Perception of stay-at-home dads

[Anonymous]

Well, TBH,

I would never consider dating one. Or even a man who considers becoming a SAHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Tell us how you feel about Black people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Haha, so many SAHM are hanging at coffee shops and yoga, you just see the SAHD walking around making conversations because everyone shuns them.

“Scheduling” why is it SAHM try to make SAH with over 5 yr old kids more work than it is…

Sometimes it is a lot more work than you realize. My kid had multiple therapy appointments a week and I had to be the full time caregiver to my MIL for years. Working would have been so much easier.

And sometimes people do all that and have a job too? Not sure why your point was? We worked split shifts to make it work until MIL passed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Flip flops trigger you? It’s not like SAHM always cover their toes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, TBH,

I would never consider dating one. Or even a man who considers becoming a SAHD.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Tell us how you feel about Black people?

PP, what do Black people have to do with this? Im confused and I’m Black.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Tell us how you feel about Black people?

PP, what do Black people have to do with this? Im confused and I’m Black.

The person lobbed some MAJOR stereotypes about SAHDs, and wants us to agree with her extremely biased opinion against SAHDs.

Just wondering what other stereotypes and biases she harbors? I don’t believe she is very open minded. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Tell us how you feel about Black people?

PP, what do Black people have to do with this? Im confused and I’m Black.

The person lobbed some MAJOR stereotypes about SAHDs, and wants us to agree with her extremely biased opinion against SAHDs.

Just wondering what other stereotypes and biases she harbors? I don’t believe she is very open minded. At all.

True. Gotcha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Tell us how you feel about Black people?

Whoa. Super weird reply.

I LOVE Black people. In addition to my adopted sister (Black), I grew up in what they then-called a majority-minority neighborhood and school district. My lifelong best friend, Black. My spouse is POC (not Black tho), as are all of my children. I’ve spent more volunteer hours at inner city Black and Latino schools than most people have spent on anything other than their jobs.

Now: what in the hell is your racial point? It has nothing to do with what I posted.

[Anonymous]

I know a decent amount of stay at home dads. In all cases they stay at home because the mom has a really demanding (like 80 hour a week) job - think consulting or law partner. It's no different than the wife staying home because the husband has a demanding job. Just like wives that stay at home, the dad is screwed if the marriage goes south and they didn't keep up with their career. It seems to me that more SAHD's than SAHM's end up divorced - so maybe the stigma does still exist, and close to home.

[Anonymous]

My bil is a stay at home dad. He is excellent at it. He is more relaxed than a mom would be but I think that's great for the kids. He cleans the house, cooks dinner and takes the kids wherever they need to be. My sister is grateful because she gets to focus on work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what are the chances a friend of mine who is a stay at home dad will be able to make social connections in the DMV? His wife works a solid gov job bringing in around $130k while he stays home and handles the homefront duties.

He also takes and picks up his two boys from school and is a good partner to his wife, who often travels.

His boys also have some special needs, which require extra attention but nothing major.

Are his boys better off seeing their dad in a job?

No, to the last question. Emphatic no.

Having a SAHP with HHI of 130 in the DMV is going to very financially hard. I would think his kids would benefit more from both parents working and being more financially stable. But that is their choice to decide...which their family would benefit more from, a parent home or more income

We did it just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what are the chances a friend of mine who is a stay at home dad will be able to make social connections in the DMV? His wife works a solid gov job bringing in around $130k while he stays home and handles the homefront duties.

He also takes and picks up his two boys from school and is a good partner to his wife, who often travels.

His boys also have some special needs, which require extra attention but nothing major.

Are his boys better off seeing their dad in a job?

No, to the last question. Emphatic no.

Having a SAHP with HHI of 130 in the DMV is going to very financially hard. I would think his kids would benefit more from both parents working and being more financially stable. But that is their choice to decide...which their family would benefit more from, a parent home or more income

We did it just fine.

You didn’t have to purchase a home in today’s housing market.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

I don’t see this at all. The SAHD’s that I know are doing it because their DW has a career that requires travel and a lot of time out of the home, and it’s easier on the family to have one SAHP.

They are t exactly like SAHMs. They are more likely to spend a lot of time on yardwork than on cooking, and they ar more likely to volunteer at the school installing air conditioning units in older classrooms than running a bake sale, but they are good men and good members of the community.

NP. This is what I see, too.

Fair enough. We know different dudes. Bear in mind I’m talking about SAHDs of school-aged kids, not guys tending to toddlers. So they’ve got a lot of leisure time. One of the PPs above hit the nail on the head: they do all have some vague hobby/vocation like “music” that is never played publicly or published, “a book” (same), or some kind of mental health issue. Not disparaging the latter.

As for why some people (and I include myself) find SAHDs possibly (certainly not always) pathetic while not feeling the same about SAHMs? I dunno. It just feels different. Women have a uterus to birth children, breasts to nurture them. In virtually every happy and healthy family I’ve ever known the mom is the closer nurturer and stronger source of support for children until they are of a certain maturity—teens usually. And the family’s material well being is usually maximized by a man working. When I see “Gilbert” sauntering around the neighborhood in board shorts at 1PM on a Tuesday, I feel like I’m watching a permanent 9 year old.

Right because tennis, or scrapbooking or trying to become an Insta mom or cleaning all day is so much more laudable. How dare he be a whole person.

[Anonymous]

maybe I am alone but I actually feel like I would/do virtue signal enough to go out of my way to be inclusive. also, i like people who think independently and don't just do things becaue of their gender.