Perception of stay-at-home dads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Why isn’t it pathetic when a mother stays at home while her husband goes out and provides?

It is. Why do think women who wear "SAHM" on their sleeve are so immoral and misogynist and stifling of their daughters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Why isn’t it pathetic when a mother stays at home while her husband goes out and provides?

It is. Why do think women who wear "SAHM" on their sleeve are so immoral and misogynist and stifling of their daughters?

Woah there. Who hurt you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

I don’t see this at all. The SAHD’s that I know are doing it because their DW has a career that requires travel and a lot of time out of the home, and it’s easier on the family to have one SAHP.

They are t exactly like SAHMs. They are more likely to spend a lot of time on yardwork than on cooking, and they ar more likely to volunteer at the school installing air conditioning units in older classrooms than running a bake sale, but they are good men and good members of the community.

NP. This is what I see, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Haha, so many SAHM are hanging at coffee shops and yoga, you just see the SAHD walking around making conversations because everyone shuns them.

“Scheduling” why is it SAHM try to make SAH with over 5 yr old kids more work than it is…

Sometimes it is a lot more work than you realize. My kid had multiple therapy appointments a week and I had to be the full time caregiver to my MIL for years. Working would have been so much easier.

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and think it's fantastic to see SAHDs. 1) it shows they are dedicated fathers. 2) It's like any other "woman-dominated" field... they bring fresh perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

I don’t see this at all. The SAHD’s that I know are doing it because their DW has a career that requires travel and a lot of time out of the home, and it’s easier on the family to have one SAHP.

They are t exactly like SAHMs. They are more likely to spend a lot of time on yardwork than on cooking, and they ar more likely to volunteer at the school installing air conditioning units in older classrooms than running a bake sale, but they are good men and good members of the community.

NP. This is what I see, too.

Fair enough. We know different dudes. Bear in mind I’m talking about SAHDs of school-aged kids, not guys tending to toddlers. So they’ve got a lot of leisure time. One of the PPs above hit the nail on the head: they do all have some vague hobby/vocation like “music” that is never played publicly or published, “a book” (same), or some kind of mental health issue. Not disparaging the latter.

As for why some people (and I include myself) find SAHDs possibly (certainly not always) pathetic while not feeling the same about SAHMs? I dunno. It just feels different. Women have a uterus to birth children, breasts to nurture them. In virtually every happy and healthy family I’ve ever known the mom is the closer nurturer and stronger source of support for children until they are of a certain maturity—teens usually. And the family’s material well being is usually maximized by a man working. When I see “Gilbert” sauntering around the neighborhood in board shorts at 1PM on a Tuesday, I feel like I’m watching a permanent 9 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what are the chances a friend of mine who is a stay at home dad will be able to make social connections in the DMV? His wife works a solid gov job bringing in around $130k while he stays home and handles the homefront duties.

He also takes and picks up his two boys from school and is a good partner to his wife, who often travels.

His boys also have some special needs, which require extra attention but nothing major.

Are his boys better off seeing their dad in a job?

Full time hands on parenting IS a job.
Who cares which parent is doing it?

[Anonymous]

Fair enough. We know different dudes. Bear in mind I’m talking about SAHDs of school-aged kids, not guys tending to toddlers. So they’ve got a lot of leisure time. One of the PPs above hit the nail on the head: they do all have some vague hobby/vocation like “music” that is never played publicly or published, “a book” (same), or some kind of mental health issue. Not disparaging the latter.

As for why some people (and I include myself) find SAHDs possibly (certainly not always) pathetic while not feeling the same about SAHMs? I dunno. It just feels different. Women have a uterus to birth children, breasts to nurture them. In virtually every happy and healthy family I’ve ever known the mom is the closer nurturer and stronger source of support for children until they are of a certain maturity—teens usually. And the family’s material well being is usually maximized by a man working. When I see “Gilbert” sauntering around the neighborhood in board shorts at 1PM on a Tuesday, I feel like I’m watching a permanent 9 year old.

Ugh, this is just so retrograde. Do you feel the same way when you see a SAHM strolling around the neighborhood while her kids are in school. No, you don't. And that is why your attitude is sexist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

I don’t see this at all. The SAHD’s that I know are doing it because their DW has a career that requires travel and a lot of time out of the home, and it’s easier on the family to have one SAHP.

They are t exactly like SAHMs. They are more likely to spend a lot of time on yardwork than on cooking, and they ar more likely to volunteer at the school installing air conditioning units in older classrooms than running a bake sale, but they are good men and good members of the community.

NP. This is what I see, too.

Fair enough. We know different dudes. Bear in mind I’m talking about SAHDs of school-aged kids, not guys tending to toddlers. So they’ve got a lot of leisure time. One of the PPs above hit the nail on the head: they do all have some vague hobby/vocation like “music” that is never played publicly or published, “a book” (same), or some kind of mental health issue. Not disparaging the latter.

As for why some people (and I include myself) find SAHDs possibly (certainly not always) pathetic while not feeling the same about SAHMs? I dunno. It just feels different. Women have a uterus to birth children, breasts to nurture them. In virtually every happy and healthy family I’ve ever known the mom is the closer nurturer and stronger source of support for children until they are of a certain maturity—teens usually. And the family’s material well being is usually maximized by a man working. When I see “Gilbert” sauntering around the neighborhood in board shorts at 1PM on a Tuesday, I feel like I’m watching a permanent 9 year old.

Oh our husbands should do less childcare because we have boobs! Gotcha. Thanks for clarifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Why isn’t it pathetic when a mother stays at home while her husband goes out and provides?

Is this a real question?

Yes, why don’t you answer it?

[Anonymous]

I only know one stay at home dad and he’s awesome. So is his wife. I wish they lived closer so we could hang out.

I would also think he’s awesome if he wasn’t a SAHD. His role in their marriage doesn’t impact how I perceive him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think men should go to work. But Im old school. I never will understand how a woman is supporting a man. Does she still support him after kids are older? I would Never!

Would you let a man support you?

If you read, you know my answer. Of course I would!

Oh, so you're ignorant and hypocritical. Got it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a SAHD and was most definitely excluded when our kids were little - the preschool moms would get together and very visibly exclude him (and our daughters). This is in a blue/purple area of NOVA. It bothered him, but not enough that we changed things up. There is still definitely a stigma.

Np You are judging the moms for excluding your husband when you have no idea why. Perhaps they don't like your husband. Perhaps they want to choose whom they hang out with on their own time? Nobody owes you. Would you like it if someone forced you to hang out with someone just because you have the same job? Of course not! Just because we are SAHM doesn't mean we don't get to choose our friends. Btw. when my kids were little we had two SAHD's who will did include and were NOT losers. They kept the house very neat! However, sometimes I did hang just with the moms and that is OK!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what are the chances a friend of mine who is a stay at home dad will be able to make social connections in the DMV? His wife works a solid gov job bringing in around $130k while he stays home and handles the homefront duties.

He also takes and picks up his two boys from school and is a good partner to his wife, who often travels.

His boys also have some special needs, which require extra attention but nothing major.

Are his boys better off seeing their dad in a job?

No, to the last question. Emphatic no.

Having a SAHP with HHI of 130 in the DMV is going to very financially hard. I would think his kids would benefit more from both parents working and being more financially stable. But that is their choice to decide...which their family would benefit more from, a parent home or more income

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think men should go to work. But Im old school. I never will understand how a woman is supporting a man. Does she still support him after kids are older? I would Never!

Would you let a man support you?

If you read, you know my answer. Of course I would!

Gross.