Perception of stay-at-home dads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met a SAHD with a clean house and a stocked pantry, unless his wife did it.

Also $130k is not much money to be the sole earner. If she was BigLaw or something that would be different.

OP here. I know this SAHD is on top of cooking, grocery shopping and cleaning. He handles school pickup and drop offs and bedtime.

His wife is moving up quickly in her career so I think she will be making more soon. She is flying all over the country to conferences now. She also has enough extra money for a personal trainer.

They won’t be living in a custom home any time soon but they seem ok with renting a townhome for now and eventually buying a home. Both of them receive gifts from their parents of around $20k per year.

So basically you are talking about yourself in the 3rd person. Why don’t you just admit it’s you? No one knows this much about another couple.

Not me

Then you need to get a life of your own

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met a SAHD with a clean house and a stocked pantry, unless his wife did it.

Also $130k is not much money to be the sole earner. If she was BigLaw or something that would be different.

OP here. I know this SAHD is on top of cooking, grocery shopping and cleaning. He handles school pickup and drop offs and bedtime.

His wife is moving up quickly in her career so I think she will be making more soon. She is flying all over the country to conferences now. She also has enough extra money for a personal trainer.

They won’t be living in a custom home any time soon but they seem ok with renting a townhome for now and eventually buying a home. Both of them receive gifts from their parents of around $20k per year.

So basically you are talking about yourself in the 3rd person. Why don’t you just admit it’s you? No one knows this much about another couple.

Not me

So you are one of their parents then? Mind your own business, you are way too invested and nosy. And stop giving them 20k a year, they are adults. Sorry your son/SIL doesn’t have a good job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met a SAHD with a clean house and a stocked pantry, unless his wife did it.

Also $130k is not much money to be the sole earner. If she was BigLaw or something that would be different.

OP here. I know this SAHD is on top of cooking, grocery shopping and cleaning. He handles school pickup and drop offs and bedtime.

His wife is moving up quickly in her career so I think she will be making more soon. She is flying all over the country to conferences now. She also has enough extra money for a personal trainer.

They won’t be living in a custom home any time soon but they seem ok with renting a townhome for now and eventually buying a home. Both of them receive gifts from their parents of around $20k per year.

If she’s a fed as you mentioned she will not be “moving up” income wise that fast.

[Anonymous]

Op you sound very jealous of these people for whatever reason

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met a SAHD with a clean house and a stocked pantry, unless his wife did it.

Also $130k is not much money to be the sole earner. If she was BigLaw or something that would be different.

OP here. I know this SAHD is on top of cooking, grocery shopping and cleaning. He handles school pickup and drop offs and bedtime.

His wife is moving up quickly in her career so I think she will be making more soon. She is flying all over the country to conferences now. She also has enough extra money for a personal trainer.

They won’t be living in a custom home any time soon but they seem ok with renting a townhome for now and eventually buying a home. Both of them receive gifts from their parents of around $20k per year.

So basically you are talking about yourself in the 3rd person. Why don’t you just admit it’s you? No one knows this much about another couple.

Not me

Then why do you care so much? Also, they are probably getting way more parental help than you think.

This is almost always the case. Unless this is you, you have know way of knowing what parents are actually giving. I know a few couples like this and they often have considerable parental help. Eg, parents are paying for their cars, kids’ half day preschool etc.

[Anonymous]

I've known a few SAH dads. One dropped out of college to work in sales; two had liberal arts degrees (French and Philosophy). All three seemed to do a lot of job hopping with no clear career path. All three loosely identify as musicians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've known a few SAH dads. One dropped out of college to work in sales; two had liberal arts degrees (French and Philosophy). All three seemed to do a lot of job hopping with no clear career path. All three loosely identify as musicians.

And this is where the stigma lies. Most times they SAH because their career is flailing or they have a mental health issue, and that stains the entire group. Granted many SAHM have lake careers that wouldn’t cover daycare but that’s a-ok. For men it’s a character flaw.

On top of that, SAHM shun them because they don’t want smelly guys belching at the coffee shop or passing gas in yoga.

So it’s lonely and people assume you addled.

[Anonymous]

Definitely a stigma. Very hard for them to make friends.

What my friend's husband did was take a job teaching in the kids school - gave him a reason to talk to people and made it easier than explaining he was a stay at home dad (he did occasional substitution rather than actual teaching, so super flexible)

[Anonymous]

Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Haha, so many SAHM are hanging at coffee shops and yoga, you just see the SAHD walking around making conversations because everyone shuns them.

“Scheduling” why is it SAHM try to make SAH with over 5 yr old kids more work than it is…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a sahm of 3 kids. I know a lot of SAHMs.

We know one dad whose kids are older now and he still stays home. He cooks and works out. Dh and other guys seem to think he is lazy.

Hmm. So I guess that means you are also lazy — or you will be once your kids are older and you still stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Why isn’t it pathetic when a mother stays at home while her husband goes out and provides?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

I don’t see this at all. The SAHD’s that I know are doing it because their DW has a career that requires travel and a lot of time out of the home, and it’s easier on the family to have one SAHP.

They are t exactly like SAHMs. They are more likely to spend a lot of time on yardwork than on cooking, and they ar more likely to volunteer at the school installing air conditioning units in older classrooms than running a bake sale, but they are good men and good members of the community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Why isn’t it pathetic when a mother stays at home while her husband goes out and provides?

I think it’s probably more pathetic if the mother is spending her days strolling around the neighborhood in flip flops while her house goes to hell. Frankly, I would think such a person was an alcoholic. This is bizarre behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a stigma, but the SAHDs I know 100% deserve it. They stroll around in flip flops, maybe go out for a long lunch, bend the ear of everyone in the neighborhood at all times because they have nowhere to be, and pretty much do absolutely nothing all day. A far cry from the harried SAHMs who are actually cleaning, cooking, scheduling, tending to kids after school, and those sorts of things.

To each their own, but I find it embarrassing and frankly a little pathetic. What kind of man lives that way while his wife goes out and provides?

Why isn’t it pathetic when a mother stays at home while her husband goes out and provides?

Is this a real question?