Perception of stay-at-home dads

[Anonymous]

I love SAHDs. I’m a SAHM - so nice to have different conversations. I’m friends with the wives of my SAHD friends and we do get together at their houses. We aren’t going to hook up while the kids play and I always tell my friends that as a SAHM the last thing I want is a man with two kids and no job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what are the chances a friend of mine who is a stay at home dad will be able to make social connections in the DMV? His wife works a solid gov job bringing in around $130k while he stays home and handles the homefront duties.

He also takes and picks up his two boys from school and is a good partner to his wife, who often travels.

His boys also have some special needs, which require extra attention but nothing major.

Are his boys better off seeing their dad in a job?

Why does no one ask if kids are better off seeing their mom in a job?

People do ask this. Women ask themselves this all the time, or at least many of my friends did and do when considering whether to stay home or work at a paid job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what are the chances a friend of mine who is a stay at home dad will be able to make social connections in the DMV? His wife works a solid gov job bringing in around $130k while he stays home and handles the homefront duties.

He also takes and picks up his two boys from school and is a good partner to his wife, who often travels.

His boys also have some special needs, which require extra attention but nothing major.

Are his boys better off seeing their dad in a job?

Why does no one ask if kids are better off seeing their mom in a job?

People do ask this. Women ask themselves this all the time, or at least many of my friends did and do when considering whether to stay home or work at a paid job.

They ask it in a totally different way than the original question. They ask if kids are better off WITH their mom working outside of the house. Not if it’s good for kids to see their mom in a job. No one EVER asks if it’s bad for kids to have a dad who works out of the house; that is assumed.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never met a SAHD with a clean house and a stocked pantry, unless his wife did it.

Also $130k is not much money to be the sole earner. If she was BigLaw or something that would be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met a SAHD with a clean house and a stocked pantry, unless his wife did it.

Also $130k is not much money to be the sole earner. If she was BigLaw or something that would be different.

OP here. I know this SAHD is on top of cooking, grocery shopping and cleaning. He handles school pickup and drop offs and bedtime.

His wife is moving up quickly in her career so I think she will be making more soon. She is flying all over the country to conferences now. She also has enough extra money for a personal trainer.

They won’t be living in a custom home any time soon but they seem ok with renting a townhome for now and eventually buying a home. Both of them receive gifts from their parents of around $20k per year.

[Anonymous]

No. Not a stigma, however jealous incel types who can't get any good women are gonna hate on the handsome, the athletic, the creative/rightbrained, the liberals arts guys, the sahds, basically anyone who can easily get a kind and true wife.

[Anonymous]

We are in a pretty conservative circle, and there are a couple of SAHDs. I haven’t heard of any judgement from anyone. I will say that dad’s, working or not, seem to be more involved in parenting in general than they were in our more liberal friend group. It seems counterintuitive, but it’s my experience.

I will agree with a previous poster that it’s hard for everyone to make a new friend group. If your friend feels like he is having a hard time, it’s normal.

[Anonymous]

Beta bros

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think men should go to work. But Im old school. I never will understand how a woman is supporting a man. Does she still support him after kids are older? I would Never!

Would you let a man support you?

If you read, you know my answer. Of course I would!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met a SAHD with a clean house and a stocked pantry, unless his wife did it.

Also $130k is not much money to be the sole earner. If she was BigLaw or something that would be different.

OP here. I know this SAHD is on top of cooking, grocery shopping and cleaning. He handles school pickup and drop offs and bedtime.

His wife is moving up quickly in her career so I think she will be making more soon. She is flying all over the country to conferences now. She also has enough extra money for a personal trainer.

They won’t be living in a custom home any time soon but they seem ok with renting a townhome for now and eventually buying a home. Both of them receive gifts from their parents of around $20k per year.

So basically you are talking about yourself in the 3rd person. Why don’t you just admit it’s you? No one knows this much about another couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met a SAHD with a clean house and a stocked pantry, unless his wife did it.

Also $130k is not much money to be the sole earner. If she was BigLaw or something that would be different.

OP here. I know this SAHD is on top of cooking, grocery shopping and cleaning. He handles school pickup and drop offs and bedtime.

His wife is moving up quickly in her career so I think she will be making more soon. She is flying all over the country to conferences now. She also has enough extra money for a personal trainer.

They won’t be living in a custom home any time soon but they seem ok with renting a townhome for now and eventually buying a home. Both of them receive gifts from their parents of around $20k per year.

Lol “extra money for a personal trainer.”

[Anonymous]

Oh boy! A personal trainer AND going to conferences in crappy convention centers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met a SAHD with a clean house and a stocked pantry, unless his wife did it.

Also $130k is not much money to be the sole earner. If she was BigLaw or something that would be different.

OP here. I know this SAHD is on top of cooking, grocery shopping and cleaning. He handles school pickup and drop offs and bedtime.

His wife is moving up quickly in her career so I think she will be making more soon. She is flying all over the country to conferences now. She also has enough extra money for a personal trainer.

They won’t be living in a custom home any time soon but they seem ok with renting a townhome for now and eventually buying a home. Both of them receive gifts from their parents of around $20k per year.

So basically you are talking about yourself in the 3rd person. Why don’t you just admit it’s you? No one knows this much about another couple.

Not me

[Anonymous]

No I would not feel comfortable with the other spouse staying at home in some 130k federal middle manager job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met a SAHD with a clean house and a stocked pantry, unless his wife did it.

Also $130k is not much money to be the sole earner. If she was BigLaw or something that would be different.

OP here. I know this SAHD is on top of cooking, grocery shopping and cleaning. He handles school pickup and drop offs and bedtime.

His wife is moving up quickly in her career so I think she will be making more soon. She is flying all over the country to conferences now. She also has enough extra money for a personal trainer.

They won’t be living in a custom home any time soon but they seem ok with renting a townhome for now and eventually buying a home. Both of them receive gifts from their parents of around $20k per year.

So basically you are talking about yourself in the 3rd person. Why don’t you just admit it’s you? No one knows this much about another couple.

Not me

Then why do you care so much? Also, they are probably getting way more parental help than you think.