. So, it's really a question of:

1. Are the academics interesting enough for her to stay?
2. Will she just happen to make some friends on her own?

She wants to stay for now. There are some complicating factors I don't want to discuss that made it really important to me that she have a good experience this summer. I wouldn't normally be SO upset but we worked hard as a family to get her to this place, and I really did think it would be a good experience. And I'm blaming myself because I should have seen that this wasn't the right thing. I'm really sad and blaming myself as a mother. I don't even care about the money. I care about her self-esteem. She already feels like she can't make friends, and I thought this would be a boost because there were all of these kids coming from all over so she was bound to make some friends---and it's not happening. I don't really like to post here because people can be so mean. So thank you to the people who are nice. I think these are really good suggestions, and I have used some of them myself!!! Thank you for your suggestions.

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